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  1. #1
    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    What would you compromise on?

    :

    I'm sure all of us has a list of criteria for what we want in a spouse, but it's also important to think about what we would/could overlook, since it's practically impossible to find the ideal person.

    So, which ones of these would you compromise on?

    - appearance
    - character/personality
    - marital status
    - age difference
    - finance
    - level of education
    - ethnicity
    - location
    - family background/upbringing
    - certain aspects of deen (like music, movies, not strict on freemixing, not wearing proper hijab, etc)
    - none of the above?

  2. #2

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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Non of those even matter tbh except character
    And education, who wants to marry someone who doesn't even know their own religion?

    Intellect is attractive. So good character + education + aesthetically pleasing would be ideal, the rest don't matter.

  3. #3
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    :

    I'm sure all of us has a list of criteria for what we want in a spouse, but it's also important to think about what we would/could overlook, since it's practically impossible to find the ideal person.

    So, which ones of these would you compromise on?

    - appearance
    - character/personality
    - marital status
    - age difference
    - finance
    - level of education
    - ethnicity
    - location
    - family background/upbringing
    - certain aspects of deen (like music, movies, not strict on freemixing, not wearing proper hijab, etc)
    - none of the above?


    -Appearance can be compromised to a certain degree.
    -She should have good character in general, but I don't expect her to be Khadijah(ra) or anything.
    -Divorcees are okay
    -Age difference can be compromised to a certain degree.
    -Don't care about finance, education, or ethnicity
    -Location: back home is a last resort
    -I don't think I would compromise family background. She shouldn't have a bad family, and she should have a respectable father.
    -I can accept certain flaws in her deen provided she recognizes them as flaws and is working on them.

  4. #4
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    I think finance (as long as he's working hard to improve it...)

    There are things that will impact your children too, and these shouldnt be overlooked... e.g. family upbringings matter if they are way too open, and i fear they'll have negative influence on my children... and if the father is too open, then he's not an option to begin with.
    *
    *
    * typing from my phone, excuse the mess

  5. #5
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    All except personality and upbringing.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Quote Originally Posted by malleat1 View Post
    I think finance (as long as he's working hard to improve it...)

    There are things that will impact your children too, and these shouldnt be overlooked... e.g. family upbringings matter if they are way too open, and i fear they'll have negative influence on my children... and if the father is too open, then he's not an option to begin with.
    So finance is the only thing you would compromise on?

  7. #7
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    W.salaam,

    What do you mean by compromise?

  8. #8
    Odan
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    Re: What would you compromise on?


    I wouldn't compromise Deen and akhlaq, and ideally he has beautiful mind, everything else is secondary.

    Money comes and go.
    Maturity isn't relate to person's age, maybe more to life experiences, Allahu alim.
    We should be as traveller in this Dunyah, so locations not important.
    Ethnicity, Ummah is big and beautiful. Shouldn't look that, but what is personality/ character , which matter the most. As, that is the one, you'll be living rest of your live.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Deen95 View Post
    W.salaam,

    What do you mean by compromise?
    Lower your standards.

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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Marital status
    Education
    Finance
    Ethnicity
    Upbringing & Family Background

  11. #11
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    So finance is the only thing you would compromise on?
    you see, im not some1 looking to get married, so he either ticks the boxes, or no thanks!
    *
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    * typing from my phone, excuse the mess

  12. #12
    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Quote Originally Posted by malleat1 View Post
    you see, im not some1 looking to get married, so he either ticks the boxes, or no thanks!
    Sounds like a plan!

  13. #13
    Odan Sis_Asiya's Avatar
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    Lower your standards.
    Standards are all good and well but realistically in every marriage there is compromise so having silly high standards at the start when later you have to compromise is a bit naive
    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

  14. #14
    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
    Standards are all good and well but realistically in every marriage there is compromise so having silly high standards at the start when later you have to compromise is a bit naive
    That's what this thread is about.

    What in your opinion is "silly high standards"?

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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    He needs to have deen. Which is something everyone should look for in a spouse. But other than that we are only people and get attracted to different type of criteria.

    As for me, I would be happy if my husband shared my interests and way of thinking. Some of it is:

    - Being healthy (I eat healthy and don't want someone who goes to mcdonalds everyday lol)
    - love excercise (ayyyy )
    - I play pc games in my freetime, he should too.
    - being simple and not materialistic.
    - Enjoy life and not being that one who gets stressed over everything in life.
    - Someone who enjoys nature. I can sit many hours straight staring at a beautiful tree. Nature is just so beautiful. Taking walks now and then in a beautiful forest is something very nice to do.

  16. #16
    VERSION : Alpha 6.6 Aetos's Avatar
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    I would compromise in all but intelligence,appearance,virginity,personality....o thers can all be fixed

  17. #17
    Odan Sis_Asiya's Avatar
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    That's what this thread is about.

    What in your opinion is "silly high standards"?
    Having perfection in everything when the other person is definately not perfect. A failure to look beyond the obvious. Being uncompromising in a lot of aspects again what your thread is about. I know of so so many people who remained either unmarried regardless of having so many proposals come to their door because of this or when they then get to a certain age and panic sets in they then accept the first person and end up regretting.

    Deen and akhlaq are the two vital criteria as the hadith states if a man whose deen and character your satisfied with asks for your daughters hand in marriage the parents should accept otherwise fitna will be widespread.

    Criteria is simple but we make things difficult because everyone is so enamoured with what's around them.which is all fake anyway
    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

  18. #18
    VERSION : Alpha 6.6 Aetos's Avatar
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Quote Originally Posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    He needs to have deen. Which is something everyone should look for in a spouse. But other than that we are only people and get attracted to different type of criteria.

    As for me, I would be happy if my husband shared my interests and way of thinking. Some of it is:

    - Being healthy (I eat healthy and don't want someone who goes to mcdonalds everyday lol)
    - love excercise (ayyyy )
    - I play pc games in my freetime, he should too.
    - being simple and not materialistic.
    - Enjoy life and not being that one who gets stressed over everything in life.
    - Someone who enjoys nature. I can sit many hours straight staring at a beautiful tree. Nature is just so beautiful. Taking walks now and then in a beautiful forest is something very nice to do.

    Who is that man who doesnt play video games or exercises? o.O ...I either see sisters with very high standarts or very normal ones

  19. #19
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    Re: What would you compromise on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aetos View Post
    Who is that man who doesnt play video games or exercises? o.O ...I either see sisters with very high standarts or very normal ones
    People get yelled at by ther wives cuz of video games lol. I'll force him to play, or he can forget dinner tonight!

    And if he can't do at least 200 pushups and 500 situps in one sitting, he can forget to marry me.

    So mine is concidered normal or high? I think I have pretty low standards. Don't you think so too?

 

 

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