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Raped by friend of my brother

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  • Raped by friend of my brother

    Assalamu alaykum,

    I am going through big difficulties and dilemmas because of a terrible incident last weekend. I am not able to understand what Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) wants me to do, therefore I would insh'Allah want the guidance of brothers and sisters with a deeper insight in Islam.

    The case is that last Friday, our parents had left the house to go on a weekend trip. My big brother, who unfortunately does not live fully by the Qur'an and drinks alcohol, had brought some friends over to drink and party. I stayed in my room upstairs to study and watch TV.

    The boys downstairs got very drunk and at 11.30 I had to tell them to go somewhere else because (1) my brother was doing haraam again, and (2) I had to sleep.

    They left the house. Then, in the middle of the night, I wake up because someone was performing a sexual act on me. It was my brother's friend who was very drunk and he was inside me. I immediately screamed, pushed him away and shouted for my brother. I told him what happened and thankfully he reacted very angrily, he threw his friend out of our house and tried to comfort me even though he was drunk.

    I got up soon after and did ghusl. The next day, I went to the police to report the rape.

    However, my parents, friends and family don't know anything about this. If I tell them they will know my brother uses the house to party and drink alcohol while they are away, something he doesn't want me to tell because he's scared he will be thrown out without financial support.

    Then they will also suspect me of having drunk alcohol and having committed zina. There is also the problem of me having lost the hymen, especially because my parents have found a potential husband for me in a friend couple's son, I have met him and there might be a marriage proposal soon.

    I ask you to please insh'allah help me figure out what to do. I have been crying a lot the last days.

    Jazak'allah.

  • #2
    Bump

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    • #3
      You shouldn't worry about if your brother gets in trouble. He is doing something completely haram and he's the reason why those guys where in your house in the first place. If your parents know about his terrible habits then maybe they could help him get better and stop this terrible sin. And if he does get kicked out then at least that danger will be away from you so it never happens again. If your brother getting in trouble is an issue for you, then it shouldn't be, because he deserves whatever terrible thing happens to him.

      Honestly, I don't know what you should do about everything else. This is a really difficult situation. Even though it wasn't your fault, I know that some parents won't believe that. But on the other hand, they may actually believe you and they will make sure that nothing like this ever happens again and they may support you through this.


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      • #4
        Bump

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        • #5
          Lets all make dua for this sister. May Allah give you justice sis and extend your blessings in this life and the next, and help you to heal from this sad incident, ameen.
          وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

          And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


          أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

          Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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          • #6
            Sorry to hear that you have gone through such a harrowing experience....you were right to report it..(as many women don't).I am a bit troubled and confused by your story...

            1) You say your brother knows you were raped but only chucked the guy out....that doesn't sound normal..what happened once he sobered up...didn't he go beat the crap out the guy?
            2) You were violated yet you want to protect your brother who brought this devil into your home. Where is the anger?

            If you don't tell your parents about the rape (I think you should) then you need to find a friend who you can trust, do not go through this alone. You're enabling your brother by not informing your parents of his behaviour. He is already drinking and doing drugs, if he is thrown out maybe he will get his act together

            Stop protecting him!

            Your parents won't suspect you of any wrong doing...the only thing they will be upset about is that you didn't trust them enough to tell them all this...also it doesn't matter about the hymen, that's all backwards cultural stuff. a hymen can be stretched by riding a bike, doing sports etc so do not focus on that. Focus on your recovery and healing. See your doctor for any other issues...

            (Also you said you did ghusl, if you have the clothes from that night, do not wash them...you may need them to provide evidence..)
            Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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            • #7
              Your brother should be the least of your concerns, after everything that's happened.

              Tell your parents exactly what happened. You can't hide something like this and they ought to know what kind of disgusting animal they have for a son. Brothers should be protecting their sisters and their honour, not bringing filth into the house and making them vulnerable and susceptible to harm.

              Drunk or not - there is no excuse for his behaviour. By covering up for him, you are making him worse. Tell your parents and let him deal with the repercussions.

              As for your potential marriage proposal - you can be open and tell them the truth. You are chaste and have nothing to hide, so if they do cast aspersions on your character then they will be at fault. Have faith in Allaah and He will bring you relief from this. In Shaa Allaah.

              You should also see the Doctor. Get yourself checked out for any possible pregnancy or transmission of diseases.

              Is the culprit a Muslim? Or Kaafir? Let the Police/Courts deal with him. It must have taken a great deal of courage to even report it.

              Stay strong sis. You have done nothing wrong - have faith.

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              • #8
                Jazak'allah khayr. Thank you very much for your responses and du'aat.

                I will insh'allah tell my parents this evening. As for the clothes I will insh'allah bring the pyjamas I wore to the police, good tip. I now remember that it is recommended that you don't shower after an incident like this because they can find semen and other DNA, but I was so disgusted I felt the need to immediately do ghusl and also had to do salat al-fajr before going to the police anyway.

                Still, the police have questioned me, my brother and the perpetrator and he has been formally charged. My brother also reassured me that he will not be his friend anymore, and also told his parents that their son had raped my brother's sister. My brother also says that this was an eye-opener for him, and he would insh'allah stop drinking alcohol and partying, alhamdulillah.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Habibrasool98 View Post
                  Jazak'allah khayr. Thank you very much for your responses and du'aat.

                  I will insh'allah tell my parents this evening. As for the clothes I will insh'allah bring the pyjamas I wore to the police, good tip. I now remember that it is recommended that you don't shower after an incident like this because they can find semen and other DNA, but I was so disgusted I felt the need to immediately do ghusl and also had to do salat al-fajr before going to the police anyway.

                  Still, the police have questioned me, my brother and the perpetrator and he has been formally charged. My brother also reassured me that he will not be his friend anymore, and also told his parents that their son had raped my brother's sister. My brother also says that this was an eye-opener for him, and he would insh'allah stop drinking alcohol and partying, alhamdulillah.
                  I am sure the police would have told you that, didn't you get checked? That's the normal procedure.

                  Lock your bedroom door too. With friends like that, you never know who is walking in and out of your house. It's always important to keep a weapon near your bed.
                  Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                    Bump
                    Stop doing that.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post

                      Stop doing that.
                      I was only trying to get people to respond as its an important question

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Get in touch with some organisations and talk to people on forums, you need a lot of support after going through such a traumatic experience. This is one of the biggest violation against a woman's body.
                        ​​​
                        What a filthy animal. As for your brother, he has to learn his lesson, don't protect him, protect yourself for all the right reasons. Rape is a heinous act, it's pure evil and the one who carries it out should suffer immensely.

                        It might take time for you to believe that this has happened to you, you might experience anxiety, depression or confusion, so in sha Allah start talking to people who have gone through the same and they can advise you. The police should have given you some helpful numbers.

                        I agree with what everyone else has said. Although this is very difficult for you, you must tell your parents. They need to know, keeping this a secret will just damage you mentally, how long will you suffer, you need to live your life, not be trapped with a horrible secret.

                        May Allah subhana wa ta ala keep you safe, give you courage to overcome this horrible incident and make it easy for you and help you find happiness and peace. Ameen
                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                          I was only trying to get people to respond as its an important question
                          You bumped the thread when it was already at the top.

                          Also, it's not wise to rally random people in order address important questions.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                            I am sure the police would have told you that, didn't you get checked? That's the normal procedure.

                            Lock your bedroom door too. With friends like that, you never know who is walking in and out of your house. It's always important to keep a weapon near your bed.
                            The policeman asked me whether I had showered after the incident, I said yes, then he said "ok, if you hadn't, the police doctor could have found DNA, there might still be a chance of finding some though, should I book an appointment for you?"

                            I decided not to, because he said the chance was very low of finding DNA and I would have to go to the central police station. He said it was not a big deal because I had witnesses (my brother and his friends).

                            Anyway, I talked to my parents, they were very sad and supportive, and believed what I said, alhamdulillah. My brother admitted at the same time everything and cried. He did tawbah and our parents were not angry, alhamdulillah, just said this was a big lesson that must never happen again. Finally we all did dua for my brother's guidance to the right path and repentance of his sin, for my well-being and the justice of the perpetrator, and for our family keeping together in good and bad forever, subhan'allah.

                            I am so glad for the help of you, brothers and sisters in Islam, for helping me and my family to feel the infinite mercy and help of Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala).

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Habibrasool98 View Post

                              The policeman asked me whether I had showered after the incident, I said yes, then he said "ok, if you hadn't, the police doctor could have found DNA, there might still be a chance of finding some though, should I book an appointment for you?"

                              I decided not to, because he said the chance was very low of finding DNA and I would have to go to the central police station. He said it was not a big deal because I had witnesses (my brother and his friends).

                              Anyway, I talked to my parents, they were very sad and supportive, and believed what I said, alhamdulillah. My brother admitted at the same time everything and cried. He did tawbah and our parents were not angry, alhamdulillah, just said this was a big lesson that must never happen again. Finally we all did dua for my brother's guidance to the right path and repentance of his sin, for my well-being and the justice of the perpetrator, and for our family keeping together in good and bad forever, subhan'allah.

                              I am so glad for the help of you, brothers and sisters in Islam, for helping me and my family to feel the infinite mercy and help of Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala).
                              Alhamdulillaah. May Allaah protect you and keep you firm. Aameen.

                              I'm amazed at how calm you are - considering the situation. May Allaah reward you for your patience.

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