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Hatred for parents - advice please

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  • Hatred for parents - advice please

    Salam Alakium,

    when i was 14 year old I got Hodgkin's lymphoma and I am 26 years old now. The disease kept coming back and I have symtoms of it since last 7 years and I feel really sick recently and large mass in my breast.

    I am stilling living with my parents and don't work. I am trying to earn money online since it's hard to work in the public and I didn't finish school due to my health.

    My my mom knows I have large mass and all these symtoms and I tell her all the time what I feel. I have really bad tightness in my lungs and it gets worse with hot weather.

    Their AC is broken and I kept telling my mom to tell my dad to call guy to refill the freon for a week before the 90 degree day was coming and it hurts my lungs. She would say we need to get someone to do that and fix the water heater but was doing zero effort to even look.

    The he hot day comes and I feel like I am gonna suffocate to death from my lungs. Btw I did radiation in my chest and some in my lung because there was a tumors in it.

    My my fake parents know all this since they took me to the doctor they know all this. This happens every summer and they know it hurts me. Dispite that I see no care. One summer there was nothing wrong with the AC and she refuse to turn on the AC even though I kept telling her I can't breathe and asking her to turn it on. I also told her big spray hurts my lungs and I already couldn't breathe and she goes and sprays bug spray while I am in the living room and she's on the stairs but the air makes the smell spread so I can still smell it and I already felt like my lungs were gonna rip. And I couldn't breathe and I told her a lot. Still no regard or care.

    all the while I stopped going to the doctor and tried to treat my condition naturally. My ugly parets don't care about me and I hate them from the very soul. Dispite what they did to me I still would make dua for them and feel sad when she cried or something.

    In the winter it's extreame cold in Minnesota and I stay in my room all day and don't go anywhere and feel like I am gonna lose my mind. They don't bother to offer me to go anywhere - they don't give a about me. They are busy but it doesn't matter they know what kind of health I have.

    Just today, I was trying to do something to earn money on the computer and she tells my ugly sister turn the light off I want to sleep. And I am standing there trying to use the computer. That's how much total disregard she has.

    And before that she was looking at the water bill and said to my younger sister who is a pig and has zero care for me and I pray she gets sick as a punishment for not showing any regard for me, - look how much this is; it's because they use hot water to burn their asses with hot water. She is referring to me because I told her I use very hot water because my skin is itchy from the symtoms of the cancer. My pig sister said let them pay for it, referring to me. My mom said they don't pay, we pay, me and dad they live for free. I pray for the day my sister gets cancer because she showed zero care when I got sick. Let us see if she will pay for her bills when she gets cancer.

    Was that something to say towards someone with cancer and you know they have it and are not even going to the doctor for it but trying to treat it myself. I sware to god she has never asked me, how do you feel or are you okay. Maybe twice in all my life.

    They made me sick, I always got sick durning school year with cold and flus and they never took me to the doctor and i didn't hate appitiate to eat so I kept sicker and skinny until I got Hodgkin's disease.

    I kept over over toooking all this bull but I finally realized enough is enough. I curse her a lot in my mind and out loud and my dad sometimes but Allah curses me 10 times anytime I do that as a Hadith says and I always get sleep paralysis when I do this.

    While I am writing this she comes in and gives me a plate or grapes and peeled apples she did for me which she does for me without washing her hands or she dig in the garbage and goes to touch my food and prepare it not just me but everyone so the point is she does some good things if that is what you call good but I feel it's the last staw and I want to leave this house and don't really want to see them anymore. When she travels i always miss her and cry but they did too much to hurt me. She considers good enough you live free and we support you for all these years. Yes but I got sick because of you. Your stupidity and neglect made me sick. Your crap life style and cold state made me sick. You didn't help me with a education or skills or anything you just let me sink. I hate them and will never forgive them. I will ask forgiveness for cursing them but only for fear of Allah's punishment not because I love them. Every bit of love and chances I have them is gone. It's over. I will also try to treat them good. I gave my mom a card and some money two days ago but inside I curse her and have deep hate still.

    I can't even breathe while I write this.
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