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So here I am, alone and hopeless.

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  • #1

    So here I am, alone and hopeless.

    Maybe you remember me. I was writing there a something year ago about isusses with my sister. Here are my older threads:

    https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/mi...-sister-s-work

    You had done your best to help me and make me feel better. Back to these days, I had thought it was the worst things to happen.
    But now the things has got much worse.

    I started my university year and I wasn't able to return home for couple of months. The subjects I am supposed to learn are much more difficult that I had expected but during very first months I was trying not to giving up and I hoped I would manage it all soon. I was working in McDonald’s after the lectures to pay my bills and learning then all night long. But the further it went the harder it was becoming. I failed all most important test at the very first exam session and I broke down. My teacher suggested me to take a break in winter during Christmas and relax with my family. So I returned.

    I was in contact with my sister during all the months I spent at university. We were texting but I was too tried to notice the change in her messages - the realization has come too late. When I entered our flat the first thing I noticed was my hijabless sister and Christian guy who were eating lunch together. The room was decorated and the Christmas tree was standing near to the sofa. 'We will discuss later', she said and then she introduced the guy as her fiancé. There was no doubt left that my dear, lovely sister is an apostate. I literally dropped my things and I ran away to my old room. My life has turned into ruin .

    In the evening she came to me and told me everything that has happened when I had been away from home. The lady she had been taking care of has died finally and the guy was her godson. He has "cleared" rest of her doubts about Christianity and she decided to apostate. She has been baptized and given rest of the sacraments in Catholic church and then they decided to get married. On the next morning I noticed Catholic pictures and crosses everywhere in the house; she collected huge library of Catholic books, notably the Bible and other texts. The Qu'ran and our Islamic books were in my room, hidden deep in my old desk. This made me angry and the hell began. We were arguing all day. I was crying, begging her for sake of our parents' memory and even promising her that I will find her Muslim husband. But she was convinced already. 'This is religion that I want to follow' she said and this is was among the most delicate things - she said lots of evil and bad things about the prophet ( pbuh ), Allah swt and us Muslims. She was prepared for every argument I tried to made . I was hopeless and heartbroken.

    I stayed there only one week. The Christian guy was spending lots of time with my sister and even took her to the shopping center. He was very nice to me but I tried my best to keep distance from him. I was talking to her in the evenings, played her some lectures on the Internet but it was getting harder and harder and in the dark bottom of my heart I know she is lost to me and lost to Islam. I just gave up.

    Then I decided to move to my little flat near university , sixty kilometers away. I changed my phone number and broke all the ties. It was unimaginable pain. My sister is only one person I have on this world. I have no one but her. And now it feels like I have nobody.

    She asked about me on my university two weeks after but I just ran away. I even saw her for a moment but it was so painful. I couldn't stand watching her that happy.

    These things affected my studying and when I completely lost summer exam session and correction exams in holidays the procedure of expulsion from the university was used on me. So shame. People who used to make fun of me had another reason to laugh. The expulsion from university is very frequent but there were lots of very wise people on my course - they got only the best grades on school, take part in world- renowned competitions, make inventions and I can't even think to compare myself to them and they know it (they make fun of me rather because of my results, not because I am Muslim). Humiliated, I have taken full time job at the McDonald's but it's still hard to make the ends meet. The flats here aren't cheap, let's say.

    So I got suicidal. This was too much to me – my parents, sister, university that I have dreamt all life about… I tried attempt suicide and I was almost done with it, but I had forgotten to close the door and my neighbor (that funny type of old lady with a little dog) sneaked inside, alarmed by water running from bathroom to the hall. I went to hospital - I had a long therapy and they have prescribed me loads of pills.
    Now I am back my home now. I work, I eat, I sleep and I wake, but I feel empty inside. I feel as I lost myself to the void. I don’t believe in Allah swt anymore. There were times I believed Allah swt loves me, I pray all of these extra prayers even in the night, but it is no longer. I’m deep down in sins. Very serious sins. And I even have no strength to feel guilty for them. I have no strength to believe in anything but death. Sometimes it even temps me to read something about Christianity, but then I fall into my torpor again. I found it to be the best state of mind, to be honest.
    I haven’t any dreams. Any needs. All I want is to die. It eats me piece by piece every day. I am lost and done. I am floating on the surface. I even don’t need any advice or help. I am writing this all just to throw all this burden I carry. I hope you will understand me a bit.
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  • #2
    Sister it must be hard but dont despair
    this life in the dunya is meant to be a test
    all thats happening to u is a test from Allah have sabr and stay firm and steadfast on Allah and this deen and youl be in jannah insha Allah
    We were put here as a test
    Allah says in the quran

    Al-'Ankabut 29:2

    أَحَسِبَ ٱلنَّاسُ أَن يُتْرَكُوٓا أَن يَقُولُوٓا ءَامَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُونَ

    Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?

    To get jannah was never going to be easy
    Even the prophets the best of mankind were tested.


    Allah Azzawajal Tested; Prophet Nuh With A Flood,
    Prophet Ibrahim With A Fire,
    Ya'qub With Blindness,
    Yousuf With Separation,
    Ayyub With Illness,
    Zakariyya With Loneliness,
    Musa With Tyrants,
    Harun With Betrayal,
    Sulayman With Kingdom And Dawud With War

    People outcasted the prophet. They called him a madman a soothsayer they hit hit ,stoned him until he was covered in blood. Allah took the lives of 6 of his children before Allah took his own life. He lost his parents his wife his uncle his kids (except fatima) before his own death.

    The prophets were tested to the point where the quran said

    Al-Baqarah 2:214

    أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُوا ٱلْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ ٱلَّذِينَ خَلَوْا مِن قَبْلِكُمۖ مَّسَّتْهُمُ ٱلْبَأْسَآءُ وَٱلضَّرَّآءُ وَزُلْزِلُوا حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ ٱلرَّسُولُ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا مَعَهُ*و مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ ٱللَّهِۗ أَلَآ إِنَّ نَصْرَ ٱللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ

    Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said,"When is the help of Allah ?" Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.

    These struggles your going through are tests from Allah. If you patient and persevere through them with righteousness then know that paradise will be yours for eternity. But you have to go through hardship first.

    Ash-Sharh 94:6

    إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

    Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.

    And Allah will not allow you to go through something that you cant handle. Be patient and know that if you are then your sins will be forgiven as the prophet said your sins can be forgiven by Allah when your tested even the prick of a thorn can lead to your sins being forgiven (this wasnt the word for word of what the hadith said but the gist of it )

    Look to Allah for everything from hope to hapiness. Some may have said it already but try sincerely open up to Allah pray and make duas to Allah and read quran in arabic and english so u know what Allah is telling you
    And persevere through these struggles. Dont give up on life. The shaytaan wants you to but dont give in. If you persevere then

    As-Saffat 37:42

    فَوَٰكِهُۖ وَهُم مُّكْرَمُونَ

    Fruits; and they will be honored

    As-Saffat 37:41

    أُولَٰٓئِكَ لَهُمْ رِزْقٌ مَّعْلُومٌ

    Those will have a provision determined -


    As-Saffat 37:44

    عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍ مُّتَقَٰبِلِينَ

    On thrones facing one another.

    As-Saffat 37:45

    يُطَافُ عَلَيْهِم بِكَأْسٍ مِّن مَّعِينٍۭ

    There will be circulated among them a cup [of wine] from a flowing spring,

    As-Saffat 37:46

    بَيْضَآءَ لَذَّةٍ لِّلشَّٰرِبِينَ

    White and delicious to the drinkers;
    As-Saffat 37:47

    لَا فِيهَا غَوْلٌ وَلَا هُمْ عَنْهَا يُنزَفُونَ

    No bad effect is there in it, nor from it will they be intoxicated.
    As-Saffat 37:48

    وَعِندَهُمْ قَٰصِرَٰتُ ٱلطَّرْفِ عِينٌ

    And with them will be women limiting [their] glances, with large, [beautiful] eyes,

    Az-Zumar 39:20

    لَٰكِنِ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّقَوْا رَبَّهُمْ لَهُمْ غُرَفٌ مِّن فَوْقِهَا غُرَفٌ مَّبْنِيَّةٌ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَٰرُۖ وَعْدَ ٱللَّهِۖ لَا يُخْلِفُ ٱللَّهُ ٱلْمِيعَادَ

    But those who have feared their Lord - for them are chambers, above them chambers built high, beneath which rivers flow. [This is] the promise of Allah . Allah does not fail in [His] promise.

    Az-Zukhruf 43:71

    يُطَافُ عَلَيْهِم بِصِحَافٍ مِّن ذَهَبٍ وَأَكْوَابٍۖ وَفِيهَا مَا تَشْتَهِيهِ ٱلْأَنفُسُ وَتَلَذُّ ٱلْأَعْيُنُۖ وَأَنتُمْ فِيهَا خَٰلِدُونَ

    Circulated among them will be plates and vessels of gold. And therein is whatever the souls desire and [what] delights the eyes, and you will abide therein eternally.

    So be patient and persevere

    And in regards to your sister
    this happens sometimes
    we know their religion is complete baatil
    i advice u to read quran a-z in arabic if u know the meaning if not whatever ur language is
    so u know what the quran says what Allah says what happened to your grandfather ibrahim yaqub ismail yusef
    your father muhammed saw
    Nooh alayhi salaam his own son went against him
    and he gave dawah to kuffar for over 900 years
    lut alayhi salaam his own wife went against him
    and even with muhammed saw his own uncle
    have sabr this is the life of a believer they are tested in every way
    keep giving dawah to your sister
    and watch videos about miracles of quran and how to give dawah to christians how to refute them and the contradictions in their books and learn more about your deen so you can become steadfast

    this is the life of a believer test after test if he wants high ranks in jannah
    and if hes chilling in this world alhamdullilah Allah blessed him but tests give opportunity to earn reward if u have sabr and gratitude to Allah

    i also advice you that when its possible for you
    to leave macdonalds as its not permissable to sell haram meat products
    When u can try to get a better job slowly either save up for university and go uni when your mindstate is better and maybe do a course that you find easier but do something beneficial and somethng that will get u a job
    otherwise if u can look for a job where u can just work your self up but make sure its halal

    if you need any advice never hesitate to ask


    • 2 likes

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    • #3
      Do u think its possible for you to come to the uk sister as a refugee life would be alot easier for you
      Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 06-08-18, 05:17 PM.

      Comment

      • #4
        Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
        Do u think its possible for you to come to the uk sister as a refugee life would be alot easier for you
        She's in a European country within the EU akhi, i think it said that in her old post. So, maybe there is a chance for her to come to the UK to study or another EU country, and start her studies again.

        Honestly, this post hurts me with sadness. Sis I'll make dua for you and your sister. Can I PM you sis, I have come from a similar situation to u sis.
        وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

        And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."

        أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

        Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].

        Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

        Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/
        • 3 likes

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        • #5
          Is there no way for the Muslims to donate to you?
          I am just a simple nomad.

          Ephemeral reader

          Comment

          • #6
            If u have a polish passport sister maybe u can migrate to another countrt such as germany or uk
            im sure peoole can helo with funds

            Comment

            • #7
              Your sister has made her choice. I will make dua asking Allah to keep your eeman firm in Him and make it easy for you to continue live Islam.
              You are not alone. Allah is always with the believers. You are part of big family, over a billion of us.
              We are not alone in our sorrows and joys. Allah is always with us.
              39:37-38 Isn't Allah sufficient for His servant ? And [yet], they threaten you with those [they worship] other than Him. And whoever Allah leaves astray - for him there is no guide. And whoever Allah guides - for him there is no misguidance. Isn't Allah Exalted in Might and Owner of Retribution?
              • 1 like

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              • #8
                Rather you threw yourself into darkness that was beyond your ability to manage assuming it was a test and now you cant find the way out into the light.

                Did not the biography advice backfire leading to the sisters catholicism and boyfriend?
                Causing distress and failure at university and dreams.
                Envying of the sister in deviation and joyful life for a fleeting moment, causing suicide and resulting in taking medication pills to suppress that depression.

                You did not ask for advice or help.

                The lesson to be learnt here, is to not engage in invitation (da'wah) until one clears oneself of all doubts first by studying the knowledge before sharing it.
                So that one knows how to counter arguments that could possibly arise (against one's nafs) before it becomes a problem and that is what I always do.

                I've a relative just like your sister and she was already in catholicism and enshrined her room with idols until I taught her what Abraham () once said to his people.
                That Allah () created us and what we do. - This made her use reason... and within a week, she threw away the idols.

                Only Allah () knows best.
                Last edited by tumbirs; 08-08-18, 09:35 PM.

                Comment

                • #9
                  So she came on here to type that all but does not want help?
                  Great.
                  ''If the bedouins and city dwellers were to fight between themselves until they wipe each other out, it will surely be less significant than them appointing a taghoot in the land which rules by that which is against the Shari'ah of Islaam which Allah sent his Messenger ﷺ with'' - Sheikh Sulayman bin Sahmaan

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Originally posted by tumbirs View Post
                    Rather you threw yourself into darkness that was beyond your ability to manage assuming it was a test and now you cant find the way out into the light.

                    Did not the biography advice backfire leading to the sisters catholicism and boyfriend?
                    Causing distress and failure at university and dreams.
                    Envying of the sister in deviation and joyful life for a fleeting moment, causing suicide and resulting in taking medication pills to suppress that depression.

                    You did not ask for advice or help.

                    The lesson to be learnt here, is to not engage in invitation (da'wah) until one clears oneself of all doubts first by studying the knowledge before sharing it.
                    So that one knows how to counter arguments that could possibly arise (against one's nafs) before it becomes a problem and that is what I always do.

                    I've a relative just like your sister and she was already in catholicism and enshrined her room with idols until I taught her what Abraham () once said to his people.
                    That Allah () created us and what we do. - This made her use reason... and within a week, she threw away the idols.

                    Only Allah () knows best.
                    Wheres your adaab

                    manners before knowledge

                    the sisters been through alot some stuff not even mentioned in the thread
                    fear Allah and give advice with kindness like the prophet saw
                    • 1 like

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by abufulaans View Post
                      So she came on here to type that all but does not want help?
                      Great.
                      Maybe shes busy working

                      Comment

                      • Fakhri
                        #11.1
                        Fakhri commented
                        09-08-18, 12:35 AM
                        Editing a comment
                        Not sure but br Abufulaans may have been replying to something in the post above his?
                        Last edited by Fakhri; 09-08-18, 05:26 AM.
                    • #12
                      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                      Wheres your adaab

                      manners before knowledge

                      the sisters been through alot some stuff not even mentioned in the thread
                      fear Allah and give advice with kindness like the prophet saw

                      I fear to lose the love of Allah ().
                      I seek forgiveness of Allah ().

                      @YoungMuslimah78 , I was harsh, forgive me sister I was in the wrong.
                      (peace be upon you)



                      • 1 like

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                      • #13
                        Some of you guys need to be careful with your words. She's already in a dark place and snarky comments won't help her at all. If you don't want to help then keep whatever comments you would have made to yourself.
                        "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
                        - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

                        Comment

                        • #14
                          Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post
                          Some of you guys need to be careful with your words. She's already in a dark place and snarky comments won't help her at all. If you don't want to help then keep whatever comments you would have made to yourself.
                          It's a forum, its much easier to say what you want and ignore what you want here.

                          It is not like we are infront of her, speaking.

                          ''If the bedouins and city dwellers were to fight between themselves until they wipe each other out, it will surely be less significant than them appointing a taghoot in the land which rules by that which is against the Shari'ah of Islaam which Allah sent his Messenger ﷺ with'' - Sheikh Sulayman bin Sahmaan

                          Comment

                          • #15
                            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                            Maybe shes busy working
                            Read what she said at the end of her post.
                            ''If the bedouins and city dwellers were to fight between themselves until they wipe each other out, it will surely be less significant than them appointing a taghoot in the land which rules by that which is against the Shari'ah of Islaam which Allah sent his Messenger ﷺ with'' - Sheikh Sulayman bin Sahmaan

                            Comment

                            • Abu julaybeeb
                              #15.1
                              Abu julaybeeb commented
                              09-08-18, 09:47 PM
                              Editing a comment
                              She just needs to let out abit
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