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  1. #1
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    awkward situation

    If someone ask you to look for him for a spouse and you really like to help ppl out but the problem is you not really convinced of the person?

    Don't get me wrong ..he's good and all not having major problems but just didn't like his character in general .. don't wanna be unfair to him
    But in all honestly I don't wish him ( I mean someone like him) to myself nor my near beloved ones .. so how could I recommend him to others? then sleep with a clear conscience I just can't ...

    don't know if I'm exaggerating but been a while i'm trying to avoid this and the person hoping something good will come my way ..once he said your friends could be similar to you in character^^ ....

    my sister says maybe not all women has same mind like us and will be happy with him. We recommend not we just link them together and it's up to them after that .. and other time she says don't involve me into this .. something/ someone I don't accept to myself wouldn't even hint it to other woman about
    ( which I agree with ) but she ain't helping at all .. worse than me .. keep confusing me ..



    What I'm supposed to do? Have u ever been in similar situation?^^ if yes how u reacted ..
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    If someone ask you to look for him for a spouse and you really like to help ppl out but the problem is you not really convinced of the person?

    Don't get me wrong ..he's good and all not having major problems but just didn't like his character in general .. don't wanna be unfair to him
    But in all honestly I don't wish him ( I mean someone like him) to myself nor my near beloved ones .. so how could I recommend him to others? then sleep with a clear conscience I just can't ...

    don't know if I'm exaggerating but been a while i'm trying to avoid this and the person hoping something good will come my way ..once he said your friends could be similar to you in character^^ ....

    my sister says maybe not all women has same mind like us and will be happy with him. We recommend not we just link them together and it's up to them after that .. and other time she says don't involve me into this .. something/ someone I don't accept to myself wouldn't even hint it to other woman about
    ( which I agree with ) but she ain't helping at all .. worse than me .. keep confusing me ..



    What I'm supposed to do? Have u ever been in similar situation?^^ if yes how u reacted ..
    Ah no, now you made me scared. I just asked my friend to find me someone. She maybe think I am not good enough!!
    Nah I'm kidding. she is great, I trust her with my life

    They asked you because they trust you. But if he lacks really important features then I suggest maybe telling him that in a nice way?

    this is a dilemma... I would deny finding him anyone in the first place and instead focus on making him fix his flaws. It's better as a friend to be honest than making him hear it from someone else.

  3. #3
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    Ah no, now you made me scared. I just asked my friend to find me someone. She maybe think I am not good enough!!

    haha

    I don't think he 's not good enough but just not my type of men ..ain't that just saying the same thing lol but wait women have different taste when it comes to husbands ...

    I dunno I'm confused .. he has plenty of wonderful characteristics as well ..
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    haha

    I don't think he 's not good enough but just not my type of men ..ain't that just saying the same thing lol but wait women have different taste when it comes to husbands ...

    I dunno I'm confused .. he has plenty of wonderful characteristics as well ..
    If his "bad" character does not stand in the way of marriage, then he just needs to find someone who likes his good side. We like different type of characters so what you like might not suit me. We are all humans so our standards will differ.
    He will find someone who likes him the way he is inshallah. Just don't forget to give proper information about him

  5. #5
    Odan Morose's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    Ah no, now you made me scared. I just asked my friend to find me someone. She maybe think I am not good enough!!
    Nah I'm kidding. she is great, I trust her with my life

    They asked you because they trust you. But if he lacks really important features then I suggest maybe telling him that in a nice way?

    this is a dilemma... I would deny finding him anyone in the first place and instead focus on making him fix his flaws. It's better as a friend to be honest than making him hear it from someone else.
    No bad advice. Just because she perceives them to be flaws doesn't mean they are flaws so she shouldn't be advising him to rectify these 'flaws' unless they are religiously confirmed/universally accepted as flaws.
    Otherwise she has no place in exhorting alteration in character.

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    haha

    I don't think he 's not good enough but just not my type of men ..ain't that just saying the same thing lol but wait women have different taste when it comes to husbands ...

    I dunno I'm confused .. he has plenty of wonderful characteristics as well ..
    Well you're confused and hence creating an "awkward" situation.

    Is it just that he's not your type or is it that there's something actually wrong with him - either his Faith or character? If it's that he's a really bad Muslim or that he's a bad person, for instance the type to mistreat his wife (not saying he is), then you shouldn't be recommending him to anyone; but if he's just a normal guy just that you don't fancy, then recommend people you know who you think would be a compatible match.
    Otherwise tell him you do not know of anybody.

    It's that simple really.

  6. #6
    Odan Morose's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    No bad advice. Just because she perceives them to be flaws doesn't mean they are flaws so she shouldn't be advising him to rectify these 'flaws' unless they are religiously confirmed/universally accepted as flaws.
    Otherwise she has no place in exhorting alteration in character.



    Well you're confused and hence creating an "awkward" situation.

    Is it just that he's not your type or is it that there's something actually wrong with him - either his Faith or character? If it's that he's a really bad Muslim or that he's a bad person, for instance the type to mistreat his wife (not saying he is), then you shouldn't be recommending him to anyone; but if he's just a normal guy just that you don't fancy, then recommend people you know who you think would be a compatible match.
    Otherwise tell him you do not know of anybody.

    It's that simple really.
    Good post bro, I agree with you completely and I think you took a very logical approach to this.

  7. #7
    Odan Morose's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    Good post bro, I agree with you completely and I think you took a very logical approach to this.
    Thanks bro, I think so too.

  8. #8
    Odan Morose's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    Thanks bro, I think so too.
    Haha what would these forummers do without your advice and logic bro? They'd struggle for sure.

  9. #9
    Odan Morose's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    Haha what would these forummers do without your advice and logic bro? They'd struggle for sure.
    True bro, I do give good advice and bring reason and balance to this forum.

  10. #10
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    True bro, I do give good advice and bring reason and balance to this forum.
    Insane in the membrane

  11. #11
    Odan Morose's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
    Insane in the membrane
    lmao I don't kno wo' da' means.

    Speek English sonnn!

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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    lmao I don't kno wo' da' means.

    Speek English sonnn!
    Bruh ..

  13. #13
    Odan Morose's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
    Bruh ..
    Sorry bro, I just thought it was good advice so I showed my appreciation.

  14. #14
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Lol

  15. #15
    VERSION : Alpha 6.6 Aetos's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
    Insane in the membrane
    Crazy insane,got no brain

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    True bro, I do give good advice and bring reason and balance to this forum.
    Son, that was the most hilarious thing I have seen today hahah

  16. #16
    Odan Gingerbeardman's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    If someone ask you to look for him for a spouse and you really like to help ppl out but the problem is you not really convinced of the person?

    Don't get me wrong ..he's good and all not having major problems but just didn't like his character in general .. don't wanna be unfair to him
    But in all honestly I don't wish him ( I mean someone like him) to myself nor my near beloved ones .. so how could I recommend him to others? then sleep with a clear conscience I just can't ...

    don't know if I'm exaggerating but been a while i'm trying to avoid this and the person hoping something good will come my way ..once he said your friends could be similar to you in character^^ ....

    my sister says maybe not all women has same mind like us and will be happy with him. We recommend not we just link them together and it's up to them after that .. and other time she says don't involve me into this .. something/ someone I don't accept to myself wouldn't even hint it to other woman about
    ( which I agree with ) but she ain't helping at all .. worse than me .. keep confusing me ..



    What I'm supposed to do? Have u ever been in similar situation?^^ if yes how u reacted ..
    Ok... this is just me. But if I had some crappy character trait or several, I'd rather know about it then everyone walks around pretending it is not there and then secretly avoid me. It's like if someone has proper honking stinky breath at work and sits next to me, I'll go to the machine in the break out room and buy them some mints.

    Just tell him, yes in a nice way, but tell him "look you have some good stuff going for you, but x, y, and z traits are a big problem for me or other women I know so no, sort those out first then maybe we'll look at finding you a wife."

    Don't avoid him, that's not helping him, it's helping yourself out of an awkward situation, it's selfish.
    FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

    www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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    Re: awkward situation


  18. #18
    Odan
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    If someone ask you to look for him for a spouse and you really like to help ppl out but the problem is you not really convinced of the person?

    Don't get me wrong ..he's good and all not having major problems but just didn't like his character in general .. don't wanna be unfair to him
    But in all honestly I don't wish him ( I mean someone like him) to myself nor my near beloved ones .. so how could I recommend him to others? then sleep with a clear conscience I just can't ...

    don't know if I'm exaggerating but been a while i'm trying to avoid this and the person hoping something good will come my way ..once he said your friends could be similar to you in character^^ ....

    my sister says maybe not all women has same mind like us and will be happy with him. We recommend not we just link them together and it's up to them after that .. and other time she says don't involve me into this .. something/ someone I don't accept to myself wouldn't even hint it to other woman about
    ( which I agree with ) but she ain't helping at all .. worse than me .. keep confusing me ..



    What I'm supposed to do? Have u ever been in similar situation?^^ if yes how u reacted ..
    You need to find specifics about what it is you don't like. It could be something or it could be nothing. Just because you don't like a quality does not mean he/she really does have an issue. If others that know the person agree with you then you might be on to something and if there is something then you have an opportunity to help that person.

  19. #19
    Odan
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    True bro, I do give good advice and bring reason and balance to this forum.
    son stop...

  20. #20
    Odan Morose's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by hasan2013 View Post
    son stop...
    Weak human

    Orc crush weak human scull

    Want to see a magic trick? I can make heads disappear

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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    Weak human

    Orc crush weak human scull

    Want to see a magic trick? I can make heads disappear
    I think you av loss Brayn uncole

  22. #22
    Odan Morose's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by Dontknowname View Post
    I think you av loss Brayn uncole
    Fear the Orc

    Orc crush weak human

  23. #23
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    Ok... this is just me. But if I had some crappy character trait or several, I'd rather know about it then everyone walks around pretending it is not there and then secretly avoid me. It's like if someone has proper honking stinky breath at work and sits next to me, I'll go to the machine in the break out room and buy them some mints.

    Just tell him, yes in a nice way, but tell him "look you have some good stuff going for you, but x, y, and z traits are a big problem for me or other women I know so no, sort those out first then maybe we'll look at finding you a wife."

    Don't avoid him, that's not helping him, it's helping yourself out of an awkward situation, it's selfish.
    I like if others point out my flaws to me tbh .. but I don't think many ppl like that though. Plus, I'm not sure if they're really flaws or it's just not my cup of tea qualities.. this confuses me

    yes I feel I'm selfish but really I'm clueless in such situations. Plus, he see me as weird creature ( because of decisions I took about my life) not sure how he would take my words seriously ..

    I did exactly as u suggested in the bold lines .. once in the past, we were in a family gathering and I didn't remember how the discussion flows but jokingly I said that to him but I meant it and he was like " meh... not all women share same mind as yours .. u weird girl and look at yourself! u keep destroying your chances and life .. u need to wake up and think like any other woman^^

    he has many good qualities that other men lack to be fair to him ..

    maybe I need to separate between my personal taste/ views and the objective evaluation of his character i.e good/ bad qualities and flaws ..etc .. I should keep reminding myself It's not me who going to marry him .. maybe that can help

    Insha'Allah khair
    Last edited by myeverything; 06-11-17 at 07:52 PM.
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

  24. #24
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    Re: awkward situation

    @Morose @zi-zizou

    your posts make sense

    I think it's more like I don't like someone like him as a partner for myself, but this does not mean he does have an issue .. u r right .. it's just me ..
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

  25. #25
    Odan
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    Re: awkward situation

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    @Morose @zi-zizou

    your posts make sense

    I think it's more like I don't like someone like him as a partner for myself, but this does not mean he does have an issue .. u r right .. it's just me ..
    I think for those who are strong minded with age they tend to become so much more selective.

 

 

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