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  1. #1
    Keeping Islam Alive ! Believer1984's Avatar
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    Girl I loved is getting married

    I rarely post in marriage section but here it goes ...

    Salaam other than talking to Allah swt sharing my secrets , I am now sharing it with you too incase you can tell me what to do because I am facing problem upon problem and this one has hit me too.

    I just have to let this out I can not keep it in no longer !

    There is this girl I met once upon a time, ( You could say I fell in love ) I really wished to marry her but because of my status as you all know I do not have any money and I have mental anxiety I never did want to say anything because I am not worthy so I decided to remain silent.

    Even when we met sometime as she is a distant relative member I could sense she liked me too when she approached me etc a few times but I did not react even when I wish I could because of my extreme shyness and not having any financial backing.

    I have liked her for over 10 years and have made many duas regarding this and I just found out her marriage has been fixed and she is due to marry soon.

    Upon hearing this I cried silently and my head hurt and I made the same prayer like I mostly did '' May I marry her or give me the strength to forget her ''

    I am lost for words and each day will kill me untill she gets married ... how can i cope ? Everything has gone quiet around me and I need support.

    Jazak Allah Ul Khair
    Last edited by Believer1984; 30-10-17 at 01:14 AM.
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  2. #2
    On A Hired Plane of Logic LailaTheMuslim's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    I know how this feels akhi, take it from me, I always fall for people who reject me anyway. At least this sister had liked you, so that shows you have some qualities that other sister can be interested by.

    Don't you think in moments like this that Allah has plans for you, that this marriage may not have been suitable. It just makes you reflect on Allah's mercy and feel close to Him. And I'm saying this, as someone who is quick to despair and feel despondent over little things.
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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  3. #3
    On A Hired Plane of Logic LailaTheMuslim's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    rabbana hublana min azwaajina wa thuriyatina kurrata aa’yun waj’alna lil mutakeena imaama

    “...Our Lord! Grant unto us spouse and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.”
    Quran~Surah Al-Furqan (25:74)
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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  4. #4
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    I rarely post in marriage section but here it goes ...

    Salaam other than talking to Allah swt sharing my secrets , I am now sharing it with you too incase you can tell me what to do because I am facing problem upon problem and this one has hit me too.

    I just have to let this out I can not keep it in no longer !

    There is this girl I met once upon a time, ( You could say I fell in love ) I really wished to marry her but because of my status as you all know I do not have any money and I have mental anxiety I never did want to say anything because I am not worthy so I decided to remain silent.

    Even when we met sometime as she is a distant relative member I could sense she liked me too when she approached me etc a few times but I did not react even when I wish I could because of my extreme shyness and not having any financial backing.

    I have liked her for over 10 years and have made many duas regarding this and I just found out her marriage has been fixed and she is due to marry soon.

    Upon hearing this I cried silently and my head hurt and I made the same prayer like I mostly did '' May I marry her or give me the strength to forget her ''

    I am lost for words and each day will kill me untill she gets married ... how can i cope ? Everything has gone quiet around me and I need support.

    Jazak Allah Ul Khair
    Give it time,you will be fine.
    Then you will get married inshaallah,and then you gonna say first girl who.

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  5. #5
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    I rarely post in marriage section but here it goes ...

    Salaam other than talking to Allah swt sharing my secrets , I am now sharing it with you too incase you can tell me what to do because I am facing problem upon problem and this one has hit me too.

    I just have to let this out I can not keep it in no longer !

    There is this girl I met once upon a time, ( You could say I fell in love ) I really wished to marry her but because of my status as you all know I do not have any money and I have mental anxiety I never did want to say anything because I am not worthy so I decided to remain silent.

    Even when we met sometime as she is a distant relative member I could sense she liked me too when she approached me etc a few times but I did not react even when I wish I could because of my extreme shyness and not having any financial backing.

    I have liked her for over 10 years and have made many duas regarding this and I just found out her marriage has been fixed and she is due to marry soon.

    Upon hearing this I cried silently and my head hurt and I made the same prayer like I mostly did '' May I marry her or give me the strength to forget her ''

    I am lost for words and each day will kill me untill she gets married ... how can i cope ? Everything has gone quiet around me and I need support.

    Jazak Allah Ul Khair
    How do you know she liked you? Not to get you down, but a lot of times when guys like a girl they look for any excuse to think "she likes me."

    Anyway this infatuation is a disease. No one should have that much power over you. But time heals all; eventually you will get over it.

  6. #6

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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    I sorry to hear that you are hurting but if it was written for you to marry by Allah swt decree than nothing in heaven and earth could've stopped it and as it was not written for you nothing in heaven and earth can make it happen.

    These are the test that Allah swt sends us,be patient with his decree.

    Since you know that shyness is an issue holding you back work on becoming more assertive and aggressive in what you want.

    nothing is going to just drop out of the sky into your lap so JUST dua alone will not achieve your goals.

    May Allah awj ease your aching heart and give you the strength to achieve what you need in life,ameen

  7. #7
    -.-" Cptn._.Mario's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    I am so sorry to hear that akhi.
    ┳┻|
    ┻┳|•.•) Hello, Assalamu Alaikum! Check out this topic! #makethechanges
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  8. #8
    Keeping Islam Alive ! Believer1984's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
    I know how this feels akhi, take it from me, I always fall for people who reject me anyway. At least this sister had liked you, so that shows you have some qualities that other sister can be interested by.

    Don't you think in moments like this that Allah has plans for you, that this marriage may not have been suitable. It just makes you reflect on Allah's mercy and feel close to Him. And I'm saying this, as someone who is quick to despair and feel despondent over little things.
    Jazak Allah.

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    Give it time,you will be fine.
    Then you will get married inshaallah,and then you gonna say first girl who.
    Jazak Allah.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    How do you know she liked you? Not to get you down, but a lot of times when guys like a girl they look for any excuse to think "she likes me."

    Anyway this infatuation is a disease. No one should have that much power over you. But time heals all; eventually you will get over it.
    Akhi in my 32 years I never had any relation of any kind with the opposite , but I felt something strong without talking and so did she and she would be only girl to bring me a plate of cake at someone else's wedding, like shes giving me a sign etc and other times she would stare from a distance.

    But me I died every time in them years of such moments because I am not good enough in terms of confidence, money etc I am just quiet pause n walk on.

    I made many dua's even at times when I was at umrah and she was there too at that time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    I sorry to hear that you are hurting but if it was written for you to marry by Allah swt decree than nothing in heaven and earth could've stopped it and as it was not written for you nothing in heaven and earth can make it happen.

    These are the test that Allah swt sends us,be patient with his decree.

    Since you know that shyness is an issue holding you back work on becoming more assertive and aggressive in what you want.

    nothing is going to just drop out of the sky into your lap so JUST dua alone will not achieve your goals.

    May Allah awj ease your aching heart and give you the strength to achieve what you need in life,ameen
    Jazak Allah it hurts like crazy but I am content with whatever Allah swt has written for me.

    I just pray this mental and heart ache in the coming days is lessened or a miracle happens I get better and her marriage does not continue and we unite.

    Life is strange and my whole life has been a struggle tired ..just want to rest in prayers.

    Peace.
    Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

  9. #9
    Keeping Islam Alive ! Believer1984's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Cptn._.Mario View Post
    I am so sorry to hear that akhi.
    Akhi dua for me because this is hard.

    Jazak Allah.
    Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

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    Odan Sarah5's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    She's not married yet, why don't you ask for her hand? What could you possibly lose at this point? Not trying will lead to a 100% in failure however, with trying, there is some percent in success.

    She brought you cake? She stares at you? She wants you to make a move (in halal way of course)! Perhaps she's making the same Duaa as you however, all Duaa and no effort don't go hand in hand. I can make Duaa all day to get an A in a course but if I don't study, it most likely won't happen.

    Of all the times you wanted to say something and couldn't, find courage to say your final words now because when she's married, you can't start making Duaa for her to get a divorce.

    Make Duaa to get the courage, make Duaa she'll overlook your finances, and try because there's nothing to lose now. And if you are rejected there is confidence and resilience to gain. Often times we put our selves down so others don't have to but it inhibits us from so much.

    May Allah ta'ala help your case.

  11. #11
    Keeping Islam Alive ! Believer1984's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah5 View Post
    She's not married yet, why don't you ask for her hand? What could you possibly lose at this point? Not trying will lead to a 100% in failure however, with trying, there is some percent in success.

    She brought you cake? She stares at you? She wants you to make a move (in halal way of course)! Perhaps she's making the same Duaa as you however, all Duaa and no effort don't go hand in hand. I can make Duaa all day to get an A in a course but if I don't study, it most likely won't happen.

    Of all the times you wanted to say something and couldn't, find courage to say your final words now because when she's married, you can't start making Duaa for her to get a divorce.

    Make Duaa to get the courage, make Duaa she'll overlook your finances, and try because there's nothing to lose now. And if you are rejected there is confidence and resilience to gain. Often times we put our selves down so others don't have to but it inhibits us from so much.

    May Allah ta'ala help your case.
    Wish it was that easy ukhti, the years of mental anxiety have had a toll on me and I have nothing in terms of finances.

    Id be too shameful to ask for her hand ... I do believe she must have gave up on me but as long as she worships Allah swt I am at ease.

    If my lord wills it HE will unite us and if not than in her happiness is my happiness.

    I just pray that this strange human way of life of being heartache n mental hurt leaves me because it will be too much.

    Please remember me in your dua's.

    Jazak Allah.
    Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

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    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    Wish it was that easy ukhti, the years of mental anxiety have had a toll on me and I have nothing in terms of finances.

    Id be too shameful to ask for her hand ... I do believe she must have gave up on me but as long as she worships Allah swt I am at ease.

    If my lord wills it HE will unite us and if not than in her happiness is my happiness.

    I just pray that this strange human way of life of being heartache n mental hurt leaves me because it will be too much.

    Please remember me in your dua's.

    Jazak Allah.
    If shes getting married and its already fixed stop thinking about this and stop making duaa for it because its not right she will be someone elses wife

    If shes not going to marry him then you can propose but you cant just hint at her now its not allowed as when a brother is speaking to a sister for marriage another brother should not try to marry her theres a hadith for it i just cant remember it

    Also u need to try and learn to be confident, assertive and learn how to forget about the mental anxietys u had in the pass unless they mae you into a stronger person today
    I advice u see a muslim therapist in relation to this

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    Odan Sarah5's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    Wish it was that easy ukhti, the years of mental anxiety have had a toll on me and I have nothing in terms of finances.

    Id be too shameful to ask for her hand ... I do believe she must have gave up on me but as long as she worships Allah swt I am at ease.

    If my lord wills it HE will unite us and if not than in her happiness is my happiness.

    I just pray that this strange human way of life of being heartache n mental hurt leaves me because it will be too much.

    Please remember me in your dua's.

    Jazak Allah.
    Not to add insult to injury but I feel like Allah had made it easier for you already since you know the family (you were at the wedding so I assume there is some knowledge of the family), and it's clear she stares at you (once It could be a mistake, more then once and it's no mistake). Allah also wills that you are able to get drunk, which is haram, but it is your doings that don't get you drunk. If Allah wills you could get married and you couldn't but how will you know if it's your will if you've never even tried?

    To perhaps encourage you, here's a story about a close high school friend of mine. She had a suitor come and it's clear he's not well off and he made it clear too. At first her dad said no but it was clear she was upset about it (the way she talked to me). Then her dad agreed and now they're married Alhamdulillah. She loves him a lot even though he's still unemployed (he's trying to find a job). Also he has no car. Obviously I don't see her much anymore but I still have her number and sometimes I visit her when her husband isn't there. Now mine you she comes from a family that's not well off so it's not like she's drastically changing her lifestyle but even if the girl you like is rich, sometimes women will drop everything for love so there's always hope.

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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    If you have feel so low that don’t consider yourself to be good enough to ask for her hand, most likely she has the same impression of you. It’s extremely unlikely that she will agree for your proposal with the mindset that you have .

    Wishing that her marriage does not last, is low, selfish and sick.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Snippets View Post
    If you have feel so low that don’t consider yourself to be good enough to ask for her hand, most likely she has the same impression of you. It’s extremely unlikely that she will agree for your proposal with the mindset that you have .

    Wishing that her marriage does not last, is low, selfish and sick.
    Where does he say this?

  16. #16
    Keeping Islam Alive ! Believer1984's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    If shes getting married and its already fixed stop thinking about this and stop making duaa for it because its not right she will be someone elses wife

    If shes not going to marry him then you can propose but you cant just hint at her now its not allowed as when a brother is speaking to a sister for marriage another brother should not try to marry her theres a hadith for it i just cant remember it

    Also u need to try and learn to be confident, assertive and learn how to forget about the mental anxietys u had in the pass unless they mae you into a stronger person today
    I advice u see a muslim therapist in relation to this
    Jazak Allah.

    Forgive me I been so used to making dua for her for over 10 years.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah5 View Post
    Not to add insult to injury but I feel like Allah had made it easier for you already since you know the family (you were at the wedding so I assume there is some knowledge of the family), and it's clear she stares at you (once It could be a mistake, more then once and it's no mistake). Allah also wills that you are able to get drunk, which is haram, but it is your doings that don't get you drunk. If Allah wills you could get married and you couldn't but how will you know if it's your will if you've never even tried?

    To perhaps encourage you, here's a story about a close high school friend of mine. She had a suitor come and it's clear he's not well off and he made it clear too. At first her dad said no but it was clear she was upset about it (the way she talked to me). Then her dad agreed and now they're married Alhamdulillah. She loves him a lot even though he's still unemployed (he's trying to find a job). Also he has no car. Obviously I don't see her much anymore but I still have her number and sometimes I visit her when her husband isn't there. Now mine you she comes from a family that's not well off so it's not like she's drastically changing her lifestyle but even if the girl you like is rich, sometimes women will drop everything for love so there's always hope.
    Jazak Allah.

    If shes my soul mate and marriages are arranged in heaven and celebrated on earth like they say than we will meet otherwise I will move on.

    I will rest in prayer.

    Peace.
    Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

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    Keeping Islam Alive ! Believer1984's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Snippets View Post
    If you have feel so low that don’t consider yourself to be good enough to ask for her hand, most likely she has the same impression of you. It’s extremely unlikely that she will agree for your proposal with the mindset that you have .

    Wishing that her marriage does not last, is low, selfish and sick.
    Jazak Allah.

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    Where does he say this?
    Leave it - Jazak Allah.
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    Odan Sarah5's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    Jazak Allah.

    Forgive me I been so used to making dua for her for over 10 years.



    Jazak Allah.

    If shes my soul mate and marriages are arranged in heaven and celebrated on earth like they say than we will meet otherwise I will move on.

    I will rest in prayer.

    Peace.
    All I'm saying is that it doesn't hurt to try. You lose 100% of all the chances you don't take. Don't give yourself excuses though, I understand you have anxiety but step out of your comfort just for this one time! And forget about the finances right now because like I said, you don't know what she's willing to deal with especially since u never asked her!

    Worst case scenario she rejects, best case scenario she accepts, I know anxiety makes it much worse but it's not.

  19. #19
    Keeping Islam Alive ! Believer1984's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah5 View Post
    All I'm saying is that it doesn't hurt to try. You lose 100% of all the chances you don't take. Don't give yourself excuses though, I understand you have anxiety but step out of your comfort just for this one time! And forget about the finances right now because like I said, you don't know what she's willing to deal with especially since u never asked her!

    Worst case scenario she rejects, best case scenario she accepts, I know anxiety makes it much worse but it's not.
    Its fajr time.

    I will take refuge and comfort in it and move forward and leave it to my lord if its meant to be HE will better me and inspire me in-time for it.

    Jazak Allah.
    Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

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    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    Jazak Allah.

    Forgive me I been so used to making dua for her for over 10 years.



    Jazak Allah.

    If shes my soul mate and marriages are arranged in heaven and celebrated on earth like they say than we will meet otherwise I will move on.

    I will rest in prayer.

    Peace.
    Theres nothing for me to forgive akhi

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    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    Its fajr time.

    I will take refuge and comfort in it and move forward and leave it to my lord if its meant to be HE will better me and inspire me in-time for it.

    Jazak Allah.
    Also dont worry about finances for a second
    If a girl is righteous and u really like her then ask her anyway people have told me of cases where brothers have gotten married whilst being unemployed

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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    I rarely post in marriage section but here it goes ...

    Salaam other than talking to Allah swt sharing my secrets , I am now sharing it with you too incase you can tell me what to do because I am facing problem upon problem and this one has hit me too.

    I just have to let this out I can not keep it in no longer !

    There is this girl I met once upon a time, ( You could say I fell in love ) I really wished to marry her but because of my status as you all know I do not have any money and I have mental anxiety I never did want to say anything because I am not worthy so I decided to remain silent.

    Even when we met sometime as she is a distant relative member I could sense she liked me too when she approached me etc a few times but I did not react even when I wish I could because of my extreme shyness and not having any financial backing.

    I have liked her for over 10 years and have made many duas regarding this and I just found out her marriage has been fixed and she is due to marry soon.

    Upon hearing this I cried silently and my head hurt and I made the same prayer like I mostly did '' May I marry her or give me the strength to forget her ''

    I am lost for words and each day will kill me untill she gets married ... how can i cope ? Everything has gone quiet around me and I need support.

    Jazak Allah Ul Khair
    What's not destined for you, you won't get end of.

    Plus infatuation is a disease safeguard yourself from it.
    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    Where does he say this?
    Post #8

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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Yes Allah knows what is best for us.
    We know not what we are being saved from.
    Make Dua if she is good for you than she must come you way and if not than someone better must come.

    How many times have we seen a couple in love for so many years only to be divorced a few days/months/year after marriage.
    This only Allah knows.

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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah5 View Post
    She's not married yet, why don't you ask for her hand? What could you possibly lose at this point? Not trying will lead to a 100% in failure however, with trying, there is some percent in success.

    She brought you cake? She stares at you? She wants you to make a move (in halal way of course)! Perhaps she's making the same Duaa as you however, all Duaa and no effort don't go hand in hand. I can make Duaa all day to get an A in a course but if I don't study, it most likely won't happen.

    Of all the times you wanted to say something and couldn't, find courage to say your final words now because when she's married, you can't start making Duaa for her to get a divorce.

    Make Duaa to get the courage, make Duaa she'll overlook your finances, and try because there's nothing to lose now. And if you are rejected there is confidence and resilience to gain. Often times we put our selves down so others don't have to but it inhibits us from so much.

    May Allah ta'ala help your case.
    AsSalaamu Alaikum.

    https://islamqa.info/en/2450

  26. #26
    اللّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ halfmydeen89's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah5 View Post
    She's not married yet, why don't you ask for her hand? What could you possibly lose at this point? Not trying will lead to a 100% in failure however, with trying, there is some percent in success.

    She brought you cake? She stares at you? She wants you to make a move (in halal way of course)! Perhaps she's making the same Duaa as you however, all Duaa and no effort don't go hand in hand. I can make Duaa all day to get an A in a course but if I don't study, it most likely won't happen.

    Of all the times you wanted to say something and couldn't, find courage to say your final words now because when she's married, you can't start making Duaa for her to get a divorce.

    Make Duaa to get the courage, make Duaa she'll overlook your finances, and try because there's nothing to lose now. And if you are rejected there is confidence and resilience to gain. Often times we put our selves down so others don't have to but it inhibits us from so much.

    May Allah ta'ala help your case.
    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    Wish it was that easy ukhti, the years of mental anxiety have had a toll on me and I have nothing in terms of finances.

    Id be too shameful to ask for her hand ... I do believe she must have gave up on me but as long as she worships Allah swt I am at ease.

    If my lord wills it HE will unite us and if not than in her happiness is my happiness.

    I just pray that this strange human way of life of being heartache n mental hurt leaves me because it will be too much.

    Please remember me in your dua's.

    Jazak Allah.
    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    If shes getting married and its already fixed stop thinking about this and stop making duaa for it because its not right she will be someone elses wife

    If shes not going to marry him then you can propose but you cant just hint at her now its not allowed as when a brother is speaking to a sister for marriage another brother should not try to marry her theres a hadith for it i just cant remember it

    Also u need to try and learn to be confident, assertive and learn how to forget about the mental anxietys u had in the pass unless they mae you into a stronger person today
    I advice u see a muslim therapist in relation to this
    hadeeth of Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) which states that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should offer a proposal of marriage over the proposal of his brother until the first one gives up or gives him permission.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4746).
    God has created Angels with reason but having no desires; animals with desires but no reason and man with both reason and desires. Therefore, if one’s reason is stronger than his desires, he is like an Angel,
    while if his desires are stronger than his reason, he is like an animal.

    - Ibn Al-Qayyim


    وَاسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ

  27. #27
    Odan Sarah5's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Jazakum Allah, I didn't know this

    Regardless, all the points I made are valid for another potential. You shouldn't let your anxiety or lack of finances define you. Define you meaning let them set boundaries that don't exist. There are women who may work with you to help the anxiety and there are women who bring rizk (good fortune) with them. Marriage is a beautiful Sunnah don't let shaytan convince you of giving up hope. You can't expect to get married if you don't actively seek it. You can't plant a seed in the ground and hope it will grow you need to water it and put it in light.

    Let this scenario be a positive thing. For example like someone said, you may be prevented an evil you couldn't see (especially if you're in love, you'll disregard all red flags until it's too late). Also, let this be an incentive to be more proactive about seeking marriage and stopping shaytan from whispering doubt about yourself and your situation.

    You aren't your mental disease, you're a soul that suffers with a disease and it'll only defeat you if you let it
    Last edited by Sarah5; 30-10-17 at 11:09 AM.

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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    I rarely post in marriage section but here it goes ...

    Salaam other than talking to Allah swt sharing my secrets , I am now sharing it with you too incase you can tell me what to do because I am facing problem upon problem and this one has hit me too.

    I just have to let this out I can not keep it in no longer !

    There is this girl I met once upon a time, ( You could say I fell in love ) I really wished to marry her but because of my status as you all know I do not have any money and I have mental anxiety I never did want to say anything because I am not worthy so I decided to remain silent.

    Even when we met sometime as she is a distant relative member I could sense she liked me too when she approached me etc a few times but I did not react even when I wish I could because of my extreme shyness and not having any financial backing.

    I have liked her for over 10 years and have made many duas regarding this and I just found out her marriage has been fixed and she is due to marry soon.

    Upon hearing this I cried silently and my head hurt and I made the same prayer like I mostly did '' May I marry her or give me the strength to forget her ''

    I am lost for words and each day will kill me untill she gets married ... how can i cope ? Everything has gone quiet around me and I need support.

    Jazak Allah Ul Khair
    I say this with no malice and only with good intentions.

    You've had 10 years to make your move bro and you never did. She has since found someone else.

    If she has accepted that proposal, then she is likely happy with her choice and wishes to make her life with someone she found compatible.

    It sounds like you are mostly feeling regret. Give it time and eventually you will forget her (or what you felt for her). There is a thread somewhere on UF that talks about getting over these situations.

    Do not try to interfere (whether by reaching out to her or making baduaa against her current proposal).

    Interfering may damage broader family-ties as well, so keep that in mind.

    inshaAllah you will find a good spouse in the near future.

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    Girl I loved is getting married

    You can’t get what you didn’t run for, if you tried your best to bag her then I understand but you could’ve tried. Your responses show her that you were disinterested..
    إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

  30. #30
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    10 years is a long time SubhanAllah

    Anyway bro, only what’s written for u will come your way. Besides, don’t you think Allahs is capable of replacing her with someone even better? Nothing is impossible with Allah! Instead making dua for Allah to unite u with her specifically, make it more general. Ask Allah for a righteous wife and you’ll see your dua being manifested bi’dhnillah.
    رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

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    Senior Member Jumpski's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    I rarely post in marriage section but here it goes ...

    Salaam other than talking to Allah swt sharing my secrets , I am now sharing it with you too incase you can tell me what to do because I am facing problem upon problem and this one has hit me too.

    I just have to let this out I can not keep it in no longer !

    There is this girl I met once upon a time, ( You could say I fell in love ) I really wished to marry her but because of my status as you all know I do not have any money and I have mental anxiety I never did want to say anything because I am not worthy so I decided to remain silent.

    Even when we met sometime as she is a distant relative member I could sense she liked me too when she approached me etc a few times but I did not react even when I wish I could because of my extreme shyness and not having any financial backing.

    I have liked her for over 10 years and have made many duas regarding this and I just found out her marriage has been fixed and she is due to marry soon.

    Upon hearing this I cried silently and my head hurt and I made the same prayer like I mostly did '' May I marry her or give me the strength to forget her ''

    I am lost for words and each day will kill me untill she gets married ... how can i cope ? Everything has gone quiet around me and I need support.

    Jazak Allah Ul Khair
    You were born In 1984?

    Anyways she didnt ask so you may aswell forget about it and Allah is the most wise so believe and make dua to him in hopes that he may give the ideal spouse for you
    Last edited by Jumpski; 30-10-17 at 11:53 AM.
    It all starts with a thought

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    Girl I loved is getting married

    I think we are forgetting that the girl is already getting hitched with another guy!!!???

    Is it Islamically correct to interfere and try and steal her away from him noww??

    I dont know

    Plenty of women in the world for you, dear bro. You will get over her once you find another nice lady

  33. #33
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    It's a bitter pill to swallow sometimes but what happens in life, the good and the bad, accept and believe that Allah (SWT) wants what is best for you.

    As someone has said, this has gone on for 10 odd years. She is likely to be happy, sound and content - what was going on in your head was simply going on in your head. Sorry to be harsh.

    Just move on. Thinking about qadr, trusting in Allah (SWT), that will help. If you are hurting, turn to Allah and InshAllah it will be a means to draw closer. Confide in your Lord.

    React in a good way, accept, submit to Allah (SWT) and take steps to find someone to marry. The best way to forget is to simply move on, not to dwell. This is very important.

  34. #34
    Slave of AIIah dsr478's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Just kidnap her



    Okay in all honesty you just need to live with it. Soon time will pass and your emotions with expire, this is how life works.

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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    It has been ten years and you are still thinking about this sister is mind boggling.

    I think we all need to watch a video about these types of 'love', there is one called 'He loved her waste'. We think we love someone but we don't. They are simply desires and distractions. A way to make you a weak person.

    Also, her husband will not like this. Like I said to the other brother on the anon section, this is way out of order to bring this up as though you own the woman and as though she belongs to you.

    It's just a little crush. Don't regret it, and Allah will give you something better

    If you want something you have to take the initiative. It's the same for women.

    It might be a difficult time for you because you have ingrained these thoughts in your head for so long that taking it out will not be an easy task.

    The first thing you need to remind yourself is that she is just another woman. Nothing more, nothing less.

    May Allah help you, give you strength, and bless you with good in this world and the hereafter.Ameen


    P.s it may help to speak to people that have had the same experience as you so if there are brothers on here who have been in the same shoes but gotten over it, please comfort this brother and reassure him.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Keeping Islam Alive ! Believer1984's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Jazak Allah you all are beautiful people.

    Please don't mock or think I am the type to stir matters, I am just a simple man who made some memories and had hope that's all.

    I have had no 1 in my life in 32 years and safeguarded myself from even holding the opposite genders hand.

    Just day dreamed as a single man God forgive me that's all.

    I know i had long 10 years to make the move but I was and am still in no position mentally and financially and do not wish to spoil her life i thought maybe a day would come Id be mentaly better and would have some money than I could go get her but khair whatevers meant to be will be.

    I will keep making dua regarding this matter.

    Your dua's are needed.

    Jazak Allah Ul Khair.
    Last edited by Believer1984; 30-10-17 at 03:00 PM.
    Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

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    Abu-Tawheed Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    I rarely post in marriage section but here it goes ...

    Salaam other than talking to Allah swt sharing my secrets , I am now sharing it with you too incase you can tell me what to do because I am facing problem upon problem and this one has hit me too.

    I just have to let this out I can not keep it in no longer !

    There is this girl I met once upon a time, ( You could say I fell in love ) I really wished to marry her but because of my status as you all know I do not have any money and I have mental anxiety I never did want to say anything because I am not worthy so I decided to remain silent.

    Even when we met sometime as she is a distant relative member I could sense she liked me too when she approached me etc a few times but I did not react even when I wish I could because of my extreme shyness and not having any financial backing.

    I have liked her for over 10 years and have made many duas regarding this and I just found out her marriage has been fixed and she is due to marry soon.

    Upon hearing this I cried silently and my head hurt and I made the same prayer like I mostly did '' May I marry her or give me the strength to forget her ''

    I am lost for words and each day will kill me untill she gets married ... how can i cope ? Everything has gone quiet around me and I need support.

    Jazak Allah Ul Khair
    I'm sorry if this is harsh, but you need a reality check,

    Once upon a time you didn't lower your gaze and "fell in love" otherwise known as infatuation.

    You need to get over it and look for pious wife if you really are in a position to marry.

    Love comes after marriage, there is no such thing as "I was in love for 10 years with this girl"

    If this muslim sister didn't get married to you, then it wasn't written for you.

    May Allah عز و جل rectify the conduct and affairs of the young muslim Brothers and Sisters

    Ameen

    Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 30-10-17 at 03:11 PM.
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    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

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  38. #38
    Keeping Islam Alive ! Believer1984's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    I'm sorry if this is harsh, but you need a reality check,

    Once upon a time you didn't lower your gaze and "fell in love" otherwise known as infatuation.

    You need to get over it and look for pious wife if you really are in a position to marry.

    Love comes after marriage, there is no such thing as "I was in love for 10 years with this girl"

    If his muslim sister didn't get married to you, then it wasn't written for you.

    May Allah عز و جل rectify the conduct and affairs of the young muslim Brothers and Sisters

    Ameen

    Ameen.

    I fell in love and I did not take advantage of her and kept my distance.

    Khair like you said whatevers written for us.

    Peace.
    Last edited by Believer1984; 30-10-17 at 03:11 PM.
    Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

  39. #39
    Tawakkul... iRepIslam's Avatar
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    Girl I loved is getting married

    Awwwwww this is
    إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

  40. #40
    Senior Member neelu's Avatar
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    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer1984 View Post
    Ameen.

    I fell in love and I did not take advantage of her and kept my distance.

    Khair like you said whatevers written for us.

    Peace.
    I've been there bro. The guy liked me too for a few years but then circumstances changed and he drifted apart (my feelings didn't change but I sensed that his did). I couldn't pursue marriage because I knew his family wouldn't accept me (they don't accept anyone other than his cousins) and my family wouldn't accept him so it would damage the relationships we have with our families and I guess he wasn't willing to pay that high a price. I think if he opened up and told me he was willing to go the extra mile to fight for me then I would've done anything to marry him, but he didn't and although it makes me sad but I accept that he made his decision and it wasn't meant to be. He got an arranged marriage to a relative back home around 3 years ago. I was REALLY upset when I found out, not so much cos' he got married, but I was more upset that he didn't tell me and I had to hear it from someone else.

    Don't let anyone tell you that it isn't love. You know your own feelings more than they do, but they are right that ten years is a long time to hold on to feelings without saying anything and you've had ample opportunity to say something or do something about it well before she got engaged to someone else. I hate to come across as harsh especially knowing that you have anxiety issues and seem to have really low self confidence but tbh I think there's no one else to blame here except you. What stopped you from finding a way to contact her or her wali and say I know I don't have much but I'd like to marry her? If your anxiety was that bad that it prevented you from even asking for the love of your life, what chance did she have of keeping such a relationship together? It takes two to make it work and to adjust and get out of their comfort zone to make something happen that otherwise couldn't happen. You let your anxiety come first, not her and I don't know how but you need to find a way to seek help to change that if you want any hope at all for the future otherwise how many other times will you allow your anxiety to steal crucial life defining moments from you?

    If you can find it, I suggest you watch the John Bishop in conversation with Nadiya Hussein episode as she says some very poignant words about how she had to struggle against panic disorder in order to get where she is now.

 

 

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