So here I am, alone and hopeless.

[YoungMuslimah78]

Thank you for all of your replies and private messages. I was looking there for some relieving and sense of community I have never experienced.

I am sorry I didn't respond to you earlier but I was in the hospital for almost two weeks and it was toi hard to focus on something but sleeping and watching TV. I had blood tests two weeks ago due to my bad state of being and my GP had noticed something that made her suspicious and she referred me to the hospital. My health problems are much deeper than I had thought and more physical rather than psychological. I am waiting for the result of final tests to come but it is almost certain that new trials are approaching me. In seconds of great despair, I called my sister. I said that all of the mess she has done made me ill and I could die now (the medical authority I was talking with, said that stress is an important factor in developing that kind of illness). She said that she would pay for a consultation with some famous doctor who is quite successful in treating cases like mine. On the other hand, the doctors have offered me free treatment in a public hospital which is known for its successful children treatment.

But to be honest, it dosen't mind to me if I would die. I have nothing to live for. I can't change my sister. She is lost battle . I have lost my faith. My therapist encourages me to study English and become and teacher but due to my health, I can't apply right now. The treatment will be painful and likely unsuccessful and I haven't got strength even for it. Everything hurts me a lot.

Reading your comments, I have to say one thing (please forgive me, if I sound harsh). In Islam, we are taught that the burden we carry is never beyond our scope and the bad things in our lives are tests to challenge us and to reward us in paradise. There was the moment when I was searching the Web to find some Islamic solace but I didn't find it. But what if IT IS beyond scope? But what if the burden is too heavy to carry? In the darkest hours, I was thinking that God is somewhat very cruel. Why does He want us to suffer like that? There are people who commit adultery and shirk, who make funny from the prophet ( pbuh ) and they are quite happy and fine. There are even pious people who didn't suffer a lot and they will enter the paradise. And there people like me. To be honest, telling me about tests hurts me even more.

Thank you for everything you have written to me.

[Abu julaybeeb]

Thank you for all of your replies and private messages. I was looking there for some relieving and sense of community I have never experienced.

I am sorry I didn't respond to you earlier but I was in the hospital for almost two weeks and it was toi hard to focus on something but sleeping and watching TV. I had blood tests two weeks ago due to my bad state of being and my GP had noticed something that made her suspicious and she referred me to the hospital. My health problems are much deeper than I had thought and more physical rather than psychological. I am waiting for the result of final tests to come but it is almost certain that new trials are approaching me. In seconds of great despair, I called my sister. I said that all of the mess she has done made me ill and I could die now (the medical authority I was talking with, said that stress is an important factor in developing that kind of illness). She said that she would pay for a consultation with some famous doctor who is quite successful in treating cases like mine. On the other hand, the doctors have offered me free treatment in a public hospital which is known for its successful children treatment.

But to be honest, it dosen't mind to me if I would die. I have nothing to live for. I can't change my sister. She is lost battle . I have lost my faith. My therapist encourages me to study English and become and teacher but due to my health, I can't apply right now. The treatment will be painful and likely unsuccessful and I haven't got strength even for it. Everything hurts me a lot.

Reading your comments, I have to say one thing (please forgive me, if I sound harsh). In Islam, we are taught that the burden we carry is never beyond our scope and the bad things in our lives are tests to challenge us and to reward us in paradise. There was the moment when I was searching the Web to find some Islamic solace but I didn't find it. But what if IT IS beyond scope? But what if the burden is too heavy to carry? In the darkest hours, I was thinking that God is somewhat very cruel. Why does He want us to suffer like that? There are people who commit adultery and shirk, who make funny from the prophet ( pbuh ) and they are quite happy and fine. There are even pious people who didn't suffer a lot and they will enter the paradise. And there people like me. To be honest, telling me about tests hurts me even more.

Thank you for everything you have written to me.

please read everything

Sister i understand where your coming from and u may think that u cant burden everything your going through but look you are
Your still a muslim you still worship Allah you havent left islam and u havent died either
mentally and emotionally u are being tested but your still handling it.
do not let shaytaan trick you
he wants you to be angry with Allah he wants
you to leave islam he wants you to go to hell he is the one putting these waswas in your head



Praise be to Allaah.

This world is the place of striving and the Hereafter is the place of reward or punishment, where the believers will be rewarded with Paradise and the disbelievers will be punished with Hell.

Paradise is good and none but those who were good will enter it. Allaah is Good and accepts nothing but that which is good. So the way of Allaah with His slaves is to test them with calamities and tribulations, so that the believer may be known from the kaafir and so that the truthful may be distinguished from the liar, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

[Abu julaybeeb]

Victory and success cannot be achieved except after tests which will bring the good forth from the evil and tell the believer apart from the kaafir, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):





Among the trials with which Allaah tests His slaves in order to distinguish the believers from the disbelievers is that which He mentions in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):







[al-Baqarah 2:155-157]

So Allaah tests His slaves, and He loves those who are patient, and gives them the glad tidings of Paradise.

Allaah tests His slaves with jihaad, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):





Wealth and children are a trial by means of which Allaah tests His slaves, to know who will give thanks for them, and who will be distracted from Allaah by them:





Allaah tests us, sometimes with calamities and sometimes with blessings, to show who will be thankful and who will be ungrateful, and who will obey and who will disobey, then He will reward or punish them on the Day of Resurrection:





[al-Shoora 42:30]



Allaah is merciful to His slaves; He sends repeated tribulations upon the ummah so that they may return and repent to Him, and give up that which Allaah has forbidden, and so that Allaah might forgive them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):



[al-Tawbah 9:126]

It is part of the mercy of Allaah that disasters befall sinners in this world, so that their souls might be purified and they might come back to Allaah before they die:

[smbdukno]

Sister, where are you from? Someone mentioned Poland? If yes, please contact me, I'm from a neighbouring country and I got an offer for you that may help distract you from the awful problem you got and direct you into focusing more on deen.

[neelu]

Only just spotted this thread. Sister I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such an awful time. People underestimate how much of a difficult trial loneliness is and on top of that struggling to make ends meet as well. I think a very crucial life lesson that most of us tend to overlook is the correct understanding of Qadaa wal Qadr which is part of our aqeedah. This entails an understanding of which aspects of life are out of our control and which are within our ability to influence, to understand that we are not superhuman and cannot achieve everything at once at a pace that is unmanageable. We have our capabilities in terms of how much we can work, how much we can study, how much we can take care of ourselves and how much we can keep ties with others and it seems to me you've overstretched your limits on every single one of these issues to now reaching breaking point.

Your sister's beliefs are completely outside of your control, that is why I mentioned that. A Muslim's duty is only to remind people of what is right and wrong and ultimately, then it's up to the people whether they accept that reminder or reject it. We don't consider another person's rejection of Islam as our own personal failure just because the outcome wasn't what we hoped for- that was her failure, not yours and not Allah's (swt). The Prophet (saw) had stones thrown at him by children in Taif and yet that didn't deter him or cause him to say "Why me?" and give up on persevering for Allah's (swt) sake. I'm not even suggesting that you try to convince your sister of anything right now, rather I'm saying to keep living for your own sake and find a way of carrying on for yourself regardless of where her life is.

The key here (rather than lamenting as to why Allah ta'ala put you in this position) is to re-evaluate what is manageable for you and stick with that. I think the first two priorities here are to take care of your physical and mental health, then stick to only working as many hours as are manageable to make ends meet. Is it possible to get a better job with a better salary? If not a better salary then at least a place that is less intense and draining than McDonalds? You're already smart enough to be fluently bilingual (If you're in another country, I assume English is not your first language). What I mean is, you already have a lot of capability and potential there to move yourself towards a better situation than the one you are in now, but first you need to stop overstretching your physical, emotional and psychological limits in trying to achieve everything at once and start addressing these problems in bitesize manageable chunks. I know this will sound very silly and very zen, but take some time (even if it's only 30 minutes) to be somewhere that makes you feel better. It could be a park, or it could be an animal sanctuary or it could just be sitting at home and drawing or doing something relaxing but make time for these sorts of things that help you unwind and recuperate and spend less time looking at screens.

[Fakhri]

Jazaa'akillah Khair. Alhamdulillah

[islamlife00]

May Allah make it easy for you, sis. Try to be patient during hardship.
When it feels too much to bear, make dua asking Allah to increase you in patience and strength to endure hardship.


Narrated `Abdullah:

I visited Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) while he was suffering from a high fever. I said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! You have a high fever." He said, "Yes, I have as much fever as two men of you." I said, "Is it because you will have a double reward?" He said, "Yes, it is so. No Muslim is afflicted with any harm, even if it were the prick of a thorn, but that Allah expiates his sins because of that, as a tree sheds its leaves." (Sahih al Bukhari)

[Indefinable]

Hope the sister is alright... In Sha Allaah.

[3ubayd bnu Fulaan]

Assalaamu alaykum

Please, don't forget this sister in your prayers.

BaarakAllaahu feekum.

[Faith reloaded]

[msmoorad]

salaams to all

i think the sister needs to keep the company of good muslims.
she should go to her local musjid regularly and attend any classes etc that are conducted for sisters.

all of us will feel even more depressed if we have problems but have nobody to speak to about it.

and PLEASE, no matter what, keep up with your salaah.

sometimes we are being tested & sometimes its a punishment for sins committed in the past.

whatever, Allah ta'ala does it for our benefit.
it may not seem that way but its better to clear our accounts in this world rather than having to face punishment in the aakhirah.
make taubah-sincere repentance & do your utmost best to be a good muslim.

and Allah ta'ala knows best
jazakallah

[Saif-Uddin]

Wheres your adaab

manners before knowledge

the sisters been through alot some stuff not even mentioned in the thread
fear Allah and give advice with kindness like the prophet saw

At the same time we nees someone to verify yhe story like with the brother, akhi Mikhaeel refered to,

There have been people telling porkies and playing tye drama queen online as well akhi,

Not saying the op is, but verification needed.