Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Advice on living situation

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Advice on living situation

    I really hate to talk about my life here but I'm really not sure where else to go for advice.

    So I'm pretty much homeless and a Muslim family is letting me stay with them. They're nice people but they don't respect my decisions, even regarding what I wear. They want me to attend university but I don't want to. I don't feel that there are any good reasons to do so, and even if I went ahead with this I don't know how I'd support myself while I study for however many years. The reasons listed to convince me to study weren't compelling. It feels like they want me to study for the sake of it and I think that's just a waste of time. I'm totally reliant on them so it's very hard to take control of my life. I don't know how to assert myself in this situation. I don't know how they'd react if I were to be firm and I don't feel comfortable taking risks because I'm in such a vulnerable position. I hate to start conflicts but at the same time I feel that there are many downsides to attending university. What do I do?
    "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
    - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

  • #2
    I'll pray for you sister, sorry that you're in this situation
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


    Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

    Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post
      I feel that there are many downsides to attending university
      What are the downsides?

      Comment


      • #4
        Why is the family dictating what you should wear?

        Speak to them, tell them you don't want to study.

        Or just study anyway? Would you be able to work?

        Comment


        • #5
          May Allah make it easy for you

          Al-'Ankabut 29:2

          أَحَسِبَ ٱلنَّاسُ أَن يُتْرَكُوٓا أَن يَقُولُوٓا ءَامَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُونَ

          Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?

          Allah SWT says:

          لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا اكْتَسَبَتْ ۗ رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذْنَآ إِنْ نَّسِينَآ أَوْ أَخْطَأْنَا ۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تَحْمِلْ عَلَيْنَآ إِصْرًا كَمَا حَمَلْتَهُۥ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِنْ قَبْلِنَا ۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تُحَمِّلْنَا مَا لَا طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِۦ ۖ وَاعْفُ عَنَّا وَاغْفِرْ لَنَا وَارْحَمْنَآ ۚ أَنْتَ مَوْلٰىنَا فَانْصُرْنَا عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْكٰفِرِينَ
          "Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people."
          (QS. Al-Baqara 2: Verse 286)

          * Via Qur'an English http://quran-en.com



          إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

          Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.



          Az-Zumar 39:20

          لَٰكِنِ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّقَوْا رَبَّهُمْ لَهُمْ غُرَفٌ مِّن فَوْقِهَا غُرَفٌ مَّبْنِيَّةٌ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَٰرُۖ وَعْدَ ٱللَّهِۖ لَا يُخْلِفُ ٱللَّهُ ٱلْمِيعَادَ

          But those who have feared their Lord - for them are chambers, above them chambers built high, beneath which rivers flow. [This is] the promise of Allah . Allah does not fail in [His] promise.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Umm Uthmaan View Post
            What are the downsides?
            The haram aspects of it
            "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
            - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

            Comment


            • Umm Uthmaan
              Umm Uthmaan commented
              Editing a comment
              What haram aspects?

            • .khayriyyah.
              .khayriyyah. commented
              Editing a comment
              Freemixing

          • #7
            Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
            Why is the family dictating what you should wear?

            Speak to them, tell them you don't want to study.

            Or just study anyway? Would you be able to work?
            From what I can tell they see me as too conservative. I think they may worry about what others think when they see me or they're just flat out opposed to what I see as proper hijab. I really appreciate them despite this. I mean, I would be on the streets if they didn't help. No one else wanted to.

            Yeah, we ended up speaking about this a bit after I made the thread. I don't think they'll let this go. I still don't see any point in studying. And I can't work right now, I have to study for the GED exam. Once I'm done I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I don't have many options and none are easy.
            "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
            - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

            Comment


            • #8
              If they're willing to still support you while you're at university then go to university. You have little choice. What else are you going to do? You need to work, to support yourself. You don't have anyone providing for you like those who can afford not to go university. How are you going to find a job good enough to take care of all your needs in a place like america with no qualifications or good education behind you?

              What kind of hijab are you wearing now, niqab?
              If it's niqab then maybe it's better you don't wear it for now. Sis you're very young and very passionate which is beautiful but be easy on yourself. Your situation is not like other girls situations your age. You may need to compromise in some places.
              شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
              فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
              وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
              ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

              Comment


              • #9
                Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post

                From what I can tell they see me as too conservative. I think they may worry about what others think when they see me or they're just flat out opposed to what I see as proper hijab. I really appreciate them despite this. I mean, I would be on the streets if they didn't help. No one else wanted to.

                Yeah, we ended up speaking about this a bit after I made the thread. I don't think they'll let this go. I still don't see any point in studying. And I can't work right now, I have to study for the GED exam. Once I'm done I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I don't have many options and none are easy.
                I see.

                I think Rumaysah is right in what she says above. Maybe go for the degree?

                It might not be what you want to do, but it may be the best thing for you right now.

                Comment


                • #10
                  Sorry to hear about your situation. Itís tough not having your own space and being able to make the decisions you want to for yourself.

                  It is good that tou you are studying for your GED. Itís crucial to have this, not only for work but also to start school.

                  I understand and your thoughts regarding education and barriers that might exist there; however, I think it is a great option if youíre not planning to be married very soon as far as supporting yourself.

                  Before your GED is complete, you can start looking into schools, including trade schools, community colleges, and universities. Trade school is a good option if you want something in 1 or 2 years where you can start working. It is important that the school accepts federal funding, though.

                  Because of ypur our financial situation, you should qualify for Pell grants. This is accomplished through submitting the FAFSA and will provide maximum (which you will probably qualify for) of approximately $5000 per semester. This now includes summer.

                  There are schools where you can go full time for that amount, which means no loans/interest. You can also do an online degree where you donít have to be on campus ever.

                  Generally, in order to qualify and keep the Pell, you need to be enrolled in 6 credits, or 2 classes, which is considered part time. At a cheaper school, this would cost around $2000-$3000 a semester.

                  It you finish your GED this spring, you can get enrolled for summer, which would be around May 2019. This leaves you with an excess of $2000-$3000, after paining for classes, to get your own place, a cheap car, etc. In other words, you can use school as an immediate way to gain your independence.

                  If you need remedial courses, you can visit Modern States Web site where you can complete your freshman year for free via CLEP tests. A CLEP is where you study and test out of a class for $89 (much cheaper than a 3-credit college course).

                  There is also the the option of student housing where you can room with another female or alone for a very reasonable price (say, $250 to $400) a month. In the school housing you will have protection if you are discrimated against as well as security. Even if you are an online student, you still should have access to that housing.

                  Let me know now if you need help navigating this path, and Iíll try to help you.

                  ETA: Let me correct the May 2019 date to January 2019. You should be able to test for GED by the end of this year, which means you could start school in January. Sorry, I forget itís only August.
                  Last edited by Sister_2009; 27-08-18, 11:41 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #11
                    Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                    If they're willing to still support you while you're at university then go to university. You have little choice. What else are you going to do? You need to work, to support yourself. You don't have anyone providing for you like those who can afford not to go university. How are you going to find a job good enough to take care of all your needs in a place like america with no qualifications or good education behind you?

                    What kind of hijab are you wearing now, niqab?
                    If it's niqab then maybe it's better you don't wear it for now. Sis you're very young and very passionate which is beautiful but be easy on yourself. Your situation is not like other girls situations your age. You may need to compromise in some places.
                    I have to work and study. I don't think I'm welcome to stay for years.

                    No. Dresses, cardigans and scarves. Wearing a long khimar and an abaya is too much let alone niqab. I'm already compromising with my dress but my problem was with being pushed into wearing things I feel uncomfortable with.
                    Last edited by .khayriyyah.; 28-08-18, 01:09 AM.
                    "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
                    - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

                    Comment


                    • #12
                      Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
                      Sorry to hear about your situation. Itís tough not having your own space and being able to make the decisions you want to for yourself.

                      It is good that tou you are studying for your GED. Itís crucial to have this, not only for work but also to start school.

                      I understand and your thoughts regarding education and barriers that might exist there; however, I think it is a great option if youíre not planning to be married very soon as far as supporting yourself.

                      Before your GED is complete, you can start looking into schools, including trade schools, community colleges, and universities. Trade school is a good option if you want something in 1 or 2 years where you can start working. It is important that the school accepts federal funding, though.

                      Because of ypur our financial situation, you should qualify for Pell grants. This is accomplished through submitting the FAFSA and will provide maximum (which you will probably qualify for) of approximately $5000 per semester. This now includes summer.

                      There are schools where you can go full time for that amount, which means no loans/interest. You can also do an online degree where you donít have to be on campus ever.

                      Generally, in order to qualify and keep the Pell, you need to be enrolled in 6 credits, or 2 classes, which is considered part time. At a cheaper school, this would cost around $2000-$3000 a semester.

                      It you finish your GED this spring, you can get enrolled for summer, which would be around May 2019. This leaves you with an excess of $2000-$3000, after paining for classes, to get your own place, a cheap car, etc. In other words, you can use school as an immediate way to gain your independence.

                      If you need remedial courses, you can visit Modern States Web site where you can complete your freshman year for free via CLEP tests. A CLEP is where you study and test out of a class for $89 (much cheaper than a 3-credit college course).

                      There is also the the option of student housing where you can room with another female or alone for a very reasonable price (say, $250 to $400) a month. In the school housing you will have protection if you are discrimated against as well as security. Even if you are an online student, you still should have access to that housing.

                      Let me know now if you need help navigating this path, and Iíll try to help you.

                      ETA: Let me correct the May 2019 date to January 2019. You should be able to test for GED by the end of this year, which means you could start school in January. Sorry, I forget itís only August.
                      Barakallahu feeki, this is very helpful.

                      I don't know how to drive and I've never taken a single class for it. Do you know how long it would take to learn? There isn't public transportation in the area. Also, do you know if I'd have to take the SAT/ACT exam after passing the GED?

                      I filled out the FAFSA4caster and it said I qualify for $6,095 woth the Pell grant, but that's for an entire year.
                      Last edited by .khayriyyah.; 28-08-18, 03:34 AM.
                      "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
                      - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

                      Comment


                      • #13
                        Okay, and before anyone thinks otherwise I just wanted to say that they are very kind people. The part about clothing is one negative against many, many positives.
                        "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
                        - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

                        Comment


                        • Indefinable
                          Indefinable commented
                          Editing a comment
                          You should study if that option is available.

                        • .khayriyyah.
                          .khayriyyah. commented
                          Editing a comment
                          I don't think dtudying is worth it
                          Last edited by .khayriyyah.; 28-08-18, 10:02 PM.

                      • #14
                        Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post

                        Barakallahu feeki, this is very helpful.

                        I don't know how to drive and I've never taken a single class for it. Do you know how long it would take to learn? There isn't public transportation in the area. Also, do you know if I'd have to take the SAT/ACT exam after passing the GED?

                        I filled out the FAFSA4caster and it said I qualify for $6,095 woth the Pell grant, but that's for an entire year.
                        Driving is not difficult. I didnít start until I was 17 or 18 because I never wanted to drive, but I realized I wouldnít have my sister to take me around forever. The class I did was 2 weeks long, if I remember correctly (itís been a long time). I think it cost $200 or $300. Maybe you can talk to the family and let them know you want to drive for work, school, etc. and see if you can start the classes.

                        Regarding SAT/ACT, I think it would depend on the school you want to go to. I wouldnít worry about it, because you can find a school that doesnít need those exams. But you will most likely have to take a reading, English and math placement test. Those will tell the school what level of classes you need to begin with. When I mentioned remedial classes and Modern States, thatís what I meant. So, if you place low in math for example, theyíll want you to take a class or two that donít count as credit. Instead, you can go on Modern States and study the college algebra or higher and take the CLEP exam instead of spending 2 semesters catching up on math, if that makes sense.

                        About ut the Pell, that amount seems low for your situation. I would think more like $5000 a semester. Did you fill this out recently or while living at home? Also, just recently Pell has been reinstated for summer semester. It used to only cover fall and spring. If the amount is correct, then you might have to finesse this situation with part-time work to supplement. I still think you canít lose by going to school.

                        I know this all sounds complicated, but it really isnít. Once you get started and youíre in the system, itís pretty smooth.

                        Comment


                        • #15
                          Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post

                          Driving is not difficult. I didnít start until I was 17 or 18 because I never wanted to drive, but I realized I wouldnít have my sister to take me around forever. The class I did was 2 weeks long, if I remember correctly (itís been a long time). I think it cost $200 or $300. Maybe you can talk to the family and let them know you want to drive for work, school, etc. and see if you can start the classes.

                          Regarding SAT/ACT, I think it would depend on the school you want to go to. I wouldnít worry about it, because you can find a school that doesnít need those exams. But you will most likely have to take a reading, English and math placement test. Those will tell the school what level of classes you need to begin with. When I mentioned remedial classes and Modern States, thatís what I meant. So, if you place low in math for example, theyíll want you to take a class or two that donít count as credit. Instead, you can go on Modern States and study the college algebra or higher and take the CLEP exam instead of spending 2 semesters catching up on math, if that makes sense.

                          About ut the Pell, that amount seems low for your situation. I would think more like $5000 a semester. Did you fill this out recently or while living at home? Also, just recently Pell has been reinstated for summer semester. It used to only cover fall and spring. If the amount is correct, then you might have to finesse this situation with part-time work to supplement. I still think you canít lose by going to school.

                          I know this all sounds complicated, but it really isnít. Once you get started and youíre in the system, itís pretty smooth.
                          I filled the form out last night. Maybe the law changed, I don't know. From what I read, 6k per year is the maximum. I guess that means I'll have to work. I feel like working and studying isn't worth it when I don't even want to have a career. Call me lazy, but it just feels like a waste of time and effort. I'm not willing to take 4 or 5 years to just get an associates because I have to support myself. I really appreciate the fact that you took your time to write all of this for me. May Allah reward and bless you.
                          Last edited by .khayriyyah.; 28-08-18, 09:55 PM.
                          "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
                          - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

                          Comment

                          Working...
                          X