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  1. #1
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    A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

    Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatu
    Bismillahir rahmaanir rahiim.

    This is going to be a strange post but I've found myself in an unique set of circumstances. So here it goes.

    Is it wrong of me to seek someone who is more pious than me? Well whats wrong with seeking a pious bride you may ask!
    I come from a religious family, living in one of the most Islamic countries in the world, if not the most. I've lived in the west and have quite a liberal mind Yet I constantly feel I'm surrounded by munafiqs (hypocrite) and khawarij (exiters, people who read Qur'an, prays all salaah yet doesn't understand the Qur'an & deen)

    My family believes I can be happy married to someone less pious as long as I can make her more pious after marriage but I want someone who is already more pious than me and will bring me closer to Allah (swt) through marriage. I have already tried speaking to a few under permissible circumstances to help them understand the deen but it seems impossible to eradicate 20+ years way of corrupted thinking by a few hours talk on what RasulAllah (saws) and the salaaf recommended in order to explain the Qur'an. Should I lower my standards and hope my future wifey will become more pious from observing me? I'm no where near perfect but I never dare question the will of Allah (swt) coz I consider that as shirk. I am aware of Qadr, I'm just curious if my point of view is correct ie to wait rather than change my goals. I'm also aware of the criterias used in seeking a
    potential bride.

    JazakumAllah khair
    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

  2. #41
    Odan
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    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
    Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatu
    Bismillahir rahmaanir rahiim.

    This is going to be a strange post but I've found myself in an unique set of circumstances. So here it goes.

    Is it wrong of me to seek someone who is more pious than me? Well whats wrong with seeking a pious bride you may ask!
    I come from a religious family, living in one of the most Islamic countries in the world, if not the most. I've lived in the west and have quite a liberal mind Yet I constantly feel I'm surrounded by munafiqs (hypocrite) and khawarij (exiters, people who read Qur'an, prays all salaah yet doesn't understand the Qur'an & deen)

    My family believes I can be happy married to someone less pious as long as I can make her more pious after marriage but I want someone who is already more pious than me and will bring me closer to Allah (swt) through marriage. I have already tried speaking to a few under permissible circumstances to help them understand the deen but it seems impossible to eradicate 20+ years way of corrupted thinking by a few hours talk on what RasulAllah (saws) and the salaaf recommended in order to explain the Qur'an. Should I lower my standards and hope my future wifey will become more pious from observing me? I'm no where near perfect but I never dare question the will of Allah (swt) coz I consider that as shirk. I am aware of Qadr, I'm just curious if my point of view is correct ie to wait rather than change my goals. I'm also aware of the criterias used in seeking a
    potential bride.

    JazakumAllah khair
    Never marry someone with the hope and expectation of changing them.

    Marry someone on the same level as you or better In Shaa Allaah.

  3. #42
    Odan
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    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

    Well, as long as you are okay with being told you are wrong... by all means.

  4. #43
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    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

    How? Just because I'm wrong doesn't mean the other person is right.

    Quote Originally Posted by In my Opinion View Post
    Well, as long as you are okay with being told you are wrong... by all means.
    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

  5. #44
    Abu-Tawheed Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

    Quote Originally Posted by In my Opinion View Post
    Well, as long as you are okay with being told you are wrong... by all means.
    Not you again,

    A Muslim is supposed to be open to correction, only a Jahil with ego problem isn't
    Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 16-09-17 at 06:58 PM.
    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

  6. #45
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    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
    Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatu
    Bismillahir rahmaanir rahiim.

    This is going to be a strange post but I've found myself in an unique set of circumstances. So here it goes.

    Is it wrong of me to seek someone who is more pious than me? Well whats wrong with seeking a pious bride you may ask!
    I come from a religious family, living in one of the most Islamic countries in the world, if not the most. I've lived in the west and have quite a liberal mind Yet I constantly feel I'm surrounded by munafiqs (hypocrite) and khawarij (exiters, people who read Qur'an, prays all salaah yet doesn't understand the Qur'an & deen)

    My family believes I can be happy married to someone less pious as long as I can make her more pious after marriage but I want someone who is already more pious than me and will bring me closer to Allah (swt) through marriage. I have already tried speaking to a few under permissible circumstances to help them understand the deen but it seems impossible to eradicate 20+ years way of corrupted thinking by a few hours talk on what RasulAllah (saws) and the salaaf recommended in order to explain the Qur'an. Should I lower my standards and hope my future wifey will become more pious from observing me? I'm no where near perfect but I never dare question the will of Allah (swt) coz I consider that as shirk. I am aware of Qadr, I'm just curious if my point of view is correct ie to wait rather than change my goals. I'm also aware of the criterias used in seeking a
    potential bride.

    JazakumAllah khair


    Only person you change is yourself. If, you try/force to change your spouse to do something against her will, she'll resist and worst scenario start hating you.

    Alhamdulillah, look for spouse who is almost same level in Deen as you are, In sha'Allah. Think, you are amir of house, would you be content that your wife is more Pious/Practising than you, Ma sha'Allah
    (I have seen it, and it doesn't generally speaking work out for couples well. So, sad)

    What, you can do with your future spouse is improve together your Imaan and Deen.
    Do home halaqas.
    Study together Quran/Arabic/Tafsir/Islamic history etc.
    Do volunteering work with her for local community.
    There are plenty halal activities for couples in Deen.
    Pray together.
    Make abundantly duas.

    May Allah SWT grand you pious spouse, ameen.

  7. #46
    mommys boy msmoorad's Avatar
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    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

    Quote Originally Posted by _Sapphire View Post
    Not me personally, but I know some mothers in law who are adamant that her son's wife must be a kitchen queen, even if it means lowering the standard of Deen, which is very disappointing.
    salaams to all

    it seems u are also implying that as long as shes pious, it doesnt really matter if shes useless in the kitchen

    im not referring to being a world class chef but she should be a decent cook who can prepare wholesome meals for her family on a daily basis.
    too many sisters seem to think theres nothing wrong with store bought food instead of cooking themselves at home.

    buying ready to eat meals from takeaways etc is both spiritually & physically unhealthy.

    and Allah ta'ala knows best
    jazakallah
    Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
    very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

  8. #47
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    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
    Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatu
    Bismillahir rahmaanir rahiim.

    This is going to be a strange post but I've found myself in an unique set of circumstances. So here it goes.

    Is it wrong of me to seek someone who is more pious than me? Well whats wrong with seeking a pious bride you may ask!
    I come from a religious family, living in one of the most Islamic countries in the world, if not the most. I've lived in the west and have quite a liberal mind Yet I constantly feel I'm surrounded by munafiqs (hypocrite) and khawarij (exiters, people who read Qur'an, prays all salaah yet doesn't understand the Qur'an & deen)

    My family believes I can be happy married to someone less pious as long as I can make her more pious after marriage but I want someone who is already more pious than me and will bring me closer to Allah (swt) through marriage. I have already tried speaking to a few under permissible circumstances to help them understand the deen but it seems impossible to eradicate 20+ years way of corrupted thinking by a few hours talk on what RasulAllah (saws) and the salaaf recommended in order to explain the Qur'an. Should I lower my standards and hope my future wifey will become more pious from observing me? I'm no where near perfect but I never dare question the will of Allah (swt) coz I consider that as shirk. I am aware of Qadr, I'm just curious if my point of view is correct ie to wait rather than change my goals. I'm also aware of the criterias used in seeking a
    potential bride.

    JazakumAllah khair

    Personally, I would seek someone on the same/similar wavelength as you. People can change and get better with time if the mentality is there from both of you, to want to be better. I don't think simply seeking a really pious wife will automatically make you pious as well. That's a very naive way of thinking. You will probably even have more conflicts with that person, as you said it is difficult to suddenly change your lifestyle and mentality so quickly. You can't "make" someone more pious after marriage either. You just need to communicate with them, that you want to become a better Muslim and see what their position is.

 

 

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