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  • Sister wants to marry a non-muslim

    Salaams all,

    It is with a heavy heart that i write this message.

    As a practising muslim, alhamdulilah I got married to a muslim girl 3 years ago and we now have a beautiful daughter. My parents raised me and my siblings in much the same manner and islam was always a prominent theme in our household. Whilst I was not always strong in my deen, I always saw myself as muslim and prescribed to the basic principles and values of a muslim, especially in the most important characteristics of a muslim. I was also well guided by muslim company amongst my friends.

    Unfortunately, this has not been the same situation with my younger sisters who do not keep muslim friends - primarily due to lack of shared interest. My sisters have become heavily engaged in things which a muslim should abstain from - drinking, clubbing etc... This has manifested itself into a situation whereby my sister has been seeing a non-muslim boy for a number of months now and this has progressed into marriage discussions. From my perspective, this is clearly and undoubtedly haram - there will not be an accepted Nikkah, the relationship will be seen as one of fornication, any children from the marriage will be product of an illegitimate relationship. As far as my parents are concerned, despite their strong religious inclinations, they have been very much focussed on seeing us all succeed in the dunya from an academic context, with religion as a secondary focus without realising the consequences of this. My sisters have always excelled academically and as such, no spotlight was shone on their lack of deen. Even now, their primary consideration is not wanting to "lose" their daughter and they have become very weak in their parental role in dealing with this appropriately for fear of their daughter becoming estranged from the family.

    Now we are to face the consequences of this and the decision my sister makes, will change the course of all our lives (in the dunya and hereafter) - for the worse. I am keen to understand the forum's thoughts on how to approach this topic and deal with this in a manner that will inshaallah reach the desired outcome and protect my sister, myself and my parents through informed guidance and supporting my sister through what is a very difficult situation for everyone.

    I'd be grateful for all of your thoughts.


  • #2
    Hi! Salam, i understand how you may feel. Do you live in a western country? I noticed this happens to basically every muslim family that moves to the western countries especially my family! We live in canada, i have very strong faith in allah yet my siblings dont pray nor do they know anything about religion and act the same way as your sister. What i usually do and hope you should do as well is have a heart to heart discussion with you sister and talk about islam and our religion and how although you wish for her to be happy but this isnt right in our religion.. try to persuade her rather than to attack her or antagonize her because if you do she will reject your suggestions.. try to become close to her and tell her that if she really does want him then for him to try and be a muslim as well.. (atleast) but if not she should think heavily about this.. because it will ruin your family’s relationship with her, but also your parents should be involved.. they made a mistake (just like my parents) they let her go and did not impose proper religion on their daughter which is why she doesnt care , this is the same problem with my family my parents did not teach my siblings about islam properly which resulted in this way.. and your parents as well as mine will be punished. So just know that if she does marry him your parents are just as to blame as her. And both will be punished. So try to talk to your parents and explain this to them and you as a family should come together and talk to her about this

    Comment


    • #3
      There is nothing you can do, your sister is an adult, and in the west she is allowed to marry who she wants. If you do not want to become estranged or your relationship to change, just be kind to her, don't tell her you disapprove. If she brings it up, you can give her your opinion in a respectful manner. In the meantime do not bring hassle to your parents, its a difficult position for them, and they don't want to see two of their children who are estranged.

      Comment


      • #4
        do u want to go jahannam dieing as a dayooth
        how can u even live knowing your sister is with that mushrik (who knows what they are doing)
        if i was in your position i would of beat the crap out of that mushrik and the sister would have got it as well if she didnt listen to the naseeha

        physically stop everything now before she has kaafir children or starts getting abortions or stds

        dont let her do what she wants
        she needs to be put in her place

        also she could become a kaafir her self
        as Allah says in quran muslim women cant be with non muslim men
        if she knows this and rejects it
        then its an act of kufr by rejecting the text (kufr juhood)
        however she could accept it and just live with him knowing shes committing zina and sinning that way she doesnt apostate

        fix this brother b4 its too late
        and this is why u dont live in the west go to a muslim country

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Sahra_21 View Post
          There is nothing you can do, your sister is an adult, and in the west she is allowed to marry who she wants. If you do not want to become estranged or your relationship to change, just be kind to her, don't tell her you disapprove. If she brings it up, you can give her your opinion in a respectful manner. In the meantime do not bring hassle to your parents, its a difficult position for them, and they don't want to see two of their children who are estranged.
          whats wrong with u

          his sisters marrying a kaafir destined for jahannam
          she clubs and drinks

          respectful manner
          the time for that is over

          he needs to forbid the evil
          being stern

          do u not think hes already tried advicing her
          and ur saying dont tell her disapproval

          its better to be estranged then have a sister marrying a kaafir

          Comment


          • #6
            Where were you when the relationship started? It seems like you've taken a backseat up until now.

            You can inform her Islam's stance on haram relationships and give her reminders. If I was you I would tell this non muslim to back off, maybe your whole family should do that. Give her an ultimatum.

            I do feel sad that you do not have your parent's support.
            Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Sahra_21 View Post
              There is nothing you can do, your sister is an adult, and in the west she is allowed to marry who she wants. If you do not want to become estranged or your relationship to change, just be kind to her, don't tell her you disapprove. If she brings it up, you can give her your opinion in a respectful manner. In the meantime do not bring hassle to your parents, its a difficult position for them, and they don't want to see two of their children who are estranged.
              Are you a muslim? He has every right to disapprove of haram and zina. Hassle should be brought to the parents who have been so laid back about their daughter's haram actions. He needs to kick up a fuss, maybe later he can keep ties with her but this a crucial time for him to speak up and object to her immoral behaviour.
              Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

              Comment


              • #8
                To answer certain questions raised:

                - we are born and raised in London, UK
                - Abu Julaybeeb, with the greatest of respect, I will simply not "beat the crap" out of my sister as that is not the teachings of our holy book and the first response should never be violence
                - Shay5 I only came to know of this last week, my parents however have been in denial of the situation for 9 months. As I don't live with my parents it is much easier to hide things from me.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                  ...if i was in your position i would of beat the crap out of that mushrik and the sister would have got it as well if she didnt listen to the naseeha...
                  Excellent advice as usual.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                    do u want to go jahannam dieing as a dayooth
                    how can u even live knowing your sister is with that mushrik (who knows what they are doing)
                    if i was in your position i would of beat the crap out of that mushrik and the sister would have got it as well if she didnt listen to the naseeha

                    physically stop everything now before she has kaafir children or starts getting abortions or stds

                    dont let her do what she wants
                    she needs to be put in her place

                    also she could become a kaafir her self
                    as Allah says in quran muslim women cant be with non muslim men
                    if she knows this and rejects it
                    then its an act of kufr by rejecting the text (kufr juhood)
                    however she could accept it and just live with him knowing shes committing zina and sinning that way she doesnt apostate

                    fix this brother b4 its too late
                    and this is why u dont live in the west go to a muslim country

                    If he gets violent with his sister and her fiance, he will end up in prison. The sister will get married to the guy anyway. From the sound of his parents they will cut him off, because he beat up their daughter and son in law.

                    Give practical advice, not illegal advice.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by s.rahman279 View Post
                      To answer certain questions raised:

                      - we are born and raised in London, UK
                      - Abu Julaybeeb, with the greatest of respect, I will simply not "beat the crap" out of my sister as that is not the teachings of our holy book and the first response should never be violence
                      - Shay5 I only came to know of this last week, my parents however have been in denial of the situation for 9 months. As I don't live with my parents it is much easier to hide things from me.
                      Continue to give advice and reminders when you can, and continue making dua for your sister. Other than that, there's not much you can do.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                        Are you a muslim? He has every right to disapprove of haram and zina. Hassle should be brought to the parents who have been so laid back about their daughter's haram actions. He needs to kick up a fuss, maybe later he can keep ties with her but this a crucial time for him to speak up and object to her immoral behaviour.
                        What is kicking up a fuss going to do exactly? It seems like the parents approve, as they have kept the daugthers engangement news from their son. If the OP wants to keep a good relationship with his family, he can't really kick up a fuss.

                        Allah will deal with everything else.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                          whats wrong with u

                          his sisters marrying a kaafir destined for jahannam
                          she clubs and drinks

                          respectful manner
                          the time for that is over

                          he needs to forbid the evil
                          being stern

                          do u not think hes already tried advicing her
                          and ur saying dont tell her disapproval

                          its better to be estranged then have a sister marrying a kaafir
                          You dont know where she is going or where you will go, after death. So chill with the judgements.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by s.rahman279 View Post
                            To answer certain questions raised:

                            - we are born and raised in London, UK
                            - Abu Julaybeeb, with the greatest of respect, I will simply not "beat the crap" out of my sister as that is not the teachings of our holy book and the first response should never be violence
                            - Shay5 I only came to know of this last week, my parents however have been in denial of the situation for 9 months. As I don't live with my parents it is much easier to hide things from me.
                            beat the crap out of the boy not ur sister
                            she needs a slap

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                              beat the crap out of the boy not ur sister
                              she needs a slap
                              Please, just be quiet.

                              Comment

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