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How to be independent of people and toughen up?

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  • How to be independent of people and toughen up?

    Assalaamu alaikum,

    As the title says, I need to emotionally toughen up or ring-fence myself to avoid draining people and situations, which I'm always caught up in.

    Especially with irl friends, I am sick of them as I was talking to this woman and she kind of helped me to reflect on my friend's behaviour and why I feel low a lot.

    I tend to ruminate in bad scenarios from the past and even ones that I suspect will happen due to past behaviour of people.

    I know the solution is, forget these people, be independent and ditch these friends. Well I think some practical advice on how to do this and internalize a stronger inner would help.

    Any tips? :)
    Abu Malik at-Ash'ari reported:

    The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Cleanliness is half of faith

    and al-Hamdu Lillah (all praise and gratitude is for Allah alone) fills the scale, and Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah)

    and al-Hamdu Lillah fill up what is between the heavens and the earth, and prayer is a light,

    and charity is proof (of one's faith)

    and endurance is a brightness and the Holy Qur'an is a proof on your behalf or against you.

    All men go out early in the morning and sell themselves, thereby setting themselves free or destroying themselves.

    حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ مَنْصُورٍ، حَدَّثَنَا حَبَّانُ بْنُ هِلاَلٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبَانٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، أَنَّ زَيْدًا، حَدَّثَهُ أَنَّ أَبَا سَلاَّمٍ حَدَّثَهُ عَنْ أَبِي مَالِكٍ الأَشْعَرِيِّ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ الطُّهُورُ شَطْرُ الإِيمَانِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلأُ الْمِيزَانَ ‏.‏ وَسُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلآنِ - أَوْ تَمْلأُ - مَا بَيْنَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالأَرْضِ وَالصَّلاَةُ نُورٌ وَالصَّدَقَةُ بُرْهَانٌ وَالصَّبْرُ ضِيَاءٌ وَالْقُرْآنُ حُجَّةٌ لَكَ أَوْ عَلَيْكَ كُلُّ النَّاسِ يَغْدُو فَبَائِعٌ نَفْسَهُ فَمُعْتِقُهَا أَوْ مُوبِقُهَا ‏"‏ ‏.‏

    Reference : Sahih Muslim 223
    In-book reference : Book 2, Hadith 1
    USC-MSA web (English) reference : Book 2, Hadith 432
    (deprecated numbering scheme)

    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].

    Please take a look at my blog :

  • #2
    My tactic for this is just vanish from their lives, but i know that wont help me in my future because i will have in laws around me which i cant just ignore for the rest of my life if i start to feel uncomfortable lol
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21


    • #3
      Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah

      just give people their haqq and don't do more than that. Don't spend too much time with them and never show them that you need them.

      become independent by not asking for anything unless it's dharoori. Keeping a good distance is very helpful.
      They say you contradicted the sayings of the shuyookh
      And they don't mind contradicting the Furqan

      I contradicted the sayings of the shuyookh
      For you have contradicted the one who came with the Qur'an


      • #4
        get rid of bad friends only keep good one


        • #5
          Positive affirmations work great.

          Draw up a list. Like

          People do not matter
          People are of no use
          I only need Allah

          Repeat everyday. What it will do is brainwash your subconcious.

          Your subconcious brain controls you. If you want a change in your brain biology you need to initiate the myelin sheath production around nerves.

          This happens after constant repetition. Possitive affirmations provide exactly that. Say them with emotion and sound belief.

          You can search up on them. Also, I would suggest you read the book the Talent code. Depending on your view on piracy you could buy it or download it free online.

          Repeat positive affirmations for a couple of months and you will see a massive change
          Watch those eyes