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  1. #1
    New Member LostMan's Avatar
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    What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    I am a young adult male and have come to accept I will never find a woman due to the way I look, and due to me not having any real good qualities. I also have chronic multiple sclerosis and I have a certain way that I live life that most could not handle to be around

    I am not a muslim but I am interested in Islam and I dont want to be a slave to judgmental women, feeling like I owe them something or feeling constant inferiority because I am not "enough" for them, I just want to be a slave of God.

    He is my only true friend and I know he loves me and accepts me because he created me, but women today are definitely not like that



    so when I do convert, what is the stance for guys like me who will never be able to find a woman? Is it not a problem?

  2. #2
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    I am a young adult male and have come to accept I will never find a woman due to the way I look, and due to me not having any real good qualities. I also have chronic multiple sclerosis and I have a certain way that I live life that most could not handle to be around

    I am not a muslim but I am interested in Islam and I dont want to be a slave to judgmental women, feeling like I owe them something or feeling constant inferiority because I am not "enough" for them, I just want to be a slave of God.

    He is my only true friend and I know he loves me and accepts me because he created me, but women today are definitely not like that



    so when I do convert, what is the stance for guys like me who will never be able to find a woman? Is it not a problem?
    The position of Islam is that it is mustahabb (recommended) to get married, if there is no fear of falling into forbidden acts like fornication. However, if there is a fear that you will fall into forbidden acts, then marriage becomes obligatory, in order to protect one's chastity. https://islamqa.info/en/82968

    As for your specific issue, it is not true that you will never find a woman who will accept you. Statistically, there has to be women out there who will. They may not be beautiful or anything, but they must surely exist.

  3. #3

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    OP sounds like non-muslim version of me.

  4. #4
    New Member LostMan's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    The position of Islam is that it is mustahabb (recommended) to get married, if there is no fear of falling into forbidden acts like fornication. However, if there is a fear that you will fall into forbidden acts, then marriage becomes obligatory, in order to protect one's chastity. https://islamqa.info/en/82968

    As for your specific issue, it is not true that you will never find a woman who will accept you. Statistically, there has to be women out there who will. They may not be beautiful or anything, but they must surely exist.

    ok and well to be honest with you, any woman who has a good heart and any woman who could actually love myself would be beyond beautiful to me, regardless of how she looks. but it would be too hard to find, and i have too many issues. Thank you for your answer.
    i really like your picture

  5. #5
    New Member LostMan's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by Spicen View Post
    OP sounds like non-muslim version of me.
    im guarantee im more screwed up than you but good to know im not alone

  6. #6

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    im guarantee im more screwed up than you but good to know im not alone
    well not sure about the looks part but for sure your views about marriage and unwillingness to be slave of some judgemental woman quite matches my own opinion.

  7. #7
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    ok and well to be honest with you, any woman who has a good heart and any woman who could actually love myself would be beyond beautiful to me, regardless of how she looks. but it would be too hard to find, and i have too many issues. Thank you for your answer.
    i really like your picture
    I won't regurgitate to you some cliche nonsense like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." But you know, trying is better than not trying. If you try, you have a non-zero chance of finding someone. If you don't try, that chance is 0.

  8. #8
    New Member LostMan's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    I won't regurgitate to you some cliche nonsense like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." But you know, trying is better than not trying. If you try, you have a non-zero chance of finding someone. If you don't try, that chance is 0.
    well.. I was being serious.. and going off of what the Prophet of Islam (peace be upon him) told Julaybib.. even though im disgusted by my own self..

    I know Most people wont but I would look at a womans heart rather than her exterior and thats what does it for me personally.. Your perception of a person does not define them and that does give me hope.. But maybe its false hope.. Maybe I am interested in islam for the wrong reasons, I will admit - the brotherhood and acceptance I have seen in Islam is what attracted me.. and I thought just maybe I wouldnt be looked at as such a monster than I already am now in society.. a lot of people seem to be repulsed by me when I go out in public

  9. #9
    New Member LostMan's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    you may have to be patient with me.. i am pretty disturbed because of what ive been through.. but i am just looking for some help.. i genuinely do love and accept Islam when its all said and done
    Last edited by LostMan; 07-09-17 at 01:19 AM.

  10. #10
    islamreligion.com eesa the kiwi's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    you may have to be patient with me.. i am pretty disturbed because of what ive been through.. but i am just looking for some help.. i genuinely do love and accept Islam when its all said and done
    May Allah make things easy for you

    Brother try not to stress too much, the one who created the heavens and the earth is certainly able to provide you with a spouse so never lose hope

    Do you want to accept Islam? You sound like you are ready

    All you have to do is say with your tounge and believe in your heart the following ash hadu anla ilaha illalahu wa ash hadu anna Muhammadan abduhu wa rasuluh

    This means I bear witness there is no God but Allah and i bear witness Muhammad (sallaho alayhi wa sallam) is his servant and messenger
    It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
    "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude. ibn Taymiyyah.

  11. #11
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    you may have to be patient with me.. i am pretty disturbed because of what ive been through.. but i am just looking for some help.. i genuinely do love and accept Islam when its all said and done
    If you believe in Allah and the Prophet Muhammad(pbuh), then you should convert as soon as possible. You should go to a mosque and ask the imam to help you take the shahadah. Technically you can do it yourself, but I think it's good to do it at a mosque so that other Muslims will welcome you to Islam.

  12. #12
    New Member LostMan's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
    May Allah make things easy for you

    Brother try not to stress too much, the one who created the heavens and the earth is certainly able to provide you with a spouse so never lose hope

    Do you want to accept Islam? You sound like you are ready

    All you have to do is say with your tounge and believe in your heart the following ash hadu anla ilaha illalahu wa ash hadu anna Muhammadan abduhu wa rasuluh

    This means I bear witness there is no God but Allah and i bear witness Muhammad (sallaho alayhi wa sallam) is his servant and messenger
    thank you my brother

    and to Stoic Believer, I do. and I think I will try and get in touch with the Islamic Center near me. I am really nervous though, because it is a social place

  13. #13
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    thank you my brother

    and to Stoic Believer, I do. and I think I will try and get in touch with the Islamic Center near me. I am really nervous though, because it is a social place
    It's okay to be nervous. In shaa Allah it'll be fine.

  14. #14
    Odan talibilm09's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    thank you my brother

    and to Stoic Believer, I do. and I think I will try and get in touch with the Islamic Center near me. I am really nervous though, because it is a social place
    Peace & greetings to those who seek guidance

    here is the needed info as nearly good as approaching an Islamic center.

    kindly refer to post # 6

    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ons%20post%206
    My sect - No Sect

    My Aqeedah - http://legacy.quran.com/112 ( The Aqeedah of Sahabas)

    Just a Muslim

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Bismillah
    Dear brother, I will start this post with something pessimistic but I assure you it will have an optimistic conclusion.

    We have different circumstances yet find ourselves in the same conclusion. A possibility of marriage is unlikely in this dunya (tho cannot say for certainty since we do not know our fate). Being a Bangladeshi (living abroad) I am unable to find another Bangladeshi lady in my present country who does not bend the deen to suit their needs. My fellow arab colleagues have a term for such - coconut. Deen on the outside but with emptiness and void in the core. And its a pandemic. So I may not be able to marry at all in this dunya (world).

    Have I given up hope? No. You see, it is in hadith (one can consult sheikh google lol for the exact book for reference) that a woman with seizure came to the Prophet (saws) and asked for his supplication to Allah (god in Arabic) to cure her illness. Our Prophet (saws) replied that she has two choice 1) receive the supplication from him and be cured 2) Not receive the supplication and instead have that illness as a means of her to get into Jannah (heaven). This illustrates the principle of how all illness and calamities are fitna (trials & tribulations) from Allah Az Zawajal in order to 1) Test you and bring your closer to Him, 2) Purify you 3) Prepare you for a good reward coz obviously good follows bad after one is purified.

    At the end of the day we are both afraid being married off to women who are misguided. But fear not, as brother Esa have stated, the Lord who has created the heavens and earth and our destiny surely can create a human being that is just perfect for us! Must have patience and persevere, one does not always need to wait for Jannah to see Allah's (swt) mercy; you can get Jannah on this planet as well, my brother And Allah (swt) knows best.

    Lastly I would just like to let u know how you have managed to lighten up my day with your post. Being a physician I understand where you are coming from. I know it can get difficult. I am surrounded by muslims yet not every single one love our Creator like you do. MashaAllah Tabarak Allah you have His light already starting to shine in you. Props to you for keeping your chin up and seeking the path of the truth despite your illness. Once you take 1 step towards Allah (swt) He takes 3 steps towards you.

    Regards



    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    I am a young adult male and have come to accept I will never find a woman due to the way I look, and due to me not having any real good qualities. I also have chronic multiple sclerosis and I have a certain way that I live life that most could not handle to be around

    I am not a muslim but I am interested in Islam and I dont want to be a slave to judgmental women, feeling like I owe them something or feeling constant inferiority because I am not "enough" for them, I just want to be a slave of God.

    He is my only true friend and I know he loves me and accepts me because he created me, but women today are definitely not like that



    so when I do convert, what is the stance for guys like me who will never be able to find a woman? Is it not a problem?
    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
    You see, it is in hadith (one can consult sheikh google lol for the exact book for reference) that a woman with seizure came to the Prophet (saws) and asked for his supplication to Allah (god in Arabic) to cure her illness. Our Prophet (saws) replied that she has two choice 1) receive the supplication from him and be cured 2) Not receive the supplication and instead have that illness as a means of her to get into Jannah (heaven).
    Wow! Can I please have the exact reference of this beautiful Hadeeth? Im seriously attracted to this one for personal reasons.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Bukhari :: Book 7 :: Volume 70 :: Hadith 555
    This is referenced from the online version. If you are unable to find it kindly let me know so I can manually go throw my ebook of bukhari and locate it. I'm glad I was able to convey a hadith to you that holds a special significance to you, you have just made my day brother

    JazakAllah Khair.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ummati09 View Post
    Wow! Can I please have the exact reference of this beautiful Hadeeth? Im seriously attracted to this one for personal reasons.
    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
    Bukhari :: Book 7 :: Volume 70 :: Hadith 555
    This is referenced from the online version. If you are unable to find it kindly let me know so I can manually go throw my ebook of bukhari and locate it. I'm glad I was able to convey a hadith to you that holds a special significance to you, you have just made my day brother

    JazakAllah Khair.
    Jazaakallah brother. To be honest, yourself sharing that Hadeeth had already made my day, I was so touched by it. Without ever having read that Hadeeth, Id always been of the belief that Somewhere Ill earn the Reward for every physical suffering that I go through.

    Sadly though, I wasnt able to locate it. Can you for example find it on the website below......

    https://www.searchtruth.com/searchHadith.php#

    You can search if you give two or three words in the search box belonging to the English translation of it.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
    Bukhari :: Book 7 :: Volume 70 :: Hadith 555
    This is referenced from the online version. If you are unable to find it kindly let me know so I can manually go throw my ebook of bukhari and locate it. I'm glad I was able to convey a hadith to you that holds a special significance to you, you have just made my day brother

    JazakAllah Khair.
    Ive found it!

    https://www.searchtruth.com/book_dis...tor=1&start=10

    Jazaakallah brother.

  20. #20
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Assalamu alaikum brother,

    I'm sorry I did not respond earlier, I only got the notification for your last post from today, please forgive me. I've been on this forum for a few months but despite that I'm still a noob I guess.

    On the other, I'm glad you found the hadith! Wish my memory was somewhat near to that of Imam Shafi'e or Imam Bhukhari (the memory geniuses) so I could quote it without having to consult sheikh google lol. Oh well it is what it is, Alhamdulillah. Let me know if I can look anything up I've got pdf version of most of the well known authentic ahadith.

    Regards

    Quote Originally Posted by Ummati09 View Post
    Ive found it!

    https://www.searchtruth.com/book_dis...tor=1&start=10

    Jazaakallah brother.
    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

  21. #21
    Slave of AIIah dsr478's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    well.. I was being serious.. and going off of what the Prophet of Islam (peace be upon him) told Julaybib.. even though im disgusted by my own self..

    I know Most people wont but I would look at a womans heart rather than her exterior and thats what does it for me personally.. Your perception of a person does not define them and that does give me hope.. But maybe its false hope.. Maybe I am interested in islam for the wrong reasons, I will admit - the brotherhood and acceptance I have seen in Islam is what attracted me.. and I thought just maybe I wouldnt be looked at as such a monster than I already am now in society.. a lot of people seem to be repulsed by me when I go out in public

    You don't have to get married. It's just considered a nice thing to do, but it's not necessary.

    Also, I'd recommend you become a Muslim. You will be considered our brother and be one of us. You'll find that practising Muslims value another believer like their own brother.

  22. #22
    Senior Member neelu's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    I relate to your post a lot because I have been battling Lyme Disease for the past 10 years.

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    you may have to be patient with me.. i am pretty disturbed because of what ive been through.. but i am just looking for some help.. i genuinely do love and accept Islam when its all said and done
    If you know what Islam is and accept it, then you should convert sooner rather than later as no one knows when death will occur and at least it would make a world of difference to your future in the afterlife.

    Having said that, there are a few things you should be aware of. Some people say converting to Islam is easy because you just read out two lines saying you believe and that's it, you're Muslim, which is fair enough, but those two lines have implications for the rest of your life. It will involve change, it usually involves relationships changing as many converts are rejected by their families due to their beliefs, many are thrown out of their homes and on top of that, once the novelty factor of being a new Muslim wears off, a lot of the Muslim community just goes back to their routine going to work and raising their kids and suddenly you feel vulnerable, that as a Muslim you're on your own, don't quite fit in and feel that "sense of community" isn't what you thought it was.

    Culturally you feel like an outsider among your own race (whom I presume are mostly non Muslim) because they socialise by drinking or other haram and culturally you may feel like an outsider at a Muslim friend's house where everyone speaks a different language. If you're really committed to Islam, the real heartache though is when you sit with Muslims who don't value Islam, don't practice it or mix unIslamic culture into their lifestyles and then are dismissive of you because "you've only been Muslim five minutes".

    Then there are the practical implications as a Muslim, of committing to daily prayers, avoiding riba (interest based transactions such as mortgage, student loans, credit cards and hire purchase), avoiding alcohol and forbidden foods and ensuring that your earnings are halal (ie not earned by working in a casino or brewery or other kind of haram activity). I'm not saying any of this to put you off or scare you away, I'm saying this because there have been cases of people who enter Islam in a half-ar$ed way, emotionally feel "the azan sounds beautiful" but really they want to just take shahada and live more like those kinda Christians who say they believe in their religion but don't think it should entail any form of commitment to its rules and randomly discard the verses of the Quran that don't conform to their liberal/feminist/democratic world view.

    Don't get me wrong, there are aspects of Islam all Muslims struggle with and that doesn't stop us accepting it. As a woman it took me decades to come to terms with and accept the concept of polygamy as something acceptable in Islam. I struggled with understanding why the Prophet (saw) married Aisha (ra) when she was so young. If you have niggling doubts or questions about aspects of Islam that seem unpalatable, then find out more about those and resolve those issues so that inshaAllah you can enter Islam when you're convinced of it and not plagued by doubts. So I'm not saying this to put you off or scare you away from the level of commitment, I'm saying this so that you pursue this and accept it for the right reasons and know what you're getting yourself into.

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    Odan
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by neelu View Post
    I relate to your post a lot because I have been battling Lyme Disease for the past 10 years.



    If you know what Islam is and accept it, then you should convert sooner rather than later as no one knows when death will occur and at least it would make a world of difference to your future in the afterlife.

    Having said that, there are a few things you should be aware of. Some people say converting to Islam is easy because you just read out two lines saying you believe and that's it, you're Muslim, which is fair enough, but those two lines have implications for the rest of your life. It will involve change, it usually involves relationships changing as many converts are rejected by their families due to their beliefs, many are thrown out of their homes and on top of that, once the novelty factor of being a new Muslim wears off, a lot of the Muslim community just goes back to their routine going to work and raising their kids and suddenly you feel vulnerable, that as a Muslim you're on your own, don't quite fit in and feel that "sense of community" isn't what you thought it was.

    Culturally you feel like an outsider among your own race (whom I presume are mostly non Muslim) because they socialise by drinking or other haram and culturally you may feel like an outsider at a Muslim friend's house where everyone speaks a different language. If you're really committed to Islam, the real heartache though is when you sit with Muslims who don't value Islam, don't practice it or mix unIslamic culture into their lifestyles and then are dismissive of you because "you've only been Muslim five minutes".

    Then there are the practical implications as a Muslim, of committing to daily prayers, avoiding riba (interest based transactions such as mortgage, student loans, credit cards and hire purchase), avoiding alcohol and forbidden foods and ensuring that your earnings are halal (ie not earned by working in a casino or brewery or other kind of haram activity). I'm not saying any of this to put you off or scare you away, I'm saying this because there have been cases of people who enter Islam in a half-ar$ed way, emotionally feel "the azan sounds beautiful" but really they want to just take shahada and live more like those kinda Christians who say they believe in their religion but don't think it should entail any form of commitment to its rules and randomly discard the verses of the Quran that don't conform to their liberal/feminist/democratic world view.

    Don't get me wrong, there are aspects of Islam all Muslims struggle with and that doesn't stop us accepting it. As a woman it took me decades to come to terms with and accept the concept of polygamy as something acceptable in Islam. I struggled with understanding why the Prophet (saw) married Aisha (ra) when she was so young. If you have niggling doubts or questions about aspects of Islam that seem unpalatable, then find out more about those and resolve those issues so that inshaAllah you can enter Islam when you're convinced of it and not plagued by doubts. So I'm not saying this to put you off or scare you away from the level of commitment, I'm saying this so that you pursue this and accept it for the right reasons and know what you're getting yourself into.
    I have burning questions about Islam too, but i live in a community where people are born muslim who don't ask and just take in anything from their ustad, so there's this concept of 'blind faith' that is common in my culture. This means they don't question why things are the way they are in Islam. I mean, I don't mean to say the folks around me are unintelligent, but I think that if a faith is a big prt of my life, should'nt I have the right to question it? And to ask in such a way that is meant to benefit everyone, not to go against Islam? It's a bit baffling to me over the years, because it's hard to find someone who follows the same line of thought.

    Your last para kinda hit me, because I am going through that situation where I question some aspects of Islam,especially the part on treatment of women. These questions I have are burning inside of me, and I'd like to know how you come into terms with your doubts.

    I assume you have close contacts with Ustazahs or some sortz

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    What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    @nudgetheputri

    I very much agree with you on asking about your faith and not being a blind follower

    But it’s important to ask the right type of questions and reasonable questions, not questions which may be ultimately fruitless and be of no benefit to you

    If you have questions about the treatment of women in Islam, then of course, please do ask those who have the knowledge to address your questions. You should tackle any doubts until you feel at complete ease with your faith. And until nothing makes you feel doubtful or uncomfortable
    Last edited by Ghuraba321; 02-10-17 at 02:56 PM.

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    There was a very good quote but i cant remember it too well

    Anyway, it was about knowledge and how obtaining it does away with any doubts or concerns you have about your faith

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghuraba321 View Post
    @nudgetheputri

    I very much agree with you on asking about your faith and not being a blind follower

    But it’s important to ask the right type of questions and reasonable questions, not questions which may be ultimately fruitless and be of no benefit to you

    If you have questions about the treatment of women in Islam, then of course,lease do ask those who have the knowledge to address your questions. You should tackle any doubts until you feel at complete ease with your faith. And until nothing makes you feel doubtful or uncomfortbale

    I'm glad there are people who are reassuring me about how important it is to ask questions. It helps to know people are supportive of this.

    I think as long as the questions are genuine and real legit questions which are asked after much thought, then I think they deserve to be answered.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    It's part of the sunnah. Question is: do you want to get married? If the answer is yes, then don't give up. Keep searching and put your trust in Allah.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    I am a young adult male and have come to accept I will never find a woman due to the way I look, and due to me not having any real good qualities. I also have chronic multiple sclerosis and I have a certain way that I live life that most could not handle to be around

    I am not a muslim but I am interested in Islam and I dont want to be a slave to judgmental women, feeling like I owe them something or feeling constant inferiority because I am not "enough" for them, I just want to be a slave of God.

    He is my only true friend and I know he loves me and accepts me because he created me, but women today are definitely not like that


    so when I do convert, what is the stance for guys like me who will never be able to find a woman? Is it not a problem?
    Bolded bit sounds like you're drugs or something... What kind of lifestyle do have....

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by nudgetheputri View Post
    I'm glad there are people who are reassuring me about how important it is to ask questions. It helps to know people are supportive of this.

    I think as long as the questions are genuine and real legit questions which are asked after much thought, then I think they deserve to be answered.
    There are questions asked in earnestness, sincerity and with the true intention of seeking knowledge.

    Then there are questions coming from pride/arrogance and with the intent of challenging Allah and the shariah (na'udhu billah).

    A good example of the latter is a thread like this: http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...t-in-Knowledge

    You see many people doing this, like when liberal/westernized Muslims challenge "why can't a woman lead the Salaah" or "why is homosexuality in Islam forbidden when people are "born gay""

    On face-value, some of these challenges are blatant. As time goes by though, these people want to display their intelligence/pride by challenging Ulama, so they twist their questions to hide under the veil of sincerity.

    May we be Protected from such people.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post
    There are questions asked in earnestness, sincerity and with the true intention of seeking knowledge.

    Then there are questions coming from pride/arrogance and with the intent of challenging Allah and the shariah (na'udhu billah).

    A good example of the latter is a thread like this: http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...t-in-Knowledge

    You see many people doing this, like when liberal/westernized Muslims challenge "why can't a woman lead the Salaah" or "why is homosexuality in Islam forbidden when people are "born gay""

    On face-value, some of these challenges are blatant. As time goes by though, these people want to display their intelligence/pride by challenging Ulama, so they twist their questions to hide under the veil of sincerity.

    May we be Protected from such people.
    lol

    The op in that linked thread could possibly be genuine in his intention. . but i get what you mean, it sounded rude and conscending.

    By right women can lead the salah. It's just that followers need to be all women only.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?



    Imam Nawavi and another Imaam Ibn Tammiyah ( rah alay) did not marry.

    If you do not have the URGE or enough money you need not marry.

    Or else its a sunnah to marry, If you have both then YOU MUST MARRY.
    My sect - No Sect

    My Aqeedah - http://legacy.quran.com/112 ( The Aqeedah of Sahabas)

    Just a Muslim

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Praise be to Allaah.

    I accepted Islam.

    I kind of regret making this thread though. I have a hard time explaining myself and it may come across weird. I try to avoid engaging with most people unless its the poor. I am just a 20 year old disturbed man. It is not just MS but many things going on. wont post here anymore, this place definitely not for me. Im just going to keep myself focused on my relationship with Allaah the most high. That is number one to me. cant put that into words


    Quote Originally Posted by nudgetheputri View Post
    Bolded bit sounds like you're drugs or something... What kind of lifestyle do have....
    how obnoxious..

    my lifestyle? I submit to Allaah. what about you? and drugs? no.

    its called having a chronic illness along with other battles and many may not handle being around someone like me. Thats all I meant.



    Anyway, goodbye everyone. Thanks for the responses and messages. Alhamdulillaah.
    Last edited by LostMan; 15-10-17 at 03:31 AM.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    Praise be to Allaah.

    I accepted Islam.
    Alhamdulillaah.

    Please post if you have any more questions.

    May Allaah the Most Merciful, make it easy for you. Aameen.

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    Senior Member neelu's Avatar
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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Welcome to the deen LostMan, I'm so happy for you. I hope you'll get back in touch inshaAllah but if not, I still hope you manage to find a Muslim community who are helpful and supportive.

    Quote Originally Posted by nudgetheputri View Post
    I have burning questions about Islam too, but i live in a community where people are born muslim who don't ask and just take in anything from their ustad, so there's this concept of 'blind faith' that is common in my culture. This means they don't question why things are the way they are in Islam. I mean, I don't mean to say the folks around me are unintelligent, but I think that if a faith is a big prt of my life, should'nt I have the right to question it? And to ask in such a way that is meant to benefit everyone, not to go against Islam? It's a bit baffling to me over the years, because it's hard to find someone who follows the same line of thought.

    Your last para kinda hit me, because I am going through that situation where I question some aspects of Islam,especially the part on treatment of women. These questions I have are burning inside of me, and I'd like to know how you come into terms with your doubts.

    I assume you have close contacts with Ustazahs or some sortz
    Islam allows us to question. In fact there's an ayah in the Quran which translates as "contemplate about the alternation of the night and day" and says these are "signs for people who understand". So seeking answers about how creation could come into being, these all are signs that indicate that the world couldn't come into being of its own accord and required a creator and so on. So questioning by contemplating your surroundings actually helps improve understanding of the deen.

    As for Islam's treatment of women, the more I learned over time, the more perspective I gained on context and that sort of thing. It's very difficult to sum up years of experience on this sort of thing, but y'know how when there's a "terrorist" incident, all of a sudden there's a spotlight on the Muslim community. All Muslims have to answer for the actions of one man because the tabloids said it raises serious questions about our beliefs and our character and so on... then the next week, a white guy commits the exact same kind of attack on people with the exact same weapons and the incident barely gets a 3 line mention on page 27 of a newspaper. No question of what it means to belong to his race or religion, no scrutiny, no case to answer because he's from the superior people who aren't inherently violent according to this line in a holy book (even though the bible does contain violent verses but they never publicise it so we never hear about it).

    What does that kind of double standard publicity tell you? It tells you that they're setting up a narrative, they're setting up the paradigm which means they set the limits and parameters and want your thoughts to be contained within that, not just on terrorism (that's just the most blatant and obvious example), but also on other aspects of Islam such as Islamic history, such as the view on the rights of men and women in Islam and so on.

    Not just terrorism but I can also give an example from history: on the one hand, America glorifies its history and Britain glorifies its history too even though they're eyeball deep in genocides, colonialism and racism dating back centuries. America was built on the genocide of natives followed by the enslavement of Africans and so on. Columbus and his men were actively involved in killing, torturing and raping peaceful natives on one of the Caribbean Islands until the population was wiped out within a few generations... yet look at how glorified he is. They name cities and colleges after him. They name one of their national holidays after him and so on. Other US leaders did terrible things too like Thomas Jefferson kept a black woman as his sex slave and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway if you point these things out to a patriotic American, he'd say "yes through the lens of history they did bad things but this sort of slavery and genocide was the norm of that time- it was a different era back then"- even Harvey Weinstein says that and his prehistoric era dates back to the 60s! Yet those same people would jump up and down having a hissy fit demanding "why did your prophet marry a CHILD?" and if you dare to say "y'know that was the norm over a thousand years before your founding fathers (were committing genocide)" and they would not for a second accept that as an excuse. So again we're talking double standards just as they use one standard in reporting a brown faced "terrorist" and another when talking about a white "lone wolf" doing the exact same thing.

    These things help you realise that their yardstick for measuring acceptable behaviour is more like a yoyo that shoots up and down depending on their own biases rather than an objective gauge of right and wrong and this includes their outlook on what they consider acceptable in terms of treatment of women. First of all, regarding the age of Aisha (ra) when she got married; we have to realise that this concept of an "age of consent" of 16-18 years old is a fairly new construct that has only been around for maybe 4 generations or 150 years or so. Before that, it was not unusual in ALL societies including the West for women to get married before the age of 16. At the time of the Prophet (saw), NONE of the people of other religions, none of the mushrikeen or ahle kitaab criticised the marriage of Aisha (ra) because young marriage was just as much a part of kufr society as it was a part of Islamic society... then the kufaar live according to their whims and desires and change the parameters of what they consider acceptable or not and expect everyone to conform. Just look at today with the increasing acceptance of LGBT. Who knows maybe in another four generations, our Muslim great grandchildren will be unsure as to whether to accept or reject LGBT just as our generation are unsure as to whether to accept or reject such a young marriage. Why do we hesitate to accept such a thing? Because society has conditioned us to believe that they can draw the lines of what is acceptable and what isn't- even though I could write a book on the kinds of double standards and the violation of rights of women etc that go on in Western societies, but that would make this post far too long.

    I think we dislike polygamy not just cos' society conditions us to believe in monogamy as the only acceptable form of marriage, but also because these societies use enticing buzzwords like "equality" to make their concepts sound better- but again, bear in mind they used the "equality" slogan to introduce gay marriage, so we have to be very mindful that whilst equality sounds like a nice word, it can carry very unislamic and unpleasant connotations. Men and women are mentioned in the Quran equally in terms of deeds (eg the verse that says "for believing men and women" saying there is a good reward for their good deeds etc) but in terms of rights and responsibilities, they are different. Women get a smaller share of inheritance cos' the woman is only responsible for spending on herself whereas the man is responsible for spending on providing for the whole family- so it is different and to the kufaar, having a difference is considered as being unfair when in fact they make both men and women go to work, they don't acknowledge that some women have painful periods that can affect their attendance, they expect women to dump their 6 month old babies into nurseries so that they can go back to work- all so that the women can boast they are more "equal" in the workplace even though they'd rather be at home recuperating from the C section and bonding with their babies.

    Men don't give birth or have C sections or breastfeed, we're created with these differences from the opposite gender which Allah has acknowledged and assigned our roles and responsibilities for as Allah made us and knows our needs and requirements better than we do and most certainly better than these western societies who think men can "identify" as not being men so we all have to share in their delusion and start calling them women.... do you really think people like that have the answers on gender roles?

    There's so much that can be said about this and I don't know if I've explained it very well. As I said earlier it's hard to condense years of experience and what I've learned into one post. I can tell you that I'm not in touch with any Ustazas or anything like that. I'm not a scholar and I'm not in touch with any scholars. PM me if you have any further questions. Although I've answered your question I'm not sure my answer was adequate as I feel I've left stuff out to prevent this from getting too long.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by neelu View Post
    Welcome to the deen LostMan, I'm so happy for you. I hope you'll get back in touch inshaAllah but if not, I still hope you manage to find a Muslim community who are helpful and supportive.



    Islam allows us to question. In fact there's an ayah in the Quran which translates as "contemplate about the alternation of the night and day" and says these are "signs for people who understand". So seeking answers about how creation could come into being, these all are signs that indicate that the world couldn't come into being of its own accord and required a creator and so on. So questioning by contemplating your surroundings actually helps improve understanding of the deen.

    As for Islam's treatment of women, the more I learned over time, the more perspective I gained on context and that sort of thing. It's very difficult to sum up years of experience on this sort of thing, but y'know how when there's a "terrorist" incident, all of a sudden there's a spotlight on the Muslim community. All Muslims have to answer for the actions of one man because the tabloids said it raises serious questions about our beliefs and our character and so on... then the next week, a white guy commits the exact same kind of attack on people with the exact same weapons and the incident barely gets a 3 line mention on page 27 of a newspaper. No question of what it means to belong to his race or religion, no scrutiny, no case to answer because he's from the superior people who aren't inherently violent according to this line in a holy book (even though the bible does contain violent verses but they never publicise it so we never hear about it).

    What does that kind of double standard publicity tell you? It tells you that they're setting up a narrative, they're setting up the paradigm which means they set the limits and parameters and want your thoughts to be contained within that, not just on terrorism (that's just the most blatant and obvious example), but also on other aspects of Islam such as Islamic history, such as the view on the rights of men and women in Islam and so on.

    Not just terrorism but I can also give an example from history: on the one hand, America glorifies its history and Britain glorifies its history too even though they're eyeball deep in genocides, colonialism and racism dating back centuries. America was built on the genocide of natives followed by the enslavement of Africans and so on. Columbus and his men were actively involved in killing, torturing and raping peaceful natives on one of the Caribbean Islands until the population was wiped out within a few generations... yet look at how glorified he is. They name cities and colleges after him. They name one of their national holidays after him and so on. Other US leaders did terrible things too like Thomas Jefferson kept a black woman as his sex slave and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway if you point these things out to a patriotic American, he'd say "yes through the lens of history they did bad things but this sort of slavery and genocide was the norm of that time- it was a different era back then"- even Harvey Weinstein says that and his prehistoric era dates back to the 60s! Yet those same people would jump up and down having a hissy fit demanding "why did your prophet marry a CHILD?" and if you dare to say "y'know that was the norm over a thousand years before your founding fathers (were committing genocide)" and they would not for a second accept that as an excuse. So again we're talking double standards just as they use one standard in reporting a brown faced "terrorist" and another when talking about a white "lone wolf" doing the exact same thing.

    These things help you realise that their yardstick for measuring acceptable behaviour is more like a yoyo that shoots up and down depending on their own biases rather than an objective gauge of right and wrong and this includes their outlook on what they consider acceptable in terms of treatment of women. First of all, regarding the age of Aisha (ra) when she got married; we have to realise that this concept of an "age of consent" of 16-18 years old is a fairly new construct that has only been around for maybe 4 generations or 150 years or so. Before that, it was not unusual in ALL societies including the West for women to get married before the age of 16. At the time of the Prophet (saw), NONE of the people of other religions, none of the mushrikeen or ahle kitaab criticised the marriage of Aisha (ra) because young marriage was just as much a part of kufr society as it was a part of Islamic society... then the kufaar live according to their whims and desires and change the parameters of what they consider acceptable or not and expect everyone to conform. Just look at today with the increasing acceptance of LGBT. Who knows maybe in another four generations, our Muslim great grandchildren will be unsure as to whether to accept or reject LGBT just as our generation are unsure as to whether to accept or reject such a young marriage. Why do we hesitate to accept such a thing? Because society has conditioned us to believe that they can draw the lines of what is acceptable and what isn't- even though I could write a book on the kinds of double standards and the violation of rights of women etc that go on in Western societies, but that would make this post far too long.

    I think we dislike polygamy not just cos' society conditions us to believe in monogamy as the only acceptable form of marriage, but also because these societies use enticing buzzwords like "equality" to make their concepts sound better- but again, bear in mind they used the "equality" slogan to introduce gay marriage, so we have to be very mindful that whilst equality sounds like a nice word, it can carry very unislamic and unpleasant connotations. Men and women are mentioned in the Quran equally in terms of deeds (eg the verse that says "for believing men and women" saying there is a good reward for their good deeds etc) but in terms of rights and responsibilities, they are different. Women get a smaller share of inheritance cos' the woman is only responsible for spending on herself whereas the man is responsible for spending on providing for the whole family- so it is different and to the kufaar, having a difference is considered as being unfair when in fact they make both men and women go to work, they don't acknowledge that some women have painful periods that can affect their attendance, they expect women to dump their 6 month old babies into nurseries so that they can go back to work- all so that the women can boast they are more "equal" in the workplace even though they'd rather be at home recuperating from the C section and bonding with their babies.

    Men don't give birth or have C sections or breastfeed, we're created with these differences from the opposite gender which Allah has acknowledged and assigned our roles and responsibilities for as Allah made us and knows our needs and requirements better than we do and most certainly better than these western societies who think men can "identify" as not being men so we all have to share in their delusion and start calling them women.... do you really think people like that have the answers on gender roles?

    There's so much that can be said about this and I don't know if I've explained it very well. As I said earlier it's hard to condense years of experience and what I've learned into one post. I can tell you that I'm not in touch with any Ustazas or anything like that. I'm not a scholar and I'm not in touch with any scholars. PM me if you have any further questions. Although I've answered your question I'm not sure my answer was adequate as I feel I've left stuff out to prevent this from getting too long.
    Sr @neelu , unable to rep, respected sister, but for this post. Baarakallah feek. (Alhamdulillah. A very good post imho, by the kindness of Allah Ta'aalaa).
    Last edited by Fakhri; 26-10-17 at 12:12 AM.
    LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
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    NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by LostMan View Post
    I am a young adult male and have come to accept I will never find a woman due to the way I look, and due to me not having any real good qualities. I also have chronic multiple sclerosis and I have a certain way that I live life that most could not handle to be around

    I am not a muslim but I am interested in Islam and I dont want to be a slave to judgmental women, feeling like I owe them something or feeling constant inferiority because I am not "enough" for them, I just want to be a slave of God.

    He is my only true friend and I know he loves me and accepts me because he created me, but women today are definitely not like that



    so when I do convert, what is the stance for guys like me who will never be able to find a woman? Is it not a problem?
    Bismillah,
    Ask the mighty god a good woman as your wife. (i am serious). God create the entire universe, so its a very easy work for god to find you good woman.

    I did it! I do prayer tahajud with my father asking for a good woman as my wife. And alhamdulillah now I have a best wife in the world and most beautiful daughter ever. (In my point of view )

    Marriage is part of the sunnah. convert now and ask allah a good woman letter. DO THE 5 PILLAR OF ISLAM. Insya Allah, allah will grant you a great wife that you need (not that you want). It works for me and I am sure it will work for you too. InsyaAllah.

    One last thing, when you already embrace Islam go to Mecca and perform umrah. Make your dua in from of the ka'bah. Insya Allah

    AllahuAlam
    Last edited by rahmat89; 10-11-17 at 01:22 PM.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by rahmat89 View Post
    Bismillah,
    Ask the mighty god a good woman as your wife. (i am serious). God create the entire universe, so its a very easy work for god to find you good woman.

    I did it! I do prayer tahajud with my father asking for a good woman as my wife. And alhamdulillah now I have a best wife in the world and most beautiful daughter ever. (In my point of view )

    Marriage is part of the sunnah. convert now and ask allah a good woman letter. DO THE 5 PILLAR OF ISLAM. Insya Allah, allah will grant you a great wife that you need (not that you want). It works for me and I am sure it will work for you too. InsyaAllah.

    One last thing, when you already embrace Islam go to Mecca and perform umrah. Make your dua in from of the ka'bah. Insya Allah

    AllahuAlam
    Although Im not the person that youre addressing here, but due to some common reasons Id subscribed this thread back then, and today this post landed in my inbox at a time where..... it just feels as if Allah wanted me to read this post.

    Jazaakallah brother for such an uplifting post.

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    Re: What is Islams stance on not ever getting married?

    assalamualaikum.

    alhamdulillah. Jazakallahu Khair brother.
    I don't read the full thread. And I don't know he already embrace Islam when I reply to this thread. Alhamdulillah.

 

 

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