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  1. #1
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    Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    The parents either don't answer or says that they are going to talk to their daughter and call back but doesn't. It seems like they don't like the idea of a stranger asking them about their daughter. They usually don't ask questions nor ask for a picture or to let us meet .The conversations is usually very friendly and promising. But they don't lead anywhere. Is there a better way of doing this in your opinion?.
    Last edited by Halal-Brother; 19-05-17 at 05:41 PM.

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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    Well from what you have described it seems ineffective.

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    a muslim in a odd place HelloEverybody's Avatar
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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    Maybe parents don't want you to marry their daughter?

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    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    Well if they don't know anything about you, can you really blame them?

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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Well if they don't know anything about you, can you really blame them?
    Well, if a meeting was arranged then they (and myself) could find out more about the other part.

  6. #6
    king Julien XIII itsgiise's Avatar
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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    Quote Originally Posted by Halal-Brother View Post
    The parents either don't answer or says that they are going to talk to their daughter and call back but doesn't. It seems like they don't like the idea of a stranger asking them about their daughter. They usually don't ask questions nor ask for a picture or to let us meet .The conversations is usually very friendly and promising. But they don't lead anywhere. Is there a better way of doing this in your opinion?.
    Parents need to know the person they are giving their daughter to. Someone need to vouch for you.
    In our culture you usually ask for sit-down to ask for the daughters hand in marriage.
    The father usually uses the time between the call and the sit-down to do some background research on you.
    He finds people he knows and trust that can vouch for you.
    And usually you bring your family with you to show you come from a respected family, they too will vouch for you.
    The very least i've seen is when the daughter can vouch for you character.

    But what you're proposing is that neither the daughter nor the parents know you.

    If it were me i wouldn't let you borrow anything let alone give you my daughter.

    Hope i'm not being too critical with my comment but they are giving you something precious and you need to prove you're up to the task

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    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halal-Brother View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Well if they don't know anything about you, can you really blame them?
    Well, if a meeting was arranged then they (and myself) could find out more about the other part.
    Why would they arrange a meeting with someone they know nothing about, and for whom they (presumably) have no references?

  8. #8
    coalesce ninety1daisies's Avatar
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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    I'm sorry to say that often comes off as sketchy
    Indeed we belong to Allah,
    and indeed to Him we will return.


    Quran 2:156

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    Odan toska's Avatar
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    Worked for me.

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    Odan Thunderstorm's Avatar
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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    What country is this in?
    Say what somebody can do instead of the haram if you want to help.

  11. #11
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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Well if they don't know anything about you, can you really blame them?
    Everyone is entiteled to make their own choices. I don't see a good reason for a father to avoid trying to get to know a man who shows interest in his daughter for the purpose of marriage for the mere fact that he doesn't know him from before. Giving someone a chance would be a good option.

  12. #12
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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Why would they arrange a meeting with someone they know nothing about, and for whom they (presumably) have no references?
    Well, that's kind of the point of the meeting, so that both parts can get to know each other. If they already knew everything about each other then they would more or less go straight to the planning of the marriage.

  13. #13
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halal-Brother View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Why would they arrange a meeting with someone they know nothing about, and for whom they (presumably) have no references?
    Well, that's kind of the point of the meeting, so that both parts can get to know each other. If they already knew everything about each other then they would more or less go straight to the planning of the marriage.
    Meetings are arranged after the parents have decided you're worth meeting. Basically, someone needs to vouch for you first. A father isn't gonna set up a meeting with any stranger that comes up to him.

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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    Quote Originally Posted by itsgiise View Post
    Parents need to know the person they are giving their daughter to. Someone need to vouch for you.
    In our culture you usually ask for sit-down to ask for the daughters hand in marriage.
    The father usually uses the time between the call and the sit-down to do some background research on you.
    He finds people he knows and trust that can vouch for you.
    And usually you bring your family with you to show you come from a respected family, they too will vouch for you.
    The very least i've seen is when the daughter can vouch for you character.

    But what you're proposing is that neither the daughter nor the parents know you.

    If it were me i wouldn't let you borrow anything let alone give you my daughter.

    Hope i'm not being too critical with my comment but they are giving you something precious and you need to prove you're up to the task
    I'm sure you wore your superman costume and underwear when you wrote that comment. Did you feel like a tough guy?. You sound very paranoid. There is not need to be scared of people. There are many people who married this way. I was asking if this way is ineffective or if there is a better way to do it. I don't think you posses anything people want so no need to worry about borrowing things out to people. None of you guya provided anything worth reading or taking as advice. Seems like bunch of kids with to much free time. Anyways, i'm proud that i tried a decent way of approaching marriage and didnt try to chat up any sisters and getting to know them directly, but went straight to the families and started from there. It hasn't worked out for these weeks that i've tried it, but in sha Allah khair, nevertheless i'm very optimisitic alhamdulilah!

  15. #15
    Internal Screaming shay5's Avatar
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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    Quote Originally Posted by Halal-Brother View Post
    I'm sure you wore your superman costume and underwear when you wrote that comment. Did you feel like a tough guy?. !
    you win the internet for today!

    To answer your question...the wali could already have someone in mind for his daughter so probably not even seeing you as a potential ...or he is just ignorant and didn't even bother considering it. Even if he was taken aback when you first asked he could have waited a few days and got back to you...Allah swt reward you for doing it the halal way...

    Could you not get a female family member to approach her mother? or even get the imam to help you? Maybe it might make it easy if someone vouches for them. All the best, the search is difficult..
    “Whoever wants to purify his heart must prefer Allah over and above his own desires.” .

  16. #16
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    Re: Is it ineffective to propose to someone you don't know?

    Depending on the culture of the family, it might have been better to go through a third party initially. Maybe someone who knows them or someone who can vouch for your character? Maybe that person could ask if the parent would be willing to meet with you or speak with you over the phone and then take it from there.

    Worth a try.

 

 

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