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  1. #1
    Future Cowife
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    I'm attracted to married men

    Salam everyone,

    I'm a never married sister in my early 20s and feel very attracted to married men. there's something about their maturity and experience that makes me desire them so much. I have no problems with polygamy...don't mind being 2nd wife. But my parents will not accept me entering any marriage like that...I would prefer marrying a man 10-15 yrs older with a first wife and kids than a single never married brother. I can't talk openly about this with anyone as people will view me as a homewrecker and married women will avoid me. And people will look down upon me for marrying a married man when I had other options...I think a polygamous marriage best suits me than monogamy. I can't marry a never married brother because I went through abuse and I'm too messed up for him. If I marry a married man with kids, I trust he will treat me nicely and overlook my deficiencies, he has another wife to replace my deficiencies so he will be bear more patience with me. In his eyes, I will be a new and young wife. My only worry is that I may not end up in a polygamous marriage and I feel very anxious to be an only wife because no man will completely accept me. I feel being part time wife is the best for me but parents are hesitant. What should I do?

  2. #41
    Odan
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    Some people don't realise that marriage is meant to evoke feelings of love, compassion, and mercy for one another.

    Throwing slippers - well - I'm not sure what excuse to make for people who do that. May Allaah guide them.
    It's called passion.

  3. #42
    Striving & Struggling Indefinable's Avatar
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    It's called passion.
    Are you justifying it or making excuses?

  4. #43
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    Are you justifying it or making excuses?
    Both, some struggle to operate under 100 beats per minute.

  5. #44
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    What I don't understand is, why the decent men seem to pick the women who mess them around and the decent women seem to choose men who are unkind to them.

    It is so wonderful when you see two decent people who have found each other and can build a strong family. It's not rare but it's certainly uncommon.
    Its called the law of attraction.

    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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  6. #45
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Ya'sin View Post
    I wasn't being serious

    Usually, girls work with their parents. It's not as though they're a bunch of bratty Muslim girls sitting on a throne dictating to their parents they want a prince

    They deserve more credit. It is difficult to find decent men. Trust is important and from what I have seen you just can't trust people so families have to take risks.

    The problem is society in general, no one helps one another.
    Errrrr nonsense....society is always there to help.
    When you seek help with a narrow mindset then that is not a social problem.

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    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

  7. #46
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Future Cowife View Post
    Salam everyone,

    I'm a never married sister in my early 20s and feel very attracted to married men. there's something about their maturity and experience that makes me desire them so much. I have no problems with polygamy...don't mind being 2nd wife. But my parents will not accept me entering any marriage like that...I would prefer marrying a man 10-15 yrs older with a first wife and kids than a single never married brother. I can't talk openly about this with anyone as people will view me as a homewrecker and married women will avoid me. And people will look down upon me for marrying a married man when I had other options...I think a polygamous marriage best suits me than monogamy. I can't marry a never married brother because I went through abuse and I'm too messed up for him. If I marry a married man with kids, I trust he will treat me nicely and overlook my deficiencies, he has another wife to replace my deficiencies so he will be bear more patience with me. In his eyes, I will be a new and young wife. My only worry is that I may not end up in a polygamous marriage and I feel very anxious to be an only wife because no man will completely accept me. I feel being part time wife is the best for me but parents are hesitant. What should I do?
    Your answer is not polygamous marriage ....you might think it is,but your answer right now is to figure yourself out ,get to know yourself better.

    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

  8. #47
    Striving & Struggling Indefinable's Avatar
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    Both, some struggle to operate under 100 beats per minute.
    I don't understand.

    Are you saying physical abuse is the norm in a relationship? Or that we have to accept it in the name of 'passion'?

    Doesn't sound right to me.

  9. #48
    Odan
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    I don't understand.

    Are you saying physical abuse is the norm in a relationship? Or that we have to accept it in the name of 'passion'?

    Doesn't sound right to me.
    What physical abuse?

  10. #49
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    What physical abuse?
    The following 'fireworks' ...


    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    Yeah but life would be so boring without those fireworks. Dodging flying slippers is like dodgeball without the ball. It's free entertainment!!!

  11. #50
    Odan
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    The following 'fireworks' ...
    I think the fireworks are beyond your comprehension.

  12. #51
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    I think the fireworks are beyond your comprehension.
    That old chestnut...

  13. #52
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    That old chestnut...
    Don't go sulking...

  14. #53
    Umm Kulthum Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post


    Be careful sister. Open expression of this preference may attract all sorts of unsavory types.
    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    Someone should direct her to the marrige bandits thread.
    such exaggeration
    Being open to polygyny itself doesn't attract bandits, those types go for naive girls who don't have a strong family network or much knowledge of the deen, usually reverts are the main victims.
    If the sister has a good wali and knows how to conduct herself, this won't be much of an issue
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  15. #54
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post


    Be careful sister. Open expression of this preference may attract all sorts of unsavory types.
    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    Someone should direct her to the marrige bandits thread.
    such exaggeration
    Being open to polygyny itself doesn't attract bandits, those types go for naive girls who don't have a strong family network or much knowledge of the deen, usually reverts are the main victims.
    If the sister has a good wali and knows how to conduct herself, this won't be much of an issue
    Didn't say it'll attract "bandits."

  16. #55
    Umm Kulthum Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    It's really sad that sisters can't be open about their preferences these days just because other women can't keep their unwanted comments to themselves. You are not a homewrecker, neither does it make you bad if you prefer that marriage set up. Don't pay attention to foolish people, it's your life at the end of the day, you have to do what you feel will make you happy but also you should take the advice of those who are mature and sensible about these topics.

    Preferring polygamy is fine, no problem at all. However you need check the person you are about to marry like you would any another man, whether he is single or he has 3 wives. Don't just assume he must be such an amazing man because he has other wives. You don't know how he treats those wives. The other thing is, the other wives are never a replacement for your deficiencies, you are a complete person, you deserve to be loved and accepted as you are. Anyone you marry whether single or not, if they are good they will have patience with your flaws because no one is perfect sis, not even the co-wives.

    You clearly have self esteem issues going on, if you don't love and respect yourself it's not likely that anyone else will. Marriage in your state may cause you more problems because it seems like you still haven't healed from your last experience. Maybe give it some time and work on yourself first. You need to get rid of this idea that you are not good enough.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  17. #56
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    @Indefinable

    Erm

    I don't think you got why I mentioned you



    Oh well

    I hope op got her answer though
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  18. #57
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    If it's difficult to find decent men, then it must also follow that its difficult to find decent women. It can't all be one way.

    You'll get some (male and female) that are overly picky...it happens, we all know it.
    I didn't say it's one way

    I just want to be heard

    That's it

    Where is that liberal thread.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  19. #58
    أنا مسلم AbuMubarak's Avatar
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post


    Be careful sister. Open expression of this preference may attract all sorts of unsavory types.
    my thoughts, exactly
    .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
    نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
    دولة الإسلامية باقية






  20. #59
    Will ruin your future
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by AbuMubarak View Post
    my thoughts, exactly
    Becareful bro, apparently it saddens some people when you give that kind of genuine advice.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

  21. #60
    Odan Sis_Asiya's Avatar
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    Re: I'm attracted to married men

    Quote Originally Posted by Future Cowife View Post
    Salam everyone,

    I'm a never married sister in my early 20s and feel very attracted to married men. there's something about their maturity and experience that makes me desire them so much. I have no problems with polygamy...don't mind being 2nd wife. But my parents will not accept me entering any marriage like that...I would prefer marrying a man 10-15 yrs older with a first wife and kids than a single never married brother. I can't talk openly about this with anyone as people will view me as a homewrecker and married women will avoid me. And people will look down upon me for marrying a married man when I had other options...I think a polygamous marriage best suits me than monogamy. I can't marry a never married brother because I went through abuse and I'm too messed up for him. If I marry a married man with kids, I trust he will treat me nicely and overlook my deficiencies, he has another wife to replace my deficiencies so he will be bear more patience with me. In his eyes, I will be a new and young wife. My only worry is that I may not end up in a polygamous marriage and I feel very anxious to be an only wife because no man will completely accept me. I feel being part time wife is the best for me but parents are hesitant. What should I do?
    Your making a lot of assumptions what if a married man doesn't treat you nicely or overlook your deficiencies or be more patient with you?

    Also as a new not established wife realistically speaking what if you are not treated right as he will already have a family and a established wife in the mix?

    Your also making a huge assumption that because he's older and married he will have more patience with your situation of being abused historically.

    My genuine advice to you before marriage of any kind is to get counselling to help you deal with the trauma of your past and make you more resilient
    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

 

 

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