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My heart is DEAD no more faith. Is there hope?

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  • sadkid
    started a topic My heart is DEAD no more faith. Is there hope?

    My heart is DEAD no more faith. Is there hope?

    I've been struggling with hardships for the past 10 years since I was 14 and during that time I became very religious and close to Allah to the point that I was dedicated to Islam 100%. All the time whatever I did I was always thinking of God and praying 5 times and my life was happy even though I was suffering. My heart was filled with the joy islam and the hope for jannah. I felt like I had a purpose. My fear of God was high and I stayed away from haram to the best of my ability and was filled with love of quran and antthing to do with islam. Unfortunately in 2015 things started to get harder for me. I was getting sicker and sicker and my faith was being tested and becoming shakier. Although I still had iman in my heart and was still coping and praying and practising the religion. Then last year things took a turn for the worst and I began to get depressed and suicidal and I started getting angry with Allah and questioning him. "Why did he make me sick like this"? I started losing hope and eventually I woke up one morning and ALL MY IMAN WAS GONE!. I'm not kidding. All my love and hope for islam and God dissapeared overnight. I no longer had any desire to pray or do any action of Islam. My heart became empty and I no longer feel any sympathy, love or care about people and God. I spend the day sinning and watching girls and i have strong desire to sin and do every haram thing. Before every haram thing used to anger me and make me feel bad. Now it's the opposite. Everything that's haram I love and everything that's islamic I hate. I can't stand to listen to quran or see anything to do with islam. All I think about is satisfying my desires like sex and girls and money and food etc. Why did this happen?. How can I get my heart fixed and filled with iman again?. I tried to pray and repent for a few days but I just told myself that it's a waste of time God doesn't want me anymore. I know I'm a hypocrite and I read that hypocrites are doomed. So I always know that Islam is the truth but i'm scared that if I spend my whole life worshipping, what If on judgement day , God says you wasted your time I wont accept you because you are a munafiq. Should i just live my life and do what I want. or start Practising?. Will Allah even accpet me at this point?. I believe that Allah is the only God but I don't have any love for him or islam at this point. But I want to fix this and become how I used to be. Help.

  • Muslimah1436
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkid View Post
    I've been struggling with hardships for the past 10 years since I was 14 and during that time I became very religious and close to Allah to the point that I was dedicated to Islam 100%. All the time whatever I did I was always thinking of God and praying 5 times and my life was happy even though I was suffering. My heart was filled with the joy islam and the hope for jannah. I felt like I had a purpose. My fear of God was high and I stayed away from haram to the best of my ability and was filled with love of quran and antthing to do with islam. Unfortunately in 2015 things started to get harder for me. I was getting sicker and sicker and my faith was being tested and becoming shakier. Although I still had iman in my heart and was still coping and praying and practising the religion. Then last year things took a turn for the worst and I began to get depressed and suicidal and I started getting angry with Allah and questioning him. "Why did he make me sick like this"? I started losing hope and eventually I woke up one morning and ALL MY IMAN WAS GONE!. I'm not kidding. All my love and hope for islam and God dissapeared overnight. I no longer had any desire to pray or do any action of Islam. My heart became empty and I no longer feel any sympathy, love or care about people and God. I spend the day sinning and watching girls and i have strong desire to sin and do every haram thing. Before every haram thing used to anger me and make me feel bad. Now it's the opposite. Everything that's haram I love and everything that's islamic I hate. I can't stand to listen to quran or see anything to do with islam. All I think about is satisfying my desires like sex and girls and money and food etc. Why did this happen?. How can I get my heart fixed and filled with iman again?. I tried to pray and repent for a few days but I just told myself that it's a waste of time God doesn't want me anymore. I know I'm a hypocrite and I read that hypocrites are doomed. So I always know that Islam is the truth but i'm scared that if I spend my whole life worshipping, what If on judgement day , God says you wasted your time I wont accept you because you are a munafiq. Should i just live my life and do what I want. or start Practising?. Will Allah even accpet me at this point?. I believe that Allah is the only God but I don't have any love for him or islam at this point. But I want to fix this and become how I used to be. Help.
    Thank you for sharing this. It's made me realise that if any of us continue with negative thoughts instead of being patient and accepting Qadr, we could well lose the most important thing in our lives; that being Islam.

    Don't worry if there's no connection in your salah right now. Think of your heart as a stone. The more you water it, the more it will soften over time, in sha Allah.

    "Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient." [Quran 57:16]

    Don't feel like the sins you've done now are the be all and end all of your life. You are only being human. Just focus on how you want to return to Allah. Focus on the steps you need to take to improve your life and to return to our Creator in a good state.

    Leave a comment:


  • tumbirs
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkid View Post
    These two verses are describing me EXACTLY.
    Please read the context as the verses are misunderstood.

    Qur'an 89:15-20 - But as for a human, whenever his Sustainer tries him by His generosity and by letting him enjoy a life of ease, he says, “My Sustainer has been generous towards me”; whereas, whenever He tries him by tightening his means of livelihood, he says, “My Sustainer has disgraced me!” Nay! But you treat not the orphans with kindness and generosity. And urge not on the feeding of AlMiskin (the poor)! And you devour inheritance all with greed, And you love wealth with much love!

    Due to cause and effect, the consequences of his negligence of orphans, lead to the tightening of his livelihood and he assumes he was disgraced.

    (Example:
    Because he didn't care for the poor or the orphans, shortage of good workers caused tightening of his livelihood. Baraka / Quality of life.
    A king surrounded by dirty subjects is because he didn't share prosperity to them to be clean. In morden society that would be like brain drain.)

    https://legacy.quran.com/6/42-48
    I'll explain later.

    Only Allah () knows best.
    Last edited by tumbirs; 26-07-18, 10:35 AM.

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  • tumbirs
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkid View Post
    I find it hard to get motivation to pray because Im scared that Allah won't accept me and that I'm already going to hell so what's the point. How do I get motivation to pray and get rid of these thoughts?
    Sahih al-Bukhari 5999
    Narrated `Umar bin Al-Khattab:
    Some Sabi (i.e. war prisoners, children and woman only) were brought before the Prophet (ﷺ) and behold, a woman amongst them was milking her breasts to feed and whenever she found a child amongst the captives, she took it over her chest and nursed it (she had lost her child but later she found him) the Prophet said to us, "Do you think that this lady can throw her son in the fire?" We replied, "No, if she has the power not to throw it (in the fire)." The Prophet (ﷺ) then said, "Allah is more merciful to His slaves than this lady to her son."

    This universe is perfectly balanced, subject to cause and effect, from order to disorder and those are customs of Allah (), then what befalls someone is due to the works for those before him, around him, himself and those he influences. The ones that disrupt the balance are responsible.

    Qur'an 16:98 - When thou dost read the Qur'an, seek Allah's protection from Satan the rejected one.
    Qur'an 7:56 - And cause not corruption upon the earth after its reformation. And invoke Him in fear and aspiration. Indeed, the mercy of Allah is near to the doers of good.
    Qur'an 30:36 - And when We let the people taste mercy, they rejoice therein, but if evil afflicts them for what their hands have put forth, immediately they despair.
    Qur'an 8:51 - That is for what your hands have put forth [of evil] and because Allah is not ever unjust to His servants."
    Only Allah () knows best.
    Last edited by tumbirs; 26-07-18, 10:22 AM.

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  • tumbirs
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkid View Post
    And I just started praying 5 times a day yesterday but I don't feel any connection.
    For me the connection is that, Allah () created me, is actively creating me, what I do and say.

    Not a leaf falls but Allah () knows it, even the movements of my tongue as I recite, and I only need to know what I am saying.

    All I know is that Allah () is watching me. I do not worship anything in creation, not light, not even the kabah.
    The kabah is just a direction (qibla) for praying in unity and proof of allegiance to the messenger of Allah () but it must be maintained while not in a journey for non-fardh salah. And I only worship Allah (), the best of creators.

    Sahih al-Bukhari 400
    Narrated Jabir:
    Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) used to pray (optional, non-obligatory prayer) while riding on his mount (Rahila) wherever it turned, and whenever he wanted to pray the compulsory prayer he dismounted and prayed facing the Qibla.

    Only Allah () knows best.
    Last edited by tumbirs; 26-07-18, 11:35 AM.

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  • tumbirs
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkid View Post
    I don't get it. What's the real me that I concealed?. Can you explain this to me.
    A child does a tantrum for something it desires for social comformity while it is not a need nor of any benefit, and the parent try not to spoil the child least it grows up as a rebellious tyrant. The child hasn't learnt to control it's desires, rather than dealing with the problem the parents distract and misdirect the childs attention from what it desired, to make the child forget it. The child doesn't remember it so the desire is concealed but the root problem is not resolved. If that nature is not tamed by reason then it'll cause the child to grow up into a spendthrift with a false sense of materialistic comfort when it is actually seeking is contentment from a hunger that is not satisfied.

    My wicked nafs that desires is co-operative with me, as I reasoned with it that it'll get whatever it desires in Jannah, and it helps me against sinning and encourages me to pray for it wants all that it desires and would not settle for less as it is also greedy.

    And if I am tempted then I ask Allah () for what tempted me.

    Instincts are apart of us, such as thirst, hunger, temptation, lust, conformity, tend, befriend, self-defence, fear, etc. They need to be reasoned with.

    The concealed self is the subconsciousness that follows your intentions and desires and knows your conscious actions 5-7 seconds before you act, and has influence over your actions if left untamed to desires and is resolved by reasoning with it. Example: Athletes visualise what they will do in their minds and the subconsciousness prepares their intentions for action.

    Subliminal messages is what advertisers use to make people buy their products by utilising the subliminal stimuli to inform the one's desires rather than one's concious mind, to make the subconscious mind prepare one's actions for one's prefered choice ~6 seconds in advance without concious minds approval.
    Example: Your thirsty (desire), you want a drink (intention), there is so many drinks to choose from, an Ad appears for Pepsi but you was thinking water then something you desire was flashed that only the subconscious mind can see and you buy a Pepsi instead of water. This deceptive manipulation often works for untamed nafs and that is why advertising works.

    Read these article for further information:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuros...n_of_free_will
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sublim...and_television

    Only Allah () knows best.
    Last edited by tumbirs; 26-07-18, 07:25 AM.

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  • tumbirs
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkid View Post
    I started losing hope and eventually I woke up one morning and ALL MY IMAN WAS GONE!
    The belief in The Creator () is innate, we were born with it and it cannot be lost. And we'll be questioned in regards to it.

    Qur'an 16:98 - When thou dost read the Qur'an, seek Allah's protection from Satan the rejected one.

    Qur'an 17:67 - And when adversity touches you at sea, lost are [all] those you invoke except for Him. But when He delivers you to the land, you turn away [from Him]. And ever is man ungrateful.
    Only Allah () knows best.
    Last edited by tumbirs; 26-07-18, 12:15 AM.

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  • tumbirs
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkid View Post
    I was getting sicker and sicker and my faith was being tested and becoming shakier. Although I still had iman in my heart and was still coping and praying and practising the religion. Then last year things took a turn for the worst and I began to get depressed and suicidal and I started getting angry with Allah and questioning him. "Why did he make me sick like this"?
    Last year I was abroad and I had extreme difficulty in breathing, I was a single breath away from death and I did not once call upon the name of Allah () in vain, in anger or ask why, rather I was patient with what Allah () had decreed for me. It lasted 3 weeks before it settled but something went wrong after that, I had taken a single dose of black box antibiotic 'Levaquin' (levofloxacin) due to wrong advise, in turn it paralysed me for a week on top of my breathing problems. I had lost tendon collagens further affecting my health, even then... I did not curse my fate, rather I blamed myself for my neglect in not preparing myself for the worst and I regret in making erroneous choices. Alhamdulillah, I had recovered after 6 months of back aches.

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  • Fakhri
    commented on 's reply
    Salah is something we owe to our Creator (SWT). Persist with your Salah whether you feel the connection and tranquility or not... Eventually, the connection in your Salah will return inshaa'Allah.

  • sadkid
    replied
    Originally posted by tumbirs View Post
    It is not distorted, nothing happened to you, nor is your heart dead, nor that have no more faith, that is the real you that you concealed from yourself without reasoning with it or battling your nafs.

    I don't get it. What's the real me that I concealed?. Can you explain this to me. And I just started praying 5 times a day yesterday but I don't feel any connection. I find it hard to get motivation to pray because Im scared that Allah won't accept me and that I'm already going to hell so what's the point. How do I get motivation to pray and get rid of these thoughts?

    Leave a comment:


  • Fakhri
    commented on 's reply
    My beloved brother, the way your mind is at this time, shayaateen will make you see things in a way that isn't correct. You will interpret aayaat and apply them on yourself and be blinded to other aayaat... Iblis is without hope of forgiveness, he wants us to also feel this way and will try to make us feel this way while he himself knows it isn't true.

    You say those aayaat fit you perfectly. Have you looked at the tafseer of these aayaat, and the aayaat before and after? Has Allah Ta'aalaa seized you with destruction?

    (which translation did you provided above? It seems unusual...)



    Yes there is hope for you. You have to stop applying certain aayaat on yourself the way shayaateen would like you to.

    You've said your heart is dead.

    Allah Ta'aalaa revives the dead hearts:


    أَلَمْ يَأْنِ لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا أَنْ تَخْشَعَ قُلُوبُهُمْ لِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ وَمَا نَزَلَ مِنَ الْحَقِّ وَلَا يَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِنْ قَبْلُ فَطَالَ عَلَيْهِمُ الْأَمَدُ فَقَسَتْ قُلُوبُهُمْ ۖ وَكَثِيرٌ مِنْهُمْ فَاسِقُونَ

    "Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient."


    اعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ يُحْيِي الْأَرْضَ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهَا ۚ قَدْ بَيَّنَّا لَكُمُ الْآيَاتِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ

    "Know that Allah gives life to the earth after its lifelessness. We have made clear to you the signs; perhaps you will understand."

    -Sura Al-Hadid, Ayaat 16-17



    Tafseer Ibn Katheer:

    (Know that Allah gives life to the earth after its death! Indeed We have made clear the Ayat to you, if you but understand.) This Ayah indicates that He brings subtleness to hearts after they have become hard, guides the confused after they were led astray, and relieves hardships after they have intensified. And just as Allah brings life back to the dead and dry earth by sending the needed abundant rain, He also guides the hardened hearts with the proofs and evidences of the Qur'an. The light (of faith) would have access to the hearts once again, after they were closed and, as a consequence, no guidance was able to reach them. All praise is due to Him Who guides whomever He wills after they were misguided, Who misguides those who were led aright before. Surely, it is He Who does what He wills and He is the All-Wise, the Most Just in all that He does, the Most Subtle, the Most Aware, the Most High, the Proud.)

    You have hope, but if you choose to believe you don't, you yourself are placing yourself out of the rahmah and guidance of Allah Ta'aalaa. In that situation we only have ourselves to blame.

    It's possible that as a result of the anger you directed towards Allah Ta'aalaa, He has allowed you to fall into this state of confusion and feeling without hope.

    Make tawbah from despairing in Allah Ta'aalaa, and from these other sins. Perform your Salah, fulfil your obligations, engage in acts of good, it will likely take some time, but I'm quite sure, inshaa'Allah, you'll start find a sense of comfort and the feeling of acceptance again. Even if you fall short in places (you miss Salah, etc), make tawbah again and keep going.
    Last edited by Fakhri; 24-07-18, 03:39 AM.

  • tumbirs
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkid View Post
    [I]My understanding became distorted. Why is this happening to me?
    It is not distorted, nothing happened to you, nor is your heart dead, nor that have no more faith, that is the real you that you concealed from yourself without reasoning with it or battling your nafs.

    Last edited by tumbirs; 24-07-18, 05:20 AM.

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  • neelu
    replied
    As I said before, as long as you are alive there is hope because it means you have been given a chance to repent for whatever happened before... but it is up to you to repent and to turn to Allah (swt)- none of us can fix that for you, you have to do that bit yourself. You seem to define yourself a lot by your actions but it seems to me that first you need to fix the bigger core issue of accepting and embracing Islam. If you believe in it, then start by reciting the shahada with an understanding of its meaning. I know your background is Muslim and you were already practising before, but say it anyway as a fresh start. Even if you pushed yourself to pray, your actions will feel meaningless until and unless you get to grips with accepting and believing in Islam. This is why when a person wants to convert, he is not told to go and do salah first, he (or she) is told to declare shahada first and THEN learn to carry out the fard actions such as wudhu and salah.

    Bear in mind that we are not Christians. If you accept Islam and are convinced by it, that's great. Don't expect the entrance of some holy ghost, don't expect some spiritual high like your past has been cleansed etc- I mean if you do feel renewed like you're getting a fresh start then that's great, but if you don't feel that then don't become disheartened and don't let that put you off because the fact that in your mind and heart you've already made that declaration of shahada and are convinced by it, that is enough of a start as a statement of iman. Then the next thing is avoid sins, avoid haram things and if you like, try to find halal things to pass the time with. If you can't bear to listen to Quran or watch lectures then at least don't preoccupy your time with haram things and find something better to do like a hobby such as reading, sports, gardening, creative writing, travelling or whatever else that is halal and keeps you busy with stuff that keeps you away from whatever haram you were thinking about before. Do whatever fards you can and make sincere dua to do better, but if you are lacking one day and can't complete all your prayers then don't let that put you off from trying again and shaytan will tell you that your efforts are so inadequate that you will never be forgiven.... but bear in mind Allah (swt) forgave a prostitute for giving water to a thirsty dog and Allah (swt) forgave Khalid bin Walid who killed so many Muslims, even Sahaba (ra) so do you really think your mere inclinations towards wrongdoing are as "unforgiveable" as that? That is only shaytan trying to convince you to abandon your deen and Allah (swt) tests those He loves, so even the Prophets have been tested with such whispers and temptations.

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  • tumbirs
    replied
    Originally posted by sadkid View Post
    [I]So my question is, is there hope for someone like me?. Are the people in these verses doomed or do they have a chance?
    When thou dost read the Qur'an, seek Allah's protection from Satan the rejected one. (Qur'an 16:98)

    Say, "Have you considered: if Allah should take away your hearing and your sight and set a seal upon your hearts, which deity other than Allah could bring them [back] to you?" Look how we diversify the verses; then they [still] turn away. (Qur'an 6:46)

    Say, "Have you considered: if the punishment of Allah should come to you unexpectedly or manifestly, will any be destroyed but the wrongdoing people?" (Qur'an 6:47)

    And We send not the messengers except as bringers of good tidings and warners. So whoever believes and reforms - there will be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve. (Qur'an 6:48)


    Bulugh al-Maram Hadith 1222
    Ibn 'Umar (RAA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
    "Avoid these filthy practices which Allah, the Almighty has prohibited. He who commits any of these, should conceal with Allah's Most High Veil (i.e. should not speak about it), and should turn to Allah, the Most High in repentance, for if anyone uncovers his hidden sins (to us), we shall inflict on him the punishment prescribed by Allah, the Al-Mighty.

    Sunan Ibn Majah Hadith 2227
    It was narrated from Jabir bin 'Abdullah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
    "O people, fear Allah and be moderate in seeking a living, for no soul will die until it has received all its provision, even if it is slow in coming. So fear Allah and be moderate in seeking provision; take that which is permissible and leave that which is forbidden. "

    Sahih al-Bukhari 5673
    Narrated Abu Huraira:
    I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saying, "The good deeds of any person will not make him enter Paradise." (i.e., None can enter Paradise through his good deeds.) They (the Prophet's companions) said, 'Not even you, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)?' He said, "Not even myself, unless Allah bestows His favor and mercy on me." So be moderate in your religious deeds and do the deeds that are within your ability: and none of you should wish for death, for if he is a good doer, he may increase his good deeds, and if he is an evil doer, he may repent to Allah."

    Only Allah () knows best.
    Last edited by tumbirs; 22-07-18, 08:35 AM.

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  • whisperofimaan
    replied
    Of course there is hope for you. Giving up completely and having no hope in Allah SWT is a sin. Allah is the Most Merciful. Sounds like Shaytaan is really trying to get the best of you.

    Where is your family? Change your surroundings if you need to. Find someone to study under. Make the Quraan your best friend.

    However, you need to understand one thing.. YOU need to start this change for yourself. No one will do it for you. Remember that inshaAllah.

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