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Issue with father

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  • Issue with father


  • #2
    look to the prophet صلي الله عليه وسلام as your role model
    many people have parents who dont know how to be parents
    have sabr
    leave when u can
    take your mum with you
    pray Allah guides him

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    • #3
      Parents make mistakes, they are human. Stop focusing on all the bad your father has done. Think about how hard he has worked so you and your siblings could go uni and better yourselves. He also gave up alcohol.

      Don't worry about your sister, she is getting married and moving on.

      He never took me and said come here my son lets sit and talk about this or that.
      If you want that from your father then you need to make the first move and keep pushing for a relationship. Stop waiting on him to do it...

      My problem is that I do not see my father as a hero where I can say wow I also want to be like him. He never achieved something in his life.
      He is leaving a legacy; his children! Providing for his family is achieving something. Allah swt rewards that.

      When I marry I will move away from my father. But what will happen to my mother?
      Why will you move away from her? Stay nearby and keep an eye on her. If he's abusive then you siblings should take her in and look after he like she has looked after you all her life...

      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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      • #4
        Have you tried reporting the police on his abusive behavior? That needs to stop completely.

        I think your mum really needs to be taken care of, because all those time putting up with abuse is going to affect her emotionally and psychologically - I hope you're checking up on how she is doing from time to time. I suggest counselling or therapy - whichever is comfortable for her. If her/your finances are tight, then I think it helps to just be there for her.

        On a good note, all the things you've witnessed from your parents - it seems like you are aware of this and it hasn't really made you pick up your parents' bad habits. That's good because naturally, some children mimick the behaviors of the people they look up to, including bad behaviors and they are unaware that they are introducing a repeated cycle of abuse.

        Anyways, what are your siblings take on this?
        Last edited by nudgetheputri; 02-01-19, 04:30 AM.

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        • #5
          He gave up alcgohol, trained his kids, have you all brought up together in his house, did not abandon your mum. You actually have a lot to be grateful for. A lot of people in the world wish they at least have someone who cares. You can initiate a good relationship with him a if you want to.

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          • #6


            Well you can see how homesick your father has been his entire life then, can't you. It can't have been easy for him. He was forced to come to a hiostile, fairly dirty and depressing country like Germany, too.

            As for chain smoking and Ramadan well, many Muslim men are like this in Ramadan. What can you do. At least he isn't stopping you from fasting or from anything Islamic.


            Originally posted by casio123 View Post

            The point is that my father always says that we could do better. We are never good enough for him. But deep inside he just wanted us to be a worker like him. He thinks that we feel superior because we studied. But we never said this. He has some complex issues about having studying kids.
            Yeah my father is similar. Would never be happy until we were all working manual labour jobs like him.

            There isn't much you can do. At least you three managed to finish university. The challenge now is for you 3 to stay on feen - with Turks in Germany there is often a big distance from Islam.

            If you want to take care of your mother then care of your deen inshaAllah. Your mother won't leave your father anyway. It's her lot in life, just make it easier for her by showing her you are serious about your deen as well and give her that peace, and make her deen and dunya easier by being close to Allah.


            Also as Ummy said in the last post, you actually have a lot to be grateful for, so be grateful for what good your father has shown and done for his children as well. It isn't easy for immigrants in Western countries, don't think it was easy for him or your mum. There will have been a lot of racism, homesickness, feeling inferior and a mess of other stuff to deal with that he would have.

            Be grateful for your father and be good to him, this will give your mother peace as well.
            Last edited by matcha; 03-01-19, 03:48 AM.

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