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"You Are Like My Son"

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  • "You Are Like My Son"

    Often in SE Asian cultures, some daughters are reffered to as being like the "sons" of the family - as though being a son is the ideal, and as a daughter you somehow are lacking - but if you exhibit "son like" qualities (whatever those are :confused: stuff like courage, honesty, compassion, bravery, support? Aren't they more human qualities as opposed to gender specific :confused: ) then it will often be said to you, or to others, "you are like (the equivalent of) my son".

    Sometimes if a family as no sons, then people will feel sorry for you ( :wacko: ) and then you may get the "my daughters are like my sons" comment.

    Comments on this please. Have you seen this happen? Why is this often the case?

    Is being a son the "ideal" and anything else isn't up to scratch in comparison? What do you think is meant by the above statement?

    Why does it need to be said by those to others who may pay pity (weirdos) onto those who have no sons?
    You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

    ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

  • #2
    Re: "You Are Like My Son"

    I think in many cases it may refer to the daughters taking on responsibilities that would typically fall on the son. Stuff like looking after the parents in old age, financially supporting them etc.

    Usually the daughter after having been married off, would not do these things, it would be the sons job. I guess this comment comes about when the daughter does what they would expect off the son.
    My Lord, my trust in all Your purposes is strong, That trust is now my shield; I'm safe, and undeceived.- Ali bin Husayn al-Habshi

    Real forsaking is forgetting the thing forsaken.- Shaykh al-Shadhili

    Live as long as you wish, you shall die. Love whatever you wish, you shall be separated from it. Do whatever you wish, you shall be rewarded for it. - Jibreel (as)

    ياَ أَبَا اَلزَّهْرَاء وَلَّذِي صَانَكْ- لاَتُخَيِّبْنَا يَا سِيْدِي نَحْنُ ضِيْفَانَكْ
    O father of Zahra, for the sake of the One who protected you,
    Please do not leave us disappointed, O master, we are your guests. - Shaykh Ahmad al-Alawi (rh)

    أَنتَ رَبّي وَ عِلْمُكَ حَسْبِيْ. فَنِعْمَ الرَّبُّ رَبِّي وَ نِعْمَ الحَسْبُ حَسْبِيْ.ـ حِزْبُ البَحْر

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    • #3
      Re: "You Are Like My Son"

      Hear it ALL the time from one of my relatives. She has no sons and in nearly every gathering starts talking about how her daughters are not less than anyones sons blah blah blah.

      Its really annoying. My mother never chats about us to anyone - never says how her sons do x,y,z for her or how we look after her (whether we do or not aint the point, point is my mum doesnt deem it important to make her sons seem like gold to everyone) but why do other people not act like that?

      but ppl never understand.

      And abt community think badly if u only have daughters. That really bugs me aswell. Someones wife once said that she only wants sons and that she'd miscarry any daughters :shock:. bang out of order :slaaaaaaaaaap:


      my Naani had 3 daughters and people would pity her - now for some reason all my Naanis daughters have only had boys. On my moms side we're all boys, not even one girl. People shut up now **roll eyes**
      Last edited by Medievalist; 25-01-07, 08:20 PM.
      Rajab is a month of cultivation

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: "You Are Like My Son"

        And no one refers their Son like being their daughters .
        By the Time! Man is surely in loss, except those who believed and did good works, and exhorted one another to Truth, and exhorted one another to patience.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: "You Are Like My Son"

          Originally posted by alld View Post
          And no one refers their Son like being their daughters .
          :rotfl:
          Rajab is a month of cultivation

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: "You Are Like My Son"

            Is the remark almost not apologetic in its nature?
            You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

            ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: "You Are Like My Son"

              Originally posted by Ebony View Post
              Is the remark almost not apologetic in its nature?
              I think it shows an inferiority complex.
              Rajab is a month of cultivation

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: "You Are Like My Son"

                Originally posted by Medievalist View Post
                I think it shows an inferiority complex.
                Almost as if they need to justify why they don't have sons?
                You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

                ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: "You Are Like My Son"

                  hmmm i think... a daughter can be more sonly than a son can be daughterly if that makes sense :scratch:

                  but mashallah daughters are beautiful... only ignorant people would think ill of a person having daughters... a man who looks after a daughter properly is guaranteed jannah wot more would u want


                  There is no nobility in anyone who lacks faith.

                  The wise man knows that the only fitting price for his soul is a place in Paradise.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: "You Are Like My Son"

                    Originally posted by Al-Irhaab View Post
                    but mashallah daughters are beautiful... only ignorant people would think ill of a person having daughters... a man who looks after a daughter properly is guaranteed jannah wot more would u want
                    :up:


                    'Uqba ibn 'Amir reported that he heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "If someone has three daughters and is patient with them and clothes them from his wealth, they will be a shield against the Fire for him." [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]

                    On the authority of Abu Huraira: "The Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him) said, `Whoever had three daughters and showed patience in their keeping, their pleasure and displeasure, Allah admits him to Paradise for his mercy over them. A man asked, `And what about two daughters, O Messenger of Allah? He said, `And two daughters as well." Another asked, `O Messenger of Allah, what about one daughter?" He said, `And one daughter as well". [ Transmitted and its authority amended by Al-Hakim, agreed upon by Al-Zahaby, 4/176] Ibn `Abbas recounted, "Whoever had a female who was not buried nor insulted by him, and had not preferred his male children to her, Allah admits him to Paradise. [ Transmitted by Abu Dawud, 5/5146; and Al-Hakim who corrected it 4/177, approved by Al-Dhahaby.]
                    Last edited by Chained_Water; 25-01-07, 08:34 PM.
                    My Lord, my trust in all Your purposes is strong, That trust is now my shield; I'm safe, and undeceived.- Ali bin Husayn al-Habshi

                    Real forsaking is forgetting the thing forsaken.- Shaykh al-Shadhili

                    Live as long as you wish, you shall die. Love whatever you wish, you shall be separated from it. Do whatever you wish, you shall be rewarded for it. - Jibreel (as)

                    ياَ أَبَا اَلزَّهْرَاء وَلَّذِي صَانَكْ- لاَتُخَيِّبْنَا يَا سِيْدِي نَحْنُ ضِيْفَانَكْ
                    O father of Zahra, for the sake of the One who protected you,
                    Please do not leave us disappointed, O master, we are your guests. - Shaykh Ahmad al-Alawi (rh)

                    أَنتَ رَبّي وَ عِلْمُكَ حَسْبِيْ. فَنِعْمَ الرَّبُّ رَبِّي وَ نِعْمَ الحَسْبُ حَسْبِيْ.ـ حِزْبُ البَحْر

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: "You Are Like My Son"

                      Originally posted by Chained_Water View Post
                      I think in many cases it may refer to the daughters taking on responsibilities that would typically fall on the son. Stuff like looking after the parents in old age, financially supporting them etc.

                      Usually the daughter after having been married off, would not do these things, it would be the sons job. I guess this comment comes about when the daughter does what they would expect off the son.
                      :up:
                      By the Time! Man is surely in loss, except those who believed and did good works, and exhorted one another to Truth, and exhorted one another to patience.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: "You Are Like My Son"

                        I haven't seen or heard such a thing.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: "You Are Like My Son"

                          Originally posted by Ebony
                          You dont even want to hear what the nurses at the hospital in Pak said to my aunt..

                          She had a daughter...and they go "dont be disheartened, you've had a daughter"

                          She was well vexed :p Its such a sad and disgraceful attitude.
                          that is awful sis :(

                          i mean do these nurses of all people not see, the women who cant have children? the ones that lose their children? the ones that miscarry?

                          allah swt guide these people ..sooon ameen
                          The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

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                          • #14
                            Re: "You Are Like My Son"

                            Originally posted by Ebony View Post
                            Almost as if they need to justify why they don't have sons?
                            I dunno abt justifying - cos how can u justify it? It aint in yr control whether babies a boy or a girl.

                            But y'knw in paki culture they have a habit of baat sunaana without saying it explicitly. My moms got four boys mashaALLAH, my aunty has three daughters. And on very regular occurance she'll just randomly start talking abt how fantastic her daughters are and how OTHER people have said that your daughters are like your sons, or daughter 3 is like my arms (meaning her strength/backup).

                            And I get annoyed cos my moms never even thought that she's better than ne1 cos she's got four boys but for some reason my aunty I tihnk feels inferior to my mum and tries to boost her ownself by saying these things.

                            My mom knew herself what it was like to be only girls in a house (they were only sisters) so she's never even thought that way but I guess u cant stop other people from lacking confidence innit.
                            Rajab is a month of cultivation

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: "You Are Like My Son"

                              So inadvertently its maybe said to make THEMSELVES feel better? But whats so inferior about having daughters? :confused:

                              Some would say its because "daughters are not yours - leave to go to another home" as if worth is equated to economical gain :wacko: That family name is carried on via the sons and not the daughters - and so they need sons to keep the "family bloodline going"

                              I know its all bakwaas, but why is it still so firmly held onto by some people? Why dont they eradicate these attitudes?

                              Why dont they remember that the Prophet (saws) had no living sons and had only daughters and that it is with great pride that people (rightlyor wrongly) label themselves as Sayyeds via Fatima (ra) progeny.

                              Why such backwardness in some Muslim families/communities? :confused:
                              You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

                              ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

                              Comment

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