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  1. #1
    IGetScared
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    Icon9 Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Salaam everyone.

    I was in talks with a brother... American national, Arab background. I'm British, Pakistani background.
    He is 7 years older and divorced... fine. He lives abroad in Saudi Arabia for work and has options to travel/live in America/Saudi for work too.

    All my family are here and to up stakes and move to a land I know nothing of or no one about was giving me anxiety. I mean, what if he turned out to be someone I thought he wasn't? Where would I go? I think I'd have been more open if he was in London for a bit then deciding where to move came up. He wanted to move to America next year. I explained that I'm shy and introverted. In the end he did sound a bit aggressive when I said I can't see myself moving abroad.

    Now, I am thinking did I make the right choice? Have I made a mistake? Loads of people move abroad for marriage. However in this case he is already abroad. I feel so crap! This marriage lark is hard.

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    Odan .khayriyyah.'s Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Bump

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    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    If in doubt, the answer is there.

    I'd say don't do it especially when your family haven't met him.

    Too risky.

    Move on to the next one. Follow your gut instincts and if necessary pray isthikaara.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    You should prioritize local candidates imo.

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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by IGetScared View Post
    Salaam everyone.

    I was in talks with a brother... American national, Arab background. I'm British, Pakistani background.
    He is 7 years older and divorced... fine. He lives abroad in Saudi Arabia for work and has options to travel/live in America/Saudi for work too.

    All my family are here and to up stakes and move to a land I know nothing of or no one about was giving me anxiety. I mean, what if he turned out to be someone I thought he wasn't? Where would I go? I think I'd have been more open if he was in London for a bit then deciding where to move came up. He wanted to move to America next year. I explained that I'm shy and introverted. In the end he did sound a bit aggressive when I said I can't see myself moving abroad.

    Now, I am thinking did I make the right choice? Have I made a mistake? Loads of people move abroad for marriage. However in this case he is already abroad. I feel so crap! This marriage lark is hard.
    The good thing about moving to US from UK is you speak English, so it shouldn’t be difficult get around or meet people. However, have you visited here before? If you haven’t, that might be a bit iffy, in that you might not like it. I wouldn’t personally move somewhere without visiting first. The other thing is you don’t know him well, and you won’t have your family close for difficult times, such as pregnancy and raising your children. Realistically, how often can he afford to visit family? That’s a big question. Living in different countries means you will not see your family, maybe once or twice a year. I would think really hard about this decision. He might turn out to be great, but can you be without your family? Maybe see what you can do about compromising on location, if it’s possible. If not, I can only say what I would do, and unless it’s to make hijra, I would have to decline.

  6. #6
    ایک بار پکار کے تو دیکھو .mirror.'s Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage



    Why are you in talks with a brother overseas when you are having anxiety about moving there? Best to look in London since you're more open to it, as you said.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by IGetScared View Post
    Salaam everyone.

    I was in talks with a brother... American national, Arab background. I'm British, Pakistani background.
    He is 7 years older and divorced... fine. He lives abroad in Saudi Arabia for work and has options to travel/live in America/Saudi for work too.

    All my family are here and to up stakes and move to a land I know nothing of or no one about was giving me anxiety. I mean, what if he turned out to be someone I thought he wasn't? Where would I go? I think I'd have been more open if he was in London for a bit then deciding where to move came up. He wanted to move to America next year. I explained that I'm shy and introverted. In the end he did sound a bit aggressive when I said I can't see myself moving abroad.

    Now, I am thinking did I make the right choice? Have I made a mistake? Loads of people move abroad for marriage. However in this case he is already abroad. I feel so crap! This marriage lark is hard.
    Just to add on with some of the good advice already provided, you must keep in mind the cultural clashes that may occur. You are a British Pakistani and he is an American Arab. Both of you have a mix of back-home/adopted-country backgrounds. However, these backgrounds are completely different between you two (Arab/Pakistani). Before you even consider the marriage, you need to vet the situation itself and understand the differences between Pakistani/Arab culture, etc.

    I personally think you may be in for quite a culture shock, especially if this person follows his Arab culture strongly (which is in stark contrast to how South Asians behave) and you hold on to yours strongly too.

  8. #8
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Waalaikumussalam,
    Do you know why he divorced ?

    First question you need to clarify,clear and confirm before proceeding

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    Odan Poster's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    I think stepping foot in America is a huge mistake.

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    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Poster View Post
    I think stepping foot in America is a huge mistake.
    ++1
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    If someone has been divorced speak to their ex to find out how they are as youl never know someone truely until you live with them

    Obviously if the ex just bad mouths the potential then u know not to listen to them

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    Senior Member Juwairiyyah's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    If someone has been divorced speak to their ex to find out how they are as youl never know someone truely until you live with them

    Obviously if the ex just bad mouths the potential then u know not to listen to them
    But what if the ex is telling the truth?

  13. #13
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    But what if the ex is telling the truth?
    Then u should run

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    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    But theres a difference between

    This persom is the worst they did this wrong they are rubbish at this they do this and this and that

    Compared to
    She or he is a good person just didnt get along due to this this and that

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    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Just always do ur research

    Some sahaba would hide behind trees and look at the potentials

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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Sister_2009 View Post
    The good thing about moving to US from UK is you speak English, so it shouldn’t be difficult get around or meet people. However, have you visited here before? If you haven’t, that might be a bit iffy, in that you might not like it. I wouldn’t personally move somewhere without visiting first. The other thing is you don’t know him well, and you won’t have your family close for difficult times, such as pregnancy and raising your children. Realistically, how often can he afford to visit family? That’s a big question. Living in different countries means you will not see your family, maybe once or twice a year. I would think really hard about this decision. He might turn out to be great, but can you be without your family? Maybe see what you can do about compromising on location, if it’s possible. If not, I can only say what I would do, and unless it’s to make hijra, I would have to decline.
    You'd be surprised how different the languages actually are. The cultures are also very different. As is the Islamic atmosphere.
    Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

  17. #17
    Odan
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by -qed- View Post
    You'd be surprised how different the languages actually are. The cultures are also very different. As is the Islamic atmosphere.
    It's the same language (but they do get a few words wrong) just spoken REALLY LOUDLY.

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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Muslim move to America!!! over Trumps dead body!!!

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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    It's the same language (but they do get a few words wrong) just spoken REALLY LOUDLY.
    They speak loudly, but they also speak differently as in use different words, different sentence structures, different pronunciations and word stresses.
    Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

  20. #20
    mommys boy msmoorad's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    salaams to all


    this is just a small part of what u end up getting yourself into when u decide to go look for a husband online, by yourself.
    as a born muslim, with muslim parents & family, this is something that best done when your parents are directly involved

    if u do things by yourself, behind closed doors- then u may end end up with big regrets

    i think u should call it off and get your parents involved in helping u find a husband.
    i just hope u are regular with your salaah- cos girls who are not deendaar, make much worse decisions bcos they dont have Allah ta'alas assistance.

    and Allah ta'ala knows best
    jazakallah
    Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
    very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by -qed- View Post
    You'd be surprised how different the languages actually are. The cultures are also very different. As is the Islamic atmosphere.
    English is definitely the predominant langauage, and a person who doesn’t speak English will have a difficult time. Yes, the cultures are different, that’s why I asked if she’s been here before and suggested visiting before moving.

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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by -qed- View Post
    They speak loudly, but they also speak differently as in use different words, different sentence structures, different pronunciations and word stresses.
    I spent a couple of weeks in the US and never heard of a Brit in all that time apart from right near the end when I heard 3/4 guys talking in Fry's Store...they sounded disgusting!!! Maybe I sound like that too. :-(

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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    I spent a couple of weeks in the US and never heard of a Brit in all that time apart from right near the end when I heard 3/4 guys talking in Fry's Store...they sounded disgusting!!! Maybe I sound like that too. :-(
    Well I've spent more than that in the US. The odd time I hear a brit it's a relief. Even americans think brits sound nicer. They were probably chavs btw
    Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

  24. #24
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    They can't even say water properly. That should be end of convo
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by -qed- View Post
    Well I've spent more than that in the US. The odd time I hear a brit it's a relief. Even americans think brits sound nicer. They were probably chavs btw
    Not chavs.

    Guess it depends where in the US you are. Those on the west coast found fine(ish).

  26. #26
    I can change this now! Ikki's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by IGetScared View Post
    Salaam everyone.

    I was in talks with a brother... American national, Arab background. I'm British, Pakistani background.
    He is 7 years older and divorced... fine. He lives abroad in Saudi Arabia for work and has options to travel/live in America/Saudi for work too.

    All my family are here and to up stakes and move to a land I know nothing of or no one about was giving me anxiety. I mean, what if he turned out to be someone I thought he wasn't? Where would I go? I think I'd have been more open if he was in London for a bit then deciding where to move came up. He wanted to move to America next year. I explained that I'm shy and introverted. In the end he did sound a bit aggressive when I said I can't see myself moving abroad.

    Now, I am thinking did I make the right choice? Have I made a mistake? Loads of people move abroad for marriage. However in this case he is already abroad. I feel so crap! This marriage lark is hard.
    THis is kind of the engagement period, which is about as good as it gets. If its not working out now, its not going to work later.

    He doesnt' even live in america, he's in saudi. Do you have any character referecen for this guy? Does anyone you know vouch for him, do they know his lifestyle, how is he socially, how is he with guest?

    Why does he want to marry someone who knows nothing about him?

  27. #27
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Did I make a mistake? Moving to America for marriage

    Why not move to saudi
    Why americs the land of kufr

 

 

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