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    Assalamalaikum,

    I am feeling really down. My sister smokes and has drank in the past. She lies to my parents and to my sisters as well. When my parents found out she got into a lot of trouble, but they had trouble trusting her then. She continued to lie and we have found that she did not stop smoking. We haven' told our parents again. I'm so upset because my parents don' deserve this. I now always think of how much easier it would of been if she wasn't born. Please help. I've prayed but I'm filled with so much sadness. What did me and my parents do to deserve this? I can't stop crying.

    thank you

  • #2
    Sorry I'm new to this

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    • #3
      Walakum asalam,

      there's probably a reason why she's acting this way. It could be a cry for help. I know it can be tough when you have a rebellious sibling.

      my eldest sister caused some trouble in her youth as well but I had this sibling loyalty thing which made me never tell on her because I knew that she would get into so much trouble if I did. In my case, I think that I made the right choice of not telling because it made her feel like she had someone on her side. Don't encourage bad behaviour bit also, don't leave her alone.

      i don't know what your sister is like or what she requires to get better but try to figure it out and fix it from there. Maybe she wants people to pay attention to her. Wanting attention isn't always some ego problem, she could genuinely feel very neglected. Especially now. Wishing that she wasn't even born is making the problem worse. She will never get better if she feels like her own family wishes they never knew her. Keep praying and be very patient. I hope it all gets better.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Rosegold View Post
        Assalamalaikum,

        I am feeling really down. My sister smokes and has drank in the past. She lies to my parents and to my sisters as well. When my parents found out she got into a lot of trouble, but they had trouble trusting her then. She continued to lie and we have found that she did not stop smoking. We haven' told our parents again. I'm so upset because my parents don' deserve this. I now always think of how much easier it would of been if she wasn't born. Please help. I've prayed but I'm filled with so much sadness. What did me and my parents do to deserve this? I can't stop crying.

        thank you
        Wa alaykumussalaam,

        Think instead about what did your sister do to deserve to get to a point where she has to drink and smoke instead of talking to you about it or your parents? Its a rhetorical question. Go and talk such that you listen to your sister. She did something bad, remind her of Allah's forgiveness and punishment. Show her that you still believe that she can repent because she is still alive.

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        • #5
          W salaam,

          Relax sister. What she is doing is clearly wrong and absolutely haraam.
          BUT, you need to be there for your sister.
          There are reasons why people do this, it can be from peer pressure, influence from media, social media, rebellious nature.

          Keep an eye on your sister, monitor how she behaves and try to speak to her to find out what is going on.
          It could be a group she has fallen in with.

          But be careful, not to 'Pull' her too much.
          She will push back.
          Questions are th best way of reflection, just prompting questions like why do you drink, or how long will you drink for and the same with smoking
          Prompt her to reflect onto doing the things she is doing.

          At the same time, try to substitute her behavior with other activites.
          Sport, cardio, gym, etc.
          Sit and talk with her.
          Go for a walk with each other

          Give yourself sometime and see if anything works and if it doesn't you have to speak to your parents.
          Speak to them and talk about how you can help her.
          As a family you might be able to help her without being confrontational.

          Remember, life is a test. This might be hers.
          And also remember that she could become a better person from this if she is helped.

          Salaam, take care.

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