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    How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?



    What the Title says.

    How does a parent deal with the 'other side' trying to 'influence' the child/ren involved by saying negative things about the said parent?

    How do couples decide who/where the child/ren live with?


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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    IIRC, Women have custody until they get married again.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    IIRC, Women have custody until they get married again.
    Yes, true.

    I was thinking more along the lines of access - obviously both parents would want access to the children. Here in the UK, they are able to gain access through the Courts.

    How does that affect children - being with one parent, then the other - back and forth. Then on top of that - some relatives saying negative things, trying to detach the children from one of the parents.

    Things like that.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?


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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Theres reasons why we are told to be patience with our spouses, kids are one of those reasons.

    but it seemes like many kids grow up just fine. Provided the father or mother is not an absoulte wreck.

    Marry people with good character folks...Dont compromose because shes pretty or hes handsome or whatever else.

    Id ask some single moms here. Ummah forum seem to have a gazzillion of single moms for whatever reason.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post


    What the Title says.

    How does a parent deal with the 'other side' trying to 'influence' the child/ren involved by saying negative things about the said parent?

    How do couples decide who/where the child/ren live with?



    Alas, it is such that after divorce that husband and wife will be bitter (most times). Saying negative things will occur, but this does not make it right. It would equate to backbiting/slander. How does one deal with it? I am not sure.

    With regards to custody, I have referenced 2 different sites:

    https://islamqa.info/en/20473

    http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/33350

    There seems to be ijmaa that the child should stay with the mother, if the child is a minor (provided the wife does not remarry). Both sites also indicate that the welfare/costs of the child are on the father to pay.

    If this is *not* a theoretical question, then you (or whoever requires this information) should seek the advice/counsel of the local Ulama (who tend to deal with these matters and act as independent/fair third-parties).

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    Yes, true.

    I was thinking more along the lines of access - obviously both parents would want access to the children. Here in the UK, they are able to gain access through the Courts.

    How does that affect children - being with one parent, then the other - back and forth. Then on top of that - some relatives saying negative things, trying to detach the children from one of the parents.

    Things like that.
    Childhood trauma. Whilst kids can be resilient it still affects them being separated from one parent. However this also depends on the circumstances of the separation ie in cases of dv or abuse, where separation is vital then it can bring stability to a child.
    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post


    Alas, it is such that after divorce that husband and wife will be bitter (most times). Saying negative things will occur, but this does not make it right. It would equate to backbiting/slander. How does one deal with it? I am not sure.

    With regards to custody, I have referenced 2 different sites:

    https://islamqa.info/en/20473

    http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/33350

    There seems to be ijmaa that the child should stay with the mother, if the child is a minor (provided the wife does not remarry). Both sites also indicate that the welfare/costs of the child are on the father to pay.

    If this is *not* a theoretical question, then you (or whoever requires this information) should seek the advice/counsel of the local Ulama (who tend to deal with these matters and act as independent/fair third-parties).
    If this is in the uk with services involved then the sister will more then likely be liaising with police courts social services ect as opposed to.ulamah
    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post


    What the Title says.

    How does a parent deal with the 'other side' trying to 'influence' the child/ren involved by saying negative things about the said parent?

    How do couples decide who/where the child/ren live with?

    Wslmwwb

    You cant describe what it does to children.

    Even though they adapt, somewhere they fall short.

    Be it at school or socially etc.

    I think couples (especially with kids) must think and ponder very care fully and try their best to amend their ways (if they are at fault) before taking the huge leap of divorce.

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    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    It affects children later on in life, not immediately as they are too young to show the effects of it.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ekoor View Post
    Wslmwwb

    You cant describe what it does to children.

    Even though they adapt, somewhere they fall short.

    Be it at school or socially etc.

    I think couples (especially with kids) must think and ponder very care fully and try their best to amend their ways (if they are at fault) before taking the huge leap of divorce.
    true, but very rarely it is mutual , as selfishness , the anger towards the other partner is always taken out through the childrens , they are used as pawns more often than not, even though parents think it is for the best interest ,but childrens life will be taken on a yoyo ride.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    true, but very rarely it is mutual , as selfishness , the anger towards the other partner is always taken out through the childrens , they are used as pawns more often than not, even though parents think it is for the best interest ,but childrens life will be taken on a yoyo ride.
    agreed

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    true, but very rarely it is mutual , as selfishness , the anger towards the other partner is always taken out through the childrens , they are used as pawns more often than not, even though parents think it is for the best interest ,but childrens life will be taken on a yoyo ride.
    If couples truly love their kids they will (on both sides) try to do what is right and make theiur marriage work.

    This includes giving up bad habits and cutting out what needs to be left out of marriage etc.

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    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ekoor View Post
    If couples truly love their kids they will (on both sides) try to do what is right and make theiur marriage work.

    This includes giving up bad habits and cutting out what needs to be left out of marriage etc.
    Yes agree,
    Sad reality of life.The person you love the most one fine day becomes your most hated person.
    It is so weird how individually they justify the divorce or separation by claiming it to be the best interest of children, somehow not having a clue that the children they think they know the most think absolutely the opposite.
    What hatred can do.Amazing

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    Yes agree,
    Sad reality of life.The person you love the most one fine day becomes your most hated person.
    It is so weird how individually they justify the divorce or separation by claiming it to be the best interest of children, somehow not having a clue that the children they think they know the most think absolutely the opposite.
    What hatred can do.Amazing
    I can tell you one thing,.. Marriage brings about love... Marriage itself cant love... The love comes from the human...
    When you learn to love a person for the sake of Allah even though that person doesnt deserve even for you to spit on them... than only can you truly make a marriage work...

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    Theres reasons why we are told to be patience with our spouses, kids are one of those reasons.

    but it seemes like many kids grow up just fine. Provided the father or mother is not an absoulte wreck.

    Marry people with good character folks...Dont compromose because shes pretty or hes handsome or whatever else.

    Id ask some single moms here. Ummah forum seem to have a gazzillion of single moms for whatever reason.
    I don't think anyone knowingly marries someone 'bad'.

    "Ummah forum seem to have a gazzillion of single moms for whatever reason." - Thanks -_-

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    It affects children later on in life, not immediately as they are too young to show the effects of it.
    How though? - extreme example - do they become serial killers?

    How does it affect them?

    Why does it affect them? If both parents still love them - how/why are they affected?

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post


    Alas, it is such that after divorce that husband and wife will be bitter (most times). Saying negative things will occur, but this does not make it right. It would equate to backbiting/slander. How does one deal with it? I am not sure.

    With regards to custody, I have referenced 2 different sites:

    https://islamqa.info/en/20473

    http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/33350

    There seems to be ijmaa that the child should stay with the mother, if the child is a minor (provided the wife does not remarry). Both sites also indicate that the welfare/costs of the child are on the father to pay.

    If this is *not* a theoretical question, then you (or whoever requires this information) should seek the advice/counsel of the local Ulama (who tend to deal with these matters and act as independent/fair third-parties).


    If only people were more Islamically inclined - then I doubt these issues would even occur.

    But it's nice to know the mother has custody.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
    Childhood trauma. Whilst kids can be resilient it still affects them being separated from one parent. However this also depends on the circumstances of the separation ie in cases of dv or abuse, where separation is vital then it can bring stability to a child.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
    If this is in the uk with services involved then the sister will more then likely be liaising with police courts social services ect as opposed to.ulamah
    sis Asiya.

    I'd forgotten this is your expertise.

    Say for example - the person involved has a clean record - but then the spouse 'makes up' allegations of 'extremism' - then how does the SS view this - would the Courts automatically favour the other parent?

    Just curious.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ekoor View Post
    Wslmwwb

    You cant describe what it does to children.

    Even though they adapt, somewhere they fall short.

    Be it at school or socially etc.

    I think couples (especially with kids) must think and ponder very care fully and try their best to amend their ways (if they are at fault) before taking the huge leap of divorce.
    I see.

    I think so too - and agree - all avenues for reconciliation must be exhausted before the 'D' word takes place.

    Unfortunately though - in some instances - you can't force a relationship/marriage to work - if the other person doesn't want it/you/to.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    Yes agree,
    Sad reality of life.The person you love the most one fine day becomes your most hated person.
    It is so weird how individually they justify the divorce or separation by claiming it to be the best interest of children, somehow not having a clue that the children they think they know the most think absolutely the opposite.
    What hatred can do.Amazing
    Where does this hatred come from? If you've been married to someone for an X number of years - then surely you would have some degree of love/mercy for them. Especially if they haven't wronged you in any way?

    Is there such a thing as an 'amicable' separation?

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ekoor View Post
    I can tell you one thing,.. Marriage brings about love... Marriage itself cant love... The love comes from the human...
    When you learn to love a person for the sake of Allah even though that person doesnt deserve even for you to spit on them... than only can you truly make a marriage work...
    Isn't that one-sided though?

    Shouldn't both spouses aim to make it work for the sake of Allaah subhanahu wa ta'ala?

    How can one person make it work?

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post


    If only people were more Islamically inclined - then I doubt these issues would even occur.

    But it's nice to know the mother has custody.
    If the world was perfect, then our Deen would not have the method/manner to carry out a divorce.

    People get divorced for all kinds of reasons. In the past, the reasons were extreme (and sometimes, even through abuse, spouses stuck it out with their SOs).

    The Ulama would likely encourage all manner of reconciliation between the spouses, precisely to avoid disrupting the lives of the families/children. This is why I recommended getting in touch with them to assist.

    If you are in the UK, then maybe the other sister might be able to assist you as well.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by horizon View Post
    If the world was perfect, then our Deen would not have the method/manner to carry out a divorce.

    People get divorced for all kinds of reasons. In the past, the reasons were extreme (and sometimes, even through abuse, spouses stuck it out with their SOs).

    The Ulama would likely encourage all manner of reconciliation between the spouses, precisely to avoid disrupting the lives of the families/children. This is why I recommended getting in touch with them to assist.

    If you are in the UK, then maybe the other sister might be able to assist you as well.
    This isn't for me.

    But I see what you're saying.

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    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    How though? - extreme example - do they become serial killers?

    How does it affect them?

    Why does it affect them? If both parents still love them - how/why are they affected?
    Children have a mind of their own, there is nothing more beautiful for a child mentally than to see both parents laughing and be happy together, they develop a strong heart based on compassion and love, what they become at old age is moulded at a young age , so everything small thing affects them in moulding them to who they are.

    even if the parents divorce with proper understanding,
    a child can see that affect when the parents are not around at school, when other kids talk about their parents, being picked on from others ,seeing happy families on the road,it affects them they begin to develop an internal anger of sort cos they cant understand fully like adults do.
    These can become qualities.

    Also , going to see the other parent during access , if the parent is happy a child can develop some form of anger , as to why he or she could have been happy as a family or even if the other parent is seen as sad then also that can develop into frustration.

    Dont forget the stepparents coming into the scene , very rarely they turn out to be very happy.

    Children dont become extreme , but can develop habits , getting close to the wrong friends for support, turning to TV and games for consolation support,
    developing anger issues , short temper, finding it hard to keep a relationship etc.....





    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    Where does this hatred come from? If you've been married to someone for an X number of years - then surely you would have some degree of love/mercy for them. Especially if they haven't wronged you in any way?

    Is there such a thing as an 'amicable' separation?
    It is betrayel isnt it. How can you explain a broken relationship if there was love and understadning all along , where is the logic in that.
    The frustration of what went wrong , how could this happen.
    In a snap that could turn that love to hurt to anger to hatred.
    It is very easy to hate some one when you have loved , cos the history plays right in front of you.
    Itis a unique form of feeling that you just take with a heavy heart.

    Yes there is amicable seperation, ( in legal terms or face value ) but it never is the case isnt it , something ought to be wrong leading to that.
    No sane two people would amicably seperate if they are happy together.
    It is widely used to explain a divorce where both parties are in agreement, but it does not talk about the oroblems as both choose not to bring it out rather go seperate ways without any hassle.
    Last edited by muzzybee; 22-08-17 at 03:08 PM.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    I don't think anyone knowingly marries someone 'bad'.

    "Ummah forum seem to have a gazzillion of single moms for whatever reason." - Thanks -_-
    Sure, but people knowingly set the wrong priorities. You cant possibly tell me it isnt rampant in the islamic community. Here, Ill give you an example so you can understand.

    1. Main Priority good looks - instead of deen Islamic character
    2. Obssession with marrying a specifc race - Go to marriage site in the west and you see how notorious Arabs are for seeking White Guys..Men similiarly have weird obssession with white women in the west. - Instead of focusing on deen and islamic character
    3. We know some parents are obssessed with marrying their daughters to people with certain amount of income.

    These are all stupid, but common problems.

    No one is saying that if deen was number 1 surely you would never get divorced, but theres a smaller chance that you will

    No one is saying that you dont marry your daughter to rich guys...You should find someone financially capable to support your daughter. But we know many parents go way beyond that boundary.

    I am not even going to discuss obssessive preferences. Having preferences are fine, obssessive preferences are whole anothr story. Some of these women wont even marry their own race. Audobillah.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    Children have a mind of their own, there is nothing more beautiful for a child mentally than to see both parents laughing and be happy together, they develop a strong heart based on compassion and love, what they become at old age is moulded at a young age , so everything small thing affects them in moulding them to who they are.

    even if the parents divorce with proper understanding,
    a child can see that affect when the parents are not around at school, when other kids talk about their parents, being picked on from others ,seeing happy families on the road,it affects them they begin to develop an internal anger of sort cos they cant understand fully like adults do.
    These can become qualities.

    Also , going to see the other parent during access , if the parent is happy a child can develop some form of anger , as to why he or she could have been happy as a family or even if the other parent is seen as sad then also that can develop into frustration.

    Dont forget the stepparents coming into the scene , very rarely they turn out to be very happy.

    Children dont become extreme , but can develop habits , getting close to the wrong friends for support, turning to TV and games for consolation support,
    developing anger issues , short temper, finding it hard to keep a relationship etc.....







    It is betrayel isnt it. How can you explain a broken relationship if there was love and understadning all along , where is the logic in that.
    The frustration of what went wrong , how could this happen.
    In a snap that could turn that love to hurt to anger to hatred.
    It is very easy to hate some one when you have loved , cos the history plays right in front of you.
    Itis a unique form of feeling that you just take with a heavy heart.

    Yes there is amicable seperation, ( in legal terms or face value ) but it never is the case isnt it , something ought to be wrong leading to that.
    No sane two people would amicably seperate if they are happy together.
    It is widely used to explain a divorce where both parties are in agreement, but it does not talk about the oroblems as both choose not to bring it out rather go seperate ways without any hassle.
    SubhanAllah so many problems can occur within the childrens lives i never even thought of some of these

    May Allah bless us with a beautiful patience and make us more righteous

    InshAllah divorce never takes place unless its the worst of situations

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    Sure, but people knowingly set the wrong priorities. You cant possibly tell me it isnt rampant in the islamic community. Here, Ill give you an example so you can understand.

    1. Main Priority good looks - instead of deen Islamic character
    2. Obssession with marrying a specifc race - Go to marriage site in the west and you see how notorious Arabs are for seeking White Guys..Men similiarly have weird obssession with white women in the west. - Instead of focusing on deen and islamic character
    3. We know some parents are obssessed with marrying their daughters to people with certain amount of income.

    These are all stupid, but common problems.

    No one is saying that if deen was number 1 surely you would never get divorced, but theres a smaller chance that you will

    No one is saying that you dont marry your daughter to rich guys...You should find someone financially capable to support your daughter. But we know many parents go way beyond that boundary.

    I am not even going to discuss obssessive preferences. Having preferences are fine, obssessive preferences are whole anothr story. Some of these women wont even marry their own race. Audobillah.
    Some guys do it as well lol

    But more of the time the picky people are less in their deen

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    Some guys do it as well lol

    But more of the time the picky people are less in their deen
    Guys are just as guilty if not more.

    Particularly with good looks...Then they start conplaining when the wife is too lazy too cook lol
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    Sure, but people knowingly set the wrong priorities. You cant possibly tell me it isnt rampant in the islamic community. Here, Ill give you an example so you can understand.

    1. Main Priority good looks - instead of deen Islamic character
    2. Obssession with marrying a specifc race - Go to marriage site in the west and you see how notorious Arabs are for seeking White Guys..Men similiarly have weird obssession with white women in the west. - Instead of focusing on deen and islamic character
    3. We know some parents are obssessed with marrying their daughters to people with certain amount of income.

    These are all stupid, but common problems.

    No one is saying that if deen was number 1 surely you would never get divorced, but theres a smaller chance that you will

    No one is saying that you dont marry your daughter to rich guys...You should find someone financially capable to support your daughter. But we know many parents go way beyond that boundary.

    I am not even going to discuss obssessive preferences. Having preferences are fine, obssessive preferences are whole anothr story. Some of these women wont even marry their own race. Audobillah.
    Okay.

    But this thread is about children - and what happens AFTER a marriage breaks down.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    @Gingerbeardman - Thoughts?

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    Okay.

    But this thread is about children - and what happens AFTER a marriage breaks down.
    Yeah I was just replying to your post.

    I wanted to give a general side advice that is related to divorce.

    So lets stop at that.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    Isn't that one-sided though?

    Shouldn't both spouses aim to make it work for the sake of Allaah subhanahu wa ta'ala?

    How can one person make it work?
    I am referring to both sides... Both partners will feel this way at some point...

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    I see.

    I think so too - and agree - all avenues for reconciliation must be exhausted before the 'D' word takes place.

    Unfortunately though - in some instances - you can't force a relationship/marriage to work - if the other person doesn't want it/you/to.
    Yes but, coming back to your initial post...

    All ill-feelings etc must set aside to give the children a life closest to normal if Divorce is the outcome,

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    The best thing any father could do if a divorce happen and I just learn this newly is 100% disappear and cut all connection from your children for life. My brother is right, children need mothers more than fathers. The reason behind this, because if there is any connection between child and father the mother will use the child as a weapon, will cause war etc. For the emotional sanity of the child and less trauma it is best the mom make the child hate the father, it is best the child lose any connection between him/her and the dad. Father's obligation remain inheritance and child support as indicated Islamically but other than that...the father if he needs a child to live with him where can raise on his own..sponsor a child or best yet sponsor one before marriage so that if a divorce happens he takes the sponsored child with him and the mother keeps her children with her. This seems like fair trait. The child will grow up with the mother and the mother will raise the child on her own, much like my mom did with us when my father died.

    I also learned something if a father attempts to form love or connection to his child or the child bonds with the father the mother will resent it and in some cases kill the child to despise the father....so it is best to conclude that the children are yours by name only and they are there to oblige you financially only but you are just renting them. The child belongs to the mother and her family not to the father and his family.
    Last edited by A500DaBest; 25-08-17 at 10:51 PM.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by A500DaBest View Post
    The best thing any father could do if a divorce happen and I just learn this newly is 100% disappear and cut all connection from your children for life. My brother is right, children need mothers more than fathers. The reason behind this, because if there is any connection between child and father the mother will use the child as a weapon, will cause war etc. For the emotional sanity of the child and less trauma it is best the mom make the child hate the father, it is best the child lose any connection between him/her and the dad. Father's obligation remain inheritance and child support as indicated Islamically but other than that...the father if he needs a child to live with him where can raise on his own..sponsor a child or best yet sponsor one before marriage so that if a divorce happens he takes the sponsored child with him and the mother keeps her children with her. This seems like fair trait. The child will grow up with the mother and the mother will raise the child on her own, much like my mom did with us when my father died.

    I also learned something if a father attempts to form love or connection to his child or the child bonds with the father the mother will resent it and in some cases kill the child to despise the father....so it is best to conclude that the children are yours by name only and they are there to oblige you financially only but you are just renting them. The child belongs to the mother and her family not to the father and his family.
    So children who are not orphans should be made to feel that they are? They should feel that their father doesn't care and he has abandoned them? Do you know how terrible this is for the children in this situation? Many times, this leads to emotional problems for the kids. My biological father pretty much abandoned my family so from experience I can say that this is really bad advice. What you said is awful and you should stop learning from where ever you got these ideas.
    Last edited by .khayriyyah.; 25-08-17 at 11:56 PM.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by .khayriyyah. View Post
    So children who are not orphans should be made to feel that they are? They should feel that their father doesn't care and he has abandoned them? Do you know how terrible this is for the children in this situation? Many times, this leads to emotional problems for the kids. My father pretty much abandoned my family so I can say without a doubt that this is really bad advice. What you said is really awful and you should stop learning from where ever you got these ideas.
    Uh, I am learning from society and family what have taught me. Look, it is exhausting fighting against the wave...so best not to against the wave Simply put, children belong to the mother and not the father that is a fact I am learning now very hard, it hurts but I can grow out of it and accept reality. Now I know what to do with such situation. But I am not breaking my duty however. The child will have constant child support, will have inheritance which well be prepared for them and will have their money prepared when the time I die according to Qura'an in how inheritance will be distributed. For me when a divorce happens I need to focus on myself and how to make myself happy in whatever situation that needs to happen. I don't have mental energy to fight for something that I know I have no right on.

    Would you fight to take someone else's wealth? No. You wouldn't. You would fight to take what belongs to you. But let us hope a divorce doesn't happen and this is completely 100% on the shoulder of the wife to be honest. It is true what they say, the wife is the main foundation and the main thing to maintaining a family not the man. It is up to the wife if there is harmony in the house or not and it is up to the wife if the children have a father or not and it is up to the wife if the children hate the father or not and it is up to the wife if there is any connection between the father and the child. I don't envy being a woman let me tell you that. A woman have enormous power much more than a man when it comes to relationship and unity in a family and that means it is the woman who have the greatest burden in the day of judgement. Mine is simpler than a woman. Mine is making sure I treat the wife correctly, don't oppress her, and give her her rights, but the wife...she have a larger burden...it is on her shoulder whether there is a successful marriage or not, it is on her shoulder whether children are orphaned or not.
    Last edited by A500DaBest; 26-08-17 at 12:04 AM.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post


    What the Title says.

    How does a parent deal with the 'other side' trying to 'influence' the child/ren involved by saying negative things about the said parent?

    How do couples decide who/where the child/ren live with?



    It can only ever have a negative effect. A child operates best when it's in a loving relationship with a mum and dad. That's the ideal unit. Take that away and you are trying to make the best of a not so ideal situation.

    The degree to which is causes issues will depend on the dynamics of all those involved. But a child in the centre will eventually find a way to cope because children have a habit of surviving in all kinds of conditions. However, I would not be surprised if it results in some unresolved baggage later on in life.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post


    It can only ever have a negative effect. A child operates best when it's in a loving relationship with a mum and dad. That's the ideal unit. Take that away and you are trying to make the best of a not so ideal situation.

    The degree to which is causes issues will depend on the dynamics of all those involved. But a child in the centre will eventually find a way to cope because children have a habit of surviving in all kinds of conditions. However, I would not be surprised if it results in some unresolved baggage later on in life.
    The idea that society cares about children is laughable. Everyone thinks about themselves and needs something I learned well. I swear, by Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) that if society is 100% single mothers, there is no lineage and connection to the father side and his family no one cares.Even if crime rate, antisocial behavour, etc is up the roof. Because of that fact I dont care either and I should focus on myself only.
    Last edited by A500DaBest; 26-08-17 at 02:35 PM.

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    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    It depends on the age, though; as well as their standard of living before and after, and how both parents deal with it.
    My siblings and I were much happier, healthier, more well-behaved and more social AFTER our parents' separation.
    I do understand people should think twice about getting a divorce, but no one should stay in a toxic marriage for the children, because its as harmful for the children as it is for the spouse.
    I'm not saying couples can't make it work, because most can. I just hate it when people say they should 'stay together for the kids' sake' if their marriage is damaged beyond repair.

 

 

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