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  • noorrje
    started a topic Mom is pressuring me to get plastic surgery

    Mom is pressuring me to get plastic surgery

    My mom has been pressuring me more and more the past few months to get a nose job. I am a 22 year old girl, and I do have a big nose but I wouldn't say I'm that ugly. She wants me to get plastic surgery because she thinks I won't find a suitor and thinks my big nose makes me look really bad. As a kid I used to be bullied for my big nose. I know islamically cosmetic surgery for beautification purposes are not permissible so that's the main reason why I do not want to get it done. If it wasn't for religious reasons I probably wouldn't be hesitant towards it. Every time I tell her this she says its not a big deal and she also had a nose job when she was my age. It's really hurting my self-esteem. I tried to talk to her about why I do not want it but she doesn't listen and keeps insisting. Hearing this from someone I obviously love makes everything harder especially since she's a quite logical person. This might sound all silly but I was hoping I could get some advice. :)

  • Cptn._.Mario
    replied
    I just realised I posted in the wrong thread. Ignore my post, that hadith was meant for another thread -.-

    Leave a comment:


  • noorrje
    replied
    Originally posted by AishaAbdul View Post
    You should tell your mom it's more important to have a blessed marriage
    She doesn't even think I will be able to get married, especially if I don't get the surgery, and now its starting to get to my head. I'm usually a shy/quiet girl, most of my friends aren't even muslim because I live in the west, my family doesn't know a lot of people. I'm average looking and can't imagine a guy would like me, let alone want to marry me. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining and really do appreciate all the advice because its helpful but at the same time it just seems kind of hopeless and quite frankly pathetic

    Leave a comment:


  • Cptn._.Mario
    replied
    Originally posted by chirine View Post

    Salam, what you posted made me a little confused. Here it says you will not enter hell if you have the smallest amount of iman in you and vice versa, but i also read in other places that if you have sins ( lets say minor since we know major will get you to hell no questions asked unless you repent) you will get punished for them even if they are as small as a seed. Also if your good deeds outweight your bad deeds do you go to hell for those bad deeds or no?
    shukran for your answer.
    I get your view. Best to ask a scholar. The word 'enter' in the quoted hadith does make it confusing.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Originally posted by Cptn._.Mario View Post
    I don't know if this is relevant but..

    It is narrated on the authority of 'Abdullah b. Mas'ud that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) observed:

    None shall enter the Fire (of Hell) who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of Iman and none shall enter Paradise who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of pride.




    حَدَّثَنَا مِنْجَابُ بْنُ الْحَارِثِ التَّمِيمِيُّ، وَسُوَيْدُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، كِلاَهُمَا عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ مُسْهِرٍ، - قَالَ مِنْجَابٌ أَخْبَرَنَا ابْنُ مُسْهِرٍ، - عَنِ الأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنْ عَلْقَمَةَ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ لاَ يَدْخُلُ النَّارَ أَحَدٌ فِي قَلْبِهِ مِثْقَالُ حَبَّةِ خَرْدَلٍ مِنْ إِيمَانٍ وَلاَ يَدْخُلُ الْجَنَّةَ أَحَدٌ فِي قَلْبِهِ مِثْقَالُ حَبَّةِ خَرْدَلٍ مِنْ كِبْرِيَاءَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏
    Reference : Sahih Muslim 91 b
    In-book reference : Book 1, Hadith 172
    USC-MSA web (English) reference : Book 1, Hadith 165
    (deprecated numbering scheme)
    not releveant

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Originally posted by chirine View Post

    Salam, what you posted made me a little confused. Here it says you will not enter hell if you have the smallest amount of iman in you and vice versa, but i also read in other places that if you have sins ( lets say minor since we know major will get you to hell no questions asked unless you repent) you will get punished for them even if they are as small as a seed. Also if your good deeds outweight your bad deeds do you go to hell for those bad deeds or no?
    shukran for your answer.
    a person who dies muslim will never go hell for eternity as he didnt die upon shirk
    he will eventually enter jannah but if he had more sins then reward and he wasnt forgiven for them on day of judgement then hel go hell for abit to get them cleansed then he will enter jannah

    some people who had more sins Allah will forgive on judgement day and they will go straight to jannah
    also people who had more reward then sin if through Allahs mercy of course they will go jannah straight away

    in terms of the pride hadith best to check a sharh(explanation of it) check islamqa or books explainging the hadith




    Leave a comment:


  • chirine
    replied
    Originally posted by Cptn._.Mario View Post
    I don't know if this is relevant but..

    It is narrated on the authority of 'Abdullah b. Mas'ud that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) observed:

    None shall enter the Fire (of Hell) who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of Iman and none shall enter Paradise who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of pride.




    حَدَّثَنَا مِنْجَابُ بْنُ الْحَارِثِ التَّمِيمِيُّ، وَسُوَيْدُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، كِلاَهُمَا عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ مُسْهِرٍ، - قَالَ مِنْجَابٌ أَخْبَرَنَا ابْنُ مُسْهِرٍ، - عَنِ الأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنْ عَلْقَمَةَ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ لاَ يَدْخُلُ النَّارَ أَحَدٌ فِي قَلْبِهِ مِثْقَالُ حَبَّةِ خَرْدَلٍ مِنْ إِيمَانٍ وَلاَ يَدْخُلُ الْجَنَّةَ أَحَدٌ فِي قَلْبِهِ مِثْقَالُ حَبَّةِ خَرْدَلٍ مِنْ كِبْرِيَاءَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏
    Reference : Sahih Muslim 91 b
    In-book reference : Book 1, Hadith 172
    USC-MSA web (English) reference : Book 1, Hadith 165
    (deprecated numbering scheme)
    Salam, what you posted made me a little confused. Here it says you will not enter hell if you have the smallest amount of iman in you and vice versa, but i also read in other places that if you have sins ( lets say minor since we know major will get you to hell no questions asked unless you repent) you will get punished for them even if they are as small as a seed. Also if your good deeds outweight your bad deeds do you go to hell for those bad deeds or no?
    shukran for your answer.

    Leave a comment:


  • Hiking
    replied
    Originally posted by noorrje View Post
    My mom has been pressuring me more and more the past few months to get a nose job. I am a 22 year old girl, and I do have a big nose but I wouldn't say I'm that ugly. She wants me to get plastic surgery because she thinks I won't find a suitor and thinks my big nose makes me look really bad. As a kid I used to be bullied for my big nose. I know islamically cosmetic surgery for beautification purposes are not permissible so that's the main reason why I do not want to get it done. If it wasn't for religious reasons I probably wouldn't be hesitant towards it. Every time I tell her this she says its not a big deal and she also had a nose job when she was my age. It's really hurting my self-esteem. I tried to talk to her about why I do not want it but she doesn't listen and keeps insisting. Hearing this from someone I obviously love makes everything harder especially since she's a quite logical person. This might sound all silly but I was hoping I could get some advice. :)
    A hug is all I've got fer ya. Mothers, eh?

    Edit: where's the darn hug smiley? *mutters darkly under her breath*
    Last edited by Hiking; 13-01-19, 08:35 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Cptn._.Mario
    replied
    I don't know if this is relevant but..

    It is narrated on the authority of 'Abdullah b. Mas'ud that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) observed:

    None shall enter the Fire (of Hell) who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of Iman and none shall enter Paradise who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of pride.




    حَدَّثَنَا مِنْجَابُ بْنُ الْحَارِثِ التَّمِيمِيُّ، وَسُوَيْدُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، كِلاَهُمَا عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ مُسْهِرٍ، - قَالَ مِنْجَابٌ أَخْبَرَنَا ابْنُ مُسْهِرٍ، - عَنِ الأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنْ عَلْقَمَةَ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ لاَ يَدْخُلُ النَّارَ أَحَدٌ فِي قَلْبِهِ مِثْقَالُ حَبَّةِ خَرْدَلٍ مِنْ إِيمَانٍ وَلاَ يَدْخُلُ الْجَنَّةَ أَحَدٌ فِي قَلْبِهِ مِثْقَالُ حَبَّةِ خَرْدَلٍ مِنْ كِبْرِيَاءَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏
    Reference : Sahih Muslim 91 b
    In-book reference : Book 1, Hadith 172
    USC-MSA web (English) reference : Book 1, Hadith 165
    (deprecated numbering scheme)

    Leave a comment:


  • noorrje
    replied
    Originally posted by chirine View Post
    Gurl (sister) i got a big nose too lool. And you can only imagine how much i hated my nose growing up. When i was 12-13 people used to use my nose for jokes. They would make fun of it. Especially the fact that ive always been a tiny girl, even though i am 24 now. I used to tell myself when i grow up i will get enough money and get a surgery. My parents though never really said anything about it, other than occasionally agreeing on how its big which didnt make me feel better lool. BUT as i grew up, i started understanding the religion and realized what i wanted to do was a little extreme. So i learned to accept my nose, people still mention it here and there but i got used to it. Now they mainly focus on how skinny i am, and ive had self esteem problems about that too but i also learned to accept it. but thats just to show you how you really cannot win with people :). Religion comes first, and even if we sin almost daily and theres some other sins that may be harder to let go of than others, we should at least try our best to limit our sins as much as possible. So with that being said, dont get that surgery no matter who is pushing you to do it, trust me you will regret it in the akhira, learn to accept it, and trust me you will find people who will like you despite your nose, i had guys liking me despite my big nose and tiny body. So your man will come if you just put your trust in god. :)
    I'm glad that you accepted yourself the way you are, and I hope you continue to do so :) Thanks for the advice!

    Leave a comment:


  • AishaAbdul
    replied
    You should tell your mom it's more important to have a blessed marriage

    Leave a comment:


  • chirine
    replied
    Gurl (sister) i got a big nose too lool. And you can only imagine how much i hated my nose growing up. When i was 12-13 people used to use my nose for jokes. They would make fun of it. Especially the fact that ive always been a tiny girl, even though i am 24 now. I used to tell myself when i grow up i will get enough money and get a surgery. My parents though never really said anything about it, other than occasionally agreeing on how its big which didnt make me feel better lool. BUT as i grew up, i started understanding the religion and realized what i wanted to do was a little extreme. So i learned to accept my nose, people still mention it here and there but i got used to it. Now they mainly focus on how skinny i am, and ive had self esteem problems about that too but i also learned to accept it. but thats just to show you how you really cannot win with people :). Religion comes first, and even if we sin almost daily and theres some other sins that may be harder to let go of than others, we should at least try our best to limit our sins as much as possible. So with that being said, dont get that surgery no matter who is pushing you to do it, trust me you will regret it in the akhira, learn to accept it, and trust me you will find people who will like you despite your nose, i had guys liking me despite my big nose and tiny body. So your man will come if you just put your trust in god. :)

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Originally posted by noorrje View Post

    Thank you for the response, it's really something I needed to hear. It's just hard because my parents don't really know that many people and they have a very relaxed view on islam sometimes
    i know how u feel sister
    it happens with many of us in this day and age due to the previous generation being less influenced by islam and more by the west

    where as our generation its changing abit slowly

    just remember morals logic reasoning everything is by Islam
    and have confidence in your self in sha Allah

    Leave a comment:


  • Plinchun
    replied
    I will make dua for you, I am so sorry to hear of your situation

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    be happy with the way you were created and ask Allah SWT to beautify your character

    Leave a comment:

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