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Finding it difficult to forgive this betrayal

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  • Finding it difficult to forgive this betrayal

    Me and my ex fiance broke up last year over a petty fight regarding my health, he couldn't handle me asking for space and distance. It was a low time in my life. I agree we both made mistakes however, earlier on this year he told me that he got involved with a girl who he promised he did not have feelings for, he told me approached her to make me jealous. It was immature and I forgave him at the time but we did not speak. He cursed and slandered me for hurting him even though he initiated the break up by messaging my father. He cursed and slandered me and accused me of liking a bunch of guys and messaging them. His parents are still in touch with my parents and they are friends, his mother still speaks to me.

    Recently my mother told me to let it go and maybe message him to see if he is still interested. He told me that he has moved on with a girl and didn't tell me who she is simply because he said he didn't want to hurt to me, I forced him and he finally told me it was the girl he told me he didn't like... I am so heartbroken. I didn't expect him to accept my proposal but I never ever imagined he would do this...

    I feel so betrayed and I am so surprised at that girl, how could she do this to another woman? I knew she did not like me even though we never communicated. I am so broken. He has not told his mother that I know about this girl, he has not told her he has betrayed me. I usually bottle my feelings but this time I sent him so many angry text messages. I feel like cursing him and the girl but I can't because my heart doesn't agree with doing that. His own curse backfired on him, he ended up doing the very thing he slandered me for, he showed no remorse in his betrayal and ended up blaming me for his actions. How can someone do this?

    I want to tell his mother how he has betrayed me but she has stopped responding to my Islamic messages I used to send her... I am so hurt. I can not forgive this betrayal. I don't want to hurt his mother by telling her but I just feel so sick



    :(

  • #2
    What about the betraying Allah swt by getting into a haram relationship? Learn a lesson from this, you can't go round talking to men in the off chance they might marry you. You two didnt seem very healthy in your relationship. He's cursing and slandering you, accusing you of being with other men. Is that really the type of husband you want? Be grateful that some other woman has to deal with his bull crap; you dodged a bullet.

    Work on yourself, reconnect with your faith and don't make the same mistakes again.

    Read this https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/fa...he-islamic-way << getting over a broken heart
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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    • #3
      In Sha Allah you will get over him

      Like Shay says, we can learn from these mistakes and although it hurts a lot now, one day you will thank Allah for opening the gates of repentance, it's your opportunity to ask Allah for mercy and guidance. You got saved from someone who isn't committed.

      Imagine if he did this after marriage? No point of crying over a disloyal loser. I know it's tough right now but you will see the bigger picture later.

      It's better for you to inform your parents about this and tell them how you feel and how you wish to go about marriage in the future (i.e the more appropriate way to prevent any of this happening again).

      Cut off all contact with this person. Don't start checking what he is up to with his new relationship.
      Delete and block and celebrate that you found out the truth.

      He knows it will upset you, don't let him win, he is nothing to you and he has no authority over you.

      All praise is Allah
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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      • #4
        Originally posted by shay5 View Post
        What about the betraying Allah swt by getting into a haram relationship? Learn a lesson from this, you can't go round talking to men in the off chance they might marry you. You two didnt seem very healthy in your relationship. He's cursing and slandering you, accusing you of being with other men. Is that really the type of husband you want? Be grateful that some other woman has to deal with his bull crap; you dodged a bullet.

        Work on yourself, reconnect with your faith and don't make the same mistakes again.

        Read this https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/fa...he-islamic-way << getting over a broken heart



        We were not in a haram relationship, we met appropriately through families. I didn't speak to any man... it was slander. Nor did those men speak to me. You are right, I dodged a bullet I guess. I just can not find it in my heart to forgive him.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
          In Sha Allah you will get over him

          Like Shay says, we can learn from these mistakes and although it hurts a lot now, one day you will thank Allah for opening the gates of repentance, it's your opportunity to ask Allah for mercy and guidance. You got saved from someone who isn't committed.

          Imagine if he did this after marriage? No point of crying over a disloyal loser. I know it's tough right now but you will see the bigger picture later.

          It's better for you to inform your parents about this and tell them how you feel and how you wish to go about marriage in the future (i.e the more appropriate way to prevent any of this happening again).

          Cut off all contact with this person. Don't start checking what he is up to with his new relationship.
          Delete and block and celebrate that you found out the truth.

          He knows it will upset you, don't let him win, he is nothing to you and he has no authority over you.

          All praise is Allah


          I will be honest, I always have been and Alhamdulilah have gotten closer to Allah. I haven't missed any of my salah's or Tahajjud. I have remained the same but I was reading about forgiveness and I just can not find it in my heart to forgive this girl and him. I genuinely feel so betrayed. I don't speak to guys or anything at all. This was done with my parents and his, my parents are aware of what he has done but his parents don't know about this betrayal, they just think he has found someone... Alhamdulilah I have not cried, as I said, I have a lot of faith in Allah and my intentions have always been good. Never to hurt or be disloyal.

          Yes, I have cut everything off since last year to be honest but this was just a conversation that happened out of the blue because my mother asked me to contact him.


          Yeah, he has no authority over me... I can't believe I left my job for him.

          Please make dua that I grow a bigger heart and can forgive them both. But until them, we will meet on DoJ to settle this with Allah.


          Jazak Allah Khair for your response.

          Comment


          • #6
            First rule of infidelity - don't waste your anger and hatred towards the "other woman". It's not her fault your fiance didn't lower his gaze.

            Other than that - it does get easier. Allaah will bless you with someone better In Sha Allaah.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by EliteWarrior View Post




              We were not in a haram relationship, we met appropriately through families. I didn't speak to any man... it was slander. Nor did those men speak to me. You are right, I dodged a bullet I guess. I just can not find it in my heart to forgive him.
              I'm only saying the following so you don't fall into a similar type of situation again.

              If it was halal, your wali/mahram would be reading all your conversations. Your ex would have at least respected you if he knew your mahram was reading the messages. You spoke to him privately and this is how it led to him having the confidence to call you names and making you jealous. Also your parents didn't protect you, in a halal 'engagement' if a man says something to his fiance, her parents will contact his parents immediately and sort it out. I have no idea why your mother was telling you to contact him if she knew about his behaviour.

              this was done with my parents and his, my parents are aware of what he has done but his parents don't know about this betrayal,
              Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                I'm only saying the following so you don't fall into a similar type of situation again.

                If it was halal, your wali/mahram would be reading all your conversations. Your ex would have at least respected you if he knew your mahram was reading the messages. You spoke to him privately and this is how it led to him having the confidence to call you names and making you jealous. Also your parents didn't protect you, in a halal 'engagement' if a man says something to his fiance, her parents will contact his parents immediately and sort it out. I have no idea why your mother was telling you to contact him if she knew about his behaviour.




                Of course, you are correct. Insha'Allah I will not fall in to this.


                You are right, our conversations were not monitored. His parents did not really make an effort to reconcile the proposal or sort things out even though my parents did... I only told my mother about the curse and slander, she said he was immature maybe but we didn't tell his parents because we did not want to hurt them to see how their son has behaved. My parents believe in sabr and to deal with things logically.


                He cursed and slandered me after the relationship was over. His mother does not know about that...


                Insha'Allah I will take your advice in to consideration but I am more concerned about how to forgive them both. I don't know how to forgive this

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
                  First rule of infidelity - don't waste your anger and hatred towards the "other woman". It's not her fault your fiance didn't lower his gaze.

                  Other than that - it does get easier. Allaah will bless you with someone better In Sha Allaah.



                  The reason why I am angry about the other woman is because she always had eyes on my fiance... I used to tell him that and he understood (at the time) and told me she does not like him (he had low self-esteem). I told him that he is the only guy she seems to be attracted to. She did not like me even though we never communicated and the time that we did, she was rude (not sure why)



                  I just dont know how to forgive this. I am not bothered about the feelings and emotions, I can control them and do not feel upset or anything. I just feel betrayed and do not feel like forgiving.

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                  • #10
                    You'll get over it, I'm sure. Grudges get pointless and boring after a while.

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                    • #11
                      Why did yu keep telling him this girl liked him? You basically opened up his curiousty... also where did you both find this girl? How comes she was in the picture? You're better off without a man who has female friendships. He wlil do to her what he did to you once he is bored with her. It's always the case with these people.
                      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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