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  1. #1
    061116 Rifqah's Avatar
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    Mixing cultures and families



    For the sisters who live in this situation with in-laws:

    How common is this expectation to live with in-laws?

    What is the deal regarding privacy? Conversations and disagreements overheard - do the family get involved or do they mostly leave the couple to their own business.

    If the blended living is permanent then what happens when children come along? If the mothers (mother of the children) decision respected or over ruled by the children's grandmother or aunties?

    What about cooking for your husband? Or what if you have to eat different food because you can't have spicy food every day?

    What about romance? (Generally)

    What about your day generally, if you have projects or work from home and you're busy, you can go about your day or you have to be told what to do as it's not your house but someone else's?

    What about hijab and niqab, do you keep them on or off in the house?
    Last edited by Rifqah; 03-11-17 at 06:21 AM.

  2. #2
    061116 Rifqah's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    For the brothers who ask sisters to live with his family:

    What might be your primary reason for asking a wife to live with your family instead of providing her a small place for yourselves together?

    How much does the lack of privacy an issue?

    Does living with in laws cause a strain on newly married couples?

    What do women get upset about and how have you/ would you solve(d) it?

    Generally what are the biggest issues regarding this style of living?
    Last edited by Rifqah; 03-11-17 at 06:26 AM.

  3. #3
    islamreligion.com eesa the kiwi's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    No way would I do this
    It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
    "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    For the brothers who ask sisters to live with his family:

    What might be your primary reason for asking a wife to live with your family instead of providing her a small place for yourselves together?
    It's cheaper than getting a place of your own and it adds a new resource in the household.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post

    How much does the lack of privacy an issue?
    You are restricted to "alone time" in your bedroom.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post

    Does living with in laws cause a strain on newly married couples?
    If In-laws are great then it will add limited strain, if they are not great then it will add lots. When a relationship is played out in front of others it will always add a layer of complication.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    What do women get upset about and how have you/ would you solve(d) it?
    Workload of having to care and cleanup for others. Solution is to get your own place.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post

    Generally what are the biggest issues regarding this style of living?
    Building a new relationship has it's own challenges, having to do it while having the whole village around you is claustrophobic.

  5. #5
    😈 Al-Wahhābī 😈 Linkdeutscher's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
    No way would I do this
    Indeed.
    You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

    You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

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    Odan
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    For the sake of your marriage BOTH dont do it...

  7. #7
    islamreligion.com eesa the kiwi's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Linkdeutscher View Post
    Indeed.
    Son? Is that you (or as we say in nz statue bro)
    It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
    "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

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    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    For the brothers who ask sisters to live with his family:

    What might be your primary reason for asking a wife to live with your family instead of providing her a small place for yourselves together?

    How much does the lack of privacy an issue?

    Does living with in laws cause a strain on newly married couples?

    What do women get upset about and how have you/ would you solve(d) it?

    Generally what are the biggest issues regarding this style of living?

    Wont ask and hope Allah SWT doesn't test me with a situation like that InshaAllah.
    Finance is the main issue...cant see anything else.

    Yes in-laws causes strain an if you are not same ethnicity it could be even more trickier.

    Privacy not an issue....you always find a way ..room is where your heart is or sunset in balcony ..possibilities are endless.

    Women get upset over so many things ....be calm and learning to listen might solve a lot of these problems.

    Biggest issue is interference , lack of privacy, petty arguments leading to bigger problems , lack of understanding and judging.

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    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Sounds like a nightmare.

    I think the two primary reasons for living with in-laws are finance and/or taking care of elderly parents. Other than this, I can't think of a reason why anyone would voluntarily choose to live with in-laws.

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families



    Some friends of mine do live with their in-laws, they have their own room/floor. Still some people, may still come in...
    One sister narrated, that one summer due to visitors and etc. she was 24/7 with her hijab and abaya. Alhamdulillah.

    I would ask , who else is living there? Non-mahrams? Just, heard interesting, talk where br. advice not to put wife and brothers to live in same house. As, your brother-in-law is dead.[al-Bukhaari 9/330]

    There are good points, always have company. Children would know their grandparents and their history. Never need to eat alone...
    If having disagreement does husband be fair and hear both parties or not...I assume this go back to his taqwa.

    You just have to weight pros and cons and see what is kheir for you.

  11. #11
    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    I hope that i never have to move in with in laws إن شاء الله

    If you do freemixing might become normalised brothers in law etc

    Also i would be married to my mum in law more then my husband, no alone time, not being able to do WHAT i want, regarding food, decorating, working out just being free etc.
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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    Odan Gingerbeardman's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by aynina View Post
    I hope that i never have to move in with in laws إن شاء الله

    If you do freemixing might become normalised brothers in law etc

    Also i would be married to my mum in law more then my husband, no alone time, not being able to do WHAT i want, regarding food, decorating, working out just being free etc.
    When brothers get married, I always advise them that the new wife will want to make the place her own, redecorate or at least will move all the furniture around. This is just usually in their nature, so moving into a house which is already established with a woman already there there is going to be a clash even with the best of people involved, it's a recipe for disaster when people fall short of this.

    Brothers, just don't do it. If your family is difficult and you know is going to cause problems for and the new wife and you cannot afford your own place then think again about marrying as in reality you cannot afford it and fulfill the rights of the wife at the same time.
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    For the brothers who ask sisters to live with his family:

    What might be your primary reason for asking a wife to live with your family instead of providing her a small place for yourselves together?

    How much does the lack of privacy an issue?

    Does living with in laws cause a strain on newly married couples?

    What do women get upset about and how have you/ would you solve(d) it?

    Generally what are the biggest issues regarding this style of living?
    1) The primary reasons are: expensive to build/rent (and yet many of the families built big houses in the past, precisely because they assumed the sons - or at least 1 - would live with them); seeing to the husbands parents in their old age; sharing responsibilities of the upbringing of the children (grandparents help out too)

    2) Its a major one, especially if brother in-laws are still in the same house and unmarried. Unlike in their own house where husband/wife can express intimacy (eg. cuddling on the sofa) openly or where monster-in-law goes through daughter-in-laws things, etc. Sometimes it is best to have your own "section"/wing in the house (so that nobody is up in the face of everyone else all the time)

    3) Different people work differently. For some girls, they are used to big families/homes, so adjusting isn't too hard. For others, who are used to being/living alone, to suddenly have to deal with 2-10 extra people can become taxing

    4) Women can be irrational at any given time. For the man who can answer the question "what do women get upset about", he may have unlocked the mysteries to life itself

    5) Refer back to answer 3. Different people work differently. I assume, because you are European (or grew up with European culture), where families are smaller (1-4 people in the house at most), that this style of living may be extremely difficult for you to adjust to.

    Generally speaking though, living with the extended family is no longer the norm. It shouldn't be, as there is great reward for the husband to look after his old parents (and probably 100x the reward for his wife), but even parents realize that in order to keep the peace, it is better for their children to live alone.

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    I lived with my IL's for 18 months, but not until we had been married for several years and had 2 children, so different from someone who gets married directly into their household (which I would never recommend!)

    Too many cooks spoil the broth and too many women definitely cause a lot of tension in the household. In my case I lived in the downstairs floor with my husband, children, MIL and 2 unmarried SIL's. That was quite enough of a recipe for issues, but two BIL's also had a floor each and were married with 5+ children each and everyone tended to congregate on our floor. I lost count of the number of times that I set fire to my prayer clothes (that I practically wore 24/7) whilst cooking with them on. There was zero privacy too, which isn't so much an issue after children but as a newly married couple it would be very difficult. There was so much cooking/cleaning to be done as 12+ children in one room understandably make a lot of mess.
    I was born and raised in UK and have British mannerisms I suppose in terms of keeping schtum when annoyed however culturally Mediterranean people are more outward and volatile when annoyed so that was a big learning curve. There was also a massive gossip culture, women would be leaning out of windows watching who was coming/going, what bags they had with them so there was always a lot of speculation about other peoples lives which got very exhausting.

    It does have its positives too though, my SIL married in the household (a one bedroomed apartment with her husband, MIL and SIL) and stayed with them for 6 years. For them it worked out well, she was used to that arrangement growing up so didn't feel it was difficult. They used this time to save up to buy their own flat which they couldn't have done otherwise and they got free childcare as both of them worked full time. When it came to her daughters getting married though she stipulated that they must have their own place.

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    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    When brothers get married, I always advise them that the new wife will want to make the place her own, redecorate or at least will move all the furniture around. This is just usually in their nature, so moving into a house which is already established with a woman already there there is going to be a clash even with the best of people involved, it's a recipe for disaster when people fall short of this.

    Brothers, just don't do it. If your family is difficult and you know is going to cause problems for and the new wife and you cannot afford your own place then think again about marrying as in reality you cannot afford it and fulfill the rights of the wife at the same time.
    Youre right, its like we have to make our own habitat or smt, makes us comfortable i guess
    In the end we will be home way more then the husband so i guess it would be nice if he let the wife choose the deco and furniture
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    For the brothers who ask sisters to live with his family:

    What might be your primary reason for asking a wife to live with your family instead of providing her a small place for yourselves together?

    How much does the lack of privacy an issue?

    Does living with in laws cause a strain on newly married couples?

    What do women get upset about and how have you/ would you solve(d) it?

    Generally what are the biggest issues regarding this style of living?
    Living with in laws has nothing to do with Islam or the sunnah. it is an imitation of mushrikeen like hindus and sikhs and part of their filthy culture.

    Did The Nabi sallahu alayhi wasalam live with his in laws? Did any of the sahaba live with their in laws?

    No,it was a completely unknown practice to them as the Sunnah and seerah show.

    The number of horror stories of sisters being abused by their in laws and even being murdered should show you the harm in this.

    Find yourself a real man and skip the Momma's boys and mushrik imitators.

  17. #17
    061116 Rifqah's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families



    So it is usually cost or looking after elderly parents?

    So if a property could be afforded (by either the potential husband or wife or both) nearby or next door, then this might be a solution to both situations?

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    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    When brothers get married, I always advise them that the new wife will want to make the place her own, redecorate or at least will move all the furniture around. This is just usually in their nature, so moving into a house which is already established with a woman already there there is going to be a clash even with the best of people involved, it's a recipe for disaster when people fall short of this.

    Brothers, just don't do it. If your family is difficult and you know is going to cause problems for and the new wife and you cannot afford your own place then think again about marrying as in reality you cannot afford it and fulfill the rights of the wife at the same time.
    U say dont get married but for some people it might be the lesser of 2 evils
    Shaytaan could deviate your mind and lead to zina

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    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Im just gonna try and find someone whos cool with not living me until i finish my studies and get a job so i can afford my own place ان شاء الله

    The brother in law is death
    Too many people forget that and it leads to devastating consequences sometimes

    Also living with inlaws leads to problems most of the time

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    061116 Rifqah's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by aynina View Post
    Youre right, its like we have to make our own habitat or smt, makes us comfortable i guess
    In the end we will be home way more then the husband so i guess it would be nice if he let the wife choose the deco and furniture
    One of my friends, her husband comes home to the rooms being moved around almost every week.

    He asks if this is the correct house when he comes home

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    061116 Rifqah's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    Living with in laws has nothing to do with Islam or the sunnah. it is an imitation of mushrikeen like hindus and sikhs and part of their filthy culture.

    Did The Nabi sallahu alayhi wasalam live with his in laws? Did any of the sahaba live with their in laws?

    No,it was a completely unknown practice to them as the Sunnah and seerah show.

    The number of horror stories of sisters being abused by their in laws and even being murdered should show you the harm in this.

    Find yourself a real man and skip the Momma's boys and mushrik imitators.
    It might not be an imitation of kuffar if there is a genuine reason such as poorly parents or trying to be frugal.

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    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    One of my friends, her husband comes home to the rooms being moved around almost every week.

    He asks if this is the correct house when he comes home
    Lol cute
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    U say dont get married but for some people it might be the lesser of 2 evils
    Shaytaan could deviate your mind and lead to zina
    no, the solution is to fast and have sabr if you cannot afford to marry.
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    One of my friends, her husband comes home to the rooms being moved around almost every week.

    He asks if this is the correct house when he comes home
    My aunty always changing rooms around. Her husband said, that without putting lights on, he can't sit down or he may fall on the floor.

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    Living with in laws has nothing to do with Islam or the sunnah. it is an imitation of mushrikeen like hindus and sikhs and part of their filthy culture.

    Did The Nabi sallahu alayhi wasalam live with his in laws? Did any of the sahaba live with their in laws?

    No,it was a completely unknown practice to them as the Sunnah and seerah show.

    The number of horror stories of sisters being abused by their in laws and even being murdered should show you the harm in this.

    Find yourself a real man and skip the Momma's boys and mushrik imitators.
    Dude, you really need to be careful about the things you say sometimes. Islam instructs us to look after the elderly. How exactly do you plan on doing that by not having them live with you?

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    Odan Gingerbeardman's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    It might not be an imitation of kuffar if there is a genuine reason such as poorly parents or trying to be frugal.
    A man's poorly parents is not actually a reason for the wife to be forced to forgo her rights. It is his responsibility to look after them, not her's and when brothers say this what they mean is they are going to force another dhulm upon their wives and force her to look after his parents whilst he goes out to work
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post
    Dude, you really need to be careful about the things you say sometimes. Islam instructs us to look after the elderly. How exactly do you plan on doing that by not having them live with you?
    Next door, or a granny flat, or down the street. If things are really that severe they need 24/7 care then the man can move in with his parents, but what he cannot do is force his wife to move in with them too unless she agrees voluntarily.
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    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    :

    To any sisters considering this I would say DON'T DO IT

    DON'T DO IT

    And


    DON'T DO IT.





    I can't say anything about brothers that are the only son with just their mum with them or just their dad. You don't want to upset your parents.

    There is no place like home. In laws are a whole different story. Bottom line, no matter how nice they are, there will be issues with privacy, having some expectations, being observed, it just happens.


    It's not nice but privacy is soooooo nice nice and a luxury lol

    Brothers could consider an extension of some sort for their wife, a little kitchen and toilet.

    The latter is SO important.

    My fil was trying to get in, I was saying I AM IN THE BATHROOM. Obviously, this is a real problem if you're in laws are DEAF. Sign language will not help you

    It doesn't feel like home.

    All the best
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    As for romance

    What is that

    It's NON existent. If you wish you can take disney movies with you to keep a bit on the
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post


    So it is usually cost or looking after elderly parents?

    So if a property could be afforded (by either the potential husband or wife or both) nearby or next door, then this might be a solution to both situations?
    If the husbands parents own a big house (big enough that MIL and DIL have their own sections), then for the sake of saving enough money to purchase their own home, do you (logically) think that is a bad sacrifice for a few years?

    The sister above gave the example of a couple who did this and subhanAllah they now own their own home.

    Regardless of exactly where in the city/town the new couple will live, it is generally assumed that they will be a 2-minute drive away. If both the husband/wife are from the city, then they will be 2-minutes away from both their parents. However, if the parents are old/frail, then yes, living next door or in another section of the house will be ideal.

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    Next door, or a granny flat, or down the street. If things are really that severe they need 24/7 care then the man can move in with his parents, but what he cannot do is force his wife to move in with them too unless she agrees voluntarily.
    That's reasonable

    Brothers shouldn't ditch their parents but putting pressure on the wife to witness certain things can take it's toll

    It is unpleasant, stressful, it's not why you got married, it ruins Harmony.

    Helping out now and then is fine but expecting the wife to take on a carer's responsibility is very unfair. She might as well stay single and look after her parents.

    Talking from experience
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    Next door, or a granny flat, or down the street. If things are really that severe they need 24/7 care then the man can move in with his parents, but what he cannot do is force his wife to move in with them too unless she agrees voluntarily.
    I think you may have missed the part where the brother said it is an imitation of mushrikeen ... How the living arrangement is, is a different story. And yes, you are right about not forcing the wife.

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    It might not be an imitation of kuffar if there is a genuine reason such as poorly parents or trying to be frugal.
    when the Nabi sallahu alayhi wasalam was ill and suffering from the effects of the poison from the sheep he was fed by the yahoodi Shaytan did Ali and Fatima ra move back in to look after him?No

    and if anyone was deserving of being looked after in his old age wouldn't have been the Prophet sallahu alayhi wasalam?No

    Did any of the sahaba live with their in laws? No
    Did any of the tabieen?No
    Did of the tabi-tabieen?No

    Who is more frugal than The Nabi sallahu alayhi wasalam and the Sahaba? Nobody
    Did he ever move into Abu Bakr ra(Aisha's father and the Nabi sallahu alyhi wasalam father in law) house when he and his wife were living on dates and water for months one end?No

    Is the tradition of living with In laws common among the Arabs? No
    Is the tradition common among african muslims?No
    Is the tradition common among muslim from anywhere but south asia?No

    Is the tradition of living with in laws common among hindus and sikhs?Yes
    Is it part of their customs historically?Yes
    Are hindus and sikh mushrikeen of the worst order?Yes
    Are the hindus and sikhs from south asia,the same area where the custom of living with inlaw is prevalent among muslim?Yes
    Are the muslims of south asia specifically pakistan imitating their hindu forefathers and neighbors? obviously so

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    Sounds like a nightmare.

    I think the two primary reasons for living with in-laws are finance and/or taking care of elderly parents. Other than this, I can't think of a reason why anyone would voluntarily choose to live with in-laws.
    Laziness sis

    Some of them have so much savings, they are just lazy, greedy, irresponsible beings

    Others have good reasons like you mention
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    when the Nabi sallahu alayhi wasalam was ill and suffering from the effects of the poison from the sheep he was fed by the yahoodi Shaytan did Ali and Fatima ra move back in to look after him?No

    and if anyone was deserving of being looked after in his old age wouldn't have been the Prophet sallahu alayhi wasalam?No

    Did any of the sahaba live with their in laws? No
    Did any of the tabieen?No
    Did of the tabi-tabieen?No

    Who is more frugal than The Nabi sallahu alayhi wasalam and the Sahaba? Nobody
    Did he ever move into Abu Bakr ra(Aisha's father and the Nabi sallahu alyhi wasalam father in law) house when he and his wife were living on dates and water for months one end?No

    Is the tradition of living with In laws common among the Arabs? No
    Is the tradition common among african muslims?No
    Is the tradition common among muslim from anywhere but south asia?No

    Is the tradition of living with in laws common among hindus and sikhs?Yes
    Is it part of their customs historically?Yes
    Are hindus and sikh mushrikeen of the worst order?Yes
    Are the hindus and sikhs from south asia,the same area where the custom of living with inlaw is prevalent among muslim?Yes
    Are the muslims of south asia specifically pakistan imitating their hindu forefathers and neighbors? obviously so
    Okay

    That's a lot to take in.

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    when the Nabi sallahu alayhi wasalam was ill and suffering from the effects of the poison from the sheep he was fed by the yahoodi Shaytan did Ali and Fatima ra move back in to look after him?No

    and if anyone was deserving of being looked after in his old age wouldn't have been the Prophet sallahu alayhi wasalam?No

    Did any of the sahaba live with their in laws? No
    Did any of the tabieen?No
    Did of the tabi-tabieen?No

    Who is more frugal than The Nabi sallahu alayhi wasalam and the Sahaba? Nobody
    Did he ever move into Abu Bakr ra(Aisha's father and the Nabi sallahu alyhi wasalam father in law) house when he and his wife were living on dates and water for months one end?No

    Is the tradition of living with In laws common among the Arabs? No
    Is the tradition common among african muslims?No
    Is the tradition common among muslim from anywhere but south asia?No

    Is the tradition of living with in laws common among hindus and sikhs?Yes
    Is it part of their customs historically?Yes
    Are hindus and sikh mushrikeen of the worst order?Yes
    Are the hindus and sikhs from south asia,the same area where the custom of living with inlaw is prevalent among muslim?Yes
    Are the muslims of south asia specifically pakistan imitating their hindu forefathers and neighbors? obviously so


    I think you need to give a kuthba

    Come and visit us in the UK

    We need some inspiration
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post
    I think you may have missed the part where the brother said it is an imitation of mushrikeen ... How the living arrangement is, is a different story. And yes, you are right about not forcing the wife.
    He is right in a sense in that forcing the wife, it being a cultural expectation is not from Islamic teachings, therefore it is from elsewhere, the culture of the people around the Muslims, or else it has developed since Islam came to those people but almost certainly the former given this is a commonality among all indo-pak cultures that I've seen.
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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    no, the solution is to fast and have sabr if you cannot afford to marry.
    I dont think thats always the case i think thats the general case
    For example if someone is on the verge of committing zina marriage becomes wajib for them

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post


    So it is usually cost or looking after elderly parents?

    So if a property could be afforded (by either the potential husband or wife or both) nearby or next door, then this might be a solution to both situations?
    I think, it depends, some elderly people are fit and health. They may need just some help with house chores, shopping and company. Others may need more help with everyday needs, due to their fragile health.
    Thinking if, they need that much care. I would live with them, and take care of them. I would want to children to spend as much as possible with their grandparents and get memories. And thinking ajr what can be received, In sha'Allah.

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    Re: Mixing cultures and families

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    I dont think thats always the case i think thats the general case
    For example if someone is on the verge of committing zina marriage becomes wajib for them
    For something to be wajib in this context, it would require a situation where they literally had no control otherwise, so can you give an example either theoretical no matter how unlikely or from real life where this would actually be the case where a person was literally forced to marry even though they knew it would result in them doing something haram?
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