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  1. #1
    Combating Coconuts in UF
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    Stepmom and stepdads, give us stepson/stepdaughter tips...

    Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem..

    Recently been reading some negativity about Stepmoms/dads not treating their spouse kids right or just wishing they dont exist.

    so hypothetically you marry someone with kids and they have full custody..What are some ways to make the kids feel comfortable and loved?

    Do you try to shower the older kids wth gifts? what if they say you are not my dad/mom..how do you improve your relationship with them?

    maybe its easier if the kid is under 3 years old?
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

  2. #2
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Stepmom and stepdads, give us stepson/stepdaughter tips...

    2 of my uncles married divorcees with children
    From the looks of it they all seem happy i mean i wouldnt know the internal problems but they seem ok

    From what i know just treating them equally as if they were your own kids and loving them equally

    Try to show them love in different ways from helping them in anything taking them to places or activities teaching them advicing them comforting them giving them gifts what a normal parent would do

    If its a tough kid who resists the step parent then just have patience and keep doing the same as above eventually they will understand and see also get the actual parent to explain

    A younger child is always going to be easier as an older child has developed a certain way of life and is more attached to the parent you coming causes a change none the less if done in the right way it can be beneficial alhamdullilah from what ive seen of 2 families

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    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Stepmom and stepdads, give us stepson/stepdaughter tips...

    Its weird you mentioned this SubhanAllah recently i was thinking of what my uncles have done and thought why not marry a single mother it could be so rewarding and beneficial for me and them but still just a thought for now

  4. #4
    Combating Coconuts in UF
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    Re: Stepmom and stepdads, give us stepson/stepdaughter tips...

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    Its weird you mentioned this SubhanAllah recently i was thinking of what my uncles have done and thought why not marry a single mother it could be so rewarding and beneficial for me and them but still just a thought for now
    i need to have a meal with your uncles...

    I am not particularly trying to marry a single mum, but if it happens and i am open to marrying a single mom..I want to make sure the kid is loved and I want to give th kid the best upbringing as possible.

    yeah man...Although I dont think you should specifically look for a single mum, you might miss out on a great wife...Just be open i guess
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

  5. #5
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Stepmom and stepdads, give us stepson/stepdaughter tips...

    Lol if there is any questioms u have let me know and i can try ask إنشاءالله

    And yh i understand ofc

    And im not specifically looking for that it was just a thought im maybe open to but yh staying open to all is the best

  6. #6
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    Re: Stepmom and stepdads, give us stepson/stepdaughter tips...

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    Lol if there is any questioms u have let me know and i can try ask إنشاءالله
    Assalaamualaykum, إنشاءالله isn't the same as إن شاءالله, they have different meanings in Arabic. إن شاء is correct, because they're two separate words.

  7. #7
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    Re: Stepmom and stepdads, give us stepson/stepdaughter tips...

    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem..

    Recently been reading some negativity about Stepmoms/dads not treating their spouse kids right or just wishing they dont exist.

    so hypothetically you marry someone with kids and they have full custody..What are some ways to make the kids feel comfortable and loved?

    Do you try to shower the older kids wth gifts? what if they say you are not my dad/mom..how do you improve your relationship with them?

    maybe its easier if the kid is under 3 years old?
    Very often people think step parents are evil, and this is true in some cases.
    The best way to avoid being painted with that brush is to be sincere in loving/caring for the child. Especially if they're going to be living with you, keep them comfortable and make them feel at home. Lots of children may feel the need to reject this new person in their lives, but they'll get used to it.

    Showering the child with gifts isn't a 100% successful way because you can't buy love, though it won't hurt to try.. People do recognise sincerity, so that's one thing to remember.
    Actually talking to the children, especially if they're older, helps. It doesn't have to be the step parent; it could be the real parent, a sibling, a friend... anyone really. Communication is important.
    I doubt step children will call their their stepparent mum or dad, nor will they think of them as one. It's not really necessary. A step parent should avoid claiming to be their parent/requesting them to call them mum/dad because they aren't and never will be. Doing that may cause resentment in the child.

    It's also important for the other parent-if still alive- not to say bad things about the step parent, because this will damage their relationship.

    Adjustment time varies from child to child depending on their maturity, religion, views on second marriages/divorce, social skills and their relationship with their real family. The age really doesn't determine how easy it's going to be. two of my sibling and I(21 and 4) accepted our step mum straight away, then my little brother(8-he was in denial at first and was depressed) and lastly my 13 year old brother, who secretly despised her(he seemed perfectly fine outwardly, but later our cousin told us he had said he wanted to kill her if he could, which was a shock to us).

    Sincerity, communication, giving space and care are key to a successful relationship.

  8. #8
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Stepmom and stepdads, give us stepson/stepdaughter tips...

    Quote Originally Posted by _Sapphire View Post
    Assalaamualaykum, إنشاءالله isn't the same as إن شاءالله, they have different meanings in Arabic. إن شاء is correct, because they're two separate words.
    JazakAllah khair

    What does the other word mean the one where its altogether

  9. #9
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    Re: Stepmom and stepdads, give us stepson/stepdaughter tips...

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    JazakAllah khair

    What does the other word mean the one where its altogether
    It means Allah's creation.

    إنشاء (Inshaa') means creation
    إن (In) means if
    شاء (Shaa') means wills

    So إن شاءالله means if Allah wills/God willing.

  10. #10
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Stepmom and stepdads, give us stepson/stepdaughter tips...

    Quote Originally Posted by _Sapphire View Post
    It means Allah's creation.

    إنشاء (Inshaa') means creation
    إن (In) means if
    شاء (Shaa') means wills

    So إن شاءالله means if Allah wills/God willing.
    JazakAllah khair

 

 

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