Hello & Welcome to our community. Is this your first visit? Register
Ads by Muslim Ad Network


Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 41 to 50 of 50
  1. #1
    New Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    4
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    9 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    1

    In a difficult divorce

    AsalamoAlikum!!

    I was married for two years before I initiated the divorce proceedings (currently ongoing). Mostly our problem was we had no communication at all, no discussion about personal issues, no fun time, nothing. He offered our bedroom to his brother who was getting married without asking me and when I confronted him, he got really mad, didn't talk to me for days until I apologized to him. He would tell his family members they can use my things and should't ask my permission. If my mother in law would share/discuss something with me, he would stop her by saying its not important to explain and she should order me rather than discussing anything. Since I was a house wife, he never gave me a pocket money and told me to ask his mother every time I need something. I was just there for cooking meals, cleaning the house etc. and he comes home eat, watch TV and slept (even when we were newly wed, it was the same). We only talked like strangers meeting at some place for the first time. He seemed quite happy with all this but I didn't. When nothing worked, I left him and we were apart for six months during which time he contacted my parents and told them they should scold my behavior, send me back and I should apologize to his whole family. My father told him that they will mediate and he should discuss these issues with me to which he refused and told them its not important to talk to me. Never he contacted me during this time except sending me vicious text messages. So I initiated court proceedings (with the help of my parents) and granted a khula. He never showed up at any hearing or called me. Tomorrow I am called to sign the divorce document and today he sent me a text just saying 'I love you'. Still didn't call or anything, just one text. I think he is playing mind games with me now. Should it be enough for me to reconsider the divorce proceedings?
    I would welcome any suggestions.

    Jazak Allah

    P.S. we have no kids and I had good relations with my in-laws. My sister in-law called me to say sorry and told me that she tried to convince my husband but he is not listening to anyone.

  2. #41
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Gender
    Girl Unspecified
    Posts
    27,796
    Mentioned
    1247 Post(s)
    Quoted
    8760 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    1232

    Re: In a difficult divorce

    Sorry, I didn't answer the question

    The I love you text is not enough to reconsider, if I loved someone I'd put more effort in it

    I agree with the uf members
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  3. #42
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    51
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    21 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    5

    Re: In a difficult divorce

    Quote Originally Posted by Truly bitter View Post
    P.S. we have no kids and I had good relations with my in-laws. My sister in-law called me to say sorry and told me that she tried to convince my husband but he is not listening to anyone.
    This is the key sentence for me: his own sister has told you that he is not listening to anyone. Take it from a bro: some brothers are like that, and they will not change.

    If you have described him accurately, I would urge you to say alhumdulillah, because Allah has saved you from a lifetime of misery. Ignore him, block him, and say alhumdulillah that you could walk away without having any kids to hold you back to him.

    Finalise the divorce ASAP and get back to your normal happy life the way you were before you got married (hope thats the case).

  4. #43
    A word to the wise Jade Vine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    1,266
    Mentioned
    27 Post(s)
    Quoted
    627 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    44

    Re: In a difficult divorce

    He doesn't love you. He is worried because you cooked for him and cleaned after him, and now he has to do it himself.

  5. #44
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    83
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Quoted
    36 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    2

    Re: In a difficult divorce

    Walaikum Assalam warahmutullahi wabarakatu

    1 text message does not erase all that he and his family has done to you in terms of unfairness. He obviously does not know what his roles are in marriage are and neither was he taught by his parents. I doubt u will be happy if you get back because you will be constantly exposed to unfairness. One text message of "I Love you" is despicable. Let him learn from someone else what it means to be a husband and spare yourself the trouble of being with him. Good follows bad and who knows how Allah Rabbul Alamin will reward you for tolerating this unfair marriage so far. Hoever if you do get back and tolerate more unfairness it will simply be a means for you to get closer to Jannah no doubt. A guys is supposed to be a guardian over 4 women - sister (unmarried), mother, daughter and wife according to Qur'an. It is unlikely that anyone will be successful in changing him overnight to make a better husband out of him. And Allah (swt) knows best. Perhaps make istekhara salaah?


    Quote Originally Posted by Truly bitter View Post
    AsalamoAlikum!!

    I was married for two years before I initiated the divorce proceedings (currently ongoing). Mostly our problem was we had no communication at all, no discussion about personal issues, no fun time, nothing. He offered our bedroom to his brother who was getting married without asking me and when I confronted him, he got really mad, didn't talk to me for days until I apologized to him. He would tell his family members they can use my things and should't ask my permission. If my mother in law would share/discuss something with me, he would stop her by saying its not important to explain and she should order me rather than discussing anything. Since I was a house wife, he never gave me a pocket money and told me to ask his mother every time I need something. I was just there for cooking meals, cleaning the house etc. and he comes home eat, watch TV and slept (even when we were newly wed, it was the same). We only talked like strangers meeting at some place for the first time. He seemed quite happy with all this but I didn't. When nothing worked, I left him and we were apart for six months during which time he contacted my parents and told them they should scold my behavior, send me back and I should apologize to his whole family. My father told him that they will mediate and he should discuss these issues with me to which he refused and told them its not important to talk to me. Never he contacted me during this time except sending me vicious text messages. So I initiated court proceedings (with the help of my parents) and granted a khula. He never showed up at any hearing or called me. Tomorrow I am called to sign the divorce document and today he sent me a text just saying 'I love you'. Still didn't call or anything, just one text. I think he is playing mind games with me now. Should it be enough for me to reconsider the divorce proceedings?
    I would welcome any suggestions.

    Jazak Allah

    P.S. we have no kids and I had good relations with my in-laws. My sister in-law called me to say sorry and told me that she tried to convince my husband but he is not listening to anyone.
    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

  6. #45
    Odan Gingerbeardman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    8,651
    Mentioned
    263 Post(s)
    Quoted
    3616 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    311

    Re: In a difficult divorce

    Quote Originally Posted by Ya'sin View Post
    Sorry, I didn't answer the question

    The I love you text is not enough to reconsider, if I loved someone I'd put more effort in it

    I agree with the uf members
    Though I agree it is not enough, it does not mean he does not love her. Some people are just emotionally stunted and unable to interact in a healthy way, either due to upbringing, bad life experiences or just genetics.

    Yes it's their test to get over and not behave this way, but I know plenty of guys who complain their wives are unable to open up emotionally, or some whose wives are verbally or even physically abusive, and are unable to interact in a healthy manner though this is usually much worse when it's the man who is an emotional retard as the power dynamic favours him in the marriage so he gets away with abuse much more easily.

    To the OP...

    There are no easy divorces, but your's seems relatively easy compared to what many go through, I know it is difficult to think this way now but try not to be bitter, not every person is like this man and try to forgive him as you move on with your life.
    FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

    www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

  7. #46
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Gender
    Girl Unspecified
    Posts
    27,796
    Mentioned
    1247 Post(s)
    Quoted
    8760 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    1232

    Re: In a difficult divorce

    @Gingerbeardman

    Ok maybe, we will never know

    It's just frustrating. From what I'm reading, the man used her to be his maid. Then after two years when he saw that she's being serious and not going back to him he manages to say 'i love you'. Wow so clever lol

    Took him two years lool. How cruel, it's tempting not to insult people like this but of course, have to bite tongue and be merciful because I don't know what his issues are.

    I hope he realises that he lost a good wife. Otherwise he will never learn and repeat this with another innocent girl.

    Just flipping hire a maid. It costs about eight pounds an hour and most of these guys have money, they live in their parents house.

    There is one thing I don't get about people like this, they seem to understand everything else but themselves. He understands his 'retarded' culture but doesn't understand that his wife is his partner not some slave.

    The op was doing all the things he wanted, if he just showed her some love and respect they would have been a nice couple. Another wasted marriage. Join the club
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  8. #47
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Gender
    Girl Unspecified
    Posts
    27,796
    Mentioned
    1247 Post(s)
    Quoted
    8760 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    1232

    Re: In a difficult divorce

    Those three words do make all the difference, it's powerful but it's amazing how people use it for their own advantage

    Despicable lol

    Just saying

    Only Allah knows
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  9. #48
    Odan
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Gender
    Girl Unspecified
    Posts
    2,774
    Mentioned
    26 Post(s)
    Quoted
    1046 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    75

    Re: In a difficult divorce

    Count your blessings it ended without any children. The man sounds like a nut job.

    Just make sure you do your research with the next prospective.

  10. #49
    Odan
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    1,134
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Quoted
    532 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    44

    Re: In a difficult divorce

    Consult with your family as they're more familiar with your situation than us (strangers in cyberspace).

  11. #50
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    31
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    15 Post(s)
    Rep Power
    2

    Re: In a difficult divorce

    Quote Originally Posted by Truly bitter View Post
    AsalamoAlikum!!

    I was married for two years before I initiated the divorce proceedings (currently ongoing). Mostly our problem was we had no communication at all, no discussion about personal issues, no fun time, nothing. He offered our bedroom to his brother who was getting married without asking me and when I confronted him, he got really mad, didn't talk to me for days until I apologized to him. He would tell his family members they can use my things and should't ask my permission. If my mother in law would share/discuss something with me, he would stop her by saying its not important to explain and she should order me rather than discussing anything. Since I was a house wife, he never gave me a pocket money and told me to ask his mother every time I need something. I was just there for cooking meals, cleaning the house etc. and he comes home eat, watch TV and slept (even when we were newly wed, it was the same). We only talked like strangers meeting at some place for the first time. He seemed quite happy with all this but I didn't. When nothing worked, I left him and we were apart for six months during which time he contacted my parents and told them they should scold my behavior, send me back and I should apologize to his whole family. My father told him that they will mediate and he should discuss these issues with me to which he refused and told them its not important to talk to me. Never he contacted me during this time except sending me vicious text messages. So I initiated court proceedings (with the help of my parents) and granted a khula. He never showed up at any hearing or called me. Tomorrow I am called to sign the divorce document and today he sent me a text just saying 'I love you'. Still didn't call or anything, just one text. I think he is playing mind games with me now. Should it be enough for me to reconsider the divorce proceedings?
    I would welcome any suggestions.

    Jazak Allah

    P.S. we have no kids and I had good relations with my in-laws. My sister in-law called me to say sorry and told me that she tried to convince my husband but he is not listening to anyone.
    Subhan Allah

    What's wrong with men these days?!

    Continue with your divorce proceedings!
    Last edited by Abu-Sufyaan; Yesterday at 06:25 PM.

 

 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT. The time now is 10:31 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.2
Copyright © 2017 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.2.7 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Skin By: PurevB.com

MPADC.com Islamic Web Hosting | Muslim Ad Network | Islamic Nasheeds | Islamic Mobile App Developement Android & iPhone | Islamic Web Hosting : Muslim Designers : Labbayk Nasheeds : silk route jilbab: Hijab: : Web Islamic Newsletter: Islamic Web Hosting

Students of Arabic Forum | Hijab Shop