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Thread: Power vs love

  1. #1
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Question Power vs love



    So I've noticed that people start off fine

    sooner or later it becomes about power and who will submit and obey who. Games are played and neither side likes to admit they care. It's more like if u really loved me u u would be like this. Does it cross over into control?

    i always thought u would help each other become the best version of yourself but I guess u would both need to have the ambition to do this

    Lies are just too frequent amongst people. It makes me feel sick.
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

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    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Why is this in the void? what's wrong with this thread? I don't get this forum these days.

    OP: people who do things like that are immature
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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    Power vs love

    What I want to know is how you have such deep insight into other people's married lives.

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    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    When you get married you'll be tired. You'll want some rest. It starts off easy because you're settling down but then you reach the stage where you both know each other quite well and expect each other to be more understanding about these things.

    There are more responsibilities and more things to answer for most of the time. It's not always about control, just the lack of consideration for one another.

    If I'm coming back from work and things aren't done then I'd be angry. This doesn't mean I don't love that person or that I'm craving power, it just means we need to compromise and think about the other half. But because marriage and life is all about work, work and more work we don't get good quality family times together anymore.

    Things have changed. Human beings want instant money, instant media, instant everything so when it comes to marriage they want instant love. That hasn't happened in centuries and it will not happen today.

    If you show affection you should get affection. I don't know what kind of control and power you're talking about so I don't think I've answered the question.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    ♡♡ENFP♡♡ candyapple's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Some people bring the best out in each other others bring the worst out in each other
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post


    So I've noticed that people start off fine

    sooner or later it becomes about power and who will submit and obey who. Games are played and neither side likes to admit they care. It's more like if u really loved me u u would be like this. Does it cross over into control?

    i always thought u would help each other become the best version of yourself but I guess u would both need to have the ambition to do this

    Lies are just too frequent amongst people. It makes me feel sick.
    You'll be the more dominant one. It just takes time. Let the years pass

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    Re: Power vs love

    both.

    the love for power and the power of love

    love to pillage a town of weak human peasants with your gronn hands and the power to do it

    wife ?

    boooooooriiiiiiiiing
    "arm yourself with knowledge and laugh at the accusers"
    me - 2017

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    Odan Creamcake's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    it doesnt have to be a power struggle.. if its the real thing..
    If you love and respect the other person you won't feel the need to be superior.
    Like now with ur fam/friends who you love.. you never feel the need to act superior infact it feels horrendous and disgusting doing so..
    So it will be the same with a spouse. A good spouse, anyway
    And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
    [al-An’aam 6:59]

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    What I want to know is how you have such deep insight into other people's married lives.
    With the modern age technology you don't have to pry for information, its out there for everyone.Technology has utterly destroyed privacy. Don't go far, UF here is an example, good thing we are anonymous. Of course other platforms are far worse.

    With OP I bet she is a clairvoyant.
    '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


    - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post


    So I've noticed that people start off fine

    sooner or later it becomes about power and who will submit and obey who. Games are played and neither side likes to admit they care. It's more like if u really loved me u u would be like this. Does it cross over into control?

    i always thought u would help each other become the best version of yourself but I guess u would both need to have the ambition to do this

    Lies are just too frequent amongst people. It makes me feel sick.
    It depends on the individuals. I don't feel this way at all in my own life. We help each other, push each other to do better. How to know how someone is before marriage? I wish I had the answer.

  11. #11
    Abu-Tawheed Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post


    So I've noticed that people start off fine

    sooner or later it becomes about power and who will submit and obey who. Games are played and neither side likes to admit they care. It's more like if u really loved me u u would be like this. Does it cross over into control?

    i always thought u would help each other become the best version of yourself but I guess u would both need to have the ambition to do this

    Lies are just too frequent amongst people. It makes me feel sick.
    You talking about marriage?

    We have all sorts of people,

    From women who have an issue with authority, (can't accept the man as the leader of the household)

    To the opposite spectrum of those under the thumb of their wives,

    To those who abuse their authority,

    If you marry for Deen and character you won't have these problems إِن*شَاءَ اَللّٰه

    Unfortunately too many people get married for the wrong reasons, and then realise later,
    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    Why is this in the void? what's wrong with this thread? I don't get this forum these days.

    OP: people who do things like that are immature
    that meant more than u can know and I can't rep u here.
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

  13. #13
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    What I want to know is how you have such deep insight into other people's married lives.
    Cos stoic they tell me

    who else can they vent to without being judged

    why is it so hard for two humans to come together
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

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    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    What I want to know is how you have such deep insight into other people's married lives.
    Cos stoic they tell me

    who else can they vent to without being judged

    why is it so hard for two humans to come together
    You don't know the whole story.

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    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Ya'sin View Post
    When you get married you'll be tired. You'll want some rest. It starts off easy because you're settling down but then you reach the stage where you both know each other quite well and expect each other to be more understanding about these things.

    There are more responsibilities and more things to answer for most of the time. It's not always about control, just the lack of consideration for one another.

    If I'm coming back from work and things aren't done then I'd be angry. This doesn't mean I don't love that person or that I'm craving power, it just means we need to compromise and think about the other half. But because marriage and life is all about work, work and more work we don't get good quality family times together anymore.

    Things have changed. Human beings want instant money, instant media, instant everything so when it comes to marriage they want instant love. That hasn't happened in centuries and it will not happen today.

    If you show affection you should get affection. I don't know what kind of control and power you're talking about so I don't think I've answered the question.
    beautiful

    i really thought about this

    and love can only come with pain because happiness can only exist with sadness

    rarely are people willing to stick through or 'change' to be more accomodating

    but loving someone is about accepting them fully. InshaAllah we all have spouses that won't be evil
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

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    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by candyapple View Post
    Some people bring the best out in each other others bring the worst out in each other
    True boo

    but why
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

  17. #17
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by asaz View Post
    You'll be the more dominant one. It just takes time. Let the years pass
    Lol wth

    i don't wanna be the more dominant one

    I hate decisions and deciding and all that stuff
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

  18. #18
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by magok View Post
    both.

    the love for power and the power of love

    love to pillage a town of weak human peasants with your gronn hands and the power to do it

    wife ?

    boooooooriiiiiiiiing
    astaghfirullah

    maybe when u are a bit older mag
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

  19. #19
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Creamcake View Post
    it doesnt have to be a power struggle.. if its the real thing..
    If you love and respect the other person you won't feel the need to be superior.
    Like now with ur fam/friends who you love.. you never feel the need to act superior infact it feels horrendous and disgusting doing so..
    So it will be the same with a spouse. A good spouse, anyway
    Disgusting indeed
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

  20. #20
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Silent being View Post
    With the modern age technology you don't have to pry for information, its out there for everyone.Technology has utterly destroyed privacy. Don't go far, UF here is an example, good thing we are anonymous. Of course other platforms are far worse.

    With OP I bet she is a clairvoyant.
    Looool are u mocking me

    but yeh u don't have to go far....

    the modern age isn't nice cos back in the day people would be shy to talk to one another and a lot more hesitant cos a lot more thought and effort had to be involved. Now u can pick up ur phone and talk to anyone that might stroke ur ego for a while so no one is bothered
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by candyapple View Post
    Some people bring the best out in each other others bring the worst out in each other
    ^ this in a nutshell

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Sister_2009 View Post
    It depends on the individuals. I don't feel this way at all in my own life. We help each other, push each other to do better. How to know how someone is before marriage? I wish I had the answer.
    Allahumma baarik may Allah swt bless your marriage ameen

    it's fate so alhamdulillah Allah swt decreed that goodness for u alhamdulillah alhamdulillah
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

  23. #23
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    You talking about marriage?

    We have all sorts of people,

    From women who have an issue with authority, (can't accept the man as the leader of the household)

    To the opposite spectrum of those under the thumb of their wives,

    To those who abuse their authority,

    If you marry for Deen and character you won't have these problems إِن*شَاءَ اَللّٰه

    Unfortunately too many people get married for the wrong reasons, and then realise later,
    hmm what kind of authority do you mean
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

  24. #24
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    You don't know the whole story.
    i don't...

    but wheb they break down infront of u, u think there might be some truth to what they say
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

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    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    You don't know the whole story.
    i don't...

    but wheb they break down infront of u, u think there might be some truth to what they say
    You only hear their biased view of the situation.

    Also they should not be dumping their marriage problems to you. It's really none of your business.

  26. #26
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    You only hear their biased view of the situation.

    Also they should not be dumping their marriage problems to you. It's really none of your business.
    But what else are friends for if they can't lighten ur burdens

    they might need me today and I might need them tomorrow

    Have u never discussed anything with a friend?
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    You only hear their biased view of the situation.

    Also they should not be dumping their marriage problems to you. It's really none of your business.
    But what else are friends for if they can't lighten ur burdens

    they might need me today and I might need them tomorrow

    Have u never discussed anything with a friend?
    Islamically I don't think it's correct. These are intimate issues. How would you feel if your husband was complaining to his friends about you, discussing your flaws and mistakes, etc.

    My friends don't discuss their private lives.

  28. #28
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Islamically I don't think it's correct. These are intimate issues. How would you feel if your husband was complaining to his friends about you, discussing your flaws and mistakes, etc.

    My friends don't discuss their private lives.
    lol inshaAllah he won't do that ...although it would be kinda funny if he was like damn she's a headache with an appreciative smile

    that is so weird.... I think Americans must not wear their hearts on their sleeves or sumt
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

  29. #29
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post
    lol inshaAllah he won't do that ...although it would be kinda funny if he was like damn she's a headache with an appreciative smile

    that is so weird.... I think Americans must not wear their hearts on their sleeves or sumt
    LOL

    yeah my brother said guys don't really discuss these kind of things I guess girls like to vent more.

    But I agree that marriage related things should only be discussed between the husband and wife.

  30. #30
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Simply_Logical View Post
    ^ this in a nutshell
    Sup simply
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

  31. #31
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by candyapple View Post
    Some people bring the best out in each other others bring the worst out in each other
    There is also a middle option.
    People live in a marriage for the sake of living in a marriage ,which I believe is the majority

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    You talking about marriage?

    We have all sorts of people,

    From women who have an issue with authority, (can't accept the man as the leader of the household)

    To the opposite spectrum of those under the thumb of their wives,

    To those who abuse their authority,

    If you marry for Deen and character you won't have these problems إِن*شَاءَ اَللّٰه

    Unfortunately too many people get married for the wrong reasons, and then realise later,
    We say deen and character rightfully so ,but definition of this is totally misunderstood or taken from an outside observation,unless deep scrutiny is done on potentials.

  33. #33
    Odan lonelyniqabi's Avatar
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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    There is also a middle option.
    People live in a marriage for the sake of living in a marriage ,which I believe is the majority

    How depressing.

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post
    Allahumma baarik may Allah swt bless your marriage ameen

    it's fate so alhamdulillah Allah swt decreed that goodness for u alhamdulillah alhamdulillah
    Ameen.

    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post
    i don't...

    but wheb they break down infront of u, u think there might be some truth to what they say
    I have friends who do this. It makes me uncomfortable. I put together a solution, and they get mad; like, duh, I wasn't looking for help, just wanted to complain. Sigh. I feel like it's best to try and solve things on your own without getting people involved. Oh well, I guess everyone is different.

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    How depressing.
    It is ,but somehow kids take centre stage and its made to look meaningful.
    Most will argue in an ever changing world of personalties and mentalities this is fully acceptable .

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    How depressing.
    It's only depressing if you have high expectations.

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    What I want to know is how you have such deep insight into other people's married lives.
    They have marriage issues and they take them to random...that does not make any sense to me but whatever. Perhaps if they were UF users thing would think different.

    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post
    Lol wth

    i don't wanna be the more dominant one

    I hate decisions and deciding and all that stuff
    So if you don't want to take the decisions then he does. So he has the power...now what? He leads you obey. Are you in a problematic marriage?

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    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post
    lol inshaAllah he won't do that ...although it would be kinda funny if he was like damn she's a headache with an appreciative smile

    that is so weird.... I think Americans must not wear their hearts on their sleeves or sumt
    So you don't think he should take his problems to his friends?

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    It's only depressing if you have high expectations.

    Is it a high expectation to expect people to stay in a marriage out of love for each other?

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    Re: Power vs love

    Quote Originally Posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    Is it a high expectation to expect people to stay in a marriage out of love for each other?
    Tbh yeah. It's nice, certainly not impossible. But a lot of marriages are not sustained by love between the couple. There are other more stabilizing factors involved like kids.

 

 

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