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  1. #1
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    :

    Hope you are all in the best of health and iman.

    Human beings will feel all sorts of things and they will experience different things in life that will cause them sadness, frustration, despair etc.

    You could say this is part of life and of course we're not robots. We are weak and fickle creatures. A man that lifts heavy weights can easily be defeated by emotions.

    A word of caution really, be aware that the limits we have in life are there for a reason. Time after time, I see people on here and real life that are heartbroken because they attached their heart to another person.

    It's not a nice experience at all. Certain things cannot be avoided. Especially when everywhere you go free mixing is the norm.

    Share your tips/hadiths/articles/Islamic knowledge on how to avoid infatuation, fantasies in the head and fake feelings that screw people's mind.

    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  2. #2

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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    alaikum wasalam


    Free mixing,getting emotionally involved and heartbroken= misery

    Not being able to get married because of cultural,ethnic,nationalistic,ignorant and hypocritical barriers= misery

    6 of one,half dozen of the other,right?
    lose/lose situation.

  3. #3

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    Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Basically, reserve that place in your heart for the love of Allah swt

    Nothing should eclipse or overtake it otherwise you run into problems

    That place is only for Allah swt, not the creation or another person

  4. #4
    Abu-Tawheed Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Lower your gaze Brothers and Sisters,

    The whole reason why desires go crazy is because many of us arnt even doing this basic task which Allah عز و جل has ordained, nor are most of us fasting to diminish sexual desires.

    Then we have people crying or complaining about how they fell in love and facing the consequences, or worse illicit relationships

    Nauzibillah
    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

  5. #5
    Odan Sarah5's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    I'm sure no one wants to be heartbroken sis, sometimes people bring it on themselves and other times, they can't help but to feel this. It's not something that can be helped, otherwise it'd be haram to be in love with someone you haven't married (from my knowledge, a person has no sin on them if they fall in love unintentionally since it can't be controlled).

  6. #6
    Odan Sarah5's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Also to add, often times when people are lonely or are facing hardship, a particular person could serve as a source of hope. Meaning, if I'm facing the problem of being neglected by my family, the love of a spouse could fix that (in my mind) hence this person is now "my escape". Or if a girl is being abused at home, her escape could be a better life with her husband.

    So it's like this person represents a "better life", they are hope in human form. The reality is of course nothing like that, I mean this person could help, but the idea here is that people don't necessarily just get attached to "love", they're getting attached to the idea that life could get better for them.

    Not all cases of course but just a perspective.

  7. #7
    Odan Umm Uthmaan's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Lower your gaze and stay safe
    Stop and stare, you’ll despair


    رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

  8. #8
    Heavensward Al-Mualim's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Pray. Fast. Zakat. Pilgrimage. Allah.

  9. #9
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender



    good thread, you see too many peeps falling for each other these days
    Surah Taha, Verse 69:

    وَأَلْقِ مَا فِي يَمِينِكَ تَلْقَفْ مَا صَنَعُوا إِنَّمَا صَنَعُوا كَيْدُ سَاحِرٍ وَلَا يُفْلِحُ السَّاحِرُ حَيْثُ أَتَىٰ

    "And throw that which is in your right hand! It will swallow up that which they have made. That which they have made is only a magician's trick,
    and the magician will never be successful, no matter whatever amount (of skill) he may attain."

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  10. #10
    Please do not 'Rep'. Jzk. Fakhri's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Quote Originally Posted by Faith reloaded View Post
    Basically, reserve that place in your heart for the love of Allah swt

    Nothing should eclipse or overtake it otherwise you run into problems

    That place is only for Allah swt, not the creation or another person


    (Alhamdulillah. Thank you, dear brother, for posting this.)
    LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
    -------------------------------
    "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
    NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

  11. #11
    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah5 View Post
    I'm sure no one wants to be heartbroken sis, sometimes people bring it on themselves and other times, they can't help but to feel this. It's not something that can be helped, otherwise it'd be haram to be in love with someone you haven't married (from my knowledge, a person has no sin on them if they fall in love unintentionally since it can't be controlled).
    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah5 View Post
    Also to add, often times when people are lonely or are facing hardship, a particular person could serve as a source of hope. Meaning, if I'm facing the problem of being neglected by my family, the love of a spouse could fix that (in my mind) hence this person is now "my escape". Or if a girl is being abused at home, her escape could be a better life with her husband.

    So it's like this person represents a "better life", they are hope in human form. The reality is of course nothing like that, I mean this person could help, but the idea here is that people don't necessarily just get attached to "love", they're getting attached to the idea that life could get better for them.

    Not all cases of course but just a perspective.
    +100. Agreed with everything you said, sis, especially the hope/escape part.

    Attachment can't be avoided sometimes, even if you didn't do anything haram, which is why we're not held accountable for our emotions, because most of the time it's out of our control.

  12. #12
    Odan Gingerbeardman's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Quote Originally Posted by Ya'sin View Post
    :

    Hope you are all in the best of health and iman.

    Human beings will feel all sorts of things and they will experience different things in life that will cause them sadness, frustration, despair etc.

    You could say this is part of life and of course we're not robots. We are weak and fickle creatures. A man that lifts heavy weights can easily be defeated by emotions.

    A word of caution really, be aware that the limits we have in life are there for a reason. Time after time, I see people on here and real life that are heartbroken because they attached their heart to another person.

    It's not a nice experience at all. Certain things cannot be avoided. Especially when everywhere you go free mixing is the norm.

    Share your tips/hadiths/articles/Islamic knowledge on how to avoid infatuation, fantasies in the head and fake feelings that screw people's mind.



    Seen so many people become unstuck by this problem, especially the newly practicing, reverts or those from cultural backgrounds where freemixing is seen as a norm and no big deal. Shaitan sees them come into the deen, despairs of getting them on the more major issues like shirk so goes into sneaky mode, to come at them from the side and the back, get them into other sins then they will despair and shaitan has another way in that way.

    [Satan] said, "Because You have put me in error, I will surely sit in wait for them on Your straight path.
    Then I will come to them from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their left, and You will not find most of them grateful [to You]."

    Quran translation, Surah al-A'raf, 7:16-17

    You can almost understand that, those young to the deen falling for this trick, but what really riles me is when those who should know better, fall into this trap, they must like me have seen so many others do so, see the problem of it, see the reasons for it, yet do so anyway out of weakness of character or emaan.

    That is why I find it hard to respect scholars or du'at who fall into major sins such as these, and not just once, bad enough once but sometimes repeated times, they really should know better and I think shows to some level they have not internalised the lessons they have learnt and are teaching others.
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  13. #13
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    +100. Agreed with everything you said, sis, especially the hope/escape part.

    Attachment can't be avoided sometimes, even if you didn't do anything haram, which is why we're not held accountable for our emotions, because most of the time it's out of our control.
    We are talking about the opposite gender

    Sometimes you have to ask yourself how did these emotions manifest?

    For example, if it's someone you are planning on marrying and you both know this will take place, then it is only natural to start having feelings.

    I don't think you can love someone until you have lived with them. Just my opinion.

    On the other hand, if it is someone you just know that you started liking then you have to question yourself why these little butterflies in your stomach are distracting you.

    It's a cause for alert if you take heed, if not you will keep falling and falling for the mirage of 'love'.


    No one is immune to it, hence it's a test but we have to take it more seriously. If we keep saying there is no wrong in it then people will try to justify it and end up hurt later.
    Last edited by Ya'sin; 31-10-17 at 12:12 PM.

  14. #14
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    When you think about another human being so much that you forget about Allah it could be seen as shirk

    You've set your heart and soul for someone that's not giving you sustenance, neither are they protecting or cherishing you
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  15. #15
    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Quote Originally Posted by Ya'sin View Post
    We are talking about the opposite gender

    Sometimes you have to ask yourself how did these emotions manifest?

    For example, if it's someone you are planning on marrying and you both know this will take place, then it is only natural to start having feelings.

    I don't think you can love someone until you have lived with them. Just my opinion.

    On the other hand, if it is someone you just know that you started liking then you have to question yourself why these little butterflies in your stomach are distracting you.

    It's a cause for alert if you take heed, if not you will keep falling and falling for the mirage of 'love'.


    No one is immune to it, hence it's a test but we have to take it more seriously. If we keep saying there is no wrong in it then people will try to justify it and end up hurt later.
    Well, what if you're planning to marry someone but it didn't work out? What can you do. You're not a robot, you don't have an on/off switch for your feelings. I wish we do lol.

    Certainly, there's no justifying haram actions. If you freely mix with the opposite gender and don't lower your gaze, then you only have yourself to blame.

    I was mostly agreeing with what Sarah said about hope. That's what I was attached to, not the delusions of "love".

    I think it's a bit extreme to compare love/infatuation with shirk. Shirk is worshipping other than Allah and associating partners with Him. That's not what love is.

  16. #16
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    Well, what if you're planning to marry someone but it didn't work out? What can you do. You're not a robot, you don't have an on/off switch for your feelings. I wish we do lol.

    Certainly, there's no justifying haram actions. If you freely mix with the opposite gender and don't lower your gaze, then you only have yourself to blame.

    I was mostly agreeing with what Sarah said about hope. That's what I was attached to, not the delusions of "love".

    I think it's a bit extreme to compare love/infatuation with shirk. Shirk is worshipping other than Allah and associating partners with Him. That's not what love is.
    You are right, we are not robots, if it doesn't work out, you get a little upset but then you move on.

    I think it is possible to train our attachment to certain things

    Yeh, love is not shirk but idolising, obsessing over someone might lead to it

    Certain things can head that way like your ego could be a form of shirk because you only want to please yourself
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  17. #17
    Odan
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    This is applies to any person...

    The only true friend and love we have is Allah...

  18. #18
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Quote Originally Posted by Ya'sin View Post
    :

    Hope you are all in the best of health and iman.

    Human beings will feel all sorts of things and they will experience different things in life that will cause them sadness, frustration, despair etc.

    You could say this is part of life and of course we're not robots. We are weak and fickle creatures. A man that lifts heavy weights can easily be defeated by emotions.

    A word of caution really, be aware that the limits we have in life are there for a reason. Time after time, I see people on here and real life that are heartbroken because they attached their heart to another person.

    It's not a nice experience at all. Certain things cannot be avoided. Especially when everywhere you go free mixing is the norm.

    Share your tips/hadiths/articles/Islamic knowledge on how to avoid infatuation, fantasies in the head and fake feelings that screw people's mind.


    I agree. Sometimes I am a bit "estreme", trying to avoid, when possible, any situation which can cause sadness. I am too sensitive and I try to protect myself this way.
    But free mixing doesn't generate love or heartbreak. It's what you do with that initial feeling with the opposite gender, feeling which is absolutely natural to feel, which can ruin your mind. The feeling itself is never the cause of such frustration or despair.

  19. #19
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    Re: Avoid getting attached to the opposite gender

    Salaam,

    these are good reminders, you think it might just be innocent but it turns into something more and then you get the eventual downward spiral full of negative emotions. jzk.

 

 

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