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  1. #1
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    Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flowers.

    Sadly, my father passed away this year in March. I usually go to the cemetery with my family to visit him. Obviously I wear the hijab and cover completely when going out.

    However (I am actually getting really annoyed by this now) Muslim men (younger/old), despite being in the cemetery seem to stare and smile at women, who are just there to pay respects to their loved ones.

    Its wrong to stare at a woman in general, but actually doing this in a cemetery as well. Really now? have Muslims become that shameless now, that they have to do this here as well?

    It takes me an hour to get there by car, and I just get irritated because when I went to get water, some man (he was wearing Islamic clothes, and looked a bit older, was staring/watching me until I got to my fathers grave) he was with two small children as well, and when he went back into his car, he was still watching me.

    On another occasion, some guy was staring at me, and went next to me to smile/stare at me more. I completely ignored him, but its just things like that which I despise.

    Also, I have noted that (especially in my area) people seem to be planting flowers/plants all over the graves, making it look like a garden.

    Its fine if you want to put a few flower here and there, but not so many that it becomes difficult to maintain. I feel like our community likes to show off with how well they have decorated the grave.

    Its nice that people still care to a certain extent, but these two things which I have described above, makes it very uncomfortable for me to go there, which is sad.

    Has anyone else experienced this?

  2. #2

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Men trying to pick up women at a Janazah?

    that's super classy.

    I have no information on flowers and funerals.sorry

  3. #3
    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Putting flowers on graves is bid'ah sis it is a newly invented matter and probably even imitating the kuffar

    And have men become that shameless? Yes, i find it upsetting and i want to apologise in their name sis but yes, they have.

    (Many sisters too with the modern hijab and all that so im not calling out brothers but this is a matter regarding them)
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    Men trying to pick up women at a Janazah?

    that's super classy.

    I have no information on flowers and funerals.sorry

    Its really disgusting to be honest. Its bad enough on the streets and other public places. However, I always considered the cemetery a place, where you would leave all those things, and pay respect to loved ones who passed away. A true place of self-reflection. Unfortunately, some Muslim men still have no shame, even when death is literally in front of them.

  5. #5
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by aynina View Post
    Putting flowers on graves is bid'ah sis it is a newly invented matter and probably even imitating the kuffar

    And have men become that shameless? Yes, i find it upsetting and i want to apologise in their name sis but yes, they have.

    I know, I would prefer not to, but I am not joking, all of the graves around my fathers, is full of flowers and plants, which also makes the place look messy. It also annoys me because Muslims are not supposed to be decorating the graves like that. Actually, the christian graves on the other side do not have this, very much at all. Its just our area. I feel like complaining about this.

  6. #6

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by aynina View Post
    Putting flowers on graves is bid'ah sis it is a newly invented matter and probably even imitating the kuffar

    And have men become that shameless? Yes, i find it upsetting and i want to apologise in their name sis but yes, they have.

    (Many sisters too with the modern hijab and all that so im not calling out brothers but this is a matter regarding them)
    putting flowers on graves is certainly not a "newly" invented matter as it' has been going on for more than 10,000years (see link below) and possibly as long as 50,000 years and bid'ah only applies to matters of ibadah.

    http://insider.si.edu/2013/09/28455/


    IF the people believe that putting flowers on the grave is an act of piety or worship it is certainly haram but with that said I would still be hesitant to do it myself.

    I'm not not sure if flowers on graves is 100% halal or haram,it's a na answer for someone with more knowledge than me to give

  7. #7
    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by R123 View Post
    I know, I would prefer not to, but I am not joking, all of the graves around my fathers, is full of flowers and plants, which also makes the place look messy. It also annoys me because Muslims are not supposed to be decorating the graves like that. Actually, the christian graves on the other side do not have this, very much at all. Its just our area. I feel like complaining about this.
    Yea but maybe they have a different understanding of the deen, like sufis love shrines and all that, i mean its still haram for them to do it but if you mention it you will have all these people angry lol

    You could just cut their plants that grow over ur fathers grave,but the bigger problem is that u feel uncomfortable because they stare, and you can't really approaxh the men to ask them to lower their gaze :/ it might be worse
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

  8. #8
    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    putting flowers on graves is certainly not a "newly" invented matter as it' has been going on for more than 10,000years (see link below) and possibly as long as 50,000 years and bid'ah only applies to matters of ibadah.

    http://insider.si.edu/2013/09/28455/


    IF the people believe that putting flowers on the grave is an act of piety or worship it is certainly haram but with that said I would still be hesitant to do it myself.

    I'm not not sure if flowers on graves is 100% halal or haram,it's a na answer for someone with more knowledge than me to give
    Brother bid'ah doesnt mean something thats attributed to 2017n it means anything unislamic done in islam, if the prophet never put flowers on graves nor did the sahaba why would you?
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

  9. #9

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    I did say I would be hesitant to do it and bida'ah only applies to act of worship.

    When the sahaba went from wearing sandals with one strap to wearing sandals with two strap nobody decried it as being bida;ah as it had nothing to do with worship.

    IF the person has some mistaken belief about WHY the flowers are put on the grave and believes that it is an act of piety or an act of worship then I'm 100% sure it is an act of bida'ah.

    the reason I personally would be hesitant to put flowers on a grave is as it may be too close to imitating the kuffar.

    But again I will state I personally cannot say whether this is halal or haram as I do not have the required knowledge to say with certaintly,i'm just a guy

  10. #10
    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    I did say I would be hesitant to do it and bida'ah only applies to act of worship.

    When the sahaba went from wearing sandals with one strap to wearing sandals with two strap nobody decried it as being bida;ah as it had nothing to do with worship.

    IF the person has some mistaken belief about WHY the flowers are put on the grave and believes that it is an act of piety or an act of worship then I'm 100% sure it is an act of bida'ah.

    the reason I personally would be hesitant to put flowers on a grave is as it may be too close to imitating the kuffar.

    But again I will state I personally cannot say whether this is halal or haram as I do not have the required knowledge to say with certaintly,i'm just a guy
    https://islamqa.info/en/48958
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

  11. #11

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by aynina View Post
    As much as I respect that sheikh,May Allah awj have mercy on him, there are problems with that fatwa along with some others he has put out in his later years but no one is perfect.

    I'm still not saying that flowers on graves is permissible but the evidence put forward in that fatwa does not deal directly with the issue at hand.

  12. #12
    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    As much as I respect that sheikh,May Allah awj have mercy on him, there are problems with that fatwa along with some others he has put out in his later years but no one is perfect.

    I'm still not saying that flowers on graves is permissible but the evidence put forward in that fatwa does not deal directly with the issue at hand.
    Shaikh ibn baz?
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

  13. #13

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Yes,Sheikh Ibn Baz.

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    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    Yes,Sheikh Ibn Baz.
    Hm
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    The solution is pretty simple, wear niqab. Then no one will have anything to stare at.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow


  17. #17
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    The solution is pretty simple, wear niqab. Then no one will have anything to stare at.
    some men still stare at niqabis
    Surah Taha, Verse 69:

    وَأَلْقِ مَا فِي يَمِينِكَ تَلْقَفْ مَا صَنَعُوا إِنَّمَا صَنَعُوا كَيْدُ سَاحِرٍ وَلَا يُفْلِحُ السَّاحِرُ حَيْثُ أَتَىٰ

    "And throw that which is in your right hand! It will swallow up that which they have made. That which they have made is only a magician's trick,
    and the magician will never be successful, no matter whatever amount (of skill) he may attain."

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    Is there such a thing as good magic? by Abu Ibraheem
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  18. #18

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    With regards to (young) women visiting graveyards: http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/27802

  19. #19
    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Simply_Logical View Post
    some men still stare at niqabis
    yes but they won't see anything
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  20. #20
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    If someone thinks it’s okay to do that in supermarket, why would they think it’s different in cemeteries?

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    yes but they won't see anything
    It would still make the person being stared at, very uncomfortable. Some people like to imagine as well. I won't go further than that. Never underestimate what some men are capable of.

  22. #22
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    This wouldnt happen if women didnt go to the grave yard which they shouldnt anyway

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    This wouldnt happen if women didnt go to the grave yard which they shouldnt anyway

    I don't go all the time. My relatives (both my father/mothers side) never visit his grave.

    Only me, my mother and brother ever go. Not everyone is fortunate to have family around them that is supportive.

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Assalamu alaikum, sorry this is a bit off topic but I couldn't help comment at your post at not having a supportive family. May Allah Az Zawajal grant you with a family and descendants that will be the coolness of your eyes. And of course you have to remember that even if no one is supportive in your family Allah (SWT) is enough. HasbunAllahi ni'mal wakeel.

    Quote Originally Posted by R123 View Post
    I don't go all the time. My relatives (both my father/mothers side) never visit his grave.

    Only me, my mother and brother ever go. Not everyone is fortunate to have family around them that is supportive.
    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

  25. #25
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by R123 View Post
    I don't go all the time. My relatives (both my father/mothers side) never visit his grave.

    Only me, my mother and brother ever go. Not everyone is fortunate to have family around them that is supportive.
    We have to obey what the messenger said as his words are not from desire but are revelation from Allah
    And the messenger said women should not go to the grave

    One of the reasons is because it can lead to fitna such as what happened to you
    its better not to go to prevent fitna

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
    Assalamu alaikum, sorry this is a bit off topic but I couldn't help comment at your post at not having a supportive family. May Allah Az Zawajal grant you with a family and descendants that will be the coolness of your eyes. And of course you have to remember that even if no one is supportive in your family Allah (SWT) is enough. HasbunAllahi ni'mal wakeel.
    Thank you. Its been very difficult, my fathers side has 4 brothers and 3 sisters (who are educated/good careers) but none of them wanted to help with the funeral, and nor have they contacted us after.

    They only attended to look good in front of other people.

    We have had to do everything ourselves that my father left behind.

    However, I don't regret this, because even when he was alive, they never visited us, and always caused trouble. I don't want their help if its not sincere.

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    We have to obey what the messenger said as his words are not from desire but are revelation from Allah
    And the messenger said women should not go to the grave

    One of the reasons is because it can lead to fitna such as what happened to you
    its better not to go to prevent fitna

    As I said before, nobody from my fathers/mother side visit him, the only ones that go is just me, my mother and brother, and we try to go at quiet times, and we don't go every week.

    Sorry, my father was my best friend, and the only person that truly understood me, if I am sinning to visit him, then so be it then.

    God forbid if you ever lose a parent, you will understand exactly how I feel.

    We're completely isolated. I have to go, otherwise nobody else will.

    Also, I have seen plenty of Muslim women go, but this doesn't happen to them.

    If men cannot control their thinking even at a cemetery, then that is their corrupted thinking.
    Last edited by R123; 18-10-17 at 04:55 PM.

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    I hope you don't find my comment insensitive but why do you need to go to his grave?

    You can do dua for him at home. Give sadaqa on his behalf. Do something that will actually benefit him.

  29. #29
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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Quote Originally Posted by R123 View Post
    As I said before, nobody from my fathers/mother side visit him, the only ones that go is just me, my mother and brother, and we try to go at quiet times, and we don't go every week.

    Sorry, my father was my best friend, and the only person that truly understood me, if I am sinning to visit him, then so be it then.

    God forbid if you ever lose a parent, you will understand exactly how I feel.

    We're completely isolated. I have to go, otherwise nobody else will.

    Also, I have seen plenty of Muslim women go, but this doesn't happen to them.

    If men cannot control their thinking even at a cemetery, then that is their corrupted thinking.
    Im not trying to be rude and please forgive me if I have offended you. I completely understand why you would want to visit your father
    Theres things we all want to but arent allowed to do
    The only reason im saying not to is becaue you could be gaining sins and you may say so be it but even 1 tiny minor sin you would regret when in the grave or in jahannam. The sahaba were scared about the most smallest things. Just imagine being squeezed in the grave because of your sins even if it was 1. Or if you went jahannam even for a second the amount of pain its crazy. Not to mention the fire the boiling water and pus that you would be drinking from other peoples rotten skin. Trust me you dont want to gain sins not even 1 if you saw hell you would never say so be it.

    Men are told to lower their gazes and so are women.
    But women are told to dress modest and only go out when needed and thats for a reason. Its up to you what you do sister but im only saying it for your benefit. If your patient with your fathers death then inshAllah youl be granted jannah and you will be reunited with him bi idnillah

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Women shouldnt go to graveyard.
    Read and send from home.

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Sorry

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    Re: Muslims not lowering their gaze in the cemetery. Also decorating graves with flow

    Sorry for your loss sister, may
    Allah swt have mercy upon your father and reunite you all in jennah.

    Just because a man smiles at you does not mean he is "checking you out". Some people have differing limits of conduct and he might feel that that is his way of being supportive and empathizing with you (assuming he is visiting the grave of a loved one). I'm not saying it is right, but some sisters are very hypersensitive about being watched/looked at. Presumably if you can see him staring at you then you are staring at him too?

 

 

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