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Thread: advice please

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    advice please

    Asalamoalaikum

    For married sisters how difficult was it complete education after study?
    Iam in my late twenties and have been in university for some time. So i dont think i am gtting married too early or anything like that maybe the time for marriage in terms of age is right but i have not finished my education. i have been moving courses as well in between so that has wasted a few years..total prob been in uni for 7 years now..

    i really really want to finish off my education. its online BUT you have to go as well during the semester sometimes twice a semester as they have face to face workshops aswell...this is another state, for sometimes 4 days to sometimes 2 weeks.

    im getting married overseas , so there will be sometime where i guess we will have to wait for him to be granted a visa etc.

    the real problem in my eyes is the fact that iam also really really struggling with the course i was suppose to be in 3 rd now iam repeating 2nd year and have failed two units twice, so i will be repeating them for a third time next year...firstly how and what will i tell my husband? secondly what year will i say i am in next year when my in laws ask ? thirdly is a solution to this problem trying to move into a university closer to home? i think i majorly just failed because of ineffective study techniques, leaving things till last minute and maybe a lack of aptitude for science like subjects, but i think i can do it, InShaaAllah, if given support.

    how difficult will studying after marriage be for someone in my position ? should i just pray that this marriage does not go ahead so i get more time to study...

    i have about 2.5 yrs left i would think. roughly. if all goes well InShaaAllah.

    and this is really worrying me and keeping me up at night , its actually hindering my progress this semester consistently feeling so overwhelmed is there any zikr i can do to be able to cope with this better?

    jazakAllah khayr in advance

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    Re: advice please

    Marriage is more important than studies according to scholars.

    Specially if you are a woman.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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    Internal Screaming shay5's Avatar
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    Re: advice please




    If you're struggling then maybe this career path is not for you.... What about doing something easier?
    It doesn't matter that it took a long time, you don't have to justify yourself to anyone...

    Duas : https://islamgreatreligion.wordpress...ies-and-exams/
    Let not your love be infatuation and let not your hatred be destruction.

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    Re: advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by shay5 View Post



    If you're struggling then maybe this career path is not for you.... What about doing something easier?
    It doesn't matter that it took a long time, you don't have to justify yourself to anyone...

    Duas : https://islamgreatreligion.wordpress...ies-and-exams/
    Do you think the studying after marriage part is doable?

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    Re: advice please

    Wa alaikum salam sister,

    The best thing is for you to tell your future husband and in-laws what you are doing so there is no misunderstanding. After marriage you dont want them to discover new things and hold it against you, as you will need a lot of time to yourself for studying and whether your husband will accept this or not, as he will have to sacrifice a lot then. Online is better option than going to the university itself.

    As you are in your late 20s, do you still feel you want to go through studying and all that? Will you keep up the profession you learnt? Will your husband allow that. You need to think about all that sister, and make the choice.
    “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


    Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)


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    Re: advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    Marriage is more important than studies according to scholars.

    Specially if you are a woman.
    True



    Brothers and sisters should watch this reminder very carefully,

    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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    Odan A.Basheer's Avatar
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    Re: advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    True



    Brothers and sisters should watch this reminder very carefully,

    Allahu akbar.

    99% of Muslims would disagree with this sadly. But they have no evidence ... just desires.

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    Re: advice please

    That is why I suggested online learning.
    “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


    Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)


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    Re: advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by A.Basheer View Post
    Allahu akbar.

    99% of Muslims would disagree with this sadly. But they have no evidence ... just desires.
    Unfortunately, yes, the cespool we are in,

    نعوذ بالله من ذلك
    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

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    Re: advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    Unfortunately, yes, the cespool we are in,

    نعوذ بالله من ذلك
    If this is true about a woman merely sitting in a classroom with a male in front of her and behind her -- as he put it -- what about a woman working in such an environment which involves so much more. Such as actually interacting with such men.

    I can't wrap my mind around how people are so lenient regarding this.

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    Re: advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    True



    Brothers and sisters should watch this reminder very carefully,

    Not Wifing "educated" women.

    I don't even go to university anymore...Instead I am focusing on business and I would finish it if i can online.

    Btw, who is the evil source the sheik is mentioing? Hamza yusuf or web?
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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    Re: advice please

    Also it's pretty evident. Many Men and Women Asthhagfurllah lost their religion or chastity in university.

    Would you really allow your wife to be in that situation? Are you really going to wife someone who dont appreciate being a housewife.

    We really need to advice our families..our wives, our sisters etc.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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    Re: advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    Not Wifing "educated" women.

    I don't even go to university anymore...Instead I am focusing on business and I would finish it if i can online.

    Btw, who is the evil source the sheik is mentioing? Hamza yusuf or web?
    He didn't name them akhi,

    Those 2 you listed are definitely Evil deviants, they are busy breeding more Deviants,

    نعوذ بالله من ذلك

    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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    Re: advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by A.Basheer View Post
    If this is true about a woman merely sitting in a classroom with a male in front of her and behind her -- as he put it -- what about a woman working in such an environment which involves so much more. Such as actually interacting with such men.

    I can't wrap my mind around how people are so lenient regarding this.
    Influence from Secular societies
    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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    Re: advice please

    A woman doesnt have to go university its an option

    A man has to work to provide and yes he shold try to work in an environment where there is no free mixing but until a person makes hijra if they are in darul kufr and they have to make money and non free mixing environment isnt possible then what can they do

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    Re: advice please

    A women going university is an option

    A man making money to provide isnt

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    Re: advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by A.Basheer View Post
    If this is true about a woman merely sitting in a classroom with a male in front of her and behind her -- as he put it -- what about a woman working in such an environment which involves so much more. Such as actually interacting with such men.

    I can't wrap my mind around how people are so lenient regarding this.
    You wanna know why? The working element I meant,not necessarily uni (here that's mainly Riba without a scholarship so obv haram,period), but some of us.. actually a lot of us.. have to work/feel we have to,despite not wanting to. We have to help with household bills and towards other contributions.. we also help the less fortunate.. It's not always a choice for all of us. Who wouldn't want to chill at home (and not work).. But then one turns into a financial burden.. when it comes to buying stuff for oneself and others and helping with household bills.. And we have to obey our parents in matters that are okay islamically.. So if one goes to work and its an environment with two genders but they dont associate with the other gender (besides in cases of necessity) hence no freemixing.. and wear proper hijab.. Its not a case of one being a career woman/following desires.. as many ppl incorrectly think. We all want to make our parents happy and not sad at us.. we dont wanna be made to feel like financial burdens.. not everyone is so well of that bills can be paid without ppls help.. Obv after marriage its different r.e working and mst wouldn't. Just wanted to point this out which is seperate from the OP but needs to be addressed because so many ppl on uf ask that same question..
    And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
    [al-An’aam 6:59]

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    Re: advice please

    Wa Alaykumussalam
    Sis are u enjoying what ur studying?
    Or are u studying coz u feel the 'need' to get a degree?
    Just trying to ascertain whether your enjoying it/completing due to societal pressures
    After marriage,do you want to work sis? Or is that seperate from why your getting a degree?

    Imo if its summat u enjoy aslong as no riba loan, thats good
    But if your only doing it/completing it for the sake of a degree,whats the point?
    So yeah the intention matters a lot. And were u wanting a job outta it? (if ur hubby is okay with it and no free mixing etc) Or did u not wanna do that?

    lol I wud quit my job in a heartbeat if I had a real choice.

    I just wanted to say its good to be interested and passionate in certain areas. And also that a degree in no way defines intelligence too.
    If u wanna finish then go ahead. But u know urself whether u wanna finish/not sis, so depending on ur intention..dont put urself under unecessary pressure.

    Do istikhaarah too

    Insha ' Allah everything works out for the best for you in both worlds Ameen.
    Keep us updated (if u wish)
    And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
    [al-An’aam 6:59]

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    Re: advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by nickname View Post
    Do you think the studying after marriage part is doable?
    Yes but it depends on how your husband feels about it, whether he is ok with it or not,

    that is why you need to make inquiries before marriage.
    “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


    Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)


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    Re: advice please

    AoA shay. I know i should not be writing this here on this post but i cant really find an option to message you directly. I read your posts on forums and MashAllah you are a person with great motivation and knowledge. I really want you advice on somthing, is there a way i can directly messae you?

 

 

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