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Thread: Low self esteem

  1. #1
    selfimage
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    Icon13 Low self esteem

    Salams,

    I feel ugly 70% of the time and I know looks aren't everything, but having low self-esteem feels awful. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm not ugly so I don't know why I end up feeling this way. When people compliment my looks I feel like they're just lying to be nice. I never believe them. I accept compliments regarding everything else but my appearance. And no, I'm not sure that I am not ugly because people compliment me. I'm not saying this to brag, but I am sure of my looks because I come from an attractive family and I was recruited for a modeling agency before I started practicing. I sometimes think about this and I wonder if I was recruited because my sibling was and the agent didn't want to hurt my feelings by only offering a contract to them. I know this might not be true, but I realize that this shows how insecure I am. I know a lot this post sounds ridiculous, but I don't want to talk to people about this because it's embarrassing for people to know how insecure I am

    Please help me, I feel like I am going to go crazy thinking about my looks. My self-esteem fluctuates alot and it's annoying and depressing. I feel like this is taking me away from Allah. It sounds ridiculous, but I've started to think about my looks more than I think about Him. What can I do to improve this? Do you think this could also be waswas?

    Also, I've seen some people on this forum mention that you shouldn't get married at the moment if you have issues with the way you view yourself. Can someone please explain this? This is really important to me.

  2. #2
    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Low self esteem

    I eish i could help but unfortunately i feel the exact same way,I've been to a therapist and it didn't help so i dont rly revcomend that
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Re: Low self esteem

    Quote Originally Posted by selfimage View Post
    Salams,

    I feel ugly 70% of the time and I know looks aren't everything, but having low self-esteem feels awful. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm not ugly so I don't know why I end up feeling this way. When people compliment my looks I feel like they're just lying to be nice. I never believe them. I accept compliments regarding everything else but my appearance. And no, I'm not sure that I am not ugly because people compliment me. I'm not saying this to brag, but I am sure of my looks because I come from an attractive family and I was recruited for a modeling agency before I started practicing. I sometimes think about this and I wonder if I was recruited because my sibling was and the agent didn't want to hurt my feelings by only offering a contract to them. I know this might not be true, but I realize that this shows how insecure I am. I know a lot this post sounds ridiculous, but I don't want to talk to people about this because it's embarrassing for people to know how insecure I am

    Please help me, I feel like I am going to go crazy thinking about my looks. My self-esteem fluctuates alot and it's annoying and depressing. I feel like this is taking me away from Allah. It sounds ridiculous, but I've started to think about my looks more than I think about Him. What can I do to improve this? Do you think this could also be waswas?

    Also, I've seen some people on this forum mention that you shouldn't get married at the moment if you have issues with the way you view yourself. Can someone please explain this? This is really important to me.


    If you have people consistently complimenting you on your looks, then you are good looking. No way every single one of them are lying. You should believe what is apparent rather than being paranoid and assuming the worst.

    If a modeling agency recruited you, then that's just further proof. They're not gonna waste money on someone they think is unfit for the role.

    It may be waswas, I don't know. Try to focus on salah, recitation of the Quran, memorization, etc. Watch some Islamic lectures on Youtube.

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    Re: Low self esteem

    Quote Originally Posted by selfimage View Post
    Salams,

    I feel ugly 70% of the time and I know looks aren't everything, but having low self-esteem feels awful. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm not ugly so I don't know why I end up feeling this way. When people compliment my looks I feel like they're just lying to be nice. I never believe them. I accept compliments regarding everything else but my appearance. And no, I'm not sure that I am not ugly because people compliment me. I'm not saying this to brag, but I am sure of my looks because I come from an attractive family and I was recruited for a modeling agency before I started practicing. I sometimes think about this and I wonder if I was recruited because my sibling was and the agent didn't want to hurt my feelings by only offering a contract to them. I know this might not be true, but I realize that this shows how insecure I am. I know a lot this post sounds ridiculous, but I don't want to talk to people about this because it's embarrassing for people to know how insecure I am

    Please help me, I feel like I am going to go crazy thinking about my looks. My self-esteem fluctuates alot and it's annoying and depressing. I feel like this is taking me away from Allah. It sounds ridiculous, but I've started to think about my looks more than I think about Him. What can I do to improve this? Do you think this could also be waswas?

    Also, I've seen some people on this forum mention that you shouldn't get married at the moment if you have issues with the way you view yourself. Can someone please explain this? This is really important to me.
    There's part of your problem there. 1 being that "...I come from an attractive family ..." and 2 being that you compare yourself to (what I would assume is) a sibling/sister.

    You will never be content with what you have whilst looking at those around you.

    Also, pertaining to your question, perhaps it has something to do with how your low self-esteem might impact your partner? If you "feel ugly" all the time, how would you satisfy yours/your-partners needs?

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    Re: Low self esteem

    You need to stop caring about what people think and learn to love yourself. I literally lived the exact same situation as you. Everyone around me was always praising me but I genuinely felt so ugly. I finally realized that I was just unhappy and when I learned to deal with that everything changed. You need to learn to be content with yourself and accept who you are. Really try to take the time to evaluate yourself and your life and stop caring about these things. I used to obsess over it and it was very bad for me. I used to not be able to leave my house without makeup on but now all that has changed. Honestly, who cares how you look, your looks won't mean anything if that is all you have. Just stop worrying about it, it will eat you alive if you do.

  6. #6
    On A Hired Plane of Logic LailaTheMuslim's Avatar
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    Re: Low self esteem

    Hope its not ayn/evil eye making you feel this way.

    I also feel ugly but I have been told by numerous people, including close friends that I am unattractive. Lol only my mum tells me I am beautiful.

    If you have done modelling, come from an attractive family and get compliments loads then there is a strong chance that you are pretty.

    Just focus on your inner for now sis.
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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    Low self esteem

    I embrace my unattractiveness



    That’s what you gotta do, cos you cant do much else

    These are the looks which you have been created with... just gotta accept it and get on with your life

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    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Low self esteem

    If someone says your ugly dont listen to them there just chatting rubbish half the time to hurt you the other half os that everyone has their own opinion and taste

    Have confidence in your self and Allah will take care of you if you make dua to him

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    Keeping Islam Alive ! Believer1984's Avatar
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    Re: Low self esteem

    Subhan Allah at the op and replies saying your ugly etc.

    We are the creation of Allah swt and we praise HIM we should ponder over this and understand we are beautiful.

    The day we abandon our prayers we can be ugly. Lol.

    Astaghfirullah may that day never come.

    For a fact the 1 that constantly prays on time especially fajr have their faces moulded and lightened in a beautiful way so i refuse to believe any steadfast muslim looks ugly.

    Stay beautiful.

    Peace.
    Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

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    Re: Low self esteem

    Quote Originally Posted by selfimage View Post
    Salams,

    I feel ugly 70% of the time and I know looks aren't everything, but having low self-esteem feels awful. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm not ugly so I don't know why I end up feeling this way. When people compliment my looks I feel like they're just lying to be nice. I never believe them. I accept compliments regarding everything else but my appearance. And no, I'm not sure that I am not ugly because people compliment me. I'm not saying this to brag, but I am sure of my looks because I come from an attractive family and I was recruited for a modeling agency before I started practicing. I sometimes think about this and I wonder if I was recruited because my sibling was and the agent didn't want to hurt my feelings by only offering a contract to them. I know this might not be true, but I realize that this shows how insecure I am. I know a lot this post sounds ridiculous, but I don't want to talk to people about this because it's embarrassing for people to know how insecure I am

    Please help me, I feel like I am going to go crazy thinking about my looks. My self-esteem fluctuates alot and it's annoying and depressing. I feel like this is taking me away from Allah. It sounds ridiculous, but I've started to think about my looks more than I think about Him. What can I do to improve this? Do you think this could also be waswas?

    Also, I've seen some people on this forum mention that you shouldn't get married at the moment if you have issues with the way you view yourself. Can someone please explain this? This is really important to me.
    Wa alaykum salaam sis

    From your post it doesn't seem to me you are as ugly as you feel. Waswas or not waswas, don't let this 'feeling ugly/unattractive' overcomes you. Even if you are ugly, Allah does not judge you by looks and it is to Him, we return.

    I know ignoring can be very difficult, but try focus on more important things like your deen. You said it yourself, you feel that it is taking it away from Allah, so get closer to Him, increase worship and good deeds in any way you can.

    The people who judge you by your look, don't waste your time and energy on them or their opinions of you.
    Last edited by islamlife00; 25-09-17 at 05:18 AM.
    It was narrated from Jabir bin 'Abdullah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "O people, fear Allah and be moderate in seeking a living, for no soul will die until it has received all its provision, even if it is slow in coming. So fear Allah and be moderate in seeking provision; take that which is permissible and leave that which is forbidden. " Sunan Ibn Majah

  11. #11
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Low self esteem

    This is so widespread, women not feeling good enough or pretty enough. It's a disease, it really is.

    I agree with some of the members who mentioned waswas.

    Don't fall for this trap. Ugly or not ugly, look at what it is doing to your own happiness.

    All my life people have said bad things about my looks, I got bullied at school, got rejected by so many men, it's incredible.

    You have to learn that there is more to life. Although this is difficult and it will take time for you to be content, don't let your thoughts drown you.

    I have a very bad sense of fashion, I dress like a grandma. Sometimes I get the 'i feel ugly' feeling but you have to shake yourself and remind yourself that these created thoughts are only making you miserable.

    It's an endless cycle, I still struggle because it doesn't help when people criticise you and when you are surrounded by these fashionable, 'gorgeous', on trend 'hijabis'. It makes you feel like a right old minger

    We have a lot of pressure on us to be the epitome of perfection, otherwise you're some reject for life.

    So let your hair down, flip it back and forth and say Alhamdullilah
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  12. #12
    Patience is a virtue The Poet's Avatar
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    Re: Low self esteem



    The reason why you feel extremely insecure about your looks is mainly due to your low self-esteem. You think and feel your ugly, even though there's plenty of evidence to suggest otherwise. Once your self-esteem improves, all the insecurities and negative perceptions about your self image will be minimized and even gone.

    Start by focusing on ways to improve your self-esteem. You can do this by writing down a list of all the good things you like about yourself. Whenever you're feeling down, read that list to remember all the positive qualities you have. Also, reading Quran daily, praying, listening to motivating Islamic lectures, exercise and healthy eating would help make you feel much better.

    Avoid comparing yourself to your sibling and associating with people who talk so much about their looks. You have to learn that your worth is not defined by your looks. It's not defined by the standards of the modelling industry and flaunting your body for all to see. That's not real beauty. True beauty lies in the level of hayaa and Deen you have.

    In regards to your last question, what people mean by that, is you shouldn't be dependent on someone else to make you feel better. That's because relying solely on others, always leads to disappointment. People will always let you down.

    Since you have issues with how you view yourself, try working on changing and improving that before you get married. You have to truly love and accept yourself from within, without relying on the validation of others. Once you feel confident about yourself and know your value and worth, then you should hopefully be ready for marriage
    “And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein.” (Quran 50:16)

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    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Low self esteem

    Start off your day by being grateful to Allah

    It's a positive start and it will help to distract you from these thoughts which cause harm and waste time.

    Think about the good things. Write it down if you have to.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Re: Low self esteem

    Sisters who struggle with appearances have to make the effort to feel comfortable with their looks before marriage because if you don't do this now, you will struggle. It's not easy.
    @The Poet good post
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Re: Low self esteem

    I've just come back from a funeral today and read this and thought why do we have all these non issues and make them into issues? Be grateful to Allah swt that he's given you life and that you live to see another day. And all this talk of good looking ugly blah blah mature your thinking and outlook and realise there's more to life then base thinking like this.
    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

 

 

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