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Fatje

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  • Fatje

    Asalamu'alikum​, I've been recently revealed that my father had performed a nikah and may have also fathered a child with a kafir woman some twenty years back. Needless to say I feel betrayed and hurt. My mom said she knew about the nikah and only stuck along for me and my sisters future. As for my father, my mother says the other woman had practised black magic and manipulated my dad. This other woman is extremely low standard and now that I remember would be inherited often and come to our house and create a scene. My parents would​ make some excuse and we would eventually forget about this. Here in India having an extramarital affair is a big thing let alone another​ nikah. Also I don't understand how my father could stoop so low. He dosen't visit them any more and whishes to put all this behind him. My mom wouldn't tell me anymore​ as she was embarrassed. What is the Islamic ruling on such things and should I forgive and forget now. Please advise.
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    Last edited by techno_chrat; 17-05-18, 12:24 PM.

  • #2
    What has this got to do with you forgiving him? That is your father's life, he had his nikah so she wasn't some side chick. She was his second wife. I don't know why your parents lied to you, they should have told you when you were old enough to understand...

    I know a family who are going through the same thing and it has destroyed their children because he didn't disclose to them that he had another wife and kids. Can you imagine how your father's other kids feel? What kind of man doesn't visit his own family and kids.
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

    Comment


    • #3
      Very sorry about the messed up situation

      These men....May Allah guide this ummah. Ameen

      He has a responsibility to provide for his other kids. I would have said much more but I'm going to restrain myself.

      I don't know what to say. He is your blood unfortunately and you have to respect him.

      Just protect yourself and your own house from any sihr.

      I hope someone else can help as I am very confused about polygamy and how people create a mess with it.
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by shay5 View Post
        What has this got to do with you forgiving him? That is your father's life, he had his nikah so she wasn't some side chick. She was his second wife. I don't know why your parents lied to you, they should have told you when you were old enough to understand...

        I know a family who are going through the same thing and it has destroyed their children because he didn't disclose to them that he had another wife and kids. Can you imagine how your father's other kids feel? What kind of man doesn't visit his own family and kids.
        The relationship that I have with him atleast gives me the right to be angry at him for hiding this all along. He did have a nikah but she was a kafir woman, she hasn't accepted Islam. If it were with a pious muslim woman with keeping everyone in light I wouldn't have complained. I hate to say this about any woman but this other woman is promiscuous and extremely cruel and has been harrassing my parents and extorting money since long. My father is not ready for a maternity or DNA test. All we know the kid could have been someone else's. I'm in such a fix right now.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
          Very sorry about the messed up situation

          These men....May Allah guide this ummah. Ameen

          He has a responsibility to provide for his other kids. I would have said much more but I'm going to restrain myself.

          I don't know what to say. He is your blood unfortunately and you have to respect him.

          Just protect yourself and your own house from any sihr.

          I hope someone else can help as I am very confused about polygamy and how people create a mess with it.
          I do not know if this nikah was even valid as the woman is hindu. I wouldn't mind if it were a practicing muslim woman. My father has a wierd temperament and he gives in to emotional pressure immediately so i don't know if the child is his for sure. Given how vulnerable he is right now I'm scared that for his health and don't ask him much.
          ​​​​
          ​​​​​

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post

            I do not know if this nikah was even valid as the woman is hindu. I wouldn't mind if it were a practicing muslim woman. My father has a wierd temperament and he gives in to emotional pressure immediately so i don't know if the child is his for sure. Given how vulnerable he is right now I'm scared that for his health and don't ask him much.
            ​​​​
            ​​​​​
            From what I know it can't be valid, she is a mushrikeen.
            It's only the ahlul kitab that men can marry, like a Jew or a Christian who do NOT believe in shirk. The NUMBER ONE major sin, the one that is almost unforgivable.

            So him skipping off to marry a Hindu is him contradicting his religion.

            Don't worry about his health, I'd say worry about his akhira and may be influence him with religion so it softens his heart and he repents.

            I suppose there is not much you can do by asking, I understand you are curious. Any child would be.

            It's quite disturbing, we hear stories of disbelievers having kids they don't know about or siblings finding another sibling on the other side of the country.

            Polygamy is supposed to be positive but the way 'men' take advantage of it due to their lust is an INSULT to our religion.

            Obviously non Muslims will mock our religion because our own muslims insult their OWN religion.

            Don't stress, take care of yourself, your iman, your siblings, your mum and protect your family from evil.

            Make dua for the whole ummah

            All the best sister


            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
              The relationship that I have with him atleast gives me the right to be angry at him for hiding this all along. He did have a nikah but she was a kafir woman, she hasn't accepted Islam. If it were with a pious muslim woman with keeping everyone in light I wouldn't have complained. I hate to say this about any woman but this other woman is promiscuous and extremely cruel and has been harrassing my parents and extorting money since long. My father is not ready for a maternity or DNA test. All we know the kid could have been someone else's. I'm in such a fix right now.
              Sorry sis but I can't help but think that he does something appalling but makes sure he does a 'nikah'

              To 'halalify' the marriage I guess

              That's got to be some joke. Wait for him to get better because if the other woman is causing problems for your family he has to sort it out.

              She is his problem. Don't give him any money, he might give it to her. Be cautious.

              He was in great health when he got married so I am sure a DNA test will not require him to do much. Give him some time though. It's mainly his problem and he has to see what he has done wrong.

              Also, don't forget, she's not 'harassing' him, she's still your dad's 'wife'.
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post

                I do not know if this nikah was even valid as the woman is hindu. I wouldn't mind if it were a practicing muslim woman. My father has a wierd temperament and he gives in to emotional pressure immediately so i don't know if the child is his for sure. Given how vulnerable he is right now I'm scared that for his health and don't ask him much.
                ​​​​
                ​​​​​
                I see, well then yes you have every right to be angry that you have a fornicator for a father. Have you not confronted him ? Also your father is at fault for letting her extort your family and putting your mother through misery. What does your mother say in all this?
                Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

                  From what I know it can't be valid, she is a mushrikeen.
                  It's only the ahlul kitab that men can marry, like a Jew or a Christian who do NOT believe in shirk. The NUMBER ONE major sin, the one that is almost unforgivable.

                  So him skipping off to marry a Hindu is him contradicting his religion.

                  Don't worry about his health, I'd say worry about his akhira and may be influence him with religion so it softens his heart and he repents.

                  I suppose there is not much you can do by asking, I understand you are curious. Any child would be.

                  It's quite disturbing, we hear stories of disbelievers having kids they don't know about or siblings finding another sibling on the other side of the country.

                  Polygamy is supposed to be positive but the way 'men' take advantage of it due to their lust is an INSULT to our religion.

                  Obviously non Muslims will mock our religion because our own muslims insult their OWN religion.

                  Don't stress, take care of yourself, your iman, your siblings, your mum and protect your family from evil.

                  Make dua for the whole ummah

                  All the best sister

                  Firstly, I'm a guy a rather sensitive one at that. Lol don't know why everybody here is thinking otherwise. I don't know the whole marriage feels like a sham. I don't know what the situation might have been 20 years back. People here in India still tend to look at polygamy as something very wrong and the conservative family that I come from my father must have been really high to marry a kafir. All I'm doing right now is trying to keep the family together. May Allah swt grant me and everyone strength to face such difficulties

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

                    Sorry sis but I can't help but think that he does something appalling but makes sure he does a 'nikah'

                    To 'halalify' the marriage I guess

                    That's got to be some joke. Wait for him to get better because if the other woman is causing problems for your family he has to sort it out.

                    She is his problem. Don't give him any money, he might give it to her. Be cautious.

                    He was in great health when he got married so I am sure a DNA test will not require him to do much. Give him some time though. It's mainly his problem and he has to see what he has done wrong.

                    Also, don't forget, she's not 'harassing' him, she's still your dad's 'wife'.
                    I'm a guy. I don't know if it was just a fling or he actually fell for her either ways no practicing muslim in his right senses will do this. He is under immense mental stress and Alhamdu'lilah money is not a big issue. But the emotional damage to me and my sis is irreparable. I'm not sure if the marriage was valid but I know for a fact that the woman is not a muslim. It also hurts me to see him in such a state, but I think it's better to let him face this all alone.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                      I see, well then yes you have every right to be angry that you have a fornicator for a father. Have you not confronted him ? Also your father is at fault for letting her extort your family and putting your mother through misery. What does your mother say in all this?
                      ​​​​​My father is not really the confroning types, we don't share a bond like that. And I know his reaction would be that he accepts that he has made a mistake and ready to face it's consequences. My mother has made it clear that she had stood by him then and will stand by him now. I just don't want her to suffer anymore

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        He has to decide if he wants to stay with her.

                        Is she interested in Islam?

                        You have to get in touch with a reliable sheikh and find out if this nikah is valid (it can't be, she is Hindu, committing shirk)

                        If it's not he'll have to end it

                        What I don't know is if he is obliged to provide for them after

                        If he is ready to face the consequences then he should fix this before things worsen.

                        Your dad is blessed because of your mum, not all women would tolerate such behaviour, they would curse a husband like that and only stay because of kids and the Indian culture (unsupportive towards women, no helping hand at all)


                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post

                          ​​​​​My father is not really the confroning types, we don't share a bond like that. And I know his reaction would be that he accepts that he has made a mistake and ready to face it's consequences. My mother has made it clear that she had stood by him then and will stand by him now. I just don't want her to suffer anymore
                          Your mother should get checked for diseases. You said the other woman was promiscuous..who knows what was passed on..
                          Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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