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  1. #1
    Leviticus green
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    I just had to get this out. ok

    I had been really suicidal for at least a few weeks. Pretty much all I thought about was what happens after death, and ways to end my own life. There were the obvious methods, blowing my brains out, jumping off of a really tall building, but I couldn't get a gun and I didn't actually have the balls to jump at the time. I had stood on pretty tall buildings and looked down for hours, and just couldn't do it. I started thinking about methods that I could actually use. I considered pointing an all metal bb gun at a cop in a standoff then* getting killed by them, but what if they just shot me* in the leg? Also it would be pretty hard to actually go through with that. Then I* remembered all of the prescriptions my mom had in her bathroom. That was the easiest option available to me at the time. I think it was a Friday, my parents went out and I said I was going to see a movie so I would be back pretty late. They left at 6:30pm. Right after the door closed, I walked upstairs to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet under the sink and took out all of the bottles. 2 were completely empty, and the other 4 were all pretty full except for 1.So I emptied out the 4 pill bottles onto the floor. I stared at them for about 5 minutes. I counted out about 90 pills total. At first I thought it wasn't gonna be enough. Then I thought about different drug interactions and decided to go for it. I went to the kitchen and got a ziplock bag. I went back to the bathroom and put all of the pills into the baggie. I put the baggie in my pocket. I went to my room and emptied my pockets except for the bag, and put my stuff in my dresser. I grabbed a water bottle and went to the garage and grabbed my bike. I kept thinking to myself, damn, I'm not coming back. Im actually not coming back. I then rode the bike slowly so I could look at the trees and everything around me in detail. I went to a public bathroom. Stood my bike up outside, and went into a stall. With the baggie out of my pocket, I emptied it into my hands. This was one of the longest moments in my entire life. I took a mouth full of pills, swallowed some water. I did this* untill all of them were in my stomach. The process took less than 60 seconds. I left the bathroom, hopped back on my bike, and rode about 1 minute to the beach. I walked the beach to the treeline, we're I found a comfortable spot and sat down. For about 5 minutes nothing happened. Then all of the sudden I rolled over on my back and couldn't move. My ears started ringing really loud. I felt like I was falling even though I was already on the ground. I started tingling. Everything started spinning. Then I couldn't see anything. And then I couldn't feel anything. Then Everything was black. I was in a complete void. I was nowhere. After what seemed like years, I started to feel cold, and very wet. Eventually I could see again, and slowly realized it was raining. I also realized it was light outside. It was the next morning. I layed their in shock that I was still alive.

  2. #2
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: I just had to get this out. ok

    How are you feeling now?
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  3. #3
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    Re: I just had to get this out. ok

    You were out all night and your parents didn't even realise?

    Seriously you need some professional help. Talk to someone about how you feel.

  4. #4

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    Re: I just had to get this out. ok

    You swallowed 90 prescription pills and survived?

    Wut???

  5. #5
    Odan
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    Re: I just had to get this out. ok

    You need to talk to somebody. Go to your GP/health centre, and ask some help?
    I don't think you want to harm yourself. You want somebody to listen to you.
    Do you have any good friends/siblings etc. you can talk and undo the knots?

    In sha'Allah you are okay. Let us know, what is going on in your life.
    Take care.

  6. #6
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: I just had to get this out. ok

    90 pills that takes energy i choke tryna have 2

  7. #7
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: I just had to get this out. ok

    Who knows how they are

    This was posted in the morning

    I hope they are okay, op if you want to talk, we are here to support you, please don't give up and get back to us
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

 

 

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