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  • Najaf boyfriend has aunts that do not like me. Help me understand.

    Hello,
    I am a Christian woman, and my boyfriend (soon to be fiancé) is from a Muslim family. I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years, and his mom and brothers have video chatted with me and they like me a lot. His mom is amazing, and I really like his family. However, his mom told him that he should not tell his father's sisters about me, and the reason that she said this was because she believes that they will curse me.
    Apparently, there is a female cousin of his that his aunts want him to marry but his parents want to give him a choice and he turned down his aunts' offer. They are still trying to convince him to marry his cousin or an Iraqi girl. He has been back in Iraq for a month, and he decided to tell his aunt about me in person, even though his mom was standing behind them shaking her head no. The thing that has me worried is the fact that his mom is so worried. I do not know much about jinns and the supernatural in the Middle East, but I do know that magic generally involves objects in the victim's possession.
    So, that leads to my next explanation, today he was talking with his aunts and they asked him if he was sure that he wanted to be involved with an American girl and he told them yes I love her and she loves me and I believe our relationship is very strong and I think you both would like her. They then said something similar to well maybe when you go back you will not feel comfortable with her anymore. He told them that what they said hurt him, and supposedly they expressed regret through facial expressions, and he believes they feel bad. I told him that that is a weird comment to make, why would he not be comfortable, and I kind of made a semi-joke referring to the possibility that they are going to curse me so that our relationship does not work, and he quickly responded saying that his mother said the same thing. That made me worrisome about the whole situation with them, especially because his mom has made multiple references about his aunts using black magic, even though they are Muslim. Which I do not understand. How can you be Muslim and practice black magic or any magic? Isn't it Haram? Anyway, after all of this conversation with his aunts that made it very apparent that they do not approve of me, he said his aunts followed him back home and brought a gift for me. His aunts got me a ring and so he thinks maybe they do feel bad for what they said. I told him that after everything they said it does not make sense for them to give me a ring unless they cursed it. His mom asked him if they brought him a ring for me, and he thought it was weird that she knew what they gave him before he opened it, and he said yes and his mom told him I know you want to give her the ring but do not make her wear it. My question is am I feeding into his mom's paranoia about curses and black magic or is it a legitimate concern? I do think that giving me a ring after voicing such negativity about being with an American Girl does not make sense, and the comment about him not being comfortable with me is very confusing too. He does not know much about witchcraft and black magic because he has always avoided the topic so therefore I do not know what to make of this situation. Oh and apparently his aunts want to meet me and they told him that he should bring me to Najaf. I do not want to meet them unless his mom is with me because everything I have heard about them makes me very uneasy and honestly they seem so hell-bent on him marrying an Iraqi girl and that I do not know what they would do to ensure that that happens. Again, I could just be very paranoid which is why I am posting here, so please do not take anything I have said offensively as I do not mean to offend, I am just trying to understand. Also, what do I do with the ring?
    ​​​​​​
    I read the Surah Al Baqarah because it mentions magic, but I did not find anything that said it would deter magic. I did read something similar to it won't work unless God wills it, but if it's that simple, then why is his mom so scared and why are other people scared of magic??

    Grateful for any insight provided,
    Confused and Unsure
    Last edited by ConfusedAndUnsure; 02-09-18, 04:44 AM.

  • #2
    I stopped reading after "i have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years."

    taqillah
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by aynina View Post
      I stopped reading after "i have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years."

      taqillah
      I do not see how your post is helpful. It seems very negative. Honestly, what was the point of even commenting with that? I am just trying to understand a situation I am unfamiliar with. If you don't approve, then move along to the next post.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by ConfusedAndUnsure View Post

        I do not see how your post is helpful. It seems very negative. Honestly, what was the point of even commenting with that? I am just trying to understand a situation I am unfamiliar with. If you don't approve, then move along to the next post.
        Allah doesn't approve of your haraam relationship.
        They say you contradicted the sayings of the shuyookh
        And they don't mind contradicting the Furqan

        I contradicted the sayings of the shuyookh
        For you have contradicted the one who came with the Qur'an

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by ConfusedAndUnsure View Post

          I do not see how your post is helpful. It seems very negative. Honestly, what was the point of even commenting with that? I am just trying to understand a situation I am unfamiliar with. If you don't approve, then move along to the next post.
          What is the point of telling a sinner to fear Allah? Do i really need to explain that

          just like sister said above, its not that i dont approve, Allah doesnt approve
          يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

          O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

          Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ummsayfullah View Post

            Allah doesn't approve of your haraam relationship.
            Loving the feedback. Thank you SO much. Was my question, "Do you think Allah approves?" I don't think so. Also, I know relationships are different for some Muslims, but I am Christian, and we date prior to marriage. It is my boyfriend who was raised Muslim. My question wasn't regarding whether YOU THINK Allah approves, because I am pretty confident that he does as we have good intentions and we are planning on building a life and having a family AFTER marriage. And the point of this forum is to assist people with cultural questions regarding Islamic social issues, isn't it? The keyword is ASSIST, not criticize or judge. Nobody in this forum has the right to judge for God/Allah. That is a responsibility for only one, and they are not responding in this forum.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by aynina View Post

              What is the point of telling a sinner to fear Allah? Do i really need to explain that

              just like sister said above, its not that i dont approve, Allah doesnt approve
              Who are you to call me a sinner? I have sinned, and I've done a lot to repent for my sins. But that is not the question I had.also Muslims, Jews, and Christians are all people of the book, are they not? We all have prophets and/or messengers that taught the word of God. The details aren't the same obviously, but the overall basic lifestyle every believer is taught should be the same: do good, be good and pray.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ConfusedAndUnsure View Post

                Who are you to call me a sinner? I have sinned, and I've done a lot to repent for my sins. But that is not the question I had.also Muslims, Jews, and Christians are all people of the book, are they not? We all have prophets and/or messengers that taught the word of God. The details aren't the same obviously, but the overall basic lifestyle every believer is taught should be the same: do good, be good and pray.
                If someone says they are commiting a sin then they are a sinner. Im not interested in disputing with you any longer, i see you arent interested in changing your ways, so i dont need to waste my time
                يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                Comment


                • #9
                  What's stopping you from converting to Islam?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by aynina View Post

                    If someone says they are commiting a sin then they are a sinner. Im not interested in disputing with you any longer, i see you arent interested in changing your ways, so i dont need to waste my time
                    Everyone sins, don't try to say you haven't. And I wasn't trying to change anything! I just had a couple of questions regarding a different subject matter that I was unfamiliar with! Geez. But it seems like it won't be addressed here. I suppose being a good person who helps others, does good deeds and prays isn't the way to go. I should just pray and belittle people who don't believe in the EXACT same way I do.

                    (JK. I can't be that way.)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by zaytoon View Post
                      What's stopping you from converting to Islam?
                      A lack of understanding. I feel like I need to finish reading the Quran entirely before I should consider converting. I'm trying to learn without too much outside influence, just the word of Allah. I've prayed, read a lot of the surahs, and decided to try fasting (until I couldn't, it was only 4 days) which was an amazing experience despite the short duration. But yeah. I'm not in rush to change my religion, but I am open to it as I am considering it.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        "because I am pretty confident that he does as we have good intentions and we are planning on building a life and having a family AFTER marriage."

                        nope. Don't turn haraam into halal by saying you have good intentions. Datingis not allowed in Islam.if he really loved you he should have married you. Christianity also forbids such relationships.

                        btw is he shia?
                        They say you contradicted the sayings of the shuyookh
                        And they don't mind contradicting the Furqan

                        I contradicted the sayings of the shuyookh
                        For you have contradicted the one who came with the Qur'an

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Welcome to ummah.com

                          Sorry you received a harsh response but what you have to bear in mind is that taking boyfriend /girlfriend is unacceptable in Islam but that is more on your boyfriend imo as he should know better you don't. I used to be christian so I know how lax they are with dating

                          Anyway that's a side issue. Magic exists and while Islam forbids it in no uncertain terms ignorant people who claim to be Muslim do practice it(I say claim to be Muslim because magic is one of the deeds that takes one out of Islam) I'm not going to describe how magic is performed as it's truly evil but know that in return the jinn (devils basically) do deeds in return for the magician

                          Now as to your question how to protect yourself? The last three chapters of the Qurān recite them thrice morning and evening (Muslims tend to do this anyway but it's like a shield)

                          If you are reading from the Arabic script you need to be in a state of of purity to read it (ask your boyfriend he should know)

                          The jinn can only harm you with what God (Allah) has decreed for you so you need to seek protection of Allah (and Allah alone. assosciating partners in worship or prayer with him leaves you vulnerable to the shayatin) (that includes praying to jesus alayhis salam don't do it)

                          You mentioned that you are open to considering Islam alhamdulilah that's good.

                          ​​God is one he has no partners. He sends messengers and prophets to mankind to call people to his worship and to warn against worshipping beside him (this is the greatest sin. If a person dies in such a state then it's hellfire for eternity)

                          If you look at the bible even though it has been altered by man you can see evidence of this

                          Jesus alayhis salam was such a Messenger. He called people to the worship of God but the Christians went astray after him taking him as a god despite his warnings against such conduct

                          Think of it like this. How would God react to the Jews if they claimed Moses alayhis salam was the son of God and started worshipping him. Would not God be very angry with them

                          Alhamdulilah Allah didn't leave us to the whims and delusions of the Christians he sent a final Messenger sallaho alayhi wa sallam and conveyed a final book the Qurān

                          If you are interested in learning more about Islam I recommend this sites www.islamreligion.com they have a live chat q&a for you to ask questions and a bunch of good articles about Islam

                          Hope this helps you and if you have any questions feel free to hit me up on this thread

                          Finally I'm going to leave you with a video about the the Islamic concept of jesus alayhis salam. It's roughly five minutes long so please do watch

                          Peace be upon those who accept guidance
                          ​​​​https://youtu.be/YNGqrzkFp_4
                          Last edited by eesa the kiwi; 02-09-18, 07:03 AM.
                          It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                          "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Seriously guys use some wisdom. What's judging her going to achieve? It might make you feel better about yourself but it will only drive her further from Islam

                            Is dating haram? Absolutely but when a person comes saying they are interested in Islam to behave like this

                            Your job as Muslims is to call people to Allah so InshaAllah they can escape the hellfire aynina you are a convert like me don't forget we were once in her shoes not that long ago

                            Guys should know better seriously

                            Asalamu alaikum rahmatullah wa barakatu
                            It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                            "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

                            Comment


                            • aynina
                              aynina commented
                              Editing a comment
                              Sorry, i only read the first sentance and i was already too repulsed to read any further, so i didnt find out she was a christian, either way i didnt think we entertained these sort of relationships on this forum, even if she becomes a muslim, this guy cant be her future since he's not very religious. I believe hes the one that needs advising. Anyway im sorry for being harsh, i thought she was a muslim

                          • #15
                            Originally posted by ConfusedAndUnsure View Post

                            I do not see how your post is helpful. It seems very negative. Honestly, what was the point of even commenting with that? I am just trying to understand a situation I am unfamiliar with. If you don't approve, then move along to the next post.
                            You really are confused.

                            The OP started by admitting that she is in and had a dirty relationship with some Muslim man.

                            Even if the OP didnt have a dirty relationship with a Muslim man, it is not advisable in the least to marry a Jewish or Christian woman.

                            https://islamqa.info/en/45645

                            I suggest you read and take note, instead of making ignorant posts.
                            Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 02-09-18, 10:19 AM.
                            http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                            "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                            – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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