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  1. #1
    large and in charge bismillaah's Avatar
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    Should you let go

    There is this man I have been wanting to marry for a few years. He wants to marry me, but a reason I don't know is preventing him. This only causes me depression. Me wanting to let him go, is my ego. I want to be *free* from sadness. Should I 'move one', or accept the situation as it is and simply wait if he will ever change his mind

  2. #2
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Should you let go

    Don't wait for him, you'll waste your life away lol

    You're better off moving on. Who has time for a man who isn't even giving you a reason for preventing him

    The drama

    Hope you're well
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  3. #3
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    Re: Should you let go

    Tell him to get serious or hit the bricks. If he is a righteous Muslim and he is serious, then wait for him inshallah.

  4. #4
    On A Hired Plane of Logic LailaTheMuslim's Avatar
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    Re: Should you let go

    Sis if it is taking this long, I don't think you should wait then
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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  5. #5

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    Re: Should you let go

    If you don't know the "reason" why he is not pursuing the nikaah and you are in constant contact with him regardless of this, then you should get out of this situation ASAP. Not doing so means you are committing acts that may lead to zinaa.

    Allahu A'lam.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Khal Drogo's Avatar
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    Re: Should you let go

    Quote Originally Posted by bismillaah View Post
    There is this man I have been wanting to marry for a few years. He wants to marry me, but a reason I don't know is preventing him. This only causes me depression. Me wanting to let him go, is my ego. I want to be *free* from sadness. Should I 'move one', or accept the situation as it is and simply wait if he will ever change his mind
    I would approach him as so.....

    "Oi, what's your damn problem? What's the stopping you from pursuing this? You have by the end of the week to explain yourself. After that, I'm moving on."

    And then leave the rest to Allah. If he doesn't give a satisfactory answer, you know you can free yourself from this burden.

  7. #7
    Member PrinceOfArabia's Avatar
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    Re: Should you let go

    May be he is logically ok but physically still unfit. May be he is waiting days ahead he will be a gentleman and than move forward for 'Nikha'. and by the time he becomes a man you'll will have gray hairs so the best is to say "Goodbye".
    Sometimes it’s better to be kind than to be right. We do not need an intelligent mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens.

  8. #8
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Should you let go

    I dont get you .....at all

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  9. #9
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    Re: Should you let go

    Be straightforward and tell him that you're no longer willing to wait. He either has to get himself together, or you'll find someone else. If you tie yourself to a person you're not married to, you may miss the chance of meeting someone better. Considering you don't know the reason, it could take a day to 10 years. Move on, dear.

    ..and if he really is serious he'll either tell you his reason and the time it will take him to sort it out, or decide his 'reason' is no longer important and proposes formally.

  10. #10
    --- Simply_Logical's Avatar
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    Re: Should you let go

    let it go (frozen)

  11. #11
    Odan
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    Re: Should you let go

    He is not that into you. Nothing stops a men from getting a women if he truly wants her, he isn't sure about you. You can wait for him to be sure which he might never be or you can move on, live your life & find a man who doesn't need long time to decide if you are worth it.

  12. #12
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    Re: Should you let go

    Maybe he has circumstances outside his control that's preventing the marriage but he feels in his heart you are destined for each other and thus waiting for Qadr of Allah (swt) to play out. One cannot deny Qadr if they are a submitter. And Allah Az Zawajal knows best.

    Quote Originally Posted by bismillaah View Post
    There is this man I have been wanting to marry for a few years. He wants to marry me, but a reason I don't know is preventing him. This only causes me depression. Me wanting to let him go, is my ego. I want to be *free* from sadness. Should I 'move one', or accept the situation as it is and simply wait if he will ever change his mind
    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

  13. #13
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    Re: Should you let go

    I think that you should insist on him tell you what is holding him back. If it is a valid reason that can be resolved in the near future then sure, wait. But if he doesn't tell you or it is not a good reason and he makes you wait forever, then I think that you should let him go. If its been years and you are so upset then don't hurt yourself waiting for him. You can also explain how much pain this whole situation is putting you through and if he still doesn't budge or doesn't care about your feelings then he might not be the best person to marry. Of course the final decision is up to you if you want to wait for him or not. I am sure you know your feelings better then anyone.
    Also don't feel like you will never find someone again if you "end it" with this guy. I know some people feel that way. Just because its been years with him doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there for you if you choose to let go.
    I wish you well.

  14. #14
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    Re: Should you let go

    Sigh. These situations are always teary and nerve wracking. Sad too.

    In all my study of what makes and breaks marriages, their determinants and affectors etc...I have come to the same conclusion as what the prophet s.a.w. said: there is nothing better for two who love one another, than marriage.
    It's my firm faith that we have let material and insignificant, irrelevant and inconsequential stuff weigh over marriage. We want a lot of conditions fulfilled inorder for marriage to happen whereas Allah SWT Himself suggests that maybe marriage itself will give rise to betterment you are looking for, not the other way around.
    Work your issues, take help, yes, please do, and make marriage a priority as is made by Allah and rasool. Stumbling blocks get removed.

  15. #15

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    Re: Should you let go

    Waited a few years?

    My god. The sharia on relationships and 'seeing' members of the opposite sex was not to restrict us but rather to protect us yet people still go out and do it. And then you have people who either fall into zina or get put into difficult situations like OP.

    How about stop speaking to him, get a mahram and boom! Yes or no, simple enough? If yes marry, if no, move on.

  16. #16
    ⚔♔ Warrior ♔⚔ -qed-'s Avatar
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    Re: Should you let go

    If someone truly wanted to marry someone else, they would move the earth to make it happen.

    Be honest with yourself.

    There is no engagement (I'm guessing?) So he hasn't made any step towards marrying you.

    Why waste your life over a maybe
    Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

  17. #17
    Odan
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    Re: Should you let go

    Quote Originally Posted by -qed- View Post
    If someone truly wanted to marry someone else, they would move the earth to make it happen.

    Be honest with yourself.

    There is no engagement (I'm guessing?) So he hasn't made any step towards marrying you.

    Why waste your life over a maybe
    They can do whatever they want if it's not meant to happen it won't.

    Besides sometimes maybe is better than a nothing.

    OP has a vivid imagination so I'd not take too much to heart. She's come close to marrying so many men or she has or they have shown "interest" in a short space of time it's troubling if it's true.

    She'll ask a question and then go silent and then open up another thread and go silent there too. When people try and piece together her situation across multiple threads and point out anomalies she'll disappear or completely ignore the questions.

    I think she's in a tough place but is not utilising her strengths to help herself out.

  18. #18

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    Re: Should you let go

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    They can do whatever they want if it's not meant to happen it won't.

    Besides sometimes maybe is better than a nothing.

    OP has a vivid imagination so I'd not take too much to heart. She's come close to marrying so many men or she has or they have shown "interest" in a short space of time it's troubling if it's true.

    She'll ask a question and then go silent and then open up another thread and go silent there too. When people try and piece together her situation across multiple threads and point out anomalies she'll disappear or completely ignore the questions.

    I think she's in a tough place but is not utilising her strengths to help herself out.
    That would indicate its a troll.

 

 

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