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    Question Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?



    As part of the modern taboos people face concerning marriage, I thought it would be good to continue these discussions with (yet) another thread.

    If you have missed the other 2 threads, here are the links to them:

    A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...o-Can-you-cook

    Modern marriage taboo 2: Are you educated? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-you-educated

    In this thread, we will be discussing the issue(s) of Muslims born/living in the West who have a cultural-identity linked back home in the East. As most of the users on this forum do reside in the West (and have ties back home), this would be applicable to you.

    A common example of such scenarios includes a UK-born man/woman who has Pakistani parents who relocated to the UK many years ago. This person speaks their home language (Urdu, etc.) fluently and also identifies with the Muslim-Pakistani diaspora in many ways (food, dress, etc.)

    However, this person also has a lot of distinctly British traits (football bro, fish and chips, etc.) that distinguishes him/herself from the diaspora back 'home'.

    Questions(You can answer any of the questions and leave out the others):

    Brothers:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel you will face a number of difficulties assimilating your back-home wife to your British/home-country hybrid culture?

    3) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a woman from back home?

    4) Would you treat your back-home wife differently to a local woman (had you married the local woman)?


    Sisters:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a man from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?

    3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)

    4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?

    5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?

    All:

    - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post


    As part of the modern taboos people face concerning marriage, I thought it would be good to continue these discussions with (yet) another thread.

    If you have missed the other 2 threads, here are the links to them:

    A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...o-Can-you-cook

    Modern marriage taboo 2: Are you educated? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-you-educated

    In this thread, we will be discussing the issue(s) of Muslims born/living in the West who have a cultural-identity linked back home in the East. As most of the users on this forum do reside in the West (and have ties back home), this would be applicable to you.

    A common example of such scenarios includes a UK-born man/woman who has Pakistani parents who relocated to the UK many years ago. This person speaks their home language (Urdu, etc.) fluently and also identifies with the Muslim-Pakistani diaspora in many ways (food, dress, etc.)

    However, this person also has a lot of distinctly British traits (football bro, fish and chips, etc.) that distinguishes him/herself from the diaspora back 'home'.

    Questions(You can answer any of the questions and leave out the others):

    Brothers:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel you will face a number of difficulties assimilating your back-home wife to your British/home-country hybrid culture?

    3) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a woman from back home?

    4) Would you treat your back-home wife differently to a local woman (had you married the local woman)?


    Sisters:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a man from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?

    3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)

    4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?

    5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?

    All:

    - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
    I hope this one gets interesting responses and isn't derailed. Always like these sorts of threads. So I'll start.

    1 a). Only in the event that I can't find my someone I like here. Not that I'm super picky but I would like my wife to have certain traits regardless of where she's born (pretty, kind, chaste). I feel like these traits can be at times hard to find in North America. All things being equal, I'd prefer someone from North America, it just makes sense from a fitting in perspective.

    b). If I can find someone here pretty much.

    2. Oh yes ofc they would. I can't blame them. Even for the middle/upper middle class Karachi's a shitshow. Its why if I do look back home I'd be pickier to say the least. It's something that can be challenging to screen for and honestly its why my first preference is a local muslim girl. (number 2 for sisters applies to brothers as well)

    2. Upper middle class pakistani girls will face some culture shock but most young pakistani people consume north american media, may have canadian cousins or travelled etc. So it shouldn't be too big an adjustment. Most girls hopefully do understand you don't have servants in canada to do things for you.

    3. (For brothers) Well marrying from back home can involve a waiting game in that the girl sometimes can't come here straight away. The main benefit I'll have is that while she gains equivalency, my career matters more. I can prioritize it and the fact that she's more dependent on me means we can move for a better opportunity without having to worry about her career as much. Big issue is that I don't want to bring over the rest of her family from Pakistan unless its one person who's studying.

    4. No lol I'd treat my wife the same no matter where she's from

    5. Yes discussing it is very relevant. People are allowed to have preferences and if guys want a girl that can preserve their culture then they have every right to find her in their homeland. Both guys and girls have every right to find their partner no matter where they're from. Even muslims of one race just aren't the same one country to another. Muslims globally shouldn't be different but they are and we have to adapt to that fact. As long as people end up in fulfilling relationships that's all that matters. The only thing is guys can exercise this option to go back home alot more frequently. Due to cultural issues girls often have to stick to guys from their countries/adjacent ones.

  3. #3
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Sounds like some 10 mark essay question

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    adjskdjadklsadkj Pink123's Avatar
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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    1a) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
    Only if they're willing to give me mahr. (In Sri Lanka women usually have to give mahr to the guy- usually in the form of a house). It's really hard to find someone back home if you don't give them a house, even if the guy doesn't want a house his family will pressure him into marrying someone who will give him a house.

    2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?
    Citizenship? yeah maybe that might replace a back home potentials need for a house

    3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)
    Probably local because in Sri Lanka the husband usually relocates to where the wife is

    4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?
    Language barrier. My tamil sucks

    5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?
    yes

    - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
    Idealistically no but in reality people often divorce due to cultural differences or because of in-laws not liking the fact that their son/daughter married someone from a different background.

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    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pink123 View Post
    1a) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
    Only if they're willing to give me mahr. (In Sri Lanka women usually have to give mahr to the guy- usually in the form of a house). It's really hard to find someone back home if you don't give them a house, even if the guy doesn't want a house his family will pressure him into marrying someone who will give him a house.

    2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?
    Citizenship? yeah maybe that might replace a back home potentials need for a house

    3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)
    Probably local because in Sri Lanka the husband usually relocates to where the wife is

    4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?
    Language barrier. My tamil sucks

    5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?
    yes

    - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
    Idealistically no but in reality people often divorce due to cultural differences or because of in-laws not liking the fact that their son/daughter married someone from a different background.
    Your point one is not true at all,be careful when you paint a picture like this.
    There are few isolated cases in asian culture as in srilanka where men ask for dowry.
    The normal case is parents give to their daughter ,that is there choice.

    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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    adjskdjadklsadkj Pink123's Avatar
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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    Your point one is not true at all,be careful when you paint a picture like this.
    There are few isolated cases in asian culture as in srilanka where men ask for dowry.
    The normal case is parents give to their daughter ,that is there choice.
    heh I thought it was the norm, my bad.

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    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pink123 View Post
    heh I thought it was the norm, my bad.
    Its cool

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    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    I would not consider at all since I don't see any possible benefit.

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post


    As part of the modern taboos people face concerning marriage, I thought it would be good to continue these discussions with (yet) another thread.

    If you have missed the other 2 threads, here are the links to them:

    A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...o-Can-you-cook

    Modern marriage taboo 2: Are you educated? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-you-educated

    In this thread, we will be discussing the issue(s) of Muslims born/living in the West who have a cultural-identity linked back home in the East. As most of the users on this forum do reside in the West (and have ties back home), this would be applicable to you.

    A common example of such scenarios includes a UK-born man/woman who has Pakistani parents who relocated to the UK many years ago. This person speaks their home language (Urdu, etc.) fluently and also identifies with the Muslim-Pakistani diaspora in many ways (food, dress, etc.)

    However, this person also has a lot of distinctly British traits (football bro, fish and chips, etc.) that distinguishes him/herself from the diaspora back 'home'.

    Questions(You can answer any of the questions and leave out the others):

    Brothers:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel you will face a number of difficulties assimilating your back-home wife to your British/home-country hybrid culture?

    3) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a woman from back home?

    4) Would you treat your back-home wife differently to a local woman (had you married the local woman)?


    Sisters:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a man from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?

    3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)

    4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?

    5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?

    All:

    - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
    Sad.

    Utilitise yout time for something beneficial as opposed to creating stupid threads. You get married wherever Allah swt decrees and to whom Allah swt decrees.

    All these threads are just completely pointless
    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
    Sad.

    Utilitise yout time for something beneficial as opposed to creating stupid threads. You get married wherever Allah swt decrees and to whom Allah swt decrees.

    All these threads are just completely pointless
    Ukhti, of course, we make plans and Allah SWT makes even better plans.

    Akhi, just want apply logical reasoning when and why, people choose their other half.

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    Slave of AIIah dsr478's Avatar
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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post


    As part of the modern taboos people face concerning marriage, I thought it would be good to continue these discussions with (yet) another thread.

    If you have missed the other 2 threads, here are the links to them:

    A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...o-Can-you-cook

    Modern marriage taboo 2: Are you educated? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-you-educated

    In this thread, we will be discussing the issue(s) of Muslims born/living in the West who have a cultural-identity linked back home in the East. As most of the users on this forum do reside in the West (and have ties back home), this would be applicable to you.

    A common example of such scenarios includes a UK-born man/woman who has Pakistani parents who relocated to the UK many years ago. This person speaks their home language (Urdu, etc.) fluently and also identifies with the Muslim-Pakistani diaspora in many ways (food, dress, etc.)

    However, this person also has a lot of distinctly British traits (football bro, fish and chips, etc.) that distinguishes him/herself from the diaspora back 'home'.

    Questions(You can answer any of the questions and leave out the others):

    Brothers:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel you will face a number of difficulties assimilating your back-home wife to your British/home-country hybrid culture?

    3) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a woman from back home?

    4) Would you treat your back-home wife differently to a local woman (had you married the local woman)?


    Sisters:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a man from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?

    3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)

    4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?

    5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?

    All:

    - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
    I'd be glad to marry another person from my homeland (Pakistan), the women there are some of the least likely to be cancerous feminists.

    Only problem is they aren't usually too religious, often discarding the Hijab or wearing a butchered version of it, and even the religious ones still listen to music.

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    Odan Sis_Asiya's Avatar
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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by uccello verde View Post
    Ukhti, of course, we make plans and Allah SWT makes even better plans.

    Akhi, just want apply logical reasoning when and why, people choose their other half.
    But isn't it pointless. You marry whom Allah decrees you marry where Allah decrees all you have to be is content with the will of Allah. That's it. Reasoning is because Allah is the best of planners regardless of our plans. If people have have issues with this then that's a faulty way of thinking. It's like you over think a matter or issue and come up with ifs. If this happens or if that happens. If is from the shaytaan. We all know this so just be content.

    Some people don't ever marry regardless of wanting to their entire life as this is the decree of Allah swt. Some marry and are incredibly unhappy in their marriage as this is the test Allah pus them.through. You can find reasoning and logic in everything as eman means having that firm belief that Allah is the best of planners.
    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    I was never interested in going back home

    Too complicated and in my opinion some of the men are much more cultural. We would clash. I would need extra cash to get him here.

    Why would they marry me when there are tonnes of pretty, educated girls in Bangladesh?

    Lal passport

    *Fishy

    Enough drama with the British lads ya know bringing more of the Bangladesh drama here would be unbearable
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    a muslim in a odd place HelloEverybody's Avatar
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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Walaikum Assalaam

    I never considered marrying back home a taboo, Infact it is primary way to get married, because apparent lack of muslim women or generally muslims live sparse and wide.

    A lots of bengali brothers here have either married back home or someone from UK, excluding those who have settled with a kaafir. UK is the new "back home".... it has enough people to serve marriage needs of rest of europe, where there are really low amount of muslims.

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    I would not be able to handle the culture clash. I rather marry from where I live now (Sweden) or another scandinavian country.

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    I think one of the greatest benefit of marrying back home is preserving your culture, especially language for next generation. My husband and I speak English 90% of the time with eachother. I fear when we have kids, we won't be able to pass down our mother tongue as well as those kids who have one parents from back home. Also the desire to visit back home for us is much lower & we rather travel to different countries vs. other couple who have immediate relatives & reason to visit back home. Because my inlaws went back home after retirement, we still have reasons to visit but from my side not much reason worth visiting. For girls another great benefit is living close to her family, assuming she wants to be close to them.

    There is lot of struggle with marrying back home but what marriage isn't without struggle. I think the discussion should not be focused on first 5 years of marriage when it comes to back home marriage because those are tough years and unique years that will be over come. I am curious to see what other think of marrying back home in long terms, after 10-15-20 years of marriage? Is there a big difference between the spouse from back home after living in west for 10+ years?

    I see my cousin's wife who came to USA in mid 2000's and I can't tell the difference between her & girls who grew up in USA. She has her whole family here, she went to college here, she has a job, friends, she has kids/playdates/trips, she speaks English with some accent but nothing terrible. the only thing different about her is childhood memory in different country. The men on the other hand, I think I see some difference, the difference stays but tbh I don't know enough male to say anything.

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kya View Post
    I think one of the greatest benefit of marrying back home is preserving your culture, especially language for next generation. My husband and I speak English 90% of the time with eachother. I fear when we have kids, we won't be able to pass down our mother tongue as well as those kids who have one parents from back home. Also the desire to visit back home for us is much lower & we rather travel to different countries vs. other couple who have immediate relatives & reason to visit back home. Because my inlaws went back home after retirement, we still have reasons to visit but from my side not much reason worth visiting. For girls another great benefit is living close to her family, assuming she wants to be close to them.

    There is lot of struggle with marrying back home but what marriage isn't without struggle. I think the discussion should not be focused on first 5 years of marriage when it comes to back home marriage because those are tough years and unique years that will be over come. I am curious to see what other think of marrying back home in long terms, after 10-15-20 years of marriage? Is there a big difference between the spouse from back home after living in west for 10+ years?

    I see my cousin's wife who came to USA in mid 2000's and I can't tell the difference between her & girls who grew up in USA. She has her whole family here, she went to college here, she has a job, friends, she has kids/playdates/trips, she speaks English with some accent but nothing terrible. the only thing different about her is childhood memory in different country. The men on the other hand, I think I see some difference, the difference stays but tbh I don't know enough male to say anything.
    I think your point on language can't be oversold enough especially to pass down culture. Language is a huge part of our identities and makes us different from the native population. You need to make more of an effort to pass it down. I know this because my parents focused on english with my brother and while he speaks it well, he can't communicate in urdu at all as hard as he tries.

    Yes your point on visiting relatives vs other places is well noted. With that said its honestly an easier trip to do with kids then some other destination. Your relatives can look after them etc. Another point is how expensive plane tickets can get for multiple trips in case there's an emergency.

    Yes girls who come over sooner or later adapt 100%. The only difference between them and a girl who's been here is a slight accent which idm personally. It can be cute. Guys I dunno its weird they tend to have more fobby dressing styles and don't seem to exercise at all (not stereotyping just what I've seen). I feel girls face greater pressure to conform overall.

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    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
    Sad.

    Utilitise yout time for something beneficial as opposed to creating stupid threads. You get married wherever Allah swt decrees and to whom Allah swt decrees.

    All these threads are just completely pointless
    yet you're posting in all of them
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    I married someone from 'back home' but he had already been in the UK for 3 years for education. I feel that this made a big (positive) difference. He knew the way of life, how I had grown up etc. When we went back for a few years I had a big culture shock and could see how my husband was different from them. Even religious, "educated" people can be weighed down by culture; not all of it is bad but some very blinkered, ignorant ways of thinking. In honesty I don't think I would want my children (who have grown up predominantly in UK) to marry someone outside the UK, unless they had lived here for several years first.

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    No, as of now I wouldn't consider marrying a woman from my country. I am repulsed by them (not in the sense of attraction).

    I don't want them.

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by s86ahmed View Post
    Yes girls who come over sooner or later adapt 100%. The only difference between them and a girl who's been here is a slight accent which idm personally. It can be cute. Guys I dunno its weird they tend to have more fobby dressing styles and don't seem to exercise at all (not stereotyping just what I've seen). I feel girls face greater pressure to conform overall.
    Quote Originally Posted by Umm Fatimah View Post
    I married someone from 'back home' but he had already been in the UK for 3 years for education. I feel that this made a big (positive) difference. He knew the way of life, how I had grown up etc. When we went back for a few years I had a big culture shock and could see how my husband was different from them. .
    I initially made the comments on how guys after living in west for decades still give off fobby vibes but then I immediately remembered I only know 2-3 such guys and that is not a good sample size. The comment from sister Fatimah reminded me that those who come to west on student visa tend to blend in very well with in few years but those who move to USA via marriage can't seem to blend in. I think it has something to do with age of migration. Average girls from back home move to west in their early 20's & adjust very well. Guys who migrate to west in their early 20's adjust well too. But most guys who move to west via marriage process are not in their early 20's, instead most are in late 20's & maybe that is why they never blend in fully. Maybe its not about girls adopt better than guys in west but teenager/early 20's adjust better than late 20's/30 year olds.

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    ^I think it might have something to do with education and ethnicity more than age. I found that Asian men who come for marriage and often end up working in kebab shops/family business always seem to retain a 'villagey' type of persona. This isn't so true of those who come for university, who I assume are more educated and perhaps lived in a city rather than village. Obviously I am generalizing though.

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kya View Post
    I initially made the comments on how guys after living in west for decades still give off fobby vibes but then I immediately remembered I only know 2-3 such guys and that is not a good sample size. The comment from sister Fatimah reminded me that those who come to west on student visa tend to blend in very well with in few years but those who move to USA via marriage can't seem to blend in. I think it has something to do with age of migration. Average girls from back home move to west in their early 20's & adjust very well. Guys who migrate to west in their early 20's adjust well too. But most guys who move to west via marriage process are not in their early 20's, instead most are in late 20's & maybe that is why they never blend in fully. Maybe its not about girls adopt better than guys in west but teenager/early 20's adjust better than late 20's/30 year olds.
    Quote Originally Posted by Umm Fatimah View Post
    ^I think it might have something to do with education and ethnicity more than age. I found that Asian men who come for marriage and often end up working in kebab shops/family business always seem to retain a 'villagey' type of persona. This isn't so true of those who come for university, who I assume are more educated and perhaps lived in a city rather than village. Obviously I am generalizing though.
    Interesting.
    So what are the differences in people raised abroad and back home?
    I am talking about the religious ones, since their “lifestyle”.
    Or is it just having a different accent, not knowing the place or culture?

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by Snippets View Post
    Interesting.
    So what are the differences in people raised abroad and back home?
    I am talking about the religious ones, since their “lifestyle”.
    Or is it just having a different accent, not knowing the place or culture?
    Nothing to do with accent or knowing their place. I found that my husband was much less narrow minded than his counterparts. He came to the realization that the world did not revolve around their small home town. One of the lovely things about being in the west is mixing with Muslims from all over the world, which 'normalizes' other countries, colours etc. I was completely shocked how racist and othering my family back home were. They would say "of course everyone is made by Allah, but the blacks all have HIV!" and be really sneery about the food of other nationalities. They were looking down at lots of people and had a "don't mix with those lower than you" mentality. My husband himself said that attending a large, multi national university really opened his eyes and let him see people for what they were. rather than the very narrow stereotypes that he grew up with. My family are considered to be religious btw, all are 'educated' but these notions are heavily engrained into people from a very young age and the cycle continues.

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    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post


    As part of the modern taboos people face concerning marriage, I thought it would be good to continue these discussions with (yet) another thread.

    If you have missed the other 2 threads, here are the links to them:

    A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...o-Can-you-cook

    Modern marriage taboo 2: Are you educated? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-you-educated

    In this thread, we will be discussing the issue(s) of Muslims born/living in the West who have a cultural-identity linked back home in the East. As most of the users on this forum do reside in the West (and have ties back home), this would be applicable to you.

    A common example of such scenarios includes a UK-born man/woman who has Pakistani parents who relocated to the UK many years ago. This person speaks their home language (Urdu, etc.) fluently and also identifies with the Muslim-Pakistani diaspora in many ways (food, dress, etc.)

    However, this person also has a lot of distinctly British traits (football bro, fish and chips, etc.) that distinguishes him/herself from the diaspora back 'home'.

    Questions(You can answer any of the questions and leave out the others):

    Brothers:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel you will face a number of difficulties assimilating your back-home wife to your British/home-country hybrid culture?

    3) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a woman from back home?

    4) Would you treat your back-home wife differently to a local woman (had you married the local woman)?


    Sisters:



    All:

    - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
    1. Sure, I have never been outside the U.S...but my Islamic family members are from Palestine. I just hope she is kind and sweet..
    1.2 If the young woman said I had to live there...no thanks.

    2. I would think anyone who has lived in Palestine and comes to the U.S for the 1st time would be in culture shock lol

    3. Possibly more religious, more of a family person... it's fine if she works, but I mean...not like these women here who put their career 1st over family.

    4. I think I would be able to communicate better with someone from here; they would understand the culture here, they would know things I would not have to explain to a "back home" person.

    The last thing; There are no Muslim women in my area to even consider marrying. There is a small community here but no women within 5-8 years of me who are not married.
    Last edited by Tide2006; 15-11-17 at 03:59 AM.

 

 

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