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  1. #1
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    Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Asalaamu aleikum brothers and sisters in Islam,

    From my own personal experience in looking for a spouse, I have come across various opinions on the amount of the mahr. Now I realize some of the opinions vary tremendously, to the point where some find even the question about the mahr to be insulting, but it is a part of our religion and I wanted to get a sense of feeling from the community about what they think is a reasonable amount. To do this, I am asking not in actual amounts but in percentages of the man's savings. I wrote a three question, multiple choice survey that takes less than 30 seconds to complete. I know that the methodology could be improved upon and that this can't capture everyone's thoughts, but it can give an idea of what we may prefer. I think seeing the results might be beneficial to us all.

    Would you all please take a brief moment to fill it out? I will update you all with the results as soon as I get at least 100 responses or next week, which ever comes sooner. Here is the link:

    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/6G5MRSC

    JazakumAllahu khaeiran!

  2. #2
    VERSION : Alpha 6.6 Aetos's Avatar
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    AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ajami View Post
    Asalaamu aleikum brothers and sisters in Islam,

    From my own personal experience in looking for a spouse, I have come across various opinions on the amount of the mahr. Now I realize some of the opinions vary tremendously, to the point where some find even the question about the mahr to be insulting, but it is a part of our religion and I wanted to get a sense of feeling from the community about what they think is a reasonable amount. To do this, I am asking not in actual amounts but in percentages of the man's savings. I wrote a three question, multiple choice survey that takes less than 30 seconds to complete. I know that the methodology could be improved upon and that this can't capture everyone's thoughts, but it can give an idea of what we may prefer. I think seeing the results might be beneficial to us all.

    Would you all please take a brief moment to fill it out? I will update you all with the results as soon as I get at least 100 responses or next week, which ever comes sooner. Here is the link:

    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/6G5MRSC

    JazakumAllahu khaeiran!
    Done! JazakhAllah Khair . I would love to see the answers too
    'A slave's life is all you understand, you know nothing of freedom. For if you did, you would have encouraged us to fight on, not only with our spears, but with everything we have'

  3. #3
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    Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Asalaamu Aleikum,

    Thanks to all who took the poll. It has been more than a week and I just wanted to update you on the results. Masha'Allah, I have to say that the conclusions are encouraging. Respondents support keeping the Mahr lower but ensuring any differences are resolved with their prospective spouses, even if this is difficult. As far as the actual data goes, the respondents were mostly a mix of Western Europeans, North Americans, and Middle Easterners. The clear majority of respondents (almost three quarters) believe the value of the amount that a man gives as a Mahr to his bride should be no more than 20 % of his savings. More than half of this group, and 42 % of the total number of respondents, believe that the Mahr amount should actually be worth less than 10 % of the man's savings (good news for guys seeking marriage). Roughly the same amount of respondents also agreed with the statement that if the bride and groom cannot quickly agree on the Mahr amount, that the two should continue to discuss and try to reach a mutually agreed upon amount, even if it is difficult to do so. More detailed data points as follows:

    >There were 51 respondents, of which 15 were from Western Europe, 14 from North America, 10 from the Middle East and North Africa, 6 were from East Asia, 3 from Central or South Asia, 2 from Australia, New Zealand, and the Pacific Islands, and one from Eastern Europe.

    >42 % of respondents answered that less than 10 % of his savings was a most reasonable amount of money to devote to the mahr. 30% of the respondents believed 10-20% was most reasonable, followed by 16 % of respondents who stated 20-30% was most reasonable. There were a few others than said higher, to include two respondents who said more than 50% of a man's saving was a reasonable amount to devote towards the mahr.

    >37 respondents, or 73% of the total number of respondents, agreed with the statement that if the couple cannot quickly agree on a mahr amount, they should continue to discuss the mahr and try to reach a mutually agreed upon amount, even if this is difficult.

  4. #4
    VERSION : Alpha 6.6 Aetos's Avatar
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    AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ajami View Post
    Asalaamu Aleikum,

    Thanks to all who took the poll. It has been more than a week and I just wanted to update you on the results. Masha'Allah, I have to say that the conclusions are encouraging. Respondents support keeping the Mahr lower but ensuring any differences are resolved with their prospective spouses, even if this is difficult. As far as the actual data goes, the respondents were mostly a mix of Western Europeans, North Americans, and Middle Easterners. The clear majority of respondents (almost three quarters) believe the value of the amount that a man gives as a Mahr to his bride should be no more than 20 % of his savings. More than half of this group, and 42 % of the total number of respondents, believe that the Mahr amount should actually be worth less than 10 % of the man's savings (good news for guys seeking marriage). Roughly the same amount of respondents also agreed with the statement that if the bride and groom cannot quickly agree on the Mahr amount, that the two should continue to discuss and try to reach a mutually agreed upon amount, even if it is difficult to do so. More detailed data points as follows:

    >There were 51 respondents, of which 15 were from Western Europe, 14 from North America, 10 from the Middle East and North Africa, 6 were from East Asia, 3 from Central or South Asia, 2 from Australia, New Zealand, and the Pacific Islands, and one from Eastern Europe.

    >42 % of respondents answered that less than 10 % of his savings was a most reasonable amount of money to devote to the mahr. 30% of the respondents believed 10-20% was most reasonable, followed by 16 % of respondents who stated 20-30% was most reasonable. There were a few others than said higher, to include two respondents who said more than 50% of a man's saving was a reasonable amount to devote towards the mahr.

    >37 respondents, or 73% of the total number of respondents, agreed with the statement that if the couple cannot quickly agree on a mahr amount, they should continue to discuss the mahr and try to reach a mutually agreed upon amount, even if this is difficult.
    I am that one from Eastern Europe ... Nice results,what I was expecting
    'A slave's life is all you understand, you know nothing of freedom. For if you did, you would have encouraged us to fight on, not only with our spears, but with everything we have'

  5. #5
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    Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    In that case, JazakAllahu Kheiran for taking the poll and representing Eastern Europe! Gotta represent.....

  6. #6
    Senior Member neelu's Avatar
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    Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    There should be a breakdown or results by gender too. I'd expect brothers to want to give only a low percentage of savings for the most part. A lot also depends on how much is earned in the first place. When my parents were getting married, they decided that my dad should pay the same mahr amount that his brother in law paid at my phupo's wedding- I think that's fair.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aetos View Post
    I am that one from Eastern Europe ... Nice results,what I was expecting

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    Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    I suppose the mahr amount might also vary according to the circumstances in each situation e.g a wealthy woman or one with support of wealthy parents may accept little mahr while a poor woman may require more mahr because it is a greater security for her. Also women in countries with good social care would not need to rely as much on mahr as their needs could be met by the state should the worst happen.
    Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

    None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

  8. #8
    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Eorlingas View Post
    I suppose the mahr amount might also vary according to the circumstances in each situation e.g a wealthy woman or one with support of wealthy parents may accept little mahr while a poor woman may require more mahr because it is a greater security for her. Also women in countries with good social care would not need to rely as much on mahr as their needs could be met by the state should the worst happen.
    I think it's normally the opposite. The wealth women would be the ones to demand higher mahr.

  9. #9
    VERSION : Alpha 6.6 Aetos's Avatar
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    AW: Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    I think it's normally the opposite. The wealth women would be the ones to demand higher mahr.
    But why? .... Isnt mahr like a security for the woman? If she is rich,she wouldnt mind (financially) if her husband divorced her.But the poor woman has no place to go,thus needs to have higher mahr
    In these times state covers her needs so we should just pay a symbolic mahr,in my opinion
    'A slave's life is all you understand, you know nothing of freedom. For if you did, you would have encouraged us to fight on, not only with our spears, but with everything we have'

  10. #10
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    Re: AW: Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Aetos View Post
    But why? .... Isnt mahr like a security for the woman? If she is rich,she wouldnt mind (financially) if her husband divorced her.But the poor woman has no place to go,thus needs to have higher mahr
    In these times state covers her needs so we should just pay a symbolic mahr,in my opinion
    Sadly the mahr has become symbolic of wealth, status and education rather than being viewed as the gift that is within Islam. No one wants to be seen as "giving away his daughter for free". I know a very religious family who in their country asked for very little (it was about £2k, for wedding clothes) Many people were against this and berated them, but the groom was a student, did not come from a very wealthy background and was outwardly religious. They had differences post marriage and she wanted a divorce several years later. The groom made reference to the father about "selling your daughter cheaply", so although he benefited from it, he still held those cultural values, which is sad.

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    Re: AW: Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    I want my favourite gum as mahr.

  12. #12
    VERSION : Alpha 6.6 Aetos's Avatar
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    AW: Re: AW: Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Umm Fatimah View Post
    Sadly the mahr has become symbolic of wealth, status and education rather than being viewed as the gift that is within Islam. No one wants to be seen as "giving away his daughter for free". I know a very religious family who in their country asked for very little (it was about £2k, for wedding clothes) Many people were against this and berated them, but the groom was a student, did not come from a very wealthy background and was outwardly religious. They had differences post marriage and she wanted a divorce several years later. The groom made reference to the father about "selling your daughter cheaply", so although he benefited from it, he still held those cultural values, which is sad.
    Shame on the fathers for thinking like this...The daughter doesnt have a price,its a human being.I know that my grandgrandfather bought a 'wife' for one sheep.He wants muslim but it was medieval mentality.These people still have it :/

    May Allah save us from ignorance and lead us only to things that are good for us in dunya and akhirah.Ameen
    'A slave's life is all you understand, you know nothing of freedom. For if you did, you would have encouraged us to fight on, not only with our spears, but with everything we have'

  13. #13
    Thunder and lightning european muslim's Avatar
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    Re: AW: Re: AW: Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Shame on the ex husband for taking a cheap shot at the father !

    Did you even read the post @Aetos?
    And the thunder exalts [ Allah ] with praise of Him - and the angels [as well] from fear of Him - and He sends thunderbolts and strikes therewith whom He wills while they dispute about Allah ; and He is severe in assault

  14. #14
    Thunder and lightning european muslim's Avatar
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    Re: AW: Re: AW: Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Aetos View Post

    May Allah save us from ignorance and lead us only to things that are good for us in dunya and akhirah.Ameen
    Ameen
    And the thunder exalts [ Allah ] with praise of Him - and the angels [as well] from fear of Him - and He sends thunderbolts and strikes therewith whom He wills while they dispute about Allah ; and He is severe in assault

  15. #15
    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: AW: Re: AW: Re: AW: Quick Survey on Mahr amount - please fill out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Aetos View Post
    But why? .... Isnt mahr like a security for the woman? If she is rich,she wouldnt mind (financially) if her husband divorced her.But the poor woman has no place to go,thus needs to have higher mahr
    In these times state covers her needs so we should just pay a symbolic mahr,in my opinion
    What sister @Umm Fatimah said basically. Mahr is seen by some people as a price tag, and the higher your status is in society, the more "valuable" you are seen, therefore the higher mahr.

 

 

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