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Thread: Marriage fear

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    Marriage fear



    so much marriage fear here, I can understand it's a daunting task, but we shouldn't fear it, do your homework, once you are satisfied just nose dive right in.
    in the end, destiny will take it's course, don't be stupid now, homework first then it's destiny

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Solution: Get to know your potential before marriage. But not too long. And keep it halal. Dump all the cultural garbage.
    ┳┻|
    ┻┳|•.•) Hello, Assalamu Alaikum! Check out this topic! #makethechanges
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    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...adan-Authentic

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Cptn._.Mario View Post
    Solution: Get to know your potential before marriage. But not too long. And keep it halal. Dump all the cultural garbage.
    For how long do you suggest knowing each other before marriage? Is a year to long?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cptn._.Mario View Post
    Solution: Get to know your potential before marriage. But not too long. And keep it halal. Dump all the cultural garbage.
    What is this a solution for? People have done this getting to know thing for months, or even a year, and still ended up divorced.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    What is this a solution for? People have done this getting to know thing for months, or even a year, and still ended up divorced.
    Better chances than going into a marriage blind tho
    ┳┻|
    ┻┳|•.•) Hello, Assalamu Alaikum! Check out this topic! #makethechanges
    ┳┻|⊂ノ
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    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...adan-Authentic

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    For how long do you suggest knowing each other before marriage? Is a year to long?
    I can't say, it does seem too long
    ┳┻|
    ┻┳|•.•) Hello, Assalamu Alaikum! Check out this topic! #makethechanges
    ┳┻|⊂ノ
    ┻┳|
    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...adan-Authentic

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Cptn._.Mario View Post
    Solution: Get to know your potential before marriage. But not too long. And keep it halal. Dump all the cultural garbage.
    Sorry but I dont think this is good advice. Leads to a lot of problems. Best to just marry and see how it goes.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    What about single fright
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by aynina View Post
    What about single fright
    You should make a thread on it.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Marrying a diva.

    There are so many demanding women who demand the whole world be given to them.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by oshirowanen View Post
    Assets, money, child, confidence, reputation, and near enough destroyed my faith too. So pretty much everything. Good times..
    You shouldnt have to give anything
    This is why a mahr exists
    theres no going to court and she gets half your money

    And the children go to the man as well

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    You shouldnt have to give anything
    This is why a mahr exists
    theres no going to court and she gets half your money

    And the children go to the man as well
    I think the brother may have gotten a satanic civil marriage. So he had no choice but to give away his assets and his children. Although I think in Islam the children go to the woman until they are old enough to decide who they wanna be with. Poor guy with corrupt western laws he may have to pay alimony and can't full time be with his kids until there 18 by which time they've only seen him once a week maximum. The evil world we live in.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Deen95 View Post
    I think the brother may have gotten a satanic civil marriage. So he had no choice but to give away his assets and his children. Although I think in Islam the children go to the woman until they are old enough to decide who they wanna be with. Poor guy with corrupt western laws he may have to pay alimony and can't full time be with his kids until there 18 by which time they've only seen him once a week maximum. The evil world we live in.
    Until the age of 7 i think

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by oshirowanen View Post
    A lot at stake for men too. I lost 99% of everything I had because the marriage failed.
    That is modern marriage right now, alright.

    Actually isn't in Egypt they have that same law in USA? In Egypt the house belongs to the wife 100%, the wealth belong to the wife 100% from the husband and the children belong to the wife 100%. The husband have no right at all to his children, to his wealth and to his house in Egypt. So if a divorce where to happen he loses all his wealth, his wife and his children and they live like that for hundreds of years if not thousand of years in Egypt.

    I think Western culture and ways is influencing Eastern world. Last I checked now in Saudi Arabia they are allowing women driving, musics in streets, nude beach, etc. So life is changing, marriage is scary for both sexes and not just female. Men should equal fear it if they make a mistake because he will pay a price he will never expected not to mention emotional torture added to it.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Cptn._.Mario View Post
    Solution: Get to know your potential before marriage. But not too long. And keep it halal. Dump all the cultural garbage.
    Look for Deen ukhti/akhi, ask your questions.Pray Istikhara, and have nikah.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post
    That is modern marriage right now, alright.

    Actually isn't in Egypt they have that same law in USA? In Egypt the house belongs to the wife 100%, the wealth belong to the wife 100% from the husband and the children belong to the wife 100%. The husband have no right at all to his children, to his wealth and to his house in Egypt. So if a divorce where to happen he loses all his wealth, his wife and his children and they live like that for hundreds of years if not thousand of years in Egypt.

    I think Western culture and ways is influencing Eastern world. Last I checked now in Saudi Arabia they are allowing women driving, musics in streets, nude beach, etc. So life is changing, marriage is scary for both sexes and not just female. Men should equal fear it if they make a mistake because he will pay a price he will never expected not to mention emotional torture added to it.
    Music in the streets and nude beaches are u being serious
    Theres not even a nude beach in the uk

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Wallahi! I heard from Alhi-War news from alhiwar.tv itself. What they did is they arrested all the shieks in Saudi Arabia all the good ones and left the corrupt. They are now changing the laws in Muslim countries to against Allah's law and in addition to this one of the Mushrik who is under the name of Muslim even going against the Qura'an by saying women and men are equal and the same and thus wealth distribution and inheritance are equal and not how Allah Subhanhu Wa Talaa said in Qura'an.

    I told my mom that the worst low end class of American/West thinking and civilization will soon be how the Muslims will follow and think because we follow the kufar and not Qura'an and Sunnah. I am not saying 100% all Muslim countries will be like this, but I am saying majority will be like that. I was in Lebanon 3 years ago and I saw woman with revealing cloth walking right beside a woman who is hijabi and then I hear Athan and right beside the mosque I hear the church bell and right beside that a Mosque of Shia and in the night all the mosques are decorated with christmas light and there are musics in street and fireworks cracking.

    As for UK there is a nude beach..but you don't know where to go to find it. In Canada there are gay/lesbian village and nude beach and everything you can imagine.
    Last edited by A500DaBest; 10-11-17 at 01:20 AM.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    You shouldnt have to give anything
    This is why a mahr exists
    theres no going to court and she gets half your money

    And the children go to the man as well
    The UK law overrides any Islamic laws when it comes to UK court cases. Therefore, the only logical thing a Muslim can do in the UK is to stipulate Islamic law via a UK prenup.

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post
    That is modern marriage right now, alright.

    Actually isn't in Egypt they have that same law in USA? In Egypt the house belongs to the wife 100%, the wealth belong to the wife 100% from the husband and the children belong to the wife 100%. The husband have no right at all to his children, to his wealth and to his house in Egypt. So if a divorce where to happen he loses all his wealth, his wife and his children and they live like that for hundreds of years if not thousand of years in Egypt.

    I think Western culture and ways is influencing Eastern world. Last I checked now in Saudi Arabia they are allowing women driving, musics in streets, nude beach, etc. So life is changing, marriage is scary for both sexes and not just female. Men should equal fear it if they make a mistake because he will pay a price he will never expected not to mention emotional torture added to it.
    I agree, so when people now say to me, just get married, I'm like, I'd rather be single than to get married to the wrong person again.
    Last edited by oshirowanen; 10-11-17 at 11:11 AM.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    With everything there will be fear but once we realise the purpose of it and why are here it will make sense.

    For instance the fear of bcoming a parent and the failing and than realising the that we are increasing the Ummah
    For fear of starting a business and than realising that it is to earn halal rizq
    So to with marriage... the puropse is to please Allah and to follow the Sunnat of Nabi SAW....
    We fear or dread getting up so early for Fajr especially in summer but, do we than say Salaat is not for us?
    Once we get over the ignorance of the fairy tale life and realise what marriage is for and why we are here...
    Than our fears will also start to leave us.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Ekoor View Post
    With everything there will be fear but once we realise the purpose of it and why are here it will make sense.

    For instance the fear of bcoming a parent and the failing and than realising the that we are increasing the Ummah
    For fear of starting a business and than realising that it is to earn halal rizq
    So to with marriage... the puropse is to please Allah and to follow the Sunnat of Nabi SAW....
    We fear or dread getting up so early for Fajr especially in summer but, do we than say Salaat is not for us?
    Once we get over the ignorance of the fairy tale life and realise what marriage is for and why we are here...
    Than our fears will also start to leave us.
    I am sensing an abnormal amount of fear here on the forum, something I don't see among people in real interaction
    It's not about me, it's all about you, coz you're special

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Scrooge View Post
    I am sensing an abnormal amount of fear here on the forum, something I don't see among people in real interaction
    Many people come her for advice after being in bad marriage or divorce.

    this could be why...

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Ekoor View Post
    Many people come her for advice after being in bad marriage or divorce.

    this could be why...
    and I guess those reading on singletons are going into a panic attack, breathe singletons, breathe
    It's not about me, it's all about you, coz you're special

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Scrooge View Post
    and I guess those reading on singletons are going into a panic attack, breathe singletons, breathe
    Shouldn't believe everything we read on forums...

    Also there are many happy stories on here.

    Generally human will complain and not be grateful when thing do go right.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by oshirowanen View Post
    The UK law overrides any Islamic laws when it comes to UK court cases. Therefore, the only logical thing a Muslim can do in the UK is to stipulate Islamic law via a UK prenup.



    I agree, so when people now say to me, just get married, I'm like, I'd rather be single than to get married to the wrong person again.
    I am so proud of you!!! I wish more men open their eyes before they taste the burn. But I realized 80% of people only learn their lesson by burning their hands 1st vs take it face value from people who experienced the burn before them. That is human nature and can't be changed. My older brother have being burned 4 times and he said enough, he is done from marriage. He spend most of his time playing video games and living his life with us in the same house. I am hoping I will die single, that is my goal actually and achievement and my twin brother who live in Australia, he is a doctor, he would treat women in a pedestal, he is awesome to his mom, his genius, he will make lots of money, he is going to be a doctor and he is single and refuses to get married.

    The only one who is effected is my mother. She -sighed- and said to herself that her destiny to leave this world and not see grand children and she says we must get married, we have to get married, personally I don't see it happening. Me and my twin brother we are 2 years away from 40's and still single and my older brother he is in his 40's and still single.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Ekoor View Post
    Shouldn't believe everything we read on forums...

    Also there are many happy stories on here.

    Generally human will complain and not be grateful when thing do go right.
    The thing is that people do not need to write about good stuff. No one needs help in a good marriage. But the person who has a bad one needs advice, and will write about his/her bad stories in here.

    I am not gonna lie. Reading this section made me doubt marriage. As a singleton who never experienced marriage, it makes it look more scary than a hunted house.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    You put an image in my head when you ended the sentence with "a hunted house". I started picturing Ghouls, zombies, skeleton, etc.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by iRepIslam View Post
    I DONT know WHAT I FEAR BUT I FEAR SOMETHINH help me

    Ws
    F alse
    E vidence
    A ppearing
    R eal

    - Les Brown

    Sister, you have nothing to fear, you put your complete trust in Allah SWT and you'll be fine.
    He who loses money, loses much.

    He who loses a friend, loses more.

    He who loses faith, loses ALL.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    The thing is that people do not need to write about good stuff. No one needs help in a good marriage. But the person who has a bad one needs advice, and will write about his/her bad stories in here.

    I am not gonna lie. Reading this section made me doubt marriage. As a singleton who never experienced marriage, it makes it look more scary than a hunted house.
    Most people would not post how happy life is
    They want answers to their problems

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post
    I am so proud of you!!! I wish more men open their eyes before they taste the burn. But I realized 80% of people only learn their lesson by burning their hands 1st vs take it face value from people who experienced the burn before them. That is human nature and can't be changed. My older brother have being burned 4 times and he said enough, he is done from marriage. He spend most of his time playing video games and living his life with us in the same house. I am hoping I will die single, that is my goal actually and achievement and my twin brother who live in Australia, he is a doctor, he would treat women in a pedestal, he is awesome to his mom, his genius, he will make lots of money, he is going to be a doctor and he is single and refuses to get married.

    The only one who is effected is my mother. She -sighed- and said to herself that her destiny to leave this world and not see grand children and she says we must get married, we have to get married, personally I don't see it happening. Me and my twin brother we are 2 years away from 40's and still single and my older brother he is in his 40's and still single.
    Hello brother. I think your going the right way, while it's sad to hear your mom upset about not getting grandchildren I think it's the right thing, these divorce courts are insane.

    When the law of Allah comes back then I'll get married insha'Allah. I seriously might inherit a house one day and there's no way that I will risk losing it to some ex. It's a shame more men don't wake up, no offense to the sisters, not your fault.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Deen95 View Post
    Hello brother. I think your going the right way, while it's sad to hear your mom upset about not getting grandchildren I think it's the right thing, these divorce courts are insane.

    When the law of Allah comes back then I'll get married insha'Allah. I seriously might inherit a house one day and there's no way that I will risk losing it to some ex. It's a shame more men don't wake up, no offense to the sisters, not your fault.
    Some women just marries cuz of the money. Here, if a divorce happens when married then everything should be divided into two. Even if the woman did not provide anything with value, she will still take your stuff, and your children if she is not mentally ill or a danger to the kids. The man has almost nothing to say but he has the right to see his kids few times a week. Unfair.
    But we have another type of "marriage" called being cohabitant. You live together but not married. When a divorce happens each one cant take someone elses stuff unless you write something else on the contract. You can islamically be married but still write yourself as being cohabitant. Then write your islamically rules on the contract and done. Works.
    If its youe house then the wife can't take it no matter what happens.

    It's sad what some females do. Shame on them.
    It's sad how some males treat their wives. Shame on them.

    Harsh but true, you cant know when you marry but I rather take the risk because of other reasons. Being strongly independent is a requirement nowadays cuz you don't know if the man changes after a couple of years.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    Some women just marries cuz of the money. Here, if a divorce happens when married then everything should be divided into two. Even if the woman did not provide anything with value, she will still take your stuff, and your children if she is not mentally ill or a danger to the kids. The man has almost nothing to say but he has the right to see his kids few times a week. Unfair.
    But we have another type of "marriage" called being cohabitant. You live together but not married. When a divorce happens each one cant take someone elses stuff unless you write something else on the contract. You can islamically be married but still write yourself as being cohabitant. Then write your islamically rules on the contract and done. Works.
    If its youe house then the wife can't take it no matter what happens.

    It's sad what some females do. Shame on them.
    It's sad how some males treat their wives. Shame on them.

    Harsh but true, you cant know when you marry but I rather take the risk because of other reasons. Being strongly independent is a requirement nowadays cuz you don't know if the man changes after a couple of years.
    Yh I know about the co habitant thing but im worried they will come after those people too. See south African Muslim Marriage Bill.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    I think strong independent woman who truly don't need a man, well educated, well financially set is great. This will liberate the burden of the shoulder of a man for wanting him for money. Maybe, maybe this will filter out the gold diggers for the true companion. Maybe?

    but society in general will always back up the woman and will give her a trillion excuses for her bad behavior or evil act and some how the fault goes shoulder back to a man. The true question in this scenario the man have to count hundred times if he wish to agree to this scenario or enjoy his freedom and independent. It is up to a man. Having children doesn't guarantee the children will love the father. It doesn't guarantee the mother will appraise the father to her children. It doesn't guarantee the children will even do dua to you when you die. It doesn't guarantee anything.

    These all risk factors you need to put into an account. If you know for a fact you wish to go the route of marriage you need to understand you are a resource to be used. A commodity. You must accept this or else don't get married.

    By the way, it is always the case...but when a divorce happens the mother will always poison the child against the father and the child will always back up the mother over the father. Cutting tie between child and father is the most common thing in the world now and least cared for or taken seriously. In fact, society will frown more over a friend cutting ties with another friend than with a child cutting ties with a dad. That is another thing a man have to accept when coming to marriage. Like my oldest brother said, "You are just renting your children."
    Last edited by A500DaBest; 11-11-17 at 08:19 AM.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post
    I think strong independent woman who truly don't need a man, well educated, well financially set is great. This will liberate the burden of the shoulder of a man for wanting him for money. Maybe, maybe this will filter out the gold diggers for the true companion. Maybe?

    but society in general will always back up the woman and will give her a trillion excuses for her bad behavior or evil act and some how the fault goes shoulder back to a man. The true question in this scenario the man have to count hundred times if he wish to agree to this scenario or enjoy his freedom and independent. It is up to a man. Having children doesn't guarantee the children will love the father. It doesn't guarantee the mother will appraise the father to her children. It doesn't guarantee the children will even do dua to you when you die. It doesn't guarantee anything.

    These all risk factors you need to put into an account. If you know for a fact you wish to go the route of marriage you need to understand you are a resource to be used. A commodity. You must accept this or else don't get married.

    By the way, it is always the case...but when a divorce happens the mother will always poison the child against the father and the child will always back up the mother over the father. Cutting tie between child and father is the most common thing in the world now and least cared for or taken seriously. In fact, society will frown more over a friend cutting ties with another friend than with a child cutting ties with a dad. That is another thing a man have to accept when coming to marriage. Like my oldest brother said, "You are just renting your children."
    Women aren't as poisonous as you make out. It doesn't matter bad ones are out there so are some real gems

    This ranting of yours achieves little except to portray yourself as a bitter cynic

    Harden up and get over it
    It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
    "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
    Women aren't as poisonous as you make out. It doesn't matter bad ones are out there so are some real gems

    This ranting of yours achieves little except to portray yourself as a bitter cynic

    Harden up and get over it
    Certain sentences hold true. I have become like granite .

    As for get over it, done! I am living my life

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    AW: Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    For how long do you suggest knowing each other before marriage? Is a year to long?
    Woah too long ! . If you do the right questions,I would say one afternoon is enough.

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post
    I think strong independent woman who truly don't need a man, well educated, well financially set is great. This will liberate the burden of the shoulder of a man for wanting him for money. Maybe, maybe this will filter out the gold diggers for the true companion. Maybe?

    but society in general will always back up the woman and will give her a trillion excuses for her bad behavior or evil act and some how the fault goes shoulder back to a man. The true question in this scenario the man have to count hundred times if he wish to agree to this scenario or enjoy his freedom and independent. It is up to a man. Having children doesn't guarantee the children will love the father. It doesn't guarantee the mother will appraise the father to her children. It doesn't guarantee the children will even do dua to you when you die. It doesn't guarantee anything.

    These all risk factors you need to put into an account. If you know for a fact you wish to go the route of marriage you need to understand you are a resource to be used. A commodity. You must accept this or else don't get married.

    By the way, it is always the case...but when a divorce happens the mother will always poison the child against the father and the child will always back up the mother over the father. Cutting tie between child and father is the most common thing in the world now and least cared for or taken seriously. In fact, society will frown more over a friend cutting ties with another friend than with a child cutting ties with a dad. That is another thing a man have to accept when coming to marriage. Like my oldest brother said, "You are just renting your children."
    With all the respect brother,you are very negative when it comes to marriage. I dont know why being a resource to be used is a bad thing,or why you dont accept it.We are as much of a resource to be used for our wives,as they are to us.Everything in this world is a resource to be used,this whole planet is a resource,your own body is a resource.

    What you saying might be true when it comes to the marriages of the kuffar,but an Islamic marriage works completely different.Cmon,is it really a common thing in this ummah that a child cuts ties with his dad? I dont think so.It is not so gloomy out there as you have made it appear,you are even making me afraid of marriage reading your posts lol.

    If marriage was really that risky,the prophet saws would have explained us in extreme details on what to do to avoid that risk,but he encourages us to even marry in young age,and to a religious spouse.Marry in an islamic way and with a religious one and you will never be disappointed in shaa Allah,no matter what the kuffar do.We live in two different realities in the same dunya

    I dont know why so many people are making this topic so hard when it is really so easy.Its like thinking how bad it would be to fly over a river when the bridge is right there.
    'A slave's life is all you understand, you know nothing of freedom. For if you did, you would have encouraged us to fight on, not only with our spears, but with everything we have'

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    Re: AW: Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Aetos View Post
    Woah too long ! . If you do the right questions,I would say one afternoon is enough.



    With all the respect brother,you are very negative when it comes to marriage. I dont know why being a resource to be used is a bad thing,or why you dont accept it.We are as much of a resource to be used for our wives,as they are to us.Everything in this world is a resource to be used,this whole planet is a resource,your own body is a resource.

    What you saying might be true when it comes to the marriages of the kuffar,but an Islamic marriage works completely different.Cmon,is it really a common thing in this ummah that a child cuts ties with his dad? I dont think so.It is not so gloomy out there as you have made it appear,you are even making me afraid of marriage reading your posts lol.

    If marriage was really that risky,the prophet saws would have explained us in extreme details on what to do to avoid that risk,but he encourages us to even marry in young age,and to a religious spouse.Marry in an islamic way and with a religious one and you will never be disappointed in shaa Allah,no matter what the kuffar do.We live in two different realities in the same dunya

    I dont know why so many people are making this topic so hard when it is really so easy.Its like thinking how bad it would be to fly over a river when the bridge is right there.
    Marriage is easy but some of the points the brother @A500DaBest stated are actually true. You should not doubt everyone, but u get paranoid when it keeps happening around you all the time.

    Some women who got spoiled n' provided by a rich dad will never understand where the money comes from. She will only see the money, not the sweat behind it. She will think money is easy to get, and the first thing she want in a man would be money and comfort. For them, cash rains from the sky. The real definition of a gold digger. It's sickening but they exist in this ummah. I remember my own classmates obviously stating their gold digger side by saying that the man is not worth marrying if he can't pay for the wedding day. Which would cost more than I personally invested on myself my entire life. They have that "man should provide for me" rule implanted in their heads that they don't even give it a second thought before asking for something. You have a money consuming hobby like shopping and stuff? Then work and buy it yourself. If they never experienced how it feels to work to ashieve something, then money has no value to them. A real woman should not make it harder for her husband to provide for her.
    Some even said they would divorce if the man lost his job. Doesn't matter if they worked and earned money, they would divorce cuz he is no good anymore. If they truly love their husbands and tried their all to stick together, then they should provide for him until he finds a job. That's what a real woman should do. Men are not money, they are humans with souls.

    But you brothers shall not doubt every single women out there for being a cash eater or baby stealer. We simple ones exist. If a man came asking for my hand in a Ferrari just to flash his money then I would reject. Am I marrying the car or you? This bait aint gonna work on me mate.

    The kuffar here in Sweden are incredibly independent. Both men and women work. They even share the bill and housework. Both parents takes turns staying at home for half a year each just to raise their kids, while the other parent works. They kid will never be without a parent. Idk how it is in other countries but it is a rule here. All for the sake of the kids. They need their parents so the goverment even made a rule on that. And if they separate, the man still has his right as a father to meet them.
    Trying to change the kids thoughts about his father is bad and puts a huge burden on the kid. A real woman should know that. They need to woman up and stop using their childs as a weapon.

    Some women are evil and want your money and kids. But us women who are independent and ready to fall asleep on a harsh floor do exist. Islamically the man should provide, but I will never burden him with my own hobbies n stuff.
    Who even wants a wedding? That aint my thing at least. Killing me is better than wearing a wedding dress lol.

    Don't think to much about marriage. Don't make it hard on yourself brothers n' sisters. Bad people exist, but good ones too. Just try to find the right one instead of rejecting everyone.

    Cheers

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    AW: Re: AW: Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    Some women who got spoiled n' provided by a rich dad will never understand where the money comes from. She will only see the money, not the sweat behind it. She will think money is easy to get, and the first thing she want in a man would be money and comfort. For them, cash rains from the sky. The real definition of a gold digger. It's sickening but they exist in this ummah. I remember my own classmates obviously stating their gold digger side by saying that the man is not worth marrying if he can't pay for the wedding day. Which would cost more than I personally invested on myself my entire life. They have that "man should provide for me" rule implanted in their heads that they don't even give it a second thought before asking for something. You have a money consuming hobby like shopping and stuff? Then work and buy it yourself. If they never experienced how it feels to work to ashieve something, then money has no value to them. A real woman should not make it harder for her husband to provide for her.
    Some even said they would divorce if the man lost his job. Doesn't matter if they worked and earned money, they would divorce cuz he is no good anymore. If they truly love their husbands and tried their all to stick together, then they should provide for him until he finds a job. That's what a real woman should do. Men are not money, they are humans with souls.
    These girls were muslims??? Woah,why have I always seen only a part of this ummah? If this is the case the chances of me getting married have just drastically fallen lmao
    Whats this dunya mindset SubhanAllah!!!.Nikkah should be very simple.nc nc nc,and it doesnt matter if he is poor.Better to be poor than being rich.Rich people will be asked about their wealth,poor people wont.Both are tests.Also Allah swt has said it very clearly: “And marry those among you who are single (male and female). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty.” [Surah Nur, 32]

    Thank you sister you gave me another insight.I should make sure since the beginning that she would be my best friend and teammate and not some walking flesh who would not be satisfied with money.
    You think in a very beautiful way ma shaa Allah.Keep that up.May Allah bless you with an amazing husband,because with this mindset,you clearly deserve it

    'A slave's life is all you understand, you know nothing of freedom. For if you did, you would have encouraged us to fight on, not only with our spears, but with everything we have'

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by Scrooge View Post
    agreed, but what happened to hoping for the best, there has to be some sort of balance, I think most people just over think the possibility of something going sour, too many what ifs. You can never be 100% certain, in the best case scenario it's probably 50-50 anyway.
    hoping for the best is such a dangerous risk. too many people stuck in insufferable abusive marriages all 'hoped for the best' at one point.
    theres nothing wrong with planning for the worst as well as hoping for the best. always know your rights and how to protect yourself in case you have the misfortune of ending up in a bad marriage i always say. yes might sound cynical but given the nightmare marriage my own mother found herself in, of course its made me turn out cynical.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post

    By the way, it is always the case...but when a divorce happens the mother will always poison the child against the father and the child will always back up the mother over the father. Cutting tie between child and father is the most common thing in the world now and least cared for or taken seriously. In fact, society will frown more over a friend cutting ties with another friend than with a child cutting ties with a dad. That is another thing a man have to accept when coming to marriage. Like my oldest brother said, "You are just renting your children."
    Just the mother? You must not be asian then I take it, in the asian culture when a divorce happens the father tries to poision his children as much as the mother does, the fathers family all spread rumours about their former daughter in law and the mothers family all spread rumours about their former son in law. the adults turn into the biggest, most pathetic children during a divorce and start WWIII with each other. its all about 'Izzat'(honour) with asians.

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    Re: AW: Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    Marriage is easy but some of the points the brother @A500DaBest stated are actually true. You should not doubt everyone, but u get paranoid when it keeps happening around you all the time.

    Some women who got spoiled n' provided by a rich dad will never understand where the money comes from. She will only see the money, not the sweat behind it. She will think money is easy to get, and the first thing she want in a man would be money and comfort. For them, cash rains from the sky. The real definition of a gold digger. It's sickening but they exist in this ummah. I remember my own classmates obviously stating their gold digger side by saying that the man is not worth marrying if he can't pay for the wedding day. Which would cost more than I personally invested on myself my entire life. They have that "man should provide for me" rule implanted in their heads that they don't even give it a second thought before asking for something. You have a money consuming hobby like shopping and stuff? Then work and buy it yourself. If they never experienced how it feels to work to ashieve something, then money has no value to them. A real woman should not make it harder for her husband to provide for her.
    Some even said they would divorce if the man lost his job. Doesn't matter if they worked and earned money, they would divorce cuz he is no good anymore. If they truly love their husbands and tried their all to stick together, then they should provide for him until he finds a job. That's what a real woman should do. Men are not money, they are humans with souls.

    But you brothers shall not doubt every single women out there for being a cash eater or baby stealer. We simple ones exist. If a man came asking for my hand in a Ferrari just to flash his money then I would reject. Am I marrying the car or you? This bait aint gonna work on me mate.

    The kuffar here in Sweden are incredibly independent. Both men and women work. They even share the bill and housework. Both parents takes turns staying at home for half a year each just to raise their kids, while the other parent works. They kid will never be without a parent. Idk how it is in other countries but it is a rule here. All for the sake of the kids. They need their parents so the goverment even made a rule on that. And if they separate, the man still has his right as a father to meet them.
    Trying to change the kids thoughts about his father is bad and puts a huge burden on the kid. A real woman should know that. They need to woman up and stop using their childs as a weapon.

    Some women are evil and want your money and kids. But us women who are independent and ready to fall asleep on a harsh floor do exist. Islamically the man should provide, but I will never burden him with my own hobbies n stuff.
    Who even wants a wedding? That aint my thing at least. Killing me is better than wearing a wedding dress lol.

    Don't think to much about marriage. Don't make it hard on yourself brothers n' sisters. Bad people exist, but good ones too. Just try to find the right one instead of rejecting everyone.

    Cheers


    It is true! A man loses if his wife is not indepent or educated and need him for every single thing and to rely on him on everything. He is not a winner, he is a loser. That wife is no more than just a shackle and burden around his ankle. If I was to get married I would get married to a woman like you, who thinks like you..those words have put peace in my heart...because you see it beyond the view and screen of a female mind set. You actually see both sides and sympathies in both sides!!


    I wish more women where like you!!!


    I want an educated (even more educated than me), independent woman who don't need me and she can do it on her own. No way does that emasculate me or make me feel intimidated or scared or feel like she will be my dictator or or or...in fact an independent and educated woman is what men should seek. Because then you have a partner and not a grown up child. Yes, you still provide her financially but you don't have to deal with a grown up girl..but a partner who will be your left wing. How can you fly when you have to keep with with your hand flipping the left wing instead of it flipping in it's own. It becomes tiring when you have to flip it yourself all the time.
    Last edited by A500DaBest; 12-11-17 at 06:03 AM.

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    Re: Marriage fear

    Quote Originally Posted by aruzo4 View Post
    Just the mother? You must not be asian then I take it, in the asian culture when a divorce happens the father tries to poision his children as much as the mother does, the fathers family all spread rumours about their former daughter in law and the mothers family all spread rumours about their former son in law. the adults turn into the biggest, most pathetic children during a divorce and start WWIII with each other. its all about 'Izzat'(honour) with asians.
    Do you think I am happy to hear that!!! ANY PARENT WHO ALIENATE THE OPPOSING PARENT I detain with fathom and deserve severest of punishment. But the only reason why I am focusing on fathers because fathers are the weakest of the two...generally speaking...they have the least amount of rights and power...generally speaking and they are the most common who go through the alienation general speaking and generally speaking the mother do that so often you read it in Muslim websites and worldwide, and so common in USA and Canada and western world. Asian maybe an exceptional country but generally it is the other way around.

 

 

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