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  1. #1
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    Question about my first attemt?!

    Assalamulaikum,

    I think this time I am going to try my first attempt to see a sister. but I am scared. She is 6 years younger than me. Do you think that might be problem in the future? I also have a couple of questions. I don't know that person or the family, she doesn't live in my city, but not too far from here. I need to call her sisters husband to - I guess - meet him and speak to him. But I am not sure, how such things work. Even I am kind of shy and not really social, often alone. So that kind of situations are challenging, I fear to disgrace myself. I even fear calling him. Can you give me tips?

    Other question: What kind of question did you asked or got asked, when spoke to your potential wife/husband? I already made a list, but I would like to know your ideas?

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Salaam,

    I haven't been in your situation but I can recommend some Chamomile tea to calm your nerves down, it really helps.

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    Question about my first attemt?!

    You seem insecure, and therefore not at all ready to be a husband.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    I haven't been in your situation but I can recommend some Chamomile tea to calm your nerves down, it really helps.
    lol, that made laugh, barak Allah feek

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    You seem insecure, and therefore not at all ready to be a husband.
    I am end of my twenties, how long shall I wait yet? I am insecure, because it's a new experience and I don't know what to expect. I think, I could be a good husband, because I know, how to avoid fighting and try to give instead of demand. The only think is, that I don't have a large social environment and not used to deal a lot with such situations. What do you think about the age difference?

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    Quote Originally Posted by islam1433 View Post
    I haven't been in your situation but I can recommend some Chamomile tea to calm your nerves down, it really helps.
    lol, that made laugh, barak Allah feek

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    You seem insecure, and therefore not at all ready to be a husband.
    I am end of my twenties, how long shall I wait yet? I am insecure, because it's a new experience and I don't know what to expect. I think, I could be a good husband, because I know, how to avoid fighting and try to give instead of demand. The only think is, that I don't have a large social environment and not used to deal a lot with such situations. What do you think about the age difference?
    Age difference isn't an issue.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by islam1433 View Post
    Assalamulaikum,

    I think this time I am going to try my first attempt to see a sister. but I am scared. She is 6 years younger than me. Do you think that might be problem in the future? I also have a couple of questions. I don't know that person or the family, she doesn't live in my city, but not too far from here. I need to call her sisters husband to - I guess - meet him and speak to him. But I am not sure, how such things work. Even I am kind of shy and not really social, often alone. So that kind of situations are challenging, I fear to disgrace myself. I even fear calling him. Can you give me tips?

    Other question: What kind of question did you asked or got asked, when spoke to your potential wife/husband? I already made a list, but I would like to know your ideas?
    Someone pls answer these questions, cuz I wanna know too

    I think personally that it would be easier to find someone you trust to do the talking for you. But idk this is complicated.

    Finding someone is such a hassle, imma call a warplane to drop me someone. Much easier

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by islam1433 View Post
    Assalamulaikum,

    I think this time I am going to try my first attempt to see a sister. but I am scared. She is 6 years younger than me. Do you think that might be problem in the future? I also have a couple of questions. I don't know that person or the family, she doesn't live in my city, but not too far from here. I need to call her sisters husband to - I guess - meet him and speak to him. But I am not sure, how such things work. Even I am kind of shy and not really social, often alone. So that kind of situations are challenging, I fear to disgrace myself. I even fear calling him. Can you give me tips?

    Other question: What kind of question did you asked or got asked, when spoke to your potential wife/husband? I already made a list, but I would like to know your ideas?
    If you are too distressed, ask your friends to arrange a couple of meetings with random people on weekend, that should ease your nerves. The kind of questions you get asked from these will be most of what you will get asked by BIL.
    For yourself, don’t ask anything till he offers you if you want to ask anything from him. This is generally an indication that he has okayed you from his side. In that case ask not more than 2-3 things on top of your list and leave the rest for future.
    If you could tell us how things have reached this far, we could give some more tips.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by Snippets View Post
    If you are too distressed, ask your friends to arrange a couple of meetings with random people on weekend, that should ease your nerves. The kind of questions you get asked from these will be most of what you will get asked by BIL.
    For yourself, don’t ask anything till he offers you if you want to ask anything from him. This is generally an indication that he has okayed you from his side. In that case ask not more than 2-3 things on top of your list and leave the rest for future.
    If you could tell us how things have reached this far, we could give some more tips.
    Honestly: I don't have many friends. So that's gonna be difficult. And who or what is BIL? My mom has meet his wife and I will see the sister of her, inshaAllah. I don't know who they are; never seen them and my mom neither.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Yes, just sit and behave lol

    Answer his questions, relax, don't be nervous

    Try your best to give honest answers, don't sugar coat anything.

    Recite the dua of Musa Alaihisalam

    Don't stress about it too much, if it goes well fine, if it doesn't, next one please.

    You should take a male relative with you. It will help.

    Sorry just realised you have to call him, no big deal, just ask how he is and his family, then let him take it from there.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    hahah, after this description I feel stupid ^^ I think I am overreacting ^^ Everyhting is be gonna ok. It will be just a new experience. In normal life I have no problem to talk to people, it just doesn't happen all the time, ok and depends on the context...

    To the questions part: Brother I created a list, when I not forget and find the doc, I can post part of it tomorrow.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    Someone pls answer these questions, cuz I wanna know too

    I think personally that it would be easier to find someone you trust to do the talking for you. But idk this is complicated.

    Finding someone is such a hassle, imma call a warplane to drop me someone. Much easier
    Ok, thanks windows search function, I found it: Here are some, that I had noticed couple a years ago:


    What is your way to find solutions for issues/fights?
    What is Aqeedah, Manhaj
    What do you think about emancipation/feminism
    Nationalism / Bidah
    Which books do you read?
    What do you expect out of marriage?
    How to you imagine your marriage life?
    How do you imagine your wedding?
    What are your goals in life? Short- and longterm
    Which role does religion take in your life?
    What do you understand under "islamic marriage"?
    What do you expect of your husband/wife regarding religion in the marriage?
    What is the role of the husband?
    What is the role of the wife?
    What do you do in your leisure time?
    Do you like travelling?
    How to you spend your holiday?
    What kind of music are you listening to?
    What kind of TV Shows do you watch?
    Do you want to have a TV in your household?
    Why do you study? What do you expect from it? Why exactly that branch?
    Do you plan to work after marriage?

    Ok, that what I collected, may be there are stupid questions so someone can add new one.
    Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
    How did you get to know them?
    Why are they your friends?
    What do you like most about them?
    What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
    Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
    What is the level of your relationship with them now?
    What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
    What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by islam1433 View Post
    Ok, thanks windows search function, I found it: Here are some, that I had noticed couple a years ago:


    What is your way to find solutions for issues/fights?
    What is Aqeedah, Manhaj
    What do you think about emancipation/feminism
    Nationalism / Bidah
    Which books do you read?
    What do you expect out of marriage?
    How to you imagine your marriage life?
    How do you imagine your wedding?
    What are your goals in life? Short- and longterm
    Which role does religion take in your life?
    What do you understand under "islamic marriage"?
    What do you expect of your husband/wife regarding religion in the marriage?
    What is the role of the husband?
    What is the role of the wife?
    What do you do in your leisure time?
    Do you like travelling?
    How to you spend your holiday?
    What kind of music are you listening to?
    What kind of TV Shows do you watch?
    Do you want to have a TV in your household?
    Why do you study? What do you expect from it? Why exactly that branch?
    Do you plan to work after marriage?

    Ok, that what I collected, may be there are stupid questions so someone can add new one.
    Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
    How did you get to know them?
    Why are they your friends?
    What do you like most about them?
    What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
    Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
    What is the level of your relationship with them now?
    What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
    What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
    At least three? That's to much for me
    But I guess these questions are directed from male to female.

    I have my own list from female to male.
    1. Pc or ps4?
    2. If pc, what kind of games you have?
    3. If pc, what specs u have?
    4. If pc, what csgo rank do you have?
    .... If he answers right on all of them then its an instant marriage. Oh and if he answers ps4 on first one then I won't bother even to concider marriage. No ps4 in ma house boii

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    At least three? That's to much for me
    But I guess these questions are directed from male to female.

    I have my own list from female to male.
    1. Pc or ps4?
    2. If pc, what kind of games you have?
    3. If pc, what specs u have?
    4. If pc, what csgo rank do you have?
    .... If he answers right on all of them then its an instant marriage. Oh and if he answers ps4 on first one then I won't bother even to concider marriage. No ps4 in ma house boii
    Do you really have to be sarcastic, did you think about your character when laughing at people? By the way, that's not all my question: especially the one with the friendship. I copied them from a forum, I guess it was this forum here, but I am not sure, it's to long. I neither see, why they wrote last three friends, just took it.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    At least three? That's to much for me
    But I guess these questions are directed from male to female.

    I have my own list from female to male.
    1. Pc or ps4?
    2. If pc, what kind of games you have?
    3. If pc, what specs u have?
    4. If pc, what csgo rank do you have?
    .... If he answers right on all of them then its an instant marriage. Oh and if he answers ps4 on first one then I won't bother even to concider marriage. No ps4 in ma house boii
    By the way: Your behaviour is exactly the reason why I don't socialize with people in the mosque or in general. This behaviour is disrespectful and childish.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by islam1433 View Post
    By the way: Your behaviour is exactly the reason why I don't socialize with people in the mosque or in general. This behaviour is disrespectful and childish.
    I laughed at myself. You don't have to take it seriously. Take a chill pill mate.
    I made a joke. It is a joke where I never made fun of you. I made fun of myself and it's clearly stated there.

    What I ment up there is that I personallt don't even have one person to tell you about. Asking to tell you about at least three is to much for me. I am not laughing at you, I am laughing at myself for havin none to even talk to. I am more lonely than u can imagine so I understand how it is to live my whole lifebeing a lonely wolf, only talking to the wall.

    I would ask these questions cuz gaming is one of my hobbies. I am sarcastic at my own low expectations in a marriage. I didn't say anything about your post or your Questions. Not at all.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    I laughed at myself. You don't have to take it seriously. Take a chill pill mate.
    I made a joke. It is a joke where I never made fun of you. I made fun of myself and it's clearly stated there.

    What I ment up there is that I personallt don't even have one person to tell you about. Asking to tell you about at least three is to much for me. I am not laughing at you, I am laughing at myself for havin none to even talk to. I am more lonely than u can imagine so I understand how it is to live my whole lifebeing a lonely wolf, only talking to the wall.

    I would ask these questions cuz gaming is one of my hobbies. I am sarcastic at my own low expectations in a marriage. I didn't say anything about your post or your Questions. Not at all.
    Sorry maaaan, maybe it was to early in the morning..., nonetheless don't laugh at yourself :-) I do that to sometimes too, I think it has a negative psychological effects.

    You're never ever more lonely than I am, I have not even one friend that I could think of. There is just one brother who I could consider as a friend, but we're sooo different. So, is he really a friend? I don't think so, more a brother whom I try to remind him of Allah.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by islam1433 View Post
    Sorry maaaan, maybe it was to early in the morning..., nonetheless don't laugh at yourself :-) I do that to sometimes too, I think it has a negative psychological effects.

    You're never ever more lonely than I am, I have not even one friend that I could think of. There is just one brother who I could consider as a friend, but we're sooo different. So, is he really a friend? I don't think so, more a brother whom I try to remind him of Allah.
    Ok so now we cleared the first part alhamdulillah.

    But you judged to fast on the second one. I didn't say I am more lonely. But it does not mean I am simply just lonely. My situation is far more worse than just not having any friends. I am an outcast with nowhere to go to. I don't belong anywhere anymore. And It's normal for people to look at me as an alien from mars and even think they have the right to humiliate me as I am an ant with no value.

    I don't know your situation and I hope it gets better for you inshallah. But cmon, lets just laugh it out here just to forget it. Cuz I've only found one person here that understands me so I feel at home writing and being active in this forum. I can be myself for once in my life.

    Take a coffee break and laugh. Have fun. Life is to short to be mad and keep worrying.
    Hakuna Matata.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    Ok so now we cleared the first part alhamdulillah.

    But you judged to fast on the second one. I didn't say I am more lonely. But it does not mean I am simply just lonely. My situation is far more worse than just not having any friends. I am an outcast with nowhere to go to. I don't belong anywhere anymore. And It's normal for people to look at me as an alien from mars and even think they have the right to humiliate me as I am an ant with no value.

    I don't know your situation and I hope it gets better for you inshallah. But cmon, lets just laugh it out here just to forget it. Cuz I've only found one person here that understands me so I feel at home writing and being active in this forum. I can be myself for once in my life.

    Take a coffee break and laugh. Have fun. Life is to short to be mad and keep worrying.
    Hakuna Matata.

    Hmm, are you male or female? Do you live alone? Why do you think they look at you that way, do you think there is a reason behind that?

    I don't know who's humiliating you, but did you tried to change your environment? Some people just have a bad character, so it's better for us to distance us from them. However, nobody has the right to do such things and they will get asked for it on the day of judgment.

    You're right, life is too short to be mad but it's even to short to be productive, when we not use the time with reason. May Allah relieve your situation.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by islam1433 View Post
    Hmm, are you male or female? Do you live alone? Why do you think they look at you that way, do you think there is a reason behind that?

    I don't know who's humiliating you, but did you tried to change your environment? Some people just have a bad character, so it's better for us to distance us from them. However, nobody has the right to do such things and they will get asked for it on the day of judgment.

    You're right, life is too short to be mad but it's even to short to be productive, when we not use the time with reason. May Allah relieve your situation.
    I am female. The reason is propably because I don't behave like them. I am straight to the point. Everything I say is stated by facts. My hobbies are different. People seem to put me in my own category even tho I have nothing against theirs.
    They can't accept me for who I am. They have a problem with me but I have better stuff to do than being bothered by their behaviour towards me. Show them the backhand and move on.
    I can't switch enviroment that easily but I can decide who to be with. Haven't found anyone suitable to hang out with so I rather stay alone than suffering with them.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    @islam1433 @P1RAT3N

    U 2 should both go to the masjid more and get to know people there that way youl make good friends

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    @islam1433 @P1RAT3N

    U 2 should both go to the masjid more and get to know people there that way youl make good friends
    akhi, the problem is, i feel uncomfortable to speak to people. Even I don't know how to do that. i get really stressed. And I figured out since I go to a mosque were nobody knows me, just to pray and leave, I can concentrate much better. Otherway I always think of the people and that distracts me from remembering Allah.

    Even people are weird, I know couple of people who pretend to be pious but they're not. I want brothers who reminds be 80% to Allah and maybe 20% of dunya. But most are talking 99% of dunya.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by islam1433 View Post
    akhi, the problem is, i feel uncomfortable to speak to people. Even I don't know how to do that. i get really stressed. And I figured out since I go to a mosque were nobody knows me, just to pray and leave, I can concentrate much better. Otherway I always think of the people and that distracts me from remembering Allah.

    Even people are weird, I know couple of people who pretend to be pious but they're not. I want brothers who reminds be 80% to Allah and maybe 20% of dunya. But most are talking 99% of dunya.
    I understand but if u dont try youl never have friends and how will u speak to ur wife if u cant speak to people at the masjid
    Shes going to be a stranger at first

  23. #23
    Tawakkul... iRepIslam's Avatar
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    6 years is nothinggggg
    إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    I understand but if u dont try youl never have friends and how will u speak to ur wife if u cant speak to people at the masjid
    Shes going to be a stranger at first
    It's because people in the masjid, I have nothing to share. I don't know whether that brother is pious or not. Finding out will always include making bad experience and judge people. I hate judging people, I try to concentrate on my on nafs and errors. I don't want to be hurt or hurt other people. For instance, at my workplace, I have a lot of brothers there and I love everyone of them from my deepest hard. Because that are decent guys, with whom I pray in the brakes. There is no problem, I can talk and make jokes. But masjid is kind of different, I don't know why.

    btw: talking to a women is gonna be interesting - never talk to a women that way. But I think this part I would figure out. She will be nervous too, I am sure.
    Last edited by islam1433; 11-11-17 at 04:07 PM.

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    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    lol its 6 years, not 60!

    I don't think it will be a problem at all. 6 years means she is still from the same generation as you.

 

 

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