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View Poll Results: What are your concerbs/worries/fears regarding marriage?

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  • Impact on Imaan

    10 16.13%
  • Not finding a suitable match

    45 72.58%
  • Parental Pressue

    6 9.68%
  • Finances

    11 17.74%
  • Lonliness

    15 24.19%
  • Anything & everything else....please discuss.

    14 22.58%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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  1. #1
    Super Moderator Jenicca's Avatar
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    Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah



    Pray you are all very well, insha'Allah, my dear ummahites

    Just working on something on...

    What are your main concerns/worries/fears as a single Muslim/ah ...
    وَالْعَصْرِ

    إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

    إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

    "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

    "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

    Khanqah Habibiyah

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Jenicca's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    My main concern is finding a suitable spouse who supports me on my journey towards Allah swt.
    وَالْعَصْرِ

    إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

    إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

    "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

    "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

    Khanqah Habibiyah

  3. #3
    Odan
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Walaikumsalam.

    I put finances and anything else. Reason being the cost of living is high, even though standard of livings is amazingly good and it's safe,from where I'm from alhamdulillah. However, being someone who's more prone to save than to spend, and still dependent on allowances - I kinda struggle a bit on this. I guess it's something to worry about, much more than others.

    As for "anything else" part, it's my social anxiety I'm worried about. Apparently I've read it can make you fall into depression and it's part of your genes, so I think I'm worried about this being passed on to my future children (if I have any inshallah) this affecting my relationship with those around me. I've seen how different I act first hand, because of this. It's kinda ugly, really. It's a personal struggle for me, that I think I can fight off in a few years hopefully. Can only hope for the best.

    On top of that, student loans needa pay off on time before interest sets in. :'(
    Last edited by nudgetheputri; 25-04-17 at 01:49 PM.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Jumpski's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    tmi
    Last edited by Jumpski; 25-04-17 at 01:51 PM.

  5. #5
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    If its regarding marriage then finding a girl thats on the manhaj and someone that doesnt have a bad past

  6. #6
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    If its regarding marriage then finding a girl thats on the manhaj and someone that doesnt have a bad past
    Same.

  7. #7
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Same.
    Insha Allah akhi

  8. #8
    Odan InTheBegining's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    My concern is that my match won't find me.
    Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

  9. #9
    Odan Creamcake's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Wa Alaykumussalam
    Finding someone who is properly religious is the main issue.. that ties into some of the other things I.e finances, if he is religious he knows that part of his role is to provide, so he shouldn't make me feel guilty for not working outside the house. Parental pressure is definitely not an issue.. vice versa, i'd like it if my parents had religious connections because it would make the process so much easier, but we don't. And r.e impact on imaan.. that links to the first thing I mentioned, not finding someone that is truly religious. Well they need to be religious, have good character, compatibility, and be attractive (to me, I don't mean prince charming), so finding someone with all of these qualities will be hard.. when its hard enough finding someone who is religious and prioritises Islam.
    And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
    [al-An’aam 6:59]

  10. #10
    ایک بار پکار کے تو دیکھو .mirror.'s Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah



    Not being on the same page.

    What are you working on?
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

  11. #11
    ⚔♔ Warrior ♔⚔ -qed-'s Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Being married.
    Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

  12. #12
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by InTheBegining View Post
    My concern is that my match won't find me.
    But she has already found you!
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

  13. #13
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenicca View Post
    My main concern is finding a suitable spouse who supports me on my journey towards Allah swt.
    This
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

  14. #14
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    But she has already found you!
    He has 3 more matches to look forward to in shaa Allah.

  15. #15
    Odan InTheBegining's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    He has 3 more matches to look forward to in shaa Allah.
    Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

  16. #16
    Odan Abu julaybeeb's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Lool

  17. #17
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    My main concern is to find someone on true aqeedah and daily 5times salah(also daily Quran with understanding ).
    About fears of being single Muslim are getting more and more day by day :'( plus living in this Western society one has to be very very strong and most of times has to completely close eyes to save him/herself from haram. Indeed for every phase of life Allah swt has made different fulcrums for humans. Indeed this phase of life is somehow related with husband.

  18. #18
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    He has 3 more matches to look forward to in shaa Allah.
    U know the majority of married men love such comment .. keep telling them this and they all will be your friends. The feeling they still have space to add more women means the world to them LoL

    Just look how he's being cheerful and laughing at reading this lol

    Have a nice day

  19. #19
    New Member Bad_Doctor's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Finding someone with a good character. One who'll follow the Deen completely without picking and choosing. One who hasn't been influenced by the modern feminist media and will be understanding and obedient of her man. Such women are very rare these days unfortunately. I'm increasingly ​hearing more and more stories of controlling narcissistic women destroying ​households. May Allah SWT protect us.

  20. #20
    ♡♡ENFP♡♡ candyapple's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    In a husband I want someone that knows the seriousness of life is the duties we must uphold and maintain, and while that always remains in the back burner he knows how to have fun, has a great sense of humour, is up for the excitement in life, exudes confidence, never without a smile, most of all would love, adore and cherish me and what I value.

    Ya Allah please make this a reality, ameen.
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

  21. #21
    Odan Creamcake's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Ameen
    And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
    [al-An’aam 6:59]

  22. #22
    pizza is life
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    hmm id say my worry is that id end up with someone who isnt compatible with me, i think differently and im not materialistic at all i worry ill end up with a barbie who's into all these things kuffar women are into.
    someone who doesn't do niqab
    someone who learns islam from tv and condemns any so called terror attacks
    someone who lacks faith
    someone who lacks islamic knowledge
    someone who is into the whole women should work thing (dont say they should because i personally cant accept it i work as an engineer and my salary could support a family np allhamdulillah so i find it pointless for her to do any outside work she should concentrate on household things like cooking etc) there's plenty of other things to do like go to in laws or have her friends over have a woman's day kinda thing etc working hard in the house and outside is zulm on a woman in my eyes.
    sooo many things worry me lol but sallah and being a good muslimah would be my main objective i couldn't careless if im 21 and shes 35 with 2 kids and divorced but she needs to be decent.

  23. #23
    Odan Creamcake's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    what are you working on btw?
    And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
    [al-An’aam 6:59]

  24. #24
    Odan
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah



    Mixture of both impact on imam and finding a suitable spouse.

    Getting married isn't easy in today's time, especially when you considered divorce rate is at about 50% world wide and this doesn't include couples who are separated (not officially divorced) and others in those marriage were there is no love, but for the sake of the kids. It's also finding someone who will strengthen your imam from a male/female perspective at times many overlook many wrong things, because it's the best they've seen, but that ends up really messing them over.

  25. #25
    061116 Rifqah's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah



    Impact on imaan.

    Anyone we live that closely with has an impact on what we do and how often and also the quality of what we do.

    I'm reading about it being half our deen, at the moment. It's an interesting part of Islam but not without its challenges.
    Last edited by Rifqah; 27-04-17 at 06:37 PM.

  26. #26
    Please do not 'Rep'. Jzk. Fakhri's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    (Fear of being too wrapped up in my own personal concerns and struggles to look after and give attention to a wife.)
    LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
    -------------------------------
    "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
    NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

  27. #27
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Fakhri View Post
    (Fear of being too wrapped up in my own personal concerns and struggles to look after and give attention to a wife.)
    oh

    sorry fakhri but

    in other words you're just a selfish man

    dw it's better to hear it from a stranger and it's a common one

    lmso
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  28. #28
    Tawakkul... iRepIslam's Avatar
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    Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Tmi
    إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

  29. #29
    Please do not 'Rep'. Jzk. Fakhri's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Ya'sin View Post
    oh

    sorry fakhri but

    in other words you're just a selfish man

    dw it's better to hear it from a stranger and it's a common one

    lmso
    Maybe so. But is it better to marry with the heart not in it, and thereby neglect someone, or to remain unmarried till the situation is more suitable for marriage...?
    LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
    -------------------------------
    "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
    NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

  30. #30
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Fakhri View Post
    Maybe so. But is it better to marry with the heart not in it, and thereby neglect someone, or to remain unmarried till the situation is more suitable for marriage...?
    oh no must we go all philosophical

    you just need a million bucks in your bank and don't worry about the rest, if she's the sobbing type then just tell her you're gonna be alright and pat her on the back, hand her some cash and then send her off to BD and you'll feel like a single man even though you're married

    how cool is that, to feel single but be married at the same time

    that's like the dream lmso

    many ppl marry for the sake of it, i think some Bengali girls marry because it's something that is expected of them not because it's in their heart so like you say, it is better if we don't get married but life is a bit different
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  31. #31
    061116 Rifqah's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Ya'sin View Post
    oh

    sorry fakhri but

    in other words you're just a selfish man

    dw it's better to hear it from a stranger and it's a common one

    lmso
    Unless someone's personal concerns are wrapped up in Allah then they just need to marry someone who is also like that, then inshallah they'll both meet in the same place.

  32. #32
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Rifqah View Post
    Unless someone's personal concerns are wrapped up in Allah then they just need to marry someone who is also like that, then inshallah they'll both meet in the same place.
    Maybe.

    I disagree. We both might love chocolate but we don't love each other because there are other factors involved such as our personalities which can make us incompatible for each other.

    I don't think having taqwa will automatically create love between the spouses. Respect maybe but not love.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  33. #33
    061116 Rifqah's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by Ya'sin View Post
    Maybe.

    I disagree. We both might love chocolate but we don't love each other because there are other factors involved such as our personalities which can make us incompatible for each other.

    I don't think having taqwa will automatically create love between the spouses. Respect maybe but not love.
    I disagree with your disagreement

    We're talking about a new wife or husband so, those compatibilities would have already been checked prior to marriage, as much as can be checked inshallah.

    After marriage, it's a question of putting into practice the religion concerning marriage and if both people do that then Inshallah they'll be trying to make it easy for each other?

  34. #34
    its rainy mazuiz's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Fear of being incapable

  35. #35
    Odan lonelyniqabi's Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Fear of inadequacy.

  36. #36
    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    falling short in fulfilling the rights of a husband
    and not being able to complete everything I want because of being too preoccupied with all that comes with marriage
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  37. #37
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by babadods View Post
    hmm id say my worry is that id end up with someone who isnt compatible with me, i think differently and im not materialistic at all i worry ill end up with a barbie who's into all these things kuffar women are into.
    someone who doesn't do niqab
    someone who learns islam from tv and condemns any so called terror attacks
    someone who lacks faith
    someone who lacks islamic knowledge
    someone who is into the whole women should work thing (dont say they should because i personally cant accept it i work as an engineer and my salary could support a family np allhamdulillah so i find it pointless for her to do any outside work she should concentrate on household things like cooking etc) there's plenty of other things to do like go to in laws or have her friends over have a woman's day kinda thing etc working hard in the house and outside is zulm on a woman in my eyes.
    sooo many things worry me lol but sallah and being a good muslimah would be my main objective i couldn't careless if im 21 and shes 35 with 2 kids and divorced but she needs to be decent.
    Wow there is so much wrong with your post that I don't know where to begin! Why are you against someone who condemns terrorist attacks?!

  38. #38
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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by cenneti_isteyen View Post
    Wow there is so much wrong with your post that I don't know where to begin! Why are you against someone who condemns terrorist attacks?!
    I don't want someone weak and someone whos going to be sorry for things i haven't done or she aint done ... Simple.

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Quote Originally Posted by babadods View Post
    I don't want someone weak and someone whos going to be sorry for things i haven't done or she aint done ... Simple.
    But you don't want a woman who condemns the attrocities committed by groups like Boko Haram and DAESH

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    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Not having the right attitude for it (wise, tolerant, patient, forgiving, etc.)
    *
    *
    * typing from my phone, excuse the mess

 

 

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