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  1. #1
    Unregistered1987
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    Mild ED- Should I marry?

    Hi All:

    Assalamualaikum. I am writing this post seeking some serious advise/counselling. You will find a lot of things in this post to disparage me, but I will appreciate if you would rather remain silent if you have no good advice for me.

    I am 30 years old male. I once married, my marriage lasted for 3 months, and then I divorced my wife.

    Even though we were married for 3 months, we never consummated our marriage. And the consummation did not happen because I suffer from erectile dysfunction.

    I believe I suffer from mild erectile dysfunction. I can get erections, the erection stays hard for 30 seconds, and then it goes. And then it comes again. As for my morning erections, when I wake up, I find I have erections but again, those are also not very hard.

    As for porn reason of ED, I believe I am addicted to porn. I can go max 5 to 6 days before I relapse. This has been going for last 2 years. Before 2 years, I could go more than a week or months without porn. As for my masturbation habits, I do it max 3-4 times a week, or even less number of times.

    As for lowering my gaze, with my weakening of eeman, I often struggle in this regard. Like when I go for shopping, I will strictly lower my gaze, but eventually my resistance will breakdown if I stay longer than an hour.

    As for my divorce, to be honest, I did not find my wife beautiful. I used to think that any woman will work for me, but I found out after marriage that it was not true. May be porn distorted my thinking and my preferences, but way before I got introduced to porn, when my fitrah was total pure, I liked curvy and top heavy woman, and she was not that type.

    When my wife learned my mild ED, she never also made any effort to work as a couple. Like she never said go and see a doctor. Or if I had asked her for certain position, she did not comply. Or I had asked her to birth control pill, and she said she would never take those pills. We have never performed oral too. I was too shy to ask for it, and she never initiated it either.

    Now I have been divorced for two years. I have told about my problem to my mom. She said if I am not 100% that I am capable of having conjugal relationship, she cannot bring proposal for me - for if things go wrong again after marriage, all my relatives and people will go berserk against my parents.

    In these two years, I wish I had truly avoided porn and turned back to Allah sincerely, but I failed miserably. I am starting from today nonetheless.

    Also I have seen doctor. He performed blood test. He found nothing wrong in hormones or anything - he rather said everything is more than normal.

    As for my personal belief - I believe that if I have a wife who is sincere in solving this problem together I can overcome - but of course I cannot marry with such condition - per my mom- some girls might create big noise even after the wedding night.

    My questions is:

    -Should I marry again unless I am 100% sure of having relations?
    -if I am not sure, should I reveal my problems to my prospect?
    -I am thinking of taking pills to see if my problem improves, but are you supposed to take pills (ie viagra) when you are not married and expect results?

  2. #2
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    Re: Mild ED- Should I marry?

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered1987 View Post
    Hi All:

    Assalamualaikum. I am writing this post seeking some serious advise/counselling. You will find a lot of things in this post to disparage me, but I will appreciate if you would rather remain silent if you have no good advice for me.

    I am 30 years old male. I once married, my marriage lasted for 3 months, and then I divorced my wife.

    Even though we were married for 3 months, we never consummated our marriage. And the consummation did not happen because I suffer from erectile dysfunction.

    I believe I suffer from mild erectile dysfunction. I can get erections, the erection stays hard for 30 seconds, and then it goes. And then it comes again. As for my morning erections, when I wake up, I find I have erections but again, those are also not very hard.

    As for porn reason of ED, I believe I am addicted to porn. I can go max 5 to 6 days before I relapse. This has been going for last 2 years. Before 2 years, I could go more than a week or months without porn. As for my masturbation habits, I do it max 3-4 times a week, or even less number of times.

    As for lowering my gaze, with my weakening of eeman, I often struggle in this regard. Like when I go for shopping, I will strictly lower my gaze, but eventually my resistance will breakdown if I stay longer than an hour.

    As for my divorce, to be honest, I did not find my wife beautiful. I used to think that any woman will work for me, but I found out after marriage that it was not true. May be porn distorted my thinking and my preferences, but way before I got introduced to porn, when my fitrah was total pure, I liked curvy and top heavy woman, and she was not that type.

    When my wife learned my mild ED, she never also made any effort to work as a couple. Like she never said go and see a doctor. Or if I had asked her for certain position, she did not comply. Or I had asked her to birth control pill, and she said she would never take those pills. We have never performed oral too. I was too shy to ask for it, and she never initiated it either.

    Now I have been divorced for two years. I have told about my problem to my mom. She said if I am not 100% that I am capable of having conjugal relationship, she cannot bring proposal for me - for if things go wrong again after marriage, all my relatives and people will go berserk against my parents.

    In these two years, I wish I had truly avoided porn and turned back to Allah sincerely, but I failed miserably. I am starting from today nonetheless.

    Also I have seen doctor. He performed blood test. He found nothing wrong in hormones or anything - he rather said everything is more than normal.

    As for my personal belief - I believe that if I have a wife who is sincere in solving this problem together I can overcome - but of course I cannot marry with such condition - per my mom- some girls might create big noise even after the wedding night.

    My questions is:

    -Should I marry again unless I am 100% sure of having relations?
    -if I am not sure, should I reveal my problems to my prospect?
    -I am thinking of taking pills to see if my problem improves, but are you supposed to take pills (ie viagra) when you are not married and expect results?
    I think you should talk to a scholar regarding marrying again as you say that you have a mild issue so its not impossible and is curable which means u may be able to provide your wife with her marital rights but still speak to scholars

    Also speak to a doctor fully not blood test explain your situation properly dont be embarressed doctors have heard so much
    I dont think a normal blood test or hormone test is enough
    It could be nervous system problem or could even be just being nervous or desensitised and becoming tolerant

    Also you cant rely on pills for the rest of your life its not convenient and not healthy you have to fix the problem

    And try and cut the haram stuff its not easy but make duaa to Allah to help you overcome it and try your best to im sure this will help make a difference

    If you would like to talk more in depth you can pm me if you need to talk

  3. #3
    Combating Coconuts in UF
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    Re: Mild ED- Should I marry?

    Your ED is not an inherent problem. It's caused by watching too much porn. When you watch too much porn you destroy the needed stimuli for normal sex.

    Your brain is so used to porn sex that your brain can no longer stimulate your parts with mild sex.

    You need to stop doing this. Porn and Masturbation has been known to cause ED, Inability to orgasm etc.


    Porn is basically a stronger drug to sex. You watch porn and you desentize yourself. Sex becomes nothing.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

  4. #4
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Mild ED- Should I marry?

    :

    Do not marry until you can control yourself.

    A pious sister will not enter a problematic marriage. You have to think about both sides. If someone comes to you with these types of problems, will you want them to be your life partner? Of course not. It's a danger zone. It's not worth it at all.

    Lets stop relying on others to change our level of iman.

    First things first. Correct your intention.

    Get rid of everything that gives you access to porn. Do any of your family members know about your porn addiction?
    If so, make them your password admin.

    Start reading about the damage porn does to your brain, relationship and your entire life.

    Start rewiring your brain. This will take time. Carry on seeing a professional, such as a therapist.

    Unfortunately, men and women like yourself end up in these situations after marriage. Marriage is not your answer because pious people get stuck with a spouse who has a huge flaw such as this. Porn is a disease that has spread. Of course it doesn't help when you see women flaunting themselves in public.

    You have to ask yourself whether you want to carry on being like a dog that is getting dragged to a very scary place or if you want to regain your dignity and become a good man.

    Change your outlook on women, sex, Islam and everything else.

    Start praying.

    I hope things get better for you. You are not alone in this.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  5. #5
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    Re: Mild ED- Should I marry?



    sort yourself and your habits out first, then if the problem persists you know it's medical, if not then you're at least physically capable of marriage.
    You also have issues regarding emaan, otherwise you wouldn't sin in this way so often in the first place, this also needs resolving.

    Why would you marry and expect someone else to deal with your issues for you?

    If you do decide to go against this advice, you have to tell her you have this problem before marriage. It is not permissible to hide something so major, and it would be grounds for getting the marriage dissolved pretty quickly if you did not tell her or played down the issue before marriage.
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  6. #6
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    Re: Mild ED- Should I marry?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post


    sort yourself and your habits out first, then if the problem persists you know it's medical, if not then you're at least physically capable of marriage.
    You also have issues regarding emaan, otherwise you wouldn't sin in this way so often in the first place, this also needs resolving.

    Why would you marry and expect someone else to deal with your issues for you?

    If you do decide to go against this advice, you have to tell her you have this problem before marriage. It is not permissible to hide something so major, and it would be grounds for getting the marriage dissolved pretty quickly if you did not tell her or played down the issue before marriage.
    Considering the fact that he masturbates, its very clear that he can get erection. How is he suppose to mastrubate without it?

    it seems very clear his ED is caused by porn addiction and Masturbation.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

  7. #7
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Mild ED- Should I marry?

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered1987 View Post
    Hi All:

    Assalamualaikum. I am writing this post seeking some serious advise/counselling. You will find a lot of things in this post to disparage me, but I will appreciate if you would rather remain silent if you have no good advice for me.

    I am 30 years old male. I once married, my marriage lasted for 3 months, and then I divorced my wife.

    Even though we were married for 3 months, we never consummated our marriage. And the consummation did not happen because I suffer from erectile dysfunction.

    I believe I suffer from mild erectile dysfunction. I can get erections, the erection stays hard for 30 seconds, and then it goes. And then it comes again. As for my morning erections, when I wake up, I find I have erections but again, those are also not very hard.

    As for porn reason of ED, I believe I am addicted to porn. I can go max 5 to 6 days before I relapse. This has been going for last 2 years. Before 2 years, I could go more than a week or months without porn. As for my masturbation habits, I do it max 3-4 times a week, or even less number of times.

    As for lowering my gaze, with my weakening of eeman, I often struggle in this regard. Like when I go for shopping, I will strictly lower my gaze, but eventually my resistance will breakdown if I stay longer than an hour.

    As for my divorce, to be honest, I did not find my wife beautiful. I used to think that any woman will work for me, but I found out after marriage that it was not true. May be porn distorted my thinking and my preferences, but way before I got introduced to porn, when my fitrah was total pure, I liked curvy and top heavy woman, and she was not that type.

    When my wife learned my mild ED, she never also made any effort to work as a couple. Like she never said go and see a doctor. Or if I had asked her for certain position, she did not comply. Or I had asked her to birth control pill, and she said she would never take those pills. We have never performed oral too. I was too shy to ask for it, and she never initiated it either.

    Now I have been divorced for two years. I have told about my problem to my mom. She said if I am not 100% that I am capable of having conjugal relationship, she cannot bring proposal for me - for if things go wrong again after marriage, all my relatives and people will go berserk against my parents.

    In these two years, I wish I had truly avoided porn and turned back to Allah sincerely, but I failed miserably. I am starting from today nonetheless.

    Also I have seen doctor. He performed blood test. He found nothing wrong in hormones or anything - he rather said everything is more than normal.

    As for my personal belief - I believe that if I have a wife who is sincere in solving this problem together I can overcome - but of course I cannot marry with such condition - per my mom- some girls might create big noise even after the wedding night.

    My questions is:

    -Should I marry again unless I am 100% sure of having relations?
    -if I am not sure, should I reveal my problems to my prospect?
    -I am thinking of taking pills to see if my problem improves, but are you supposed to take pills (ie viagra) when you are not married and expect results?
    Waalaikumussalam ,
    Are you diabetic or any stress issues as these cause ED.
    You are getting an erecetion but doesn't last ..
    Sorry but need to ask ...unless you are being intimate with your wife you cant hold an erection on its own for too long.....its gonna weaken thats normal,and morning erections are perfectly normal.
    So clearly porn could be a problem maybe psycological as well.....so yeah your solution to sort yourself out inshaallah....
    The problem of not telling your potential is you are not sure if you have ED or not and to what level,depends on if you ever tried to be intimate with your first wife or not.

    Dont advice pills you are too young and you dont have an issue getting an erection.....speak to a specialist in the field...

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    Re: Mild ED- Should I marry?

    When you masturbate are you able to get fully erect? if yes then it may be performance anxiety. I dont think you should avoid marriage for this reason. When with your future wife relax, dont worry about it and just enjoy each others company with foreplay etc. A normal wife will not just lie there like a dead fish and her enthusiasm and support should help. Watching porn will make it worse so do make every effort to stop this.
    Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

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