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  1. #1
    New Member Serina's Avatar
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    A girl doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to go

    A girl does not have to move in with her husbands family if she does not wish to. She can ask for separate living arranagements or least a private kitchen and bathroom.

    She is entitled to search for a husband who will live separately.

    Remember the saying "the in laws are death"

  2. #2
    Odan MG's Avatar
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    Re: A girl doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to go

    Quote Originally Posted by Serina
    A girl does not have to move in with her husbands family if she does not wish to. She can ask for separate living arranagements or least a private kitchen and bathroom.

    She is entitled to search for a husband who will live separately.

    Remember the saying "the in laws are death"

    yes there is a saying but i think thats a bit harsh.

    yes a woman is entitled to separate living but if alot of potential husbands cant provide that straight out and expect you to live with your in laws temporarily, i dont think its right be heartless and say get a property right now.

    As for having the right to live separatley from in laws, i personally think that should only come in , if u actually hav given your in laws a chance, by living with them, not all in laws are bad and it wouldnt be a good start to the marriage if u demand to live separately staright away and the poor in laws havent even done anything to u.! ti would be a good chance to get to know them as well, u might be surprised

    obviously some couples live separatly from the start of the marraige , away from the in laws, again thats fine but if it is not within the husbands means to provide a separate home straight away, i think it would be a but insensitive to refuse to marry him on that basis, especially if he has the potential of being a good husband, you would be the loser in the end then.
    For The Non-Muslims:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlMBkJme8J4The ProphetSAW sed, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim.Islam- Why Pay For The Disease,When The Cure Is Free

  3. #3
    ~**~**~**~**~**~ ze leetle elper's Avatar
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    Re: A girl doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to go

    The hadith about in laws is regarding brother in laws being 'death' -- in that she should not be alone with him etc etc

    LOOL@ the mother-in-law being death! She bore and brought up that man you love! I think its a tad harsh to be nicknaming her 'death!'
    What does 'freedom' mean?

    Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
    Restricted by the sky?

    Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
    Not enough river to explore?

    Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
    but death for the fish,

    The sea is wide for the fish
    but will engulf the bird.

    We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
    We can only express our nature as it was created.

    The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
    freedom from slavery to other than the One,
    Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
    and a horizon that extends to the next life,

  4. #4
    In Dubai bint's Avatar
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    Re: A girl doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to go

    Quote Originally Posted by ze leetle elper
    The hadith about in laws is regarding brother in laws being 'death' -- in that she should not be alone with him etc etc

    LOOL@ the mother-in-law being death! She bore and brought up that man you love! I think its a tad harsh to be nicknaming her 'death!'

    lollll

    mannn

    ..

    sometimes the daughter in law is death
    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

  5. #5
    Odan islamirama's Avatar
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    Re: A girl doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to go

    A young girl was home alone while her husband was at work. A man broke into her house and raped her, she kissed him also in that course(guess she liked it). when her husband came home she said a man broke in but then kissed her on the head and said your too young and left. It wasn't till years later that she told her husband the truth, when all her kids had grown up. Now the man is not sure what to do with her, and not sure of his feelings towards her.

    This question was posed by this bro on islam-qa.com

    It's good for the couple to have their own place as it gives them privacy and what not. But to rush off like that or demand such thing right way can be bad for them. Who is to give her security while she's home alone? Plus if they live alone and the guy has a fight with wife, who is to keep the guy in check and not fool around? Living with in-laws is beneficial for both sides. the parents get to have their daughter in law and son in before them and enjoy the company in this old age, the son gets watched over by dad and kept in line and advised in matters he may not be experienced while the wife gets advice and what not from the mother-in-law. These are not your enemy, but rather your parents with a life long experience and knowledge that you should take advantage of before their time comes.

    Think islamically, think easternly, not westernly. There's no "I" "I" "I", we are not capitalist amerians. There's no "I" or "me" only, there's "WE" and "us". We work together, we are a community, we are a family, we are here for each other. All of asia (japanese,chinese, indians/paki, arabs) we all believe in strong family values and working together as a team. The Americans kick their kids out at the age of 18 to live on their own and the kids kick their parents into nursing homes in their old age. It's always "me" and "I" with them. Look how good they have done with such mentality.

    Yes, the couples can live alone but are they ready to at this age? And think about what they miss out by running away so fast rather then to serving the parents and earning some ajr.
    Last edited by islamirama; 26-06-06 at 12:43 PM.
    Banned permamently for not taking mods BS

  6. #6
    New Member Serina's Avatar
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    a girl definitely does not "gotta go"

    From a Shariah perspective, it is not the wife’s responsibility to look after her parents’ in-law or take care of them. She does not have to live with them, hence it will not be sinful or even blameworthy if she chooses to live separately from her in-laws.
    You state that you would like to see some evidences from the Qur'an or Sunna suggesting that the husband and wife should live separately, hence just ponder over the following Hadith:
    Sayyiduna Amr ibn al-Ahwas narrates a long Hadith in which he relates the sermon given by the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) at the time of his farewell Hajj. From amongst the many advices given by the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), he stated:
    “Beware! I advise you to treat your women honourably, for these women are confined in your homes. Other than this, you cannot demand anything from them except if they commit a manifest sin…” (Sunan Tirmidhi, no: 3087)
    The above words of wisdom should be kept in mind by every husband. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) explained that a woman, upon marrying, leaves behind her parents, family, friends and everything else in order to come and live with her husband. She sacrifices everything for the sake of her new life-partner, and becomes tied and confined with her husband. Thus, the husband should reflect on this, and by doing so, he would never attempt to treat his wife in an ill manner.
    The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) then stated that the husband does not have any further rights over his wife other than her being confined and tied up with him. This is a huge sacrifice given by the wife; hence the husband should not demand and expect anything more than that.
    From this Hadith, the jurists (fuqaha) have deduced that the wife is not legally responsible for serving her in-laws. The husband cannot demand from her to take care of his own parents, for that is not legally binding on her. Rather, the Hadith states that the husband cannot demand anything besides the fact that the woman has confined herself to him.
    Having said that, it is a great act of virtue and blessings for the wife if she serves her parents in-law, for which she will be immensely rewarded. She should try her best in taking care of them, but this is not her responsibility or duty per se.
    Indeed, there are many texts of the Qur’an and Sunnah emphasising the importance of looking after one’s parents, but we should remember that this is the duty of the son. The husband is responsible to look after his own parents and not enforce this duty upon his wife. He most definitely does not have to send them to a nursing home; rather, he may provide a separate home for his wife and daily take care of the needs of his parents. He may even reside close to his parent’s home and spend a lot of time there. He should help in their daily affairs and take care of them. If his wife wishes to join in, she will be committing a great act of virtue but she cannot be forced. We need to always keep in mind the words of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) where he said that give each person the right they deserve. By doing so, we will have a more blissful, happy and pleasant atmosphere, Insha' Allah.
    And Allah knows best


    Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
    Darul Iftaa, Leicester, UK



    www.sunnipath.com

  7. #7
    In Dubai bint's Avatar
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    Re: A girl doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to go

    Quote Originally Posted by islamirama
    A young girl was home alone while her husband was at work. A man broke into her house and raped her, she kissed him also in that course(guess she liked it). when her husband came home she said a man broke in but then kissed her on the head and said your too young and left. It wasn't till years later that she told her husband the truth, when all her kids had grown up. Now the man is not sure what to do with her, and not sure of his feelings towards her.
    Quote Originally Posted by islamirama

    This question was posed by this bro on islam-qa.com

    It's good for the couple to have their own place as it gives them privacy and what not. But to rush off like that or demand such thing right way can be bad for them. Who is to give her security while she's home alone? Plus if they live alone and the guy has a fight with wife, who is to keep the guy in check and not fool around? Living with in-laws is beneficial for both sides. the parents get to have their daughter in law and son in before them and enjoy the company in this old age, the son gets watched over by dad and kept in line and advised in matters he may not be experienced while the wife gets advice and what not from the mother-in-law. These are not your enemy, but rather your parents with a life long experience and knowledge that you should take advantage of before their time comes.

    Think islamically, think easternly, not westernly. There's no "I" "I" "I", we are not capitalist amerians. There's no "I" or "me" only, there's "WE" and "us". We work together, we are a community, we are a family, we are here for each other. All of asia (japanese,chinese, indians/paki, arabs) we all believe in strong family values and working together as a team. The Americans kick their kids out at the age of 18 to live on their own and the kids kick their parents into nursing homes in their old age. It's always "me" and "I" with them. Look how good they have done with such mentality.

    Yes, the couples can live alone but are they ready to at this age? And think about what they miss out by running away so fast rather then to serving the parents and earning some ajr.

    MMM...thats why i say a lass shud learn self defence..or martial arts. get em down!!
    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

  8. #8
    Odan islamirama's Avatar
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    Re: A girl doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to go

    Quote Originally Posted by bint
    [b]


    MMM...thats why i say a lass shud learn self defence..or martial arts. get em down!!
    i agree and i think they should but Martial arts can only do so much for you. If a person has a knife or gun then you can't do much. Anyways, my main point was that living with the in-laws has benefits for both sides.
    Banned permamently for not taking mods BS

  9. #9
    Senior Member 1 ummah's Avatar
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    Re: A girl doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to go

    why can't the man live at the wife's house if he really can't provide for a seperate home

  10. #10
    In Dubai bint's Avatar
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    Re: A girl doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to go

    Quote Originally Posted by 1 ummah
    why can't the man live at the wife's house if he really can't provide for a seperate home
    eh?

    thats just turns out to be the same!!

    why wud a guy go stay at the womans place???with HER family? man im a lass but id rather go to him.
    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”


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