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  1. #1
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    Single and unhappy

    Assalamu alaikum

    Just like the title suggests I am single and unappy about it. I am 28 years old and I have never had a real "romantic" relationship. I don't know why. The worst thing is that no one (except my family) believes me when I tell them this. I always hear stuff like:" a pretty and smart girl like you must have a boyfriend (I live in a non-muslim country so people always assume I have a boyfriend). But the thing is, I DON'T and I have never had a boyfriend. I've had plenty of guys approach me and show interest in me, but nothing ever turned into a relationship or even a second date. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with who I am. I have tried lots of things over the years but nothing seems to work for me. Why can't I find love like other normal people? I am not boring. People always tell me I am funny, smart and beautiful. I am educated and make good money. I don't like to depend on anyone for anything, I am a very independent woman. I don't like showing my feelings so I never cry in front of people, not even my family. I pretend that I'm happy everyday, but inside I'm dying. I am so lonely and unhappy. Most of my friends are married or living with their families and I am unmarried and live alone. I cry every night and have been increasingly crying during the day (when I am alone and no one sees). It's even got to the point where seeing others (friends and family) happy upsets me because it reminds me of how lonely and miserable I am. I know that I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I can't help it. I don't even know why I am writing, I guess I just needed to let some of my feelings out.



    Please refrain from posting negative comments. I am very sensitive!

  2. #41
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post
    I can give you an example of why this world is a curse. Ready? Adam (peace be upon him) was in paradise before disobeying Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and while Adam (peace be upon him) begged Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) for forgiveness and Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) forgave him, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) send Adam (peace be upon him) from heaven to Earth until prescribed time where we will be judged. That indicates this world is hardship and not paradise. Only blessing you get in this world is when you do prayer to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa), and do remembrance to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and do everything for the pleasure of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa).That is your blessing...but the world itself..in itself is not a blessing. An example, you don't eat or drink you die a horrible death..in paradise you don't have to eat or drink to survive. Another example, you can cut yourself and bleed and could result into infection and it hurts and and...those things don't exist in paradise. Another example, you have to fight everyday of your life to keep your rights....you don't have to do that in paradise. Another example, the Earth is small and it holds animals and insects and microbes...paradise is huge and there are no insects and viruses and microbes and the animal in paradise is to eat and enjoy it's pleasurable taste. Here a sheep will attack you. No animals in paradise will attack you.

    Another example, this world is prison for Muslims and paradise for disbelievers. Meaning you have to be careful what you see, what you do, what you say how you act etc. You could have a happy family, happy children and an enemy will knock on your own very door and you have to fight for your life and your family and one day you where happy the next you are weeping pulling your heart and entering depression mode because of a disaster or even a chemical imbalance in the very brain that is inside your skull.

    What I am saying....in all of this...focus in the afterlife. Put your eggs in that basket. If she can't find a husband...forget it...focus on yourself and improving yourself and for the after life.

    Heck there is no guarantee the very children that comes out of the mother's body where she had that baby for 9 month and went through pain to deliver that baby.....there is no guarantee that child will grow up even caring for his or her mother let alone his or her own father.

    What does that tell you? Heck...YOU CAN CHOKE AND DIE on your own saliva...what else do you need??!
    You make some good points, however you should not be extreme. You are right that there are difficult things in this world. However, there are also good things in in this world like a good husband or wife. Allah said "And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." Surah 30:21,

    Furthermore, Allah called the earth, an enjoyment place for a time, not a curse(Surah 7:24).
    Last edited by Calender121438; 09-09-17 at 10:38 PM.

  3. #42
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by neelu View Post
    Walaykum salam,

    It's your fate sister. Before any of us are born Allah (swt) decides in advance what we will be given in terms of our wealth and lifespan and as for marriage, if it were meant to happen sooner it would've happened already. This is a common problem sadly. It's also difficult to find someone to marry because your parents don't seem to have many Muslim contacts through whom they could introduce you to a potential spouse, also in this generation, there's less of a sense of real life community (as it's more common for people to form friendships online) so that makes it harder to get to know anyone the traditional IRL way.

    If you really want to get married in spite of these challenges, you should pray tahajjud on top of the regular five daily prayers to seek help from Allah (swt) as nothing can happen without His permission. Then you should consider unconventional ways of looking for a spouse. Speak to your parents about whether they know any aunties who do matchmaking, or whether it would be worthwhile to join a reputable online Muslim matrimonial service (though be careful of who you talk to on those as some use those places as hookup joints), so there are practical steps such as these you can take. If your friends are married then ask them about how they found their husbands or even if their husbands have single friends you could consider.

    As for your married friends, beware that jealousy is an evil trait and jealousy devours the blessings of your good deeds the way fire devours wood, so it's a serious sin and you should be mindful of avoiding it. If that means it's better to keep some distance from married friends, or unfollowing their profiles full of wedding pictures rather than risk giving them ayn (evil eye) then so be it.

    I don't know why I'm the first sister to respond to this thread and there are some brothers who really shouldn't be commenting on matters they don't understand. Some of the guys on here handle posts with the sensitivity of a sledgehammer.
    First of all, thank you for your advice dear sister. Secondly, like I've stated earlier, my parents don't have a lot of friends and 95% of my relatives are bad and jealous people so I want nothing to do with them. I am happy for my friends and family who are married (Lord knows I would never wish them anything bad), it's just that I want to be happily married too and I really hope I will be one day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ni'mah View Post
    Wa alaikum salaam,

    There is nothing wrong with you sis, it hasn't been your qadr to get married yet. Be grateful that you have been saved from entering into a relationship that would earn Allah's displeasure & only cause you heartache.


    Make lots of dua but also take steps into finding a spouse. Asking your relatives, maybe your married friends husbands know good brothers? Expanding your own network (through classes/ events). Maybe as a last resort online...


    Feelings of jealousy are human nature but we should recognise this & try to combat it. Make sincere dua for your friends that Allah blesses their marriage, increase them in their happiness & love.

    When you make dua for others the Angels make the same dua for you. The other thing it does is, it prevents envy (which is a disease of the heart) from entering. This was the practise of Ibn Al Jawsi and I've definitely seen to be true in my life Alhamdulilah.

    Lastly, change your mindset. You should be in charge of you own happiness. To rely on another person to make you happy is unfair & unreleastic. Happy, fulfilled people make good spouses.


    As Muslims we hold that true peace & happiness lies in our obedience to Allah.

    Allah mentions in the Quraan, "Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction. "(13:28)



    At the end of the day, our money, status, marriage etc may come to an end but Allah will always be there as our Protector, the one we turn to for guidance & help.
    You are so right dear sister. I will turn to Allah and pray all my prayers in time and make a lot of dua. Insha'Allah khair. The only problem is that my parents don't know a lot of good people, my married friends don't even bother to help me and 95% of my relatives are evil people so I am pretty much on my own. Allah is the only One I can rely on. I have always been a happy and outgoing person, but lately I have been depressed and sad because it feels like I will never find a spouse. All the guys I rejected when I was younger (and immature) are married with kids and I am single.

    Quote Originally Posted by InTheBegining View Post
    Get a cat. Your tears will turn into tears of joy.
    I love cats but I don't have the time to take care of one as I am working full time and live alone.

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post


    I figured that beyond giving you vague positive-encouragement, that we should try a different approach by discovering some concrete information. Please respond to my questions/comments where I have numbered them in your post above.

    1) Why has the interest not extended beyond the initial attraction/interest? What caused the brothers to not follow up?

    2) What have you tried?

    3) Don't let such compliments get to your head. Stay in moderation

    4) Is it possible that your independence is (partly) to blame for the situation? A common man will be able to withstand/cooperate with a working wife, but this is not the same as a head-strong careerist

    5) Firstly, don't compare yourselves to other people. As the other sister mentioned in her "strange" thread, "the grass is not always greener on the other side" . Second point, why are you living alone? Your loneliness will be amplified when you live completely alone. Move back in with your parents and see to them and seek comfort/companionship/love from them.

    6) This is Shaytaan putting jealousy in your heart.

    7) As Muslims, we must see to our suffering/down-trodden brothers/sisters. So even if you just wanted to vent a little, we try our best to sympathize.
    I have tried almost everything. I've asked people, met a few guys at work (different jobs), I've been introduced to guys by my auntie, heck I've even dated a neighbour (I really regret it though, he is creepy af). The only things I haven't tried is online dating and asking my local imam. Unfortunately, most of the guys I meet are so called "modern muslims". They want to hold hands, hug and kiss/make out. When I tell them that I am not comfortable with that and they say I am boring or that I am a prude. I am not very religious but I want to do things the right way. I don't want to touch or be touched by a man who is not my husband. To be honest I am tired of dating because it's disappointing to meet and date men who do not respect my boundaries. I just want to get married without the dating part.

    Quote Originally Posted by s86ahmed View Post
    Look I will assume that everything you said is true. That you are a fun interesting person who just happened upon some bad luck. I want to ask what culture you're from. Look you're 28 years old, you're older but still young and there are still at least some Muslim guys out there. I'll say since I don't know what your preferences are be prepared to look at older muslims 33+ and divorcees who might make good partners. Also I know this is going to be really hard to do but have faith in Allah and keep a positive outlook. Be more proactive on multiple fronts, ask your friends if they know of any older single muslim guys who might be looking, heck try out Muzmatch. Regardless of what you do and I know you were just venting nothing will happen if you yourself are not more proactive. People and families will wonder why you're not locked down and tbh if you're as amazing as you say you are I'm a bit surprised too. But I guess your experience shows that 2 similar people in attractiveness, personality etc could have very different experiences in life and it will give me pause and I'd reflect a little if I ever do meet a good older girl who's single at her age and has supposedly never done anything. I wish you all the best and I do have sympathy for your situation.
    The thing is I don't want to marry a guy who has children for many reasons. Maybe a divorecee who don't have children. Thank you for your advice though. Btw both my parents are somali but I am born and raised in the West.

    Quote Originally Posted by neelu View Post
    Also sister bear in mind that society tends to romanticise marriage and the concept of a "soul mate" too much. Marriage can be a great blessing, or it can be a mixed blessing or in the worst case scenario, it is more of a curse than a blessing. For every good, happy successful marriage I know of, I know just as many marriages that either end up in a very messy divorce, or else the couple stay together even though they're miserable with each other and it has a harmful effect on their children. I know too many divorced sisters who are divorced because they got married to someone when they were 29 not because they thought they'd found the right person, but because they and their parents panicked that "you're almost 30 now" and "he's educated and seems fine so stop being so picky" and they compel their daughters to ignore red flags and alarm bells which they eventually find out the guy was a control freak or whatever else after marriage.

    Another thing about marriage is that maybe your friends are genuinely happy and well settled in their marriages, but a lot of the time, the happy family image people present on social media is just part and parcel of the selfie culture of today in which people feel they have to project an image of living a good life even if the reality is a situation of struggle, strife, or worse, a situation of abuse and neglect that they're forced to cover up because they don't want their parents to worry too much.

    I'll tell you a true story I heard the other day. There was this young all American girl who was studying in college on a sports scholarship. To the outside world and even to her friends and parents, they thought she had everything: she was young, healthy, studying at a good educational institution, good in sports, people who knew her thought she had it all, but the truth was she felt out of her depth in college and was really depressed. She didn't feel comfortable enough to confide in others about it cos' what she saw on social media amongst her peers were other girls who were showing pics of their happy times and how much fun they were having as though these were the best days of their lives so she felt compelled to pretend that she was happy too and she likewise only posted images and comments on social media to make it look like she was having fun too.

    Then she committed suicide and everyone was shocked. Everyone thought she had everything a girl could ever want and her whole life ahead of her and she depicted an online image of herself as someone who was doing great! When her death was investigated, it surfaced that actually she was struggling with these feelings and thought no one would relate to what she was going through. What investigators also found out was that her peers weren't having the time of their lives either- in fact just like her, they had their own struggles but felt this need to portray a happy smiley image online cos' that's what everyone else was doing and they were also suffering in silence until her death caused them to reflect and realised maybe it was time to admit there was a problem.

    I know that has nothing to do with marriage, but it does have everything to do with how we go through times in life where it feels like people we know have a great life and family and we're the ones who were left behind with nothing, when in fact there's a good chance there are some friends who wish they could go back in time, enjoy the single life a little longer, who would love to swap places with you because marriage didn't turn out as great as advertised, but was just swapping their single life problems for a whole set of new marital life problems and challenges to overcome.... and someone needs to send me this post if I ever come on here myself to complain about how depressing it is to be single lol. Usually I say I've made peace with it and for the most part that is the case but sometimes I have my moments too when I'm like;this sucks so much I should've been married at least ten years ago or sommat.
    I totally agree with you sister. To be honest with you, I am one of those people who is obsessed with creating the "perfect life" on social media. People think I am lucky because I get to travel a lot, go to fancy restaurants and buy expensive things all the time, but the truth is I am not as happy as everyone thinks. We should not believe everything we see on social media. Just like you said, marriage can be blessing or a curse. It all depends on who you marry and what Allah has written for you. It's easy to want what you don't have and society is not making it easier because people expect you to get married at a certain age. I still want to get married but I am going to enjoy my single life as much as I can while I am still single.

  4. #43
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post
    How can you agree in feminism? Feminist from everything from the idea of equality to the idea of female supremacy contradicts and goes against everything in Qura'an and Sunnah and Islam in general. Man and woman are not equal, never will they be equal. It clearly says so in the Qur'an in a verse in the Quran that says man and woman are not the same...so if you are not the same you are not equal. To imply we are equal is the greatest injustice can ever happen between the sexes and feminist is a false religion of injustice. Yes, we are judged in our deen, in our faith in our actions and deeds that as far as equality as we can go. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) equally judges man and woman based on their deeds, iman, etc and based on that Allah (subhanahu Wa Talaa) either punishes a man or punishes a woman, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) is just.

    Just so you know there are some women in paradise that are higher level than men. There is no equality here. There is no equality in paradise and there is no equality in hellfire. We are all judged differently and unequally so how can you imply the very unequal nature of man and woman that we are equal. If you really think we are equal then I want the ability to get pregnant please and have full custody of my children if a divorce happens and not through some freak scientific experiment either...I want it natural that both boys and girls can have babies.

    If we are indeed equal as you say than why is it the male's brain and female's brain not equally the same? Why can't men go through menstrual process like women can? Why boys and girl learn different in different level? Why do boys by nature go out there and explore while girls in nature want to play house and drink coffee? Why do men not breast feed like women breast feed? Why women outlive men? Why men don't keep their hairs as women keep their hairs? The list of inequality is endless. So you need to know the nature of what is happening in society and why you are not finding suitable mate? It starts with the perversion idea of men and women are equal which comes from feminism.

    I need you to becareful...feminism is a false religion, I am worried you may risk leaving the fold of Islam without you knowing. You need to believe in 100% in Qura'an to be a Muslim and not deny one word in Qura'an or verse and that means you have to disblieve in feminism 100% and believe in Qura'an 100% and Qura'an goes against feminism and feminism goes against Qura'an.

    What is equality?

    Equality is about ensuring that every individual has an equal opportunity to make the most of their lives and talents, and believing that no one should have poorer life chances because of where, what or whom they were born, what they believe, or whether they have a disability. Equality recognises that historically, certain groups of people with particular characteristics e.g. race, disability, sex and sexuality, have experienced discrimination.

    Please do some research before you speak. Equality has nothing to do with biological differences between men and women. Allah judge us for our actions not gender.

  5. #44
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Man, some really insensitive posts over here.

    Sister I would suggest that you contact some Imams of mosques. Not just any mosque that is run by an imported imam. Try to find the imams who are younger - in their 30s-40s who are born and brought up in your country. They are usually much more in tune with what Muslim men and women are going through and in a better position to help inshallah. Also I would expect that they would be more responsible when it comes to matching people up. i.e., they wouldn't suggest a random stranger to you.

    In the meantime try to enjoy your time as a single: learn something new, do some travelling, etc.

    I wish you luck!

  6. #45
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Faith89 View Post
    First of all, thank you for your advice dear sister. Secondly, like I've stated earlier, my parents don't have a lot of friends and 95% of my relatives are bad and jealous people so I want nothing to do with them. I am happy for my friends and family who are married (Lord knows I would never wish them anything bad), it's just that I want to be happily married too and I really hope I will be one day.



    You are so right dear sister. I will turn to Allah and pray all my prayers in time and make a lot of dua. Insha'Allah khair. The only problem is that my parents don't know a lot of good people, my married friends don't even bother to help me and 95% of my relatives are evil people so I am pretty much on my own. Allah is the only One I can rely on. I have always been a happy and outgoing person, but lately I have been depressed and sad because it feels like I will never find a spouse. All the guys I rejected when I was younger (and immature) are married with kids and I am single.



    I love cats but I don't have the time to take care of one as I am working full time and live alone.



    I have tried almost everything. I've asked people, met a few guys at work (different jobs), I've been introduced to guys by my auntie, heck I've even dated a neighbour (I really regret it though, he is creepy af). The only things I haven't tried is online dating and asking my local imam. Unfortunately, most of the guys I meet are so called "modern muslims". They want to hold hands, hug and kiss/make out. When I tell them that I am not comfortable with that and they say I am boring or that I am a prude. I am not very religious but I want to do things the right way. I don't want to touch or be touched by a man who is not my husband. To be honest I am tired of dating because it's disappointing to meet and date men who do not respect my boundaries. I just want to get married without the dating part.



    The thing is I don't want to marry a guy who has children for many reasons. Maybe a divorecee who don't have children. Thank you for your advice though. Btw both my parents are somali but I am born and raised in the West.



    I totally agree with you sister. To be honest with you, I am one of those people who is obsessed with creating the "perfect life" on social media. People think I am lucky because I get to travel a lot, go to fancy restaurants and buy expensive things all the time, but the truth is I am not as happy as everyone thinks. We should not believe everything we see on social media. Just like you said, marriage can be blessing or a curse. It all depends on who you marry and what Allah has written for you. It's easy to want what you don't have and society is not making it easier because people expect you to get married at a certain age. I still want to get married but I am going to enjoy my single life as much as I can while I am still single.
    You're looking for a respectable man who doesn't want to cross boundaries before marriage, but the problem is you're going about it the wrong way by dating all these random guys. You are not going to find a respectable man that way, because a man like that wouldn't date in the first place. Not to mention you are only cheapening yourself by dating.

    If you want to marry a good respectable man you need to find a brother who takes his religion seriously. Even though your parents don't know a lot of people, still have them put the word out that you're looking for a good religious man. Try to see if your father can speak to the imam also.

    Lastly, you should stop dating and start practicing Islam. Turn to Allah and pray your 5 prayers. If you want a respectable man you need to be a respectable woman.

  7. #46
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Faith89 View Post
    What is equality?

    Equality is about ensuring that every individual has an equal opportunity to make the most of their lives and talents, and believing that no one should have poorer life chances because of where, what or whom they were born, what they believe, or whether they have a disability. Equality recognises that historically, certain groups of people with particular characteristics e.g. race, disability, sex and sexuality, have experienced discrimination.

    Please do some research before you speak. Equality has nothing to do with biological differences between men and women. Allah judge us for our actions not gender.
    That is not the quality I am talking about. The equality i am talking about is implying there are no difference between the sexes and that men and women are equally the same. That in itself is a huge lie and false. Also about sex and sexuality. There is no equality in sexuality in a sense that homosexuality and lesbianism is haraam and you get the wrath of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and his anger for performing such act and in the afterlife it is guaranteed you will get heavy and severe punishment. Also there is a risk of leaving the fold of Islam by making haraam to be halaal. So already in terms of sexuality there is no equality.

    Otherwise I could just go ahead and marry a man in future science make babies with him. Hey that is sexuality, right? But you know what? I would not. Because I know Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) sees me and that does not get his pleasure nor do I want to anger him or get his displeasure. So right there...in terms of sexuality there is no equality. In terms of sexuality between the opposite sexes there is also no equality. A man can produce sperm until he is dead, a woman's sexual organ stops producing eggs at a certain age of her life. They did even complete scientific study and research from reliable university and sources that shows from age 18 and above, lots of women prefer needle work than having sex...while men lots of men want sex, sex, sex. So again sexuality there is inequality.

    Equality is about ensuring that every individual has an equal opportunity to make the most of their lives and talents <-- I agree here in that sentence but in terms of poor or condition that is qadir and risq comes only from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa). I have being unemployed for three years, heavy depression mode but did prayer and relied on Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and always told myself it is from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Tala) and not from human being the risq and wealth and alhamdolillah I am working now. But again there is no equality here. I make this money someone else makes less or more than I do.

    You can never ever equality in wealth, education, intelligent, maturity, health, power, etc and nor will you have that in the after life in terms of levels in paradise and hellfire.

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Faith89 View Post
    Assalamu alaikum

    Just like the title suggests I am single and unappy about it. I am 28 years old and I have never had a real "romantic" relationship. I don't know why. The worst thing is that no one (except my family) believes me when I tell them this. I always hear stuff like:" a pretty and smart girl like you must have a boyfriend (I live in a non-muslim country so people always assume I have a boyfriend). But the thing is, I DON'T and I have never had a boyfriend. I've had plenty of guys approach me and show interest in me, but nothing ever turned into a relationship or even a second date. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with who I am. I have tried lots of things over the years but nothing seems to work for me. Why can't I find love like other normal people? I am not boring. People always tell me I am funny, smart and beautiful. I am educated and make good money. I don't like to depend on anyone for anything, I am a very independent woman. I don't like showing my feelings so I never cry in front of people, not even my family. I pretend that I'm happy everyday, but inside I'm dying. I am so lonely and unhappy. Most of my friends are married or living with their families and I am unmarried and live alone. I cry every night and have been increasingly crying during the day (when I am alone and no one sees). It's even got to the point where seeing others (friends and family) happy upsets me because it reminds me of how lonely and miserable I am. I know that I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I can't help it. I don't even know why I am writing, I guess I just needed to let some of my feelings out.



    Please refrain from posting negative comments. I am very sensitive!
    Waalaikumussalam

    Change the environment.

    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Faith89 View Post
    Assalamu alaikum

    Just like the title suggests I am single and unappy about it. I am 28 years old and I have never had a real "romantic" relationship. I don't know why. The worst thing is that no one (except my family) believes me when I tell them this. I always hear stuff like:" a pretty and smart girl like you must have a boyfriend (I live in a non-muslim country so people always assume I have a boyfriend). But the thing is, I DON'T and I have never had a boyfriend. I've had plenty of guys approach me and show interest in me, but nothing ever turned into a relationship or even a second date. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with who I am. I have tried lots of things over the years but nothing seems to work for me. Why can't I find love like other normal people? I am not boring. People always tell me I am funny, smart and beautiful. I am educated and make good money. I don't like to depend on anyone for anything, I am a very independent woman. I don't like showing my feelings so I never cry in front of people, not even my family. I pretend that I'm happy everyday, but inside I'm dying. I am so lonely and unhappy. Most of my friends are married or living with their families and I am unmarried and live alone. I cry every night and have been increasingly crying during the day (when I am alone and no one sees). It's even got to the point where seeing others (friends and family) happy upsets me because it reminds me of how lonely and miserable I am. I know that I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I can't help it. I don't even know why I am writing, I guess I just needed to let some of my feelings out.

    Please refrain from posting negative comments. I am very sensitive!
    Make dua for a husband who is good for you and you good for him, in this dunya and the akhira. It's true that Allah does not grant us all our duas. This happens to all of us regardless we admit it or not. Just take it easy, don't be too hard on yourself. This dunya is temporary existence, the akhira deserves the most of your attention. What you don't have, what you do have in this dunya, all that will only last for as long as Allah decrees it.
    Say: "Truly, my prayer and my rites of sacrifice, my life and my death, are for Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. No partner has He. And this I am commanded, and I am the first [among you] who submit." [6:162-163]

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Calender121438 View Post
    You make some good points, however you should not be extreme. You are right that there are difficult things in this world. However, there are also good things in in this world like a good husband or wife. Allah said "And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." Surah 30:21,

    Furthermore, Allah called the earth, an enjoyment place for a time, not a curse(Surah 7:24).
    You are right 100% I believe in Qura'an and Sunnah. You are right.

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post
    That is not the quality I am talking about. The equality i am talking about is implying there are no difference between the sexes and that men and women are equally the same. That in itself is a huge lie and false. Also about sex and sexuality. There is no equality in sexuality in a sense that homosexuality and lesbianism is haraam and you get the wrath of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and his anger for performing such act and in the afterlife it is guaranteed you will get heavy and severe punishment. Also there is a risk of leaving the fold of Islam by making haraam to be halaal. So already in terms of sexuality there is no equality.

    Otherwise I could just go ahead and marry a man in future science make babies with him. Hey that is sexuality, right? But you know what? I would not. Because I know Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) sees me and that does not get his pleasure nor do I want to anger him or get his displeasure. So right there...in terms of sexuality there is no equality. In terms of sexuality between the opposite sexes there is also no equality. A man can produce sperm until he is dead, a woman's sexual organ stops producing eggs at a certain age of her life. They did even complete scientific study and research from reliable university and sources that shows from age 18 and above, lots of women prefer needle work than having sex...while men lots of men want sex, sex, sex. So again sexuality there is inequality.

    Equality is about ensuring that every individual has an equal opportunity to make the most of their lives and talents <-- I agree here in that sentence but in terms of poor or condition that is qadir and risq comes only from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa). I have being unemployed for three years, heavy depression mode but did prayer and relied on Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and always told myself it is from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Tala) and not from human being the risq and wealth and alhamdolillah I am working now. But again there is no equality here. I make this money someone else makes less or more than I do.

    You can never ever equality in wealth, education, intelligent, maturity, health, power, etc and nor will you have that in the after life in terms of levels in paradise and hellfire.
    You have warped views on almost everything related to women. Stop reading statistics and studies and actually go out for once.

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Faith89 View Post
    Assalamu alaikum

    Just like the title suggests I am single and unappy about it. I am 28 years old and I have never had a real "romantic" relationship. I don't know why. The worst thing is that no one (except my family) believes me when I tell them this. I always hear stuff like:" a pretty and smart girl like you must have a boyfriend (I live in a non-muslim country so people always assume I have a boyfriend). But the thing is, I DON'T and I have never had a boyfriend. I've had plenty of guys approach me and show interest in me, but nothing ever turned into a relationship or even a second date. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with who I am. I have tried lots of things over the years but nothing seems to work for me. Why can't I find love like other normal people? I am not boring. People always tell me I am funny, smart and beautiful. I am educated and make good money. I don't like to depend on anyone for anything, I am a very independent woman. I don't like showing my feelings so I never cry in front of people, not even my family. I pretend that I'm happy everyday, but inside I'm dying. I am so lonely and unhappy. Most of my friends are married or living with their families and I am unmarried and live alone. I cry every night and have been increasingly crying during the day (when I am alone and no one sees). It's even got to the point where seeing others (friends and family) happy upsets me because it reminds me of how lonely and miserable I am. I know that I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I can't help it. I don't even know why I am writing, I guess I just needed to let some of my feelings out.



    Please refrain from posting negative comments. I am very sensitive!


    Sister, you sound like you have a lot going for you, however right now it is difficult for sisters to find a single guy who meets all of criteria and that of their parents leaving you three choices:

    1. Look again at your criteria again. Is there anything you really don't need in there? Divide things up into must haves and desirable traits. List them in importance, don't let silly cultural expectations or those you're family might have get in the way of marriage.
    2. Marry a guy who is already married. Due to difficulties finding women who will agree to polygamy, they tend to be less picky and it means a number of those already married guys previously off the market now are back again as an option.
    3. Keep being patient, knowing every year your value as a potential wife decreases.
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    New Member PrinceOfArabia's Avatar
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    As many members stated that marriage doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be happy. marriage is a social and legal relationship intended to strengthen and extend family relationships. In an Islamic marriage, the relationship is characterized by safety, comfort, love, and mutual rights and responsibilities.

    I was born and living in a Muslim country and I knew many females they are over 40’s of age & living single happily. Anyone who to devalue another person is insecure. Stop fearing and toxic people, the have nothing more than big mouth and sad, lonely hearts.

    You get rejected its not because something wrong with you, its because Allah (swt) doesn’t find him suitable for you, Allah(swt) test your patience and connect you with the right person. You are too valuable to chase someone who does not know your worth and stop thinking for someone who doesn’t acknowledge your value.
    Sometimes it’s better to be kind than to be right. We do not need an intelligent mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens.

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Identical View Post
    You have warped views on almost everything related to women. Stop reading statistics and studies and actually go out for once.
    You want me to hide behind the shadow of my finger? I do go out a lot actually. I go out to do house errands, I go out to work, I go out to take my cat for a walk, I go out to buy stuff for my family. Ok, I don't go out to party. I don't go out to bars where are dancing, singing and mixed of the sexes. I do not go out dating and jumping from women to women to women. But is that really bad? Maybe in the distance future I will change and find someone and have children and family but I doubt it though. I am reaching my 39, single, virgin..never dated ones and....finding fulfillment this way. Though today I came from teaching students with my mom and brother in their house and I saw the wife telling the children to go and kiss the hand of their father and his forehead.

    To be honest my jaw dropped. Maybe I need to see more that to remove the warped ideas I have in my mind and heart because that is rare...very rare to see a wife telling children to respect their father in the 21st century.

    I am beyond shocked when I saw that..and saw the house of tranquility in that Muslim family. To say that is common is a lie. This is rare in today's world. It is rare to see husband and wife work together. It is rare to see respect and love between each other. It is rare to see a mother telling their children to show respect to their father.....but anything is possible in this world.
    Last edited by A500DaBest; 11-09-17 at 04:01 AM.

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceOfArabia View Post
    As many members stated that marriage doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be happy. marriage is a social and legal relationship intended to strengthen and extend family relationships. In an Islamic marriage, the relationship is characterized by safety, comfort, love, and mutual rights and responsibilities.

    I was born and living in a Muslim country and I knew many females they are over 40’s of age & living single happily. Anyone who to devalue another person is insecure. Stop fearing and toxic people, the have nothing more than big mouth and sad, lonely hearts.

    You get rejected its not because something wrong with you, its because Allah (swt) doesn’t find him suitable for you, Allah(swt) test your patience and connect you with the right person. You are too valuable to chase someone who does not know your worth and stop thinking for someone who doesn’t acknowledge your value.
    But ,hey how else can I blow in someones hair on a daily basis....


    Nothing like a wife to annoy ......not even mastercard....

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    But ,hey how else can I blow in someones hair on a daily basis....


    Nothing like a wife to annoy ......not even mastercard....
    blow in someone's hair!?!...muzzy what are you smoking?

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    blow in someone's hair!?!...muzzy what are you smoking?
    Hey man its romantic.....

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    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    Hey man its romantic.....
    It's UF romantic...let's leave it at that. You'll end up spitting in her hair, no woman wants that.

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    It's UF romantic...let's leave it at that. You'll end up spitting in her hair, no woman wants that.
    Amatuers..

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    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    Amatuers..
    It's probably my old man thinking...Ignore me bro. I'm sure your minty freshness is appreciated...


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    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    It's probably my old man thinking...Ignore me bro. I'm sure your minty freshness is appreciated...

    Need to try harder to sell that vomit...

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    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    Need to try harder to sell that vomit...
    Learning romance on UF has this effect...anyway this is a serious thread and it's still running so shush from us both.

  23. #62
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    Learning romance on UF has this effect...anyway this is a serious thread and it's still running so shush from us both.
    She just wanted to let some feeling out ,OP says.
    Another day then.....

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    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    You will always be sad and uncontent as long as you follow the western kafir lifestyle
    Turn to Islam and find a husband the islamic way and you will be much happier
    ''If the bedouins and city dwellers were to fight between themselves until they wipe each other out, it will surely be less significant than them appointing a taghoot in the land which rules by that which is against the Shari'ah of Islaam which Allah sent his Messenger ﷺ with'' - Sheikh Sulayman bin Sahmaan

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Women are too emotional
    ''If the bedouins and city dwellers were to fight between themselves until they wipe each other out, it will surely be less significant than them appointing a taghoot in the land which rules by that which is against the Shari'ah of Islaam which Allah sent his Messenger ﷺ with'' - Sheikh Sulayman bin Sahmaan

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    A word to the wise Jade Vine's Avatar
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    It's at least 20 times better to be single and unhappy than to be married and unhappy.

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by abufulaans View Post
    Women are too emotional
    Well if you have an issue with how Allah (swt) made us then I would suggest you take it up with Him.

    يعلم ما كان و ما يكون و ما لم يكن إذا كان كيف يكون

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    Well if you have an issue with how Allah (swt) made us then I would suggest you take it up with Him.
    It's a test, you need to fight it
    Just like men are weak when it comes to attaining authority and rulership, and women
    ''If the bedouins and city dwellers were to fight between themselves until they wipe each other out, it will surely be less significant than them appointing a taghoot in the land which rules by that which is against the Shari'ah of Islaam which Allah sent his Messenger ﷺ with'' - Sheikh Sulayman bin Sahmaan

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post
    You want me to hide behind the shadow of my finger? I do go out a lot actually. I go out to do house errands, I go out to work, I go out to take my cat for a walk, I go out to buy stuff for my family. Ok, I don't go out to party. I don't go out to bars where are dancing, singing and mixed of the sexes. I do not go out dating and jumping from women to women to women. But is that really bad? Maybe in the distance future I will change and find someone and have children and family but I doubt it though. I am reaching my 39, single, virgin..never dated ones and....finding fulfillment this way. Though today I came from teaching students with my mom and brother in their house and I saw the wife telling the children to go and kiss the hand of their father and his forehead.

    To be honest my jaw dropped. Maybe I need to see more that to remove the warped ideas I have in my mind and heart because that is rare...very rare to see a wife telling children to respect their father in the 21st century.

    I am beyond shocked when I saw that..and saw the house of tranquility in that Muslim family. To say that is common is a lie. This is rare in today's world. It is rare to see husband and wife work together. It is rare to see respect and love between each other. It is rare to see a mother telling their children to show respect to their father.....but anything is possible in this world.
    Dude.. you take your cat for a walk? That's so cool.

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by abufulaans View Post
    It's a test, you need to fight it
    Just like men are weak when it comes to attaining authority and rulership, and women
    Where does it say that?

    Emotions for men and women are healthy, natural and normal. I'm not talking about being overly emotional, but appropriately emotional. Some men still roll their eyes. I'd hand them some sunglasses so that I don't have to see it.

    يعلم ما كان و ما يكون و ما لم يكن إذا كان كيف يكون

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    Where does it say that?

    Emotions for men and women are healthy, natural and normal. I'm not talking about being overly emotional, but appropriately emotional. Some men still roll their eyes. I'd hand them some sunglasses so that I don't have to see it.
    Various hadith and verses show it,

    Men and women were created differently and fall into certain sins/tests easier

    What I mean is that women allow their emotions to take over them alot easier, there's much evidence in Islam for this aswell, let alone what science says
    ''If the bedouins and city dwellers were to fight between themselves until they wipe each other out, it will surely be less significant than them appointing a taghoot in the land which rules by that which is against the Shari'ah of Islaam which Allah sent his Messenger ﷺ with'' - Sheikh Sulayman bin Sahmaan

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post


    Sister, you sound like you have a lot going for you, however right now it is difficult for sisters to find a single guy who meets all of criteria and that of their parents leaving you three choices:

    1. Look again at your criteria again. Is there anything you really don't need in there? Divide things up into must haves and desirable traits. List them in importance, don't let silly cultural expectations or those you're family might have get in the way of marriage.
    2. Marry a guy who is already married. Due to difficulties finding women who will agree to polygamy, they tend to be less picky and it means a number of those already married guys previously off the market now are back again as an option.
    3. Keep being patient, knowing every year your value as a potential wife decreases.
    In his point 1 he is indirectly telling you to let go of either attractive men or those who might have a few brain cells... or marry down. Like marry someone who earns a fraction to you. Don't!
    The second point... are you serious Ginger??? You say this like Polygamy is so widespread... pick a guy!
    The third point is the worst. Muslim men like you perpetuate this idea that a women is useless unless she is young, married and fertile. Otherwise she is better off dead. No wonder girls like this sister are at the end of their tether! And she's only 28!

    SERIOUSLY sister, do not listen to these crazy men.

    First of all congratulations for being so patient and God fearing. And a big *hug* to you. Believe me sister, every 28 year old girl has been in your place and cried themselves to sleep. I was you once when I was 28. But over time I have really embraced my life... really started to appreciate the simple things, like good health (not being in pain, or having joint issues or cancer, being able to see, hear, walk!), a great job where I get to do so many things other people can't, good family, wonderful friends. I have learned to love and appreciate myself and I really love my life! I will only marry someone if I feel they will fit into it... no way will I consider marrying someone that can make my life hell. Marriage doesn't make people happy... only you can be happy within yourself... and only then will you end up picking the right man. Your unhappiness my dear sister is clearly showing in the men you end up meeting. Take a break from meeting men... set some time aside to spend quality time with family... with real friends. Or do something you truly enjoy... perhaps do some voluntary work... with poorly children. Whatever will make your heart full with love. And only when you love yourself, when you feel like you don't need a man will you end up only choosing quality men to get to know.

    Remember sister, the same way no one can see how unhappy you are, because of the way you display your life... you have no idea how happy or unhappy these married people are that you see in your everyday life. Some of my married friends who I thought were having the time of their life... are so depressed it's shocking. If you saw how messed up their lives was you would be thanking Allah for not being in that position.

    I know my words may mean little to you right now... but I promise you, in 5 years time, you will be laughing at your 28 year old self.

    All the best to you

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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by Jade Vine View Post
    It's at least 20 times better to be single and unhappy than to be married and unhappy.
    Exactly! Imagine having to avoid a miserable other who lives in your space! Sleeps in your bed... OMG... I'm already scared.

  34. #73
    On A Hired Plane of Logic LailaTheMuslim's Avatar
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by In my Opinion View Post
    In his point 1 he is indirectly telling you to let go of either attractive men or those who might have a few brain cells... or marry down. Like marry someone who earns a fraction to you. Don't!
    The second point... are you serious Ginger??? You say this like Polygamy is so widespread... pick a guy!
    The third point is the worst. Muslim men like you perpetuate this idea that a women is useless unless she is young, married and fertile. Otherwise she is better off dead. No wonder girls like this sister are at the end of their tether! And she's only 28!

    SERIOUSLY sister, do not listen to these crazy men.

    First of all congratulations for being so patient and God fearing. And a big *hug* to you. Believe me sister, every 28 year old girl has been in your place and cried themselves to sleep. I was you once when I was 28. But over time I have really embraced my life... really started to appreciate the simple things, like good health (not being in pain, or having joint issues or cancer, being able to see, hear, walk!), a great job where I get to do so many things other people can't, good family, wonderful friends. I have learned to love and appreciate myself and I really love my life! I will only marry someone if I feel they will fit into it... no way will I consider marrying someone that can make my life hell. Marriage doesn't make people happy... only you can be happy within yourself... and only then will you end up picking the right man. Your unhappiness my dear sister is clearly showing in the men you end up meeting. Take a break from meeting men... set some time aside to spend quality time with family... with real friends. Or do something you truly enjoy... perhaps do some voluntary work... with poorly children. Whatever will make your heart full with love. And only when you love yourself, when you feel like you don't need a man will you end up only choosing quality men to get to know.

    Remember sister, the same way no one can see how unhappy you are, because of the way you display your life... you have no idea how happy or unhappy these married people are that you see in your everyday life. Some of my married friends who I thought were having the time of their life... are so depressed it's shocking. If you saw how messed up their lives was you would be thanking Allah for not being in that position.

    I know my words may mean little to you right now... but I promise you, in 5 years time, you will be laughing at your 28 year old self.

    All the best to you
    +1

    xx
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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  35. #74
    Odan Gingerbeardman's Avatar
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by In my Opinion View Post
    In his point 1 he is indirectly telling you to let go of either attractive men or those who might have a few brain cells... or marry down. Like marry someone who earns a fraction to you. Don't!
    The second point... are you serious Ginger??? You say this like Polygamy is so widespread... pick a guy!
    The third point is the worst. Muslim men like you perpetuate this idea that a women is useless unless she is young, married and fertile. Otherwise she is better off dead. No wonder girls like this sister are at the end of their tether! And she's only 28!

    SERIOUSLY sister, do not listen to these crazy men.

    First of all congratulations for being so patient and God fearing. And a big *hug* to you. Believe me sister, every 28 year old girl has been in your place and cried themselves to sleep. I was you once when I was 28. But over time I have really embraced my life... really started to appreciate the simple things, like good health (not being in pain, or having joint issues or cancer, being able to see, hear, walk!), a great job where I get to do so many things other people can't, good family, wonderful friends. I have learned to love and appreciate myself and I really love my life! I will only marry someone if I feel they will fit into it... no way will I consider marrying someone that can make my life hell. Marriage doesn't make people happy... only you can be happy within yourself... and only then will you end up picking the right man. Your unhappiness my dear sister is clearly showing in the men you end up meeting. Take a break from meeting men... set some time aside to spend quality time with family... with real friends. Or do something you truly enjoy... perhaps do some voluntary work... with poorly children. Whatever will make your heart full with love. And only when you love yourself, when you feel like you don't need a man will you end up only choosing quality men to get to know.

    Remember sister, the same way no one can see how unhappy you are, because of the way you display your life... you have no idea how happy or unhappy these married people are that you see in your everyday life. Some of my married friends who I thought were having the time of their life... are so depressed it's shocking. If you saw how messed up their lives was you would be thanking Allah for not being in that position.

    I know my words may mean little to you right now... but I promise you, in 5 years time, you will be laughing at your 28 year old self.

    All the best to you
    I am not asking her to go down the dole queue and pick the next brother, but almost every single time a brother or sister complains there are no good men / women to marry and you examine their criteria you can find some of their criteria are not necessary or just dumb.
    FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

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  36. #75
    061116 Rifqah's Avatar
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by abufulaans View Post
    Various hadith and verses show it,

    Men and women were created differently and fall into certain sins/tests easier

    What I mean is that women allow their emotions to take over them alot easier, there's much evidence in Islam for this as well, let alone what science says
    I accept and agree with what you've said until the final paragraph. Women are created (mostly) with certain hormones which can cause regular fluctuations in their emotional balance.

    For the most part, women can be in control of their emotions. At other certain times, biology takes over and you just have to sit it out, such as pregnancy. For other women over-emotionalism can be a sign that something else is wrong and a woman might need medical attention.

    يعلم ما كان و ما يكون و ما لم يكن إذا كان كيف يكون

  37. #76
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    How about being single and happy?


    Being single has nothing to do with u being unhappy... trust me for that .. If u said u feel u miss something/ need a husband/ there's a gap in your life ..etc I can understand u and it's normal.

    Marriage doesn't turn miserable ppl to happy ones.. just like that... it's not magic .. u still same person if u by nature not happy person i .e u someone who waits for things / events/ persons around u to give u happiness then chances are slim that u would be happy person even if u married.

    There's a big difference between happy marriage and happy person. A happy person carries happy/ positive vibes with him wherever he goes. So, chances high to color his marriage with happiness. But happy marriage i.e in which all the essential factors for a successful marriage are available can't make/ turn unhappy person to a happy one.

    so live happily before, during , after marriage and your happiness comes from inside and remember single life has it's joy too tbh


    To sum it up: If a person bases his/her happiness on events like marriage/ great job/ car ..etc once he get that thing; he/ she would be disappointed that he still feel the same.

    Have u ever seen a whiny unhappy person turned out to be satisfied and happy ONLY because they get married?!
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

  38. #77
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    How about being single and happy?


    Being single has nothing to do with u being unhappy... trust me for that .. If u said u feel u miss something/ need a husband/ there's a gap in your life ..etc I can understand u and it's normal.

    Marriage doesn't turn miserable ppl to happy ones.. just like that... it's not magic .. u still same person if u by nature not happy person i .e u someone who waits for things / events/ persons around u to give u happiness then chances are slim that u would be happy person even if u married.

    There's a big difference between happy marriage and happy person. A happy person carries happy/ positive vibes with him wherever he goes. So, chances high to color his marriage with happiness. But happy marriage i.e in which all the essential factors for a successful marriage are available can't make/ turn unhappy person to a happy one.

    so live happily before, during , after marriage and your happiness comes from inside and remember single life has it's joy too tbh


    To sum it up: If a person bases his/her happiness on events like marriage/ great job/ car ..etc once he get that thing; he/ she would be disappointed that he still feel the same.

    Have u ever seen a whiny unhappy person turned out to be satisfied and happy ONLY because they get married?!
    Think you miss the point....there is barakah in marriage and it opens up a whole new world of opportunities inshaallah.

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  39. #78
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by In my Opinion View Post
    In his point 1 he is indirectly telling you to ...

    All the best to you
    Poster sounds like a bitter person giving contradictory advice to console their own position.

    The OP clearly asked for advice on how to address their loneliness at being single.

    Poster, don't discourage people from marriage. This is contradictory to Islams teachings.

  40. #79
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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  41. #80
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    Re: Single and unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    Think you miss the point....there is barakah in marriage and it opens up a whole new world of opportunities inshaallah.
    yes and I'm not underestimating marriage, it's importance and it's effect on a person's life; psychological/ emotional stability and all that Nor trying to discourage ppl from marriage.

    But I'm saying It's not magic that will change their nature 180 degree. They shouldn't bases their happiness on marriage ONLY

    I don't agree with this correlation single person = unhappy

    so ppl need to check themselves and see from where this feeling of unhappiness come from and fix it before even thinking of marriage ... because happiness/ unhappiness is contagious and can affect the partner then the marriage.
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

 

 

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