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  1. #1
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    Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    As-Salaamu Alaikum,

    I decided to make my own thread, I tried to post in anonymous section but it didn't show up after a day, so I registered

    Rather than post the problem in another person's thread I thought it is important to make my own so maybe someone can give advice related to the thread.

    I will try to keep this short in sha Allah

    There is a girl who is a revert of 4 years alhamdulillah, she was very interested in Islam, read the stories of the Prophets, read the Qur'an in English, learnt dua'as, 99 names of Allah with its meaning, had her own YouTube channel to post video reminders Allahumma barek laha. She was on the deen and wanted to wear the Niqab when she was able to. Gave up pork, music, social media (facebook) etc etc.

    Her family are non-Muslims and her parents are divorced, when she told them about her being a Muslim, they hated her for it and wished she was a lesbian rather than a Muslim (you can imagine her environment and can imagine her dissapointment)

    She struggled as the years went past as her friends let her down, her mum puts pressure on her regarding education/driving/work etc and sometimes tells her "what a crap daughter she is" no matter what good she does. She has no friends apart from me looking out for her but I am several hours drive away so it is hard to see each other especially with our busy schedules.

    Anyway, just this past month or so, she has totally given up on everything, she stopped doing any YouTube videos, she doesn't do anything Islamic anymore, she wants to be alone, she hates her work, having to drive to work, basically hates everything and feels anger which she never felt before.

    I tried to be there for her and showed her support but she refuses any help and feels I shouldn't waste my time on her and she keeps pushing me away.

    She started to listen to music in her car as she says she hates silence and started to watch "TV" which she gave up before, I ofcourse advised her against it but she refuses to listen to me.

    To be honest all of this feeling of hate and resentment started when she made a facebook account again she made it so that she can leave feedback for her passing her driving test for her instructor, however she uploaded a picture of herself and since then I feel personally she has gone worse.

    I could be wrong but I do believe she does need ruqyah, I tried to let her listen to Qur'an but she complained of her head hurting and wanted me to stop. I told her we need to do this daily so whatever she has going on in her head can get weaker and weaker with the permission of Allah but she refuses to do it and insist that I leave her to be alone.

    I have tried almost everything, I sent her some flowers on Eid, I offered support and an ear whenever she needed it but her answers would always be negative

    I told her that I will be making a thread and I will show her this thread after the responses I receive, so maybe she can see advice from other people who do care for her, she is still our Muslim sister and as an ummah we are here for each other.

  2. #81
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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    JazakhaAllah Khairun for both of your replies.

    The thing is, I don't know why she feels guilty, she says she feels guilty that she makes me sad and that she can't be who I want her to be, and that I deserve better. Well yeah off course I am sad as I hate seeing her this way, and 2nd) I only want her to come back to Islam.

    I told her I understand your condition and it is normal to feel what you are feeling because of depression and most likely shaytaan attacking you, so don't worry and I am here for you through ups and downs.

    I just don't understand why she would push me away.

    She has blocked me on telegram but later messaged me on skype saying, she needs to be alone and she is sorry but she cant hurt me anymore as it makes her feel so guilty.

    I really am afriad she will leave Islam, that's my biggest fear which is why I wanted to keep her close to me. But no matter what I do, it is in Allah's hands and I can only pray for her.

  3. #82

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    please try to remember that it is the shaytan that is influencing her to push you away and that the guilt she feels is due to the struggle with that shaytan.

    The fact that she feels guilty shows she still has eman and she may pull through this and be stronger for it but as I've said many reverts do leave islam in the first coupe of years as
    the changes they have to make and the lack of support they get from the muslim community make their situation that much more difficult.

    you are a rare person to be so supportive of a revert and that is a very praiseworthy trait. May Allah bless you for your love for a new muslim.ameen.

    Please continue to make dua for her and yourself.

    you've both been in my prayers as I know how incredibly difficult reverting to islam can be and they struggles new muslims face.

    May Allah make it easy for all of us,ameen

  4. #83
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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    please try to remember that it is the shaytan that is influencing her to push you away and that the guilt she feels is due to the struggle with that shaytan.

    The fact that she feels guilty shows she still has eman and she may pull through this and be stronger for it but as I've said many reverts do leave islam in the first coupe of years as
    the changes they have to make and the lack of support they get from the muslim community make their situation that much more difficult.

    you are a rare person to be so supportive of a revert and that is a very praiseworthy trait. May Allah bless you for your love for a new muslim.ameen.

    Please continue to make dua for her and yourself.

    you've both been in my prayers as I know how incredibly difficult reverting to islam can be and they struggles new muslims face.

    May Allah make it easy for all of us,ameen
    Ameen

    Thanks brother, I have actually done some more research on depression and the way she is feeling it is normal to push me away as she doesn't want to see me hurt and she feels guilty that she can't show the same level of care that I am showing her, and ontop of the depression she has the devil (May Allah destroy them and let them never succeed) hounding her, so I do understand.

    Although she has removed her Telegram account, I still have contact with her over skype, I have sort of backed off in messaging her daily.

    I just messaged her now to ask how she felt and to say "don't be afraid to message me first and don't feel guilty or be upset in telling me any of your problems and that I am a strong person, I am here for you"... She replied with a thank you and that it is very kind, she said she still feels rubbish so she wanted to just go sleep. I did reply saying "May Allah make things easier for you and help you through this" as I still want to remind her of Allah but in a subtle way even though that may sound bad.

    Please continue to keep her in your dua'a, we can't lose her from this Ummah and I won't give up alhamdulillah, may Allah help me remain steadfast

  5. #84
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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    try to get her to recite or you can recite the recommended qu'ranic ruqyah verses to recite morning and evening (manzil),
    below are the following verses, you can obviously recite more if you like,
    heres a link to the PDF so you can download it,
    https://fridaytenthirty.files.wordpr...yat-manzil.pdf

    Surah Al-Fatihah (chapter 1): verses 1 to 7
    Surah Al-Bakarah (chapter 2): verses 1 to 5, 163, 255 to 257, and 284 to 286
    Surah Al-Imran (chapter 3): verses 18, 26 and 27
    Surah Al-A'araf (chapter 7): verses 54 to 56
    Surah Al-Israa (chapter 17): verses 110 and 111
    Surah Al-Muminoon (chapter 23): verses 115 to 118
    Surah Al-Saaffaat (chapter 37): verses 1 to 11
    Surah Al-Rehman (chapter 55): verses 33 to 40
    Surah Al-Hashr (chapter 59): verses 21 to 24
    Surah Al-Jinn (chapter 72): verses 1 to 4
    Surah Al-Kaafiroon (chapter 109): verses 1 to 6
    Surah Al-Ikhlas (chapter 112): verses 1 to 4
    Surah Al-Falaq (chapter 113): verses 1 to 5
    Surah Al-Naas (chapter 114): verses 1 to 6

    below is the audio links for the recitation of these quranic ruqyah verses (manzil)
    Mishary Rashid Al-Afasy
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBbKVDm4Ccc
    Saad al-Ghamdi
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_yutwK-TMY

    also your adhkar morning and evening too

  6. #85
    On A Hired Plane of Logic LailaTheMuslim's Avatar
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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Assalaamu alaikum,

    this is advice from a brother's raaqi

    Its a very useful ruqya, I have tried it personally.

    So, you or a close female Muslim friend needs to get their fists, and press hard against her stomach and/or the sihr-affected area. They shall repeat 'Bismillah' as they press against her stomach/affected area.

    This will dislodge the sihr, especially if its in your stomach through eaten sihr.

    I hope that helps in sha Allah.

    May Allah grant your friend shifa, recovery and the best of health ameen.
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


    Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

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  7. #86
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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
    Assalaamu alaikum,

    this is advice from a brother's raaqi

    Its a very useful ruqya, I have tried it personally.

    So, you or a close female Muslim friend needs to get their fists, and press hard against her stomach and/or the sihr-affected area. They shall repeat 'Bismillah' as they press against her stomach/affected area.

    This will dislodge the sihr, especially if its in your stomach through eaten sihr.

    I hope that helps in sha Allah.

    May Allah grant your friend shifa, recovery and the best of health ameen.


    for sihr thats been eaten you need to use crush 7 sidr leaves and have it with water,
    this will remove the sihr bithnillah

  8. #87
    On A Hired Plane of Logic LailaTheMuslim's Avatar
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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Simply_Logical View Post


    for sihr thats been eaten you need to use crush 7 sidr leaves and have it with water,
    this will remove the sihr bithnillah
    Really? Thats good in sha Allah will try. I think the method I posted too is worthwhile.
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


    Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

    Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

  9. #88
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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
    Really? Thats good in sha Allah will try. I think the method I posted too is worthwhile.
    yea its good to have the sidr water on a empty stomach first thing in the morning like at fajr time and it will flush out the sihr

  10. #89
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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Thank You for your replies.

    Well it seems as if she has walked away, she blocked all access of contact to her, I do have her new number but I respect her privacy and would never message, besides even if I did she would most likely block me anyway. Earlier this week she was saying by the end of the week she will be gone, that she will always believe in Allah and that she wishes me the best for the future.

    I feel really sad to a point where I think of our friendship and just cry, we were so close like best friends where we would tell each other everything and be there for each other night or day, I don't have anyone else that I can turn to especially like that. She believes she is doing this to protect me but I believe it is worse to lose her, I can take the emotional wreck she may throw at me as you take the bad with the good, I just cant take never speaking to her again not and being her best friend (yes it may sound childish but we have been through a lot together).

    What can I do? I am praying and being patient that she will get better and then message me again, please keep her in your dua'a as she is so special to me and she doesn't even know it

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    It sounds like she's having an understandable crisis and just needs some space to work through things on her own, and in her own time. People have different ways of dealing with things, and it doesn't always mean that they don't want to know you anymore or that they don't value your support, just that they need a period of solitude in order to recharge and figure things out. Sometimes being too pushy, though well intentioned can feel suffocating to some people and makes them push you away even more.

    It sounds like you both have a special friendship, and I think the best thing to do would be to give her the space she needs and let her know that you'll be there for her if she needs you. She'll come round in her own time in shaa Allah. That's all you can do as a friend, as well as make dua for her. She's probably an introvert, extroverts and introverts often have a hard time understanding each other - lol.

    Hope everything works out.
    Last edited by AleaIactaEst; 13-10-17 at 10:25 PM.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by AleaIactaEst View Post
    It sounds like she's having an understandable crisis and just needs some space to work through things on her own, and in her own time. People have different ways of dealing with things, and it doesn't always mean that they don't want to know you anymore or that they don't value your support, just that they need a period of solitude in order to recharge and figure things out. Sometimes being too pushy, though well intentioned can feel suffocating to some people and makes them push you away even more.

    It sounds like you both have a special friendship, and I think the best thing to do would be to give her the space she needs and let her know that you'll be there for her if she needs you. She'll come round in her own time in shaa Allah. That's all you can do as a friend, as well as make dua for her. She's probably an introvert, extroverts and introverts often have a hard time understanding each other - lol.

    Hope everything works out.
    Yeah people do say, give her space and give her time to heal but what I don't understand is, I am not making things worse for her, I am trying to be supportive, be an ear for her and just show her love and make her happy. It is so hard to understand why people then push you away when they feel so alone. I don't blame her as she is depressed and shaytaan is on her case but very frustrating to understand. I am not forcing her into anything also as I said, I am here for you whenever you need me to be, I won't be going anywhere, but even saying that she has something negative to say. I really don't understand why she can't say "okay thank you, I will get better and in sha Allah we can be back to how it was"

    Is there anyone here who has been through depression? As it would be so helpful to talk to someone and really understand...

    When I thought she had blocked me from skype also, she actually didn't as I saw her "away" status yesterday, I didn't message but I was relieved. She messaged me just now and said she had a car crash and this man was awful and that she just recovered from the state of shock.... I replied saying "Oh no, are you okay, what a horrible man" etc etc but she then replied, "i cant do this anymore, just move on, i dont want this, i told you by the end of the week il be gone etc etc" I said, "okay I do understand, Il give you your space and Il be here to whenever you need to talk to me", she replied with "okay fine but I won't be coming back"... Like what am I doing wrong?

    Wallahi it is so painful to see this sister go through so much hardships and all I want to do is help her, even just be there for her but she doesn't let me.

    However the only thing I can do is make dua'a for her, so please please whoever reads this make dua'a that Allah makes her life better, cures her depression, makes her stronger in faith and that she can come back to our relationship again even stronger.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by seekingadvice12 View Post
    Yeah people do say, give her space and give her time to heal but what I don't understand is, I am not making things worse for her, I am trying to be supportive, be an ear for her and just show her love and make her happy. It is so hard to understand why people then push you away when they feel so alone. I don't blame her as she is depressed and shaytaan is on her case but very frustrating to understand. I am not forcing her into anything also as I said, I am here for you whenever you need me to be, I won't be going anywhere, but even saying that she has something negative to say. I really don't understand why she can't say "okay thank you, I will get better and in sha Allah we can be back to how it was"

    Is there anyone here who has been through depression? As it would be so helpful to talk to someone and really understand...

    When I thought she had blocked me from skype also, she actually didn't as I saw her "away" status yesterday, I didn't message but I was relieved. She messaged me just now and said she had a car crash and this man was awful and that she just recovered from the state of shock.... I replied saying "Oh no, are you okay, what a horrible man" etc etc but she then replied, "i cant do this anymore, just move on, i dont want this, i told you by the end of the week il be gone etc etc" I said, "okay I do understand, Il give you your space and Il be here to whenever you need to talk to me", she replied with "okay fine but I won't be coming back"... Like what am I doing wrong?

    Wallahi it is so painful to see this sister go through so much hardships and all I want to do is help her, even just be there for her but she doesn't let me.

    However the only thing I can do is make dua'a for her, so please please whoever reads this make dua'a that Allah makes her life better, cures her depression, makes her stronger in faith and that she can come back to our relationship again even stronger.
    Are you a guy or a girl? I assumed you were female, but if you're male then that changes the dynamic, and she could be genuinely trying to break up with you.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by AleaIactaEst View Post
    Are you a guy or a girl? I assumed you were female, but if you're male then that changes the dynamic, and she could be genuinely trying to break up with you.
    What a basic question I never thought to ask,how foolish of me.

    IF seekingadvice12 your a female then actions are praiseworthy,IF however you are male then the problem is you as you've been freemixing with a non-mahram and THAT in itself may have brought the shaytan into her life and so you would be the cause of these problems for her.

    That is something you need to clarify.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Sorry I should have mentioned which I thought everyone was aware due to the other sister calling me a sister, yes I am a sister

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Jazaakillahu khairan for clarifying.

    what I don't understand is, I am not making things worse for her, I am trying to be supportive,.
    To you it seems like you're being supportive, but to her it may seem like she's being smothered. I can't speak for her, but I can speak for myself and I know that in the past when people have become too clingy and have appeared needy, I push them away. It's almost a reflex. It might sound a bit harsh but some people like to maintain some form of distance in a relationship. If I'm going to be completely honest, you do seem a bit.....obsessive? I know you mean well, but if she wants to take a break or even part ways, then you should respect that and try to move past it. Sometimes just respecting someones need for distance is all that's needed.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by seekingadvice12 View Post
    Sorry I should have mentioned which I thought everyone was aware due to the other sister calling me a sister, yes I am a sister
    I assumed you were female by the way you communicate.

    alhamdulillah,that you clarified that,I was getting worried I had encouraged freemixing.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by AleaIactaEst View Post
    Jazaakillahu khairan for clarifying.



    To you it seems like you're being supportive, but to her it may seem like she's being smothered. I can't speak for her, but I can speak for myself and I know that in the past when people have become too clingy and have appeared needy, I push them away. It's almost a reflex. It might sound a bit harsh but some people like to maintain some form of distance in a relationship. If I'm going to be completely honest, you do seem a bit.....obsessive? I know you mean well, but if she wants to take a break or even part ways, then you should respect that and try to move past it. Sometimes just respecting someones need for distance is all that's needed.

    Sorry but I do disagree, we were friends for over 4 years, it feels like you're trying to say I am the one to blame for this, I am not really smothering her or being obsessive (can you tell me how I maybe am?) as I have given her the space and even told her that, I hadnt messaged her for a couple of days and she was the one who messaged me today, I replied sympatheticly but the response was negative back, this is all symptoms of depression as I have researched about it, they can accept nothing good and want isolation, and as people here have mentioned, perfect for the shaytaan to attack. I have been patient with her, where before I would say to listen to Qur'an 10 minutes a day and you don't even need to talk about anything else, she wouldn't everyday but again I was patient. I only let her know that I am here and she "can" talk to me whenever she wants to so it is not like I am forcing her, it is just personally hard for me to see her suffering like this.

    You may feel I am being, I don't know, really protective of her but that's because before I met her she was an "athiest" where she didn't even believe Allah existed. I gradually spoke to her about Islam and to cut a long story short, she reverted to Islam, it was a process and it was the happiest day of my life to actually help someone into the deen through the will of Allah.

    Off course during our friendship we learnt together and even memorised 99 names of Allah with its meanings alhamdulillah, where we would test each other daily along with dua'as and learnt the 30th chapter of the Qur'an, we also went through the "Stories of the Prophets, Seerah of the Prophet (Peace be Upon Him) etc etc" Not trying to boast, but yeah she was also my study partner, we motivated each other, alhamdulillah her emaan grew stronger by the day where I had to even say to maybe think twice about wearing the Niqab, she lived in a non-Muslim white area and her family hated Islam, so I tried to protect her from rushing into things that may make things worse for her (if you can understand what I mean). But point being the zeal was there for her. it was also never the case where we would think right, we need distance or we need to take a break, it wasn't like we were in each other's pockets, it was just nice to have a study partner and someone to talk to in the evenings, we took each other as family.

    So seeing her now where listening to the Qur'an makes her annoyed and wants it stopped, where she says she doesn't want to be Islamic anymore, where she started to listen to music, where she is sad and cries nearly everyday, where in her college girls just ignore her, where her family are mostly horrible to her and yeah given up on life, you must understand it is difficult to see that and also difficult to lose a best friend. Off course I can't force her to change but as I mentioned before all I can do is make dua'a for her and hope she can come back to her senses and follow the path of success with or without me.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    I think shes seriously damaged by jimns and you need to physically get her to see a raaqi as she doesnt listen to Quran herself or with you anymore

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Narrated Sa`d:

    I heard Allah's Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) saying, "Whoever takes seven 'Ajwa dates in the morning will not be effected by magic or poison on that day."

    [Sahih al-Bukhari 5779]

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Okay, I just read all your posts in this thread. I'm not blaming you at all, (just offering a different perspective) I'm not commenting on the ruqyah issue here. I think your handling of that is praiseworthy.

    I think you need to be a little easier on her though. Giving up a whole lifestyle isn't easy. It sounds like she had an initial explosion of religious zeal, opening up a da'wah channel, wanting to wear the niqab etc and now she's finding it difficult to sustain. We all struggle with that balance, and maybe she feels your imposing your standards on her and that's why she feels guilty and that 'she can't be what you want her to be'. Even as born Muslims we struggle with Emaan fluctuations and it's going to be harder for someone who is adjusting to a new lifestyle and figuring out a new identity. Theres nothing wrong with watching Zoella (its just Beauty and Fashion?) Or using Facebook, and listening to music doesn't mean she wants to leave Islam. The most important thing is maintaining a relationship with Allah, and as someone's love for Allah grows so will their comitmment to following the laws. Maybe allow her to take things at her own pace? Of course this is just my opinion.
    Last edited by AleaIactaEst; 16-10-17 at 06:24 PM.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by AleaIactaEst View Post
    Okay, I just read all your posts in this thread. I'm not blaming you at all, (just offering a different perspective) I'm not commenting on the ruqyah issue here. I think your handling of that is praiseworthy.

    I think you need to be a little easier on her though. Giving up a whole lifestyle isn't easy. It sounds like she had an initial explosion of religious zeal, opening up a da'wah channel, wanting to wear the niqab etc and now she's finding it difficult to sustain. We all struggle with that balance, and maybe she feels your imposing your standards on her and that's why she feels guilty and that 'she can't be what you want her to be'. Even as born Muslims we struggle with Emaan fluctuations and it's going to be harder for someone who is adjusting to a new lifestyle and figuring out a new identity. Theres nothing wrong with watching Zoella (its just Beauty and Fashion?) Or using Facebook, and listening to music doesn't mean she wants to leave Islam. The most important thing is maintaining a relationship with Allah, and as someone's love for Allah grows so will their comitmment to following the laws. Maybe allow her to take things at her own pace? Of course this is just my opinion.
    What are you talking about nothing wrong with facebook or music
    Facebook if used wrong can lead to alot of sinning
    And music is haram

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    What are you talking about nothing wrong with facebook or music
    Facebook if used wrong can lead to alot of sinning
    And music is haram

    You just answered your own question. Don't quote me with nonsense if you're not going to read properly.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by AleaIactaEst View Post
    Okay, I just read all your posts in this thread. I'm not blaming you at all, (just offering a different perspective) I'm not commenting on the ruqyah issue here. I think your handling of that is praiseworthy.

    I think you need to be a little easier on her though. Giving up a whole lifestyle isn't easy. It sounds like she had an initial explosion of religious zeal, opening up a da'wah channel, wanting to wear the niqab etc and now she's finding it difficult to sustain. We all struggle with that balance, and maybe she feels your imposing your standards on her and that's why she feels guilty and that 'she can't be what you want her to be'. Even as born Muslims we struggle with Emaan fluctuations and it's going to be harder for someone who is adjusting to a new lifestyle and figuring out a new identity. Theres nothing wrong with watching Zoella (its just Beauty and Fashion?) Or using Facebook, and listening to music doesn't mean she wants to leave Islam. The most important thing is maintaining a relationship with Allah, and as someone's love for Allah grows so will their comitmment to following the laws. Maybe allow her to take things at her own pace? Of course this is just my opinion.
    I appreciate your honesty and giving your time to write back so thank you.

    Nothing wrong with zoella? I personally find watching her wrong, why? She hangs out with non-mahram men, she has a bf who is frequently in her vlogs, there is no haya observed and she is the wrong role model especially for young muslim women.

    Using Facebook? I am not sure if you read all my posts, but she has her photo on facebook which again I don't agree with, any man can see her photo and this could be a reason for evil eye to enter, I am sure I saw a video on "naseeha session" about a sister being possessed merely by a photo she had on Facebook.

    Listening to Music is the call of Shayateen, it is the Qur'an for the devils, I profusely hate the sound of Music, the way she is feeling "could" make her condition worse, again I didn't say music will make her leave Islam, I just hate her or anyone listening to it.

    I didnt impose my standards on her as to be honest I frequently mentioned to her that I wish I could be so much better, this is why we were "study partners" so we could both improve and have each other as motivation, she thought I was perfect and didn't make mistakes but I always reminded her that I do and making mistakes is fine as long as you try to improve.

    I didn't force her or rush her, I did encourage her to pray salah but I didn't force her to, also with halal meat (there is non in her area) I didn't say you have to stop eating meat now as I didn't want to scare her.

    To be honest this in my opinion is due to her environment, family and social problems, she has been let down by them so fell into depression further (she has been depressed for a while but was happy whenever we spoke) and that's when the shaytaan would attack, but I honestly till this day believe it was because of her photo on Facebook, since her photo was public on Facebook, she started to get worse and hasn't recovered. Off course only Allah knows and I pray he cures her of this illness.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Sister get a raaqi to see her as shes not reading Quran or listening to ruqya her self so shes not battling the jinn
    You need to just trick her into meeting a raaqi and force her to listen

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by seekingadvice12 View Post
    I appreciate your honesty and giving your time to write back so thank you.

    Nothing wrong with zoella? I personally find watching her wrong, why? She hangs out with non-mahram men, she has a bf who is frequently in her vlogs, there is no haya observed and she is the wrong role model especially for young muslim women.

    Using Facebook? I am not sure if you read all my posts, but she has her photo on facebook which again I don't agree with, any man can see her photo and this could be a reason for evil eye to enter, I am sure I saw a video on "naseeha session" about a sister being possessed merely by a photo she had on Facebook.

    Listening to Music is the call of Shayateen, it is the Qur'an for the devils, I profusely hate the sound of Music, the way she is feeling "could" make her condition worse, again I didn't say music will make her leave Islam, I just hate her or anyone listening to it.

    I didnt impose my standards on her as to be honest I frequently mentioned to her that I wish I could be so much better, this is why we were "study partners" so we could both improve and have each other as motivation, she thought I was perfect and didn't make mistakes but I always reminded her that I do and making mistakes is fine as long as you try to improve.

    I didn't force her or rush her, I did encourage her to pray salah but I didn't force her to, also with halal meat (there is non in her area) I didn't say you have to stop eating meat now as I didn't want to scare her.

    To be honest this in my opinion is due to her environment, family and social problems, she has been let down by them so fell into depression further (she has been depressed for a while but was happy whenever we spoke) and that's when the shaytaan would attack, but I honestly till this day believe it was because of her photo on Facebook, since her photo was public on Facebook, she started to get worse and hasn't recovered. Off course only Allah knows and I pray he cures her of this illness.
    I agree 100% with your view on the above (aside from YouTube), my concern is that your approach is a little too harsh, and that could be the reason why she is withdrawing from you. In my experience with my revert friends and general observation of da'wah, is that people respond better and are a lot more likely to be consistent when they take things slowly, and also when focus is placed on the most critical and essential points (Tawheed, salaat, eating halal) and not made to go gung -ho on things like YouTube, FB etc. Somtimes being too intense pushes people in the other direction. Either way I wish you and the sister the best, and I hope her situation turns around in shaa Allah.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by AleaIactaEst View Post
    I agree 100% with your view on the above (aside from YouTube), my concern is that your approach is a little too harsh, and that could be the reason why she is withdrawing from you. In my experience with my revert friends and general observation of da'wah, is that people respond better and are a lot more likely to be consistent when they take things slowly, and also when focus is placed on the most critical and essential points (Tawheed, salaat, eating halal) and not made to go gung -ho on things like YouTube, FB etc. Somtimes being too intense pushes people in the other direction. Either way I wish you and the sister the best, and I hope her situation turns around in shaa Allah.
    I have to say that this has been the case for some kids in my family. They got turned off of islam and quit going to the masjid when the parental naseeha got intense.

    That said, i think you are already quite patient and gentle so keep it up. I think with treatment, time and persistence things will inshallah turn around,

    Did you get a chance to find a muslim physician that might help out? someone from the masjid locally?

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    Sister get a raaqi to see her as shes not reading Quran or listening to ruqya her self so shes not battling the jinn
    You need to just trick her into meeting a raaqi and force her to listen
    At the moment brother I am not messaging her as anything I do say will be a negative response. I have told her to listen to the Qur'an, I sent her an MP3, I said we could skype and listen over skype but if she refuses or doesn't want to then I can't do anything, so getting a raqi to see her sounds like an impossible task. I just pray the changer of hearts can change her heart back to Islam and make her much firmer than she was before.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by AleaIactaEst View Post
    I agree 100% with your view on the above (aside from YouTube), my concern is that your approach is a little too harsh, and that could be the reason why she is withdrawing from you. In my experience with my revert friends and general observation of da'wah, is that people respond better and are a lot more likely to be consistent when they take things slowly, and also when focus is placed on the most critical and essential points (Tawheed, salaat, eating halal) and not made to go gung -ho on things like YouTube, FB etc. Somtimes being too intense pushes people in the other direction. Either way I wish you and the sister the best, and I hope her situation turns around in shaa Allah.
    I don't believe I am harsh at all, I believe I am quite patient with her, mashaAllah she didn't listen to music watch useless Youtubers or even had a Facebook account for over 2 years, she was quite happy with it and understood the dangers of it, she even used to mention it how she is not like girls who frequently posts on their accounts or vlog letting any man to see. We watched lectures regarding music, social media etc and the speakers would say the same thing and she would agree (after we discuss the topic)

    You say my approach is a little too harsh? I completely disagree, why? I told her it is fine if you can't eat halal meat, I made her think twice about wearing a Niqab, or even a scarf when she "wanted" to as I was concerned for her because of her family reaction, I said to her take your time and in sha Allah just study Islam to grow stronger, even with Salah I said it is fine, just take it slowly, so I don't know how you believe I am too harsh?

    If it is because of Music and Facebook etc, then off course I will tell her it is wrong as this is most likely why she is feeling the way she is. As this seemed to have gotten worse from the day she uploaded her picture on Facebook, And to be candid she isn't just off with me, she has given up on everything and wants to be alone from everyone. Typical sign of depression/shaytaan on her case, as even with music she says I just have it as a background in the car

    Although yes I do agree knowing what I know now maybe I should have stepped back even further and may Allah forgive me for that, may Allah give me another chance with her to put things right.

    Just keep her in your dua'a that Allah will guide her back to his path and she recovers from this illness.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by neemhakeem View Post
    I have to say that this has been the case for some kids in my family. They got turned off of islam and quit going to the masjid when the parental naseeha got intense.

    That said, i think you are already quite patient and gentle so keep it up. I think with treatment, time and persistence things will inshallah turn around,

    Did you get a chance to find a muslim physician that might help out? someone from the masjid locally?
    In sha Allah she will come round

    I tried to find a masjid close to her locally and there is one that is like 30-45 minutes away from her house, the problem is she wouldn't visit it and the Imam wouldn't be allowed to visit her house due to her family, so it is so hard subhanAllah . I can't even approach her at the moment as she would say "leave me alone or I want to be alone" so I left her to her thoughts hoping she does message me back in time in sha Allah , so make dua'a she comes to me so I can in sha Allah help her through this.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    That is true about posting your real photo online. Not only when it comes to evil affliction, but also identity theft. Anyone can download your photo, create an online profile and post your photo. Next they will post nasty evil things online and make a lot of people think it's you who are doing this. Obviously you will get negative reactions, although you have never done anything of that sort.

    Did you get the chance to bring her the Quran recited water? I was hoping that if she doesn't want to recite nor listen to the Quran anymore, at least she'd be willing to drink or do ablution with it.

    I am not on the forum much due to recent family situation. I will keep you and your friend in my dua.
    It was narrated from Jabir bin 'Abdullah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "O people, fear Allah and be moderate in seeking a living, for no soul will die until it has received all its provision, even if it is slow in coming. So fear Allah and be moderate in seeking provision; take that which is permissible and leave that which is forbidden. " Sunan Ibn Majah

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    As-Salaamu Alaikum

    Update: Surprising on Tuesday night she did message me saying she was finding it hard to move on from our friendship, we had a lovely chat about random stuff, it felt good and positive. But yeah since then no response from her. I only communicate with her over Skype and her status would read "away" I messaged her today asking if she was okay and that I was thinking of her, she briefly came online and then went "offline"...

    I dont really know what to think, I do feel used in this as it feels like she talks to me when she "wants" and whenever I do, it is ignored.

    I also mentioned in our chat on Tuesday that someone in the forum said I was maybe too harsh with her, which I apologised for to her, she did reply "no don't even think that and you did amazingly well, everything you did was perfect, I wasn't just ready or something"...

    I do feel some guilt in what I could have done differently, but Allah knows best

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    I dont think shes using you i think shes just going through some hard times and struggling to communicate she probably has a lot of mood swings especially coz of jinn
    Just try and have sabr u already are but just maintain it inshAllah

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    I dont think shes using you i think shes just going through some hard times and struggling to communicate she probably has a lot of mood swings especially coz of jinn
    Just try and have sabr u already are but just maintain it inshAllah
    Thank You brother, may Allah reward you for the kind positive advice. No news yet but In sha Allah I will try and have the patience and let her come to me if she wants to, may Allah guide her back to Islam even stronger than before (Ameen)

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Ameen

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by seekingadvice12 View Post
    Thank You brother, may Allah reward you for the kind positive advice. No news yet but In sha Allah I will try and have the patience and let her come to me if she wants to, may Allah guide her back to Islam even stronger than before (Ameen)
    Any news or updates?

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Samsandman View Post
    Any news or updates?
    Sorry that I haven't been updating this thread just thought I didn't really need to as there were no changes.

    Well the sister was still being distant but every few days or so she would message me saying that she was having a horrible time and that I should just not waste my time on her and to let her move on with her life.

    Off course I was being supportive and patient etc etc but nothing really worked, she admitted she is depressed and isn't right mentally and said she needs to to go to the doctors soon. I did advise her to stop taking the Accutane drug and the birth control pills as it is most likely making her feel worse but she doesn't take any notice of it. I also tried to encourage her to read Qur'an

    However on Monday that just went, sadly she said she needs to delete the Skype App (Where we only had left to communicate), she told me she didnt want to but had to as it was for the best.

    She did make me cry as she said things like "If it wasnt for you to be there for me through all my problems then I might not even be here today"..

    All I have been doing lately is waking up for tahujjud and begging Allah to bring her back to Islam and to bring her back to me for his sake as I want to support her Islamically as well as be there for her mentally, she hasnt any friends, her family arent exactly very nice and she must be very alone now ontop of the shaytaan being on her case.

    Please continue to keep her in your dua'a and may Allah destroy her shaytaan that is on her case so she can think more clearly and practice her faith.

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    Re: Possible Ruqya Needed, also some advice

    ameen to your dua and I will make dua for her inshaAllah.

    May Allah reward you and keep you patient,ameen

 

 

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