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My parents keep having children, Im 20 years old now and it's embarrassing

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  • My parents keep having children, Im 20 years old now and it's embarrassing

    I hope this is the right forum, but I am so embarrassed by my parents. I don't know if its ok to be, I'm 20 years old and in my last year in UNI. I am the oldest of 6, the youngest is 12 years old. My parents decided to have another child all of a sudden, and they did. 8 months ago. There is 20 years between my and my 7th sibling, my 8mo old brother. It's very embarrassing for me, I can have my own kids and they can be grandparents if i were to get married soon. I just found out that they are planning on having another baby. I do not know how to feel, this is extremely embarrassing, how are they still having kids when they're old enough to be grandparents. I hate this situation, i hate that they decided to do this. Please help me through this, i really do not know how to feel.

  • #2
    Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post
    I hope this is the right forum, but I am so embarrassed by my parents. I don't know if its ok to be, I'm 20 years old and in my last year in UNI. I am the oldest of 6, the youngest is 12 years old. My parents decided to have another child all of a sudden, and they did. 8 months ago. There is 20 years between my and my 7th sibling, my 8mo old brother. It's very embarrassing for me, I can have my own kids and they can be grandparents if i were to get married soon. I just found out that they are planning on having another baby. I do not know how to feel, this is extremely embarrassing, how are they still having kids when they're old enough to be grandparents. I hate this situation, i hate that they decided to do this. Please help me through this, i really do not know how to feel.
    السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

    Your parents don't need your permission before having children, they are infact following the Sunnah, not to mention Islam doesn't prohibit muslims from having children at specific ages.

    ​​​​​​if anything you should be embarrassed with yourself for behaving like this.

    ​​​​​

    جزاك الله خيرا
    Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 30-11-18, 03:47 AM.
    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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    • #3
      Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post
      I hope this is the right forum, but I am so embarrassed by my parents. I don't know if its ok to be, I'm 20 years old and in my last year in UNI. I am the oldest of 6, the youngest is 12 years old. My parents decided to have another child all of a sudden, and they did. 8 months ago. There is 20 years between my and my 7th sibling, my 8mo old brother. It's very embarrassing for me, I can have my own kids and they can be grandparents if i were to get married soon. I just found out that they are planning on having another baby. I do not know how to feel, this is extremely embarrassing, how are they still having kids when they're old enough to be grandparents. I hate this situation, i hate that they decided to do this. Please help me through this, i really do not know how to feel.
      Yep, this is the right forum for you to get flamed for your embarrassment over a perfectly normal matter of having kids. You are 20 years old, but if you consider it appropiate to whine about this, and say you hate and hate that your parents have decided to take this perfectly normal and healthy decision then you need to do some more growing up still before you'll be mature enough to have children even if you're physically capable of doing so.
      FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

      www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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      • #4
        Well there are several options available to you. You can spend most of your time hiding under the bed, there's the paper bag mask method, or you could also buy one of those Harry Potter invisibility cloaks that don't really work but have anyone who sees you believe that you love Harry Potter just that much and have become eccentric due to it.

        Or, you can, you know, enjoy the company of a brand new baby sibling. If your parents can take another one on, why the heck not? Given you're the eldest bro, you should be wondering how you're going to help them out with this new baby. Lots of ajr to be had here, as those who help their parents will find success in life much easier. It's a huge opportunity knocking so hard it's about to break your door down. There's no time to be embarrassed.
        والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

        "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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        • #5
          There's nothing wrong with your parents having more children.

          It may not be the social norm, where you are, but it's perfectly halaal and babies are always good news.

          Accept it, maybe once you do - you will become less embarrassed about it.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post
            I hope this is the right forum, but I am so embarrassed by my parents. I don't know if its ok to be, I'm 20 years old and in my last year in UNI. I am the oldest of 6, the youngest is 12 years old. My parents decided to have another child all of a sudden, and they did. 8 months ago. There is 20 years between my and my 7th sibling, my 8mo old brother. It's very embarrassing for me, I can have my own kids and they can be grandparents if i were to get married soon. I just found out that they are planning on having another baby. I do not know how to feel, this is extremely embarrassing, how are they still having kids when they're old enough to be grandparents. I hate this situation, i hate that they decided to do this. Please help me through this, i really do not know how to feel.
            How does it affect you? Are you responsible for them? Is your mother struggling?

            When Iwas at school there were two girls the same age; one was the maternal aunt and the other her niece. No one mocked them...
            Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by shay5 View Post

              How does it affect you? Are you responsible for them? Is your mother struggling?

              When Iwas at school there were two girls the same age; one was the maternal aunt and the other her niece. No one mocked them...
              That's nothing. I know a sister who has children of her own, yet her GRANDFATHER has kids younger than hers.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by علي View Post
                Well there are several options available to you. You can spend most of your time hiding under the bed, there's the paper bag mask method, or you could also buy one of those Harry Potter invisibility cloaks that don't really work but have anyone who sees you believe that you love Harry Potter just that much and have become eccentric due to it.
                .

                Researchers in Japan have invented an incredible invisibility cloak. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PD83dqSfC0Y


                A car ad used the tech - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWtcz9PMFHo
                Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post
                  I hope this is the right forum, but I am so embarrassed by my parents. I don't know if its ok to be, I'm 20 years old and in my last year in UNI. I am the oldest of 6, the youngest is 12 years old. My parents decided to have another child all of a sudden, and they did. 8 months ago. There is 20 years between my and my 7th sibling, my 8mo old brother. It's very embarrassing for me, I can have my own kids and they can be grandparents if i were to get married soon. I just found out that they are planning on having another baby. I do not know how to feel, this is extremely embarrassing, how are they still having kids when they're old enough to be grandparents. I hate this situation, i hate that they decided to do this. Please help me through this, i really do not know how to feel.
                  One day ... you will look back at your reaction and kick yourself.

                  This is a perfectly normal thing. There is no reason for you to be agitated about it or resent your parents.



                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                    That's nothing. I know a sister who has children of her own, yet her GRANDFATHER has kids younger than hers.
                    You don't need to one up me....... Grandad got a younger wife?
                    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post
                      I hope this is the right forum, but I am so embarrassed by my parents. I don't know if its ok to be, I'm 20 years old and in my last year in UNI. I am the oldest of 6, the youngest is 12 years old. My parents decided to have another child all of a sudden, and they did. 8 months ago. There is 20 years between my and my 7th sibling, my 8mo old brother. It's very embarrassing for me, I can have my own kids and they can be grandparents if i were to get married soon. I just found out that they are planning on having another baby. I do not know how to feel, this is extremely embarrassing, how are they still having kids when they're old enough to be grandparents. I hate this situation, i hate that they decided to do this. Please help me through this, i really do not know how to feel.
                      This is actually a cute reaction to have. I don't mean to downplay your feelings, but I found myself smiling over this and hopefully you will too when you get older and see this post.

                      Your feelings of embarrassment is valid and perfectly normal to have. So there's nothing wrong with them. I think right now you need to figure out if your embarrassment is due to the fact that you feel uncomfortable knowing that your parents are still intimate and thus having kids, or if it's due to the age difference and wondering how you'll be able to bond with your new siblings. It's kind of amazing that they still love one another to do this.

                      If it's the former, then that's life. None of us like to think of our parents in this way, but it's happening. Try not to dwell on this and just focus on yourself and your new siblings. If it's the latter, then you need to ask yourself what's the difference between a 20 year gap and an 8 year one.

                      If the root cause is something else, then just analyze why you feel the way you do and talk to your parents about it. Or here. Either way, your feelings are fine. Just don't let them get in the way of your relationship with your parents or siblings. May Allah make it easier for you and bless your mom with a safe and easy pregnancy. Ameen.
                      مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                      "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                      It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                      Surah al-Baqarah
                      [2:245]

                      .:.
                      .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                      Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                      .:.
                      ...said the spider to the fly...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                        You don't need to one up me....... Grandad got a younger wife?
                        Well. Yes.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                          This is actually a cute reaction to have. I don't mean to downplay your feelings, but I found myself smiling over this and hopefully you will too when you get older and see this post.

                          Your feelings of embarrassment is valid and perfectly normal to have. So there's nothing wrong with them. I think right now you need to figure out if your embarrassment is due to the fact that you feel uncomfortable knowing that your parents are still intimate and thus having kids, or if it's due to the age difference and wondering how you'll be able to bond with your new siblings. It's kind of amazing that they still love one another to do this.

                          If it's the former, then that's life. None of us like to think of our parents in this way, but it's happening. Try not to dwell on this and just focus on yourself and your new siblings. If it's the latter, then you need to ask yourself what's the difference between a 20 year gap and an 8 year one.

                          If the root cause is something else, then just analyze why you feel the way you do and talk to your parents about it. Or here. Either way, your feelings are fine. Just don't let them get in the way of your relationship with your parents or siblings. May Allah make it easier for you and bless your mom with a safe and easy pregnancy. Ameen.
                          Thank your for your response, its actually the latter. My dad is 20 years older than one of his siblings as well and they don't connect well because he wasn't a part of his siblings life in order for them to have a sibling relationship. Also, i'm embarrassed from the fact that my mom is pregnant while i'm looking for suitors for marriage.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post

                            Thank your for your response, its actually the latter. My dad is 20 years older than one of his siblings as well and they don't connect well because he wasn't a part of his siblings life in order for them to have a sibling relationship. Also, i'm embarrassed from the fact that my mom is pregnant while i'm looking for suitors for marriage.
                            Why is that embarrassing?
                            رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

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                            • #15
                              Some of my relatives still have kids while getting their older ones married off

                              One I attended where the groom was 25 and his mum just had a baby who attended the wedding too.

                              Is it because people joke about it? What is your reason for feeling embarrassed?

                              Don't stress over this, it's a bit disrespectful too, it's your parents choice so don't worry.



                              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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