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View Poll Results: What are your concerbs/worries/fears regarding marriage?

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  • Impact on Imaan

    9 15.00%
  • Not finding a suitable match

    44 73.33%
  • Parental Pressue

    6 10.00%
  • Finances

    10 16.67%
  • Lonliness

    14 23.33%
  • Anything & everything else....please discuss.

    14 23.33%
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  1. #1
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    Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah



    Pray you are all very well, insha'Allah, my dear ummahites

    Just working on something on...

    What are your main concerns/worries/fears as a single Muslim/ah ...
    وَالْعَصْرِ

    إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

    إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

    "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

    "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

    Khanqah Habibiyah

  2. #121
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    I was not referring to your situation...but the fact that you got it wrong is not surprising as you had only been together one year and are still learning about each other.



    Don't know bro, I'm really not that experienced when it comes to women...it's a mystery to me. What the say they want and what they really want...Allah swt knows best.
    Bro if you are not experienced who is bro ,now what do women want ?

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  3. #122
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    Bro if you are not experienced who is bro ,now what do women want ?
    Ż\_(ツ)_/Ż

  4. #123
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    Ż\_(ツ)_/Ż

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  5. #124
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    I was not referring to teens either. I just think the numbers that would fall into this category would be tiny to the point that it's not really worth mentioning. I mean if you mentioned to your wife to be that perhaps in a short time in the future you'll be looking to marry again you probably struggle to marry the first anyway.



    That then goes against everything I hear on UF. The overwhelming response you get here from sisters is yeah it's great but just not for me. So the idea that the first wife is going to be okay with her husband taking another so early into a marriage is just fanciful.

    But then again the views offered by some here are so scattered I would not be surprised at all. Anyway, for those that are up for it just go and do it...that might shut me up.
    Who said that women is going to be ok with it? and who said they want to do it? and yes majority of women say we have nothing against polygamy but just not for me. I see nothing wrong with that tbh. If we say that such topic shouldn't be closed .. that doesn't mean mean we want do it lol .. u mixed things up




    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post

    The numbers are going to be tiny...out of all the women you know how many have taken the same stance as you?
    the number of women who accept polygamy in general is very tiny .. and polygamy threads increasing and discussed everyday in here .. what makes this thread different and needs to be shut down that's the question.

    Again the point is recently some mods close threads according to their preferences and personal views( without any logic reason) and leave other threads open to entertain themselves.
    That what makes a lot of users complain here and there..if u notice^^

    Anyways, I'm not interested in the topic of thread itself. i just didn't like the way they close topics according to their wish.. ppl have the right to post and discuss whatever they want
    #freedom

    salam
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

  6. #125
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    Who said that women is going to be ok with it? and who said they want to do it? and yes majority of women say we have nothing against polygamy but just not for me. I see nothing wrong with that tbh. If we say that such topic shouldn't be closed .. that doesn't mean mean we want do it lol .. u mixed things up






    the number of women who accept polygamy in general is very tiny .. and polygamy threads increasing and discussed everyday in here .. what makes this thread different and needs to be shut down that's the question.

    Again the point is recently some mods close threads according to their preferences and personal views( without any logic reason) and leave other threads open to entertain themselves.
    That what makes a lot of users complain here and there..if u notice^^

    Anyways, I'm not interested in the topic of thread itself. i just didn't like the way they close topics according to their wish.. ppl have the right to post and discuss whatever they want
    #freedom

    salam
    You said the topic was good and genuine and that others found it interesting too. I don't see much point in reading a topic that you don't really want in your life anyway. Maybe it will change people's mind, who knows. Do you think that's happened?

  7. #126
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by savo234 View Post
    I am interested in knowing from you. You are both 23 or were 23. Whats more easier for you. If your husband took second wife at 30 or at 40-50. And which one would be preferable to you. Or will it all be the same and dependent on situation at that time.
    23 - 6 years ago.

    I'd prefer it now in all honesty. But there is a particular reason for me wanting polygamy.

    However, if he wants it 30 years down the line, it depends on the situation.

  8. #127
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    I was not referring to your situation...but the fact that you got it wrong is not surprising as you had only been together one year and are still learning about each other.
    True. But what man says no to polygamy?

  9. #128
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by savo234 View Post
    Off put by beauty !!! Lol.
    I meant - don't let the beauty of a woman deter you from proposing thinking she's too good for you.

    I think men who do that have self-esteem/confidence issues.

  10. #129
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    True. But what man says no to polygamy?
    One who knows he can't/won't be just?

  11. #130
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    One who knows he can't/won't be just?
    Oh. I see.

  12. #131
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    23 - 6 years ago.

    I'd prefer it now in all honesty. But there is a particular reason for me wanting polygamy.

    However, if he wants it 30 years down the line, it depends on the situation.
    What's your particular reason?...I must say it never crossed my mind when you put the question to your husband.

  13. #132
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    What's your particular reason?...I must say it never crossed my mind when you put the question to your husband.
    All women have ulterior motives. I'm no different. I would benefit from it greatly.

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    All women have ulterior motives. I'm no different. I would benefit from it greatly.
    And there was me thinking you were being truly selfless.
    @muzzybee muzzy wuzzy I told you I knew nafink.

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Indefinable View Post
    Oh. I see.
    Not just justice. he may not be willing to take responsibility. Remember, he will have to divide his money in two families. And if he has to move to some country, officially he can only do paper work for the wife on paper. These are some and more detailed things that deter a man from polygamy.

  16. #135
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    And there was me thinking you were being truly selfless.
    @muzzybee muzzy wuzzy I told you I knew nafink.
    True,women are confusing at best of times.
    Well all the time.


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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by muzzybee View Post
    True,women are confusing at best of times.
    Well all the time.

    It's obvious right, when the current wife is telling you to marry another something inside will be telling you to look over your shoulder.

  18. #137
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    It's obvious right, when the current wife is telling you to marry another something inside will be telling you to look over your shoulder.
    That means ... " I dare you"

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Afraid of women of who will marry you because they have no other choice..

    Would much appreciate a woman who reject me if she sees compatibility issues rather just whatever..

    Would really increase the likelihood of divorce..
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Honestly, right now I'm scared. I've had a horrible experience with someone recently which kinda put me off wanting to marry altogether. I used to be optimistic as heck lol. Hopefully this is just a phase and will pass. Inshallah. But generally, I'm concerned my parents will match me with someone who doesn't care about Allah or his Deen. Which will likely happen cuz my family is very liberal. I tried finding someone compatible on my own but Subhanallah they are so demanding and high maintenance. Wish I was in the righteous circles here in US. /rantend

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by mekovi View Post
    Honestly, right now I'm scared. I've had a horrible experience with someone recently which kinda put me off wanting to marry altogether. I used to be optimistic as heck lol. Hopefully this is just a phase and will pass. Inshallah. But generally, I'm concerned my parents will match me with someone who doesn't care about Allah or his Deen. Which will likely happen cuz my family is very liberal. I tried finding someone compatible on my own but Subhanallah they are so demanding and high maintenance. Wish I was in the righteous circles here in US. /rantend
    tough situation bro..

    Heard it's a rampant problem in general. People are way too demanding without looking in the mirror.

    family is way too liberal too, but at least you're not in my situatiuon..My family expects me to find my own wife.

    So hard smdh.

    How long have you been looking?
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

  22. #141
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    tough situation bro..

    Heard it's a rampant problem in general. People are way too demanding without looking in the mirror.

    family is way too liberal too, but at least you're not in my situatiuon..My family expects me to find my own wife.

    So hard smdh.

    How long have you been looking?
    Assalamualaikum brother. I've been looking since good old days of 2012, back when I was naive and thought my parents would understand the struggles of a young single Muslim brother (laughing my everything off). But only seriously looking since early 2016.

    Yeah bro. I don't know. Some compromises are to be made right? People think they will meet Mr. or Ms. perfect in this duniya Smdh

    So what's stopping you bro? Can't find anyone that matches your criteria?

  23. #142
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by mekovi View Post
    Assalamualaikum brother. I've been looking since good old days of 2012, back when I was naive and thought my parents would understand the struggles of a young single Muslim brother (laughing my everything off). But only seriously looking since early 2016.

    Yeah bro. I don't know. Some compromises are to be made right? People think they will meet Mr. or Ms. perfect in this duniya Smdh

    So what's stopping you bro? Can't find anyone that matches your criteria?
    Waalaykom Salam.

    Just can't find anyone at all, most of the marriage talk around my social circle have been about brothers telling me to marry an "Arabic" girl because I brought up the idea of wanting to relearn Arabic. ( I was once fluent, I was listening to a recording of myslef in a cassette as 9 year old and I sounded like a native arab...) I seek forgivness from Allah for never practicing the language outside the Quran.

    Don't really care about marrying anyone of a particular ethnicity so I just brush off the comments from the brothers and I never have even brought up the topic of marriage.

    Just only started to look though about a couple months ago, I got a few potential bros I can ask some Shami guy brought up his sister but I decided not to ask him because I never see him, his brother or his father in the mosque despite living like 3 minutes away...And I remeber one of his relatives making a scene in the masjid about wahabis etc...Unless the sister is so much different, those are red flags.

    Another brother from Sudan asked me about family and he talked about having sisters, but they're way too young..Probably around 18-19...

    A couple of years ago, when i wasn't looking for Marriage the Amir of these tabliqhi group told me to get married..( I know the innovations involved in tablighi groups, but in general I find them to be practicing Muslims and the women actually hate it), told me he knows someone..Just told him No cause I had no finances, he insisted Allah will fix my finances if i get married..I wonder if his offer still stands. I must have told him I am not ready for marriage like an incredible amount of time

    but looking back, that was Allah SWT..I did my obligations but I don't think i practiced islam as much as I do now.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

  24. #143
    Senior Member Noom's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    someone who learns islam from tv and condemns any so called terror attacks

    something is wrong with this post? why is such behavior is tolerated in here? terror attack where innocent are targeted should be condemned no matter what religion,race or ethnicity.do we have another terrorist wanna be who want to blow up innocent bus in UK?

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    my biggest fear is degradation of my lifestyle,you see,my finances,allowances cover me completely to live a normal enjoyable life,i dont know how the calculus will change once i get married.yes,i worry about finances.unless allah swt opens up his qasainah for me,i will stay where i am ,single and proud.
    plus,i dont understand girls anway.

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Abdell View Post
    Waalaykom Salam.

    Just can't find anyone at all, most of the marriage talk around my social circle have been about brothers telling me to marry an "Arabic" girl because I brought up the idea of wanting to relearn Arabic. ( I was once fluent, I was listening to a recording of myslef in a cassette as 9 year old and I sounded like a native arab...) I seek forgivness from Allah for never practicing the language outside the Quran.

    Don't really care about marrying anyone of a particular ethnicity so I just brush off the comments from the brothers and I never have even brought up the topic of marriage.

    Just only started to look though about a couple months ago, I got a few potential bros I can ask some Shami guy brought up his sister but I decided not to ask him because I never see him, his brother or his father in the mosque despite living like 3 minutes away...And I remeber one of his relatives making a scene in the masjid about wahabis etc...Unless the sister is so much different, those are red flags.

    Another brother from Sudan asked me about family and he talked about having sisters, but they're way too young..Probably around 18-19...

    A couple of years ago, when i wasn't looking for Marriage the Amir of these tabliqhi group told me to get married..( I know the innovations involved in tablighi groups, but in general I find them to be practicing Muslims and the women actually hate it), told me he knows someone..Just told him No cause I had no finances, he insisted Allah will fix my finances if i get married..I wonder if his offer still stands. I must have told him I am not ready for marriage like an incredible amount of time

    but looking back, that was Allah SWT..I did my obligations but I don't think i practiced islam as much as I do now.
    Your world is so foreign to mine brother, I can't relate haha. No one gets offered their sisters around here.

    Inshallah. May Allah grant us both wives that are the coolness of our eyes.

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by mekovi View Post
    Your world is so foreign to mine brother, I can't relate haha. No one gets offered their sisters around here.

    Inshallah. May Allah grant us both wives that are the coolness of our eyes.
    No one offered their sisters bro. Lol

    They were just asking me about family and they mentioned something about having an unmarried daughter/sister.

    The Amir didn't offer his daughter. He just insisted I get married and he knows someone. I said no. Lol
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Definitely loneliness is a great concern and the impact of prolonged exposure to it on my iman. AlHamduLillah we all instinctively lean towards needing companionship, unfortunately there is no one stop shop for meeting righteous Muslimahs who share your aims and expectations.

    The Muslim matrimonial sites can't be taken seriously and it is to what happens on there. Allah guide us.

    So if there's a beautiful revert sister out there for me from the UK feel free to spread the word that there is a fellow revert brother who is looking for a pure and righteous companion.

  29. #148
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Why revert only?

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    Why revert only?
    Assalamu Alaikum akhi, because Muslims who are not reverts come with immense amounts of unislamic cultural and extended family baggage.

    Unfortunately, despite being Muslim by title it is harder to find the simplicity of Islamic life around so-called "born-Muslims" as they hold too many presumptions, customs and expectations.

    Plus being the only Muslim in my small family, I would benefit from marrying someone who shares an understanding of what that's like.

    I talked to an Arabic sister for a short while but unfortunately despite being half Palestinian myself I realised very quickly that we wouldn't ever look at life in the same way.

    Allahu A'3lam

    May Allah guide us to the khair wherever it is and bless us with contentment.

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    I understand and get you to be honest its true alot of people have too much cultural or family issues but there are muslims who arent like that i know many my own extended family who arent il say fulfilling all the main and basic obligations of a muslim accepted a revert european sister into our family( even though it has nothing to do with them and only matters what the husband thinks my family still opened arms to her and they are qite cultural) know that when you find muslims who follow the Quran and sunnah they wont be culturual or nationalistic or racist

    And true I guess it could be easier to marry a revert in your case as you can sympathise more with eachother and have more related to each other

  32. #151
    coalesce ninety1daisies's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Music...

    Seems like many Muslims listen to it and should that be a deal breaker in regard to marriage.
    Indeed we belong to Allah,
    and indeed to Him we will return.


    Quran 2:156

  33. #152
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Never finding someone due to my ridiculously high expectations of people. Though I'm not sure if part of it could be blatant selfsabotage because am scared to open up. I want to become a better person on so many aspects before I think I'm "good enough" to deserve love and life long commitment from someone. I expect the same from others and it isn't fair

    I also am kind of scared nobody will ever find me interesting enough to want gey to know in that way. I'm not saying this to be negative about myself. But I have very very hard time putting myself out there. I mean as soon as I see a potential that I think is even remotely attractive I completely freeze. No way I could even hold a decent conversation. I just get so shy and boring. Really don't like myself when I get like that. Don't even consider myself to be shy but I guess I am in some situations.

    I have like a 100 other concerns but these are the one that are relevant right now.

  34. #153
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Finding someone that can cheer me up cuz I am a lost, lonely wolf with no dreams. If I can't find someone I will propably lose hope in humanity. I feel sorry for all punching bags I've ripped cuz I can't get my feelings out in another way.
    If I can't find a husband that can cheer me up..., that's my biggest fear.

  35. #154
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Salaam. Concerned about cheaters. See it a lot these days. It's a concern of mine.

  36. #155
    Odan
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Bad-tempered. Not keeping his words.

  37. #156
    Senior Member Red Apples's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenicca View Post
    My main concern is finding a suitable spouse who supports me on my journey towards Allah swt.
    My Nanima said don't worry things will work out

  38. #157
    Senior Member Red Apples's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by uccello verde View Post
    Bad-tempered. Not keeping his words.
    My Nanima said you see bad temper ......RUN..........RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN

  39. #158
    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Apples View Post
    My Nanima said don't worry things will work out
    Did it occur to u that she ent always right
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

  40. #159
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Apples View Post
    My Nanima said you see bad temper ......RUN..........RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN
    True, up to the hills.

  41. #160
    Member Scrooge's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    I think there are too many be mentioned, many don't even know what bothers them but they are very terribly bothered, I picked that up from the forum
    It's not about me, it's all about you, coz you're special

 

 

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