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    Sorry for my absence

    It has been a long time since I have been able to post, maybe 6 months? Once my family realised that my reverting was not just a phase they made things very difficult for me and tried to isolate me even more than I already was. I was not permitted to leave the house or use the internet. It is still very hard for me and even now they do not accept me for who I am. Sorry I have not been able to post

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    Odan Morose's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    May Allah make your situation easy for you.

    Try to hold on in sha Allah.

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    It has been a long time since I have been able to post, maybe 6 months? Once my family realised that my reverting was not just a phase they made things very difficult for me and tried to isolate me even more than I already was. I was not permitted to leave the house or use the internet. It is still very hard for me and even now they do not accept me for who I am. Sorry I have not been able to post
    The best Islamic way to get away from your parents, is for you to get married in'shaa'ALLAH. Maybe one of the sisters on this forum who are in the UK or USA or Canada can help you get married and get you a wali( a muslim male guardian in Islam) in'shaa'ALLAH.

    Sister SaraVR
    Last edited by ABDEL-AZEEM; 21-03-17 at 08:07 PM.
    ALLAH AL-AZEEM is the one and only GOD and ALLAH AL-AZEEM created everything. Therefore ALLAH AL-AZEEM created the Earth and created everything in the Earth and created all of the heavens and created everything in all of the heavens and created all of the hells and created everything in all of the hells and created all of the universes and created everything in all of the universes and created everything in between them.

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    It has been a long time since I have been able to post, maybe 6 months? Once my family realised that my reverting was not just a phase they made things very difficult for me and tried to isolate me even more than I already was. I was not permitted to leave the house or use the internet. It is still very hard for me and even now they do not accept me for who I am. Sorry I have not been able to post
    Assalamu alaykom

    Is there anything which we can help you with? Do you need anything?

    Have patience and fear Allah. Make sure you pray 5 times per day on time. Don't let it get you down, Allah is rewarding you for your struggle. Make sure you are sincere with Him, and greatful for the blessings of Islam. Ask Allah to guide your parents, even through the hardship they put you. Perhaps in time, things will change and they will be guided. Worse people in the past, have became Muslim. During the times of early Islam. Be patient !
    Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 22-03-17 at 02:24 AM.

  5. #5
    islamreligion.com eesa the kiwi's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Hang in there sister you'll be in my duas
    It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
    "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

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    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Its ok

    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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    Odan .khayriyyah.'s Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    I saw one of your posts and I wondered where you had gone. Alhamdulillah, I am glad you're back. Insha'Allah, you'll find a lot of support from forum members. There are many great sisters on here and insha'Allah that can help with feelings of isolation. But even if you're unable to reach out to other Muslims, Allah is always there.

  8. #8
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by ABDEL-AZEEM View Post
    The best Islamic way to get away from your parents, is for you to get married in'shaa'ALLAH. Maybe one of the sisters on this forum who are in the UK or USA or Canada can help you get married and get you a wali( a muslim male guardian in Islam) in'shaa'ALLAH.

    Sister SaraVR
    I live in Southern Ireland, there are some other muslims here but the live in the city 30miles away. I am very isolated, I guess it's time to think about moving.

    Quote Originally Posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
    Hang in there sister you'll be in my duas
    Thank you Eesa, as always

    Quote Originally Posted by aidaalej View Post
    I saw one of your posts and I wondered where you had gone. Alhamdulillah, I am glad you're back. Insha'Allah, you'll find a lot of support from forum members. There are many great sisters on here and insha'Allah that can help with feelings of isolation. But even if you're unable to reach out to other Muslims, Allah is always there.
    I have always found the people here fantastic, they have always helped me and answered many of my questions, it's just my family that are accepting. My friends don't have any issues.

    Quote Originally Posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
    Assalamu alaykom

    Is there anything which we can help you with? Do you need anything?

    Have patience and fear Allah. Make sure you pray 5 times per day on time. Don't let it get you down, Allah is rewarding you for your struggle. Make sure you are sincere with Him, and greatful for the blessings of Islam. Ask Allah to guide your parents, even through the hardship they put you. Perhaps in time, things will change and they will be guided. Worse people in the past, have became Muslim. During the times of early Islam. Be patient !
    I'm able to pray every day. I'm alone at home most of the day so this is not a problem. I think maybe I need to move away from here

  9. #9
    Odan m7md's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    It has been a long time since I have been able to post, maybe 6 months? Once my family realised that my reverting was not just a phase they made things very difficult for me and tried to isolate me even more than I already was. I was not permitted to leave the house or use the internet. It is still very hard for me and even now they do not accept me for who I am. Sorry I have not been able to post
    call the police,
    Iman is more importnat then all human relationship,
    Ibrahim as, once overly bothered and forced by his father also left his father.
    If i may ask where r u native from,

  10. #10

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by m7md View Post
    call the police
    wait, what?

  11. #11
    Odan m7md's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by Spicen View Post
    wait, what?
    Yes, y not, they r kidnapping her,

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by m7md View Post
    Yes, y not, they r kidnapping her,
    isn't this the very same thing non-muslims suggest to young muslims when young muslims want to do stuff that are haram and blocked by parents.

    We shouldn't copy the methods of non-muslims-this is wrong.

    There's every chance her family might accept her or even better convert to islam.

  13. #13
    Odan m7md's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by Spicen View Post
    isn't this the very same thing non-muslims suggest to young muslims when young muslims want to do stuff that are haram and blocked by parents.

    We shouldn't copy the methods of non-muslims-this is wrong.

    There's every chance her family might accept her or even better convert to islam.
    No, we follow Allah's command,
    She must protect herself first before helping others,
    In such a situation its best to move away and seek help from police,
    I dont really care what non muslims do, we have to protect what is to be protected and the most precious thing is iman,

    man u worry too much about kufar, who cares really,,

  14. #14
    Internal Screaming shay5's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Salam...sorry to hear of your hardships....if things are tough then don't tell your family about your reversion...keep it to yourself until you find somewhere safe to live....Allah will not judge you from hiding this from them...

    “Whoever wants to purify his heart must prefer Allah over and above his own desires.” .

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by m7md View Post
    call the police,
    Iman is more importnat then all human relationship,
    Ibrahim as, once overly bothered and forced by his father also left his father.
    If i may ask where r u native from,
    I am from South Africa originally but now living in Ireland.

    Quote Originally Posted by shay5 View Post
    Salam...sorry to hear of your hardships....if things are tough then don't tell your family about your reversion...keep it to yourself until you find somewhere safe to live....Allah will not judge you from hiding this from them...

    I have lots to think about, i feel more isolated every day. Maybe marriage is the way forward

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    Odan m7md's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    I am from South Africa originally but now living in Ireland.



    I have lots to think about, i feel more isolated every day. Maybe marriage is the way forward
    Inshallah Allah will help u soon, just hang on
    And just know that all the time u face resisting for Allah is counted as some of the best deeds in sight of Allah and is one of the best ibada even tho u may not be doing anything physically,

    And always look at people worse then u, there r girls who r brutally beaten and even burned alive for accepting islam such as in India and some other places,
    Soon all will be fine, nothing to be sad about

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    I live in Southern Ireland, there are some other muslims here but the live in the city 30miles away. I am very isolated, I guess it's time to think about moving.
    With all due respect for you my sister, if you plan to move in'shaa'ALLAH. You need to plan out a strategy on how your going to pay for monthly rent, utilities, food, clothes, transportation, and other miscellaneous expenses in'shaa'ALLAH. It is not safe for a woman to live alone all by herself without her husband because evil immoral men will prey on women who do not have mahram males to protect them or women who do not have a husband to protect them

    I strongly recommend that you get married as soon as possible in'shaa'ALLAH in order for you to have a human protector, human financial provider, and human friend in the guise of your future muslim husband in'shaa'ALLAH, plus it is the fastest way and the best Islamic way to get out of your situation in'shaa'ALLAH and to in'shaa'ALLAH complete half of your deen according to Sunnah.

    Sister SaraVR
    Last edited by ABDEL-AZEEM; 22-03-17 at 07:35 PM.
    ALLAH AL-AZEEM is the one and only GOD and ALLAH AL-AZEEM created everything. Therefore ALLAH AL-AZEEM created the Earth and created everything in the Earth and created all of the heavens and created everything in all of the heavens and created all of the hells and created everything in all of the hells and created all of the universes and created everything in all of the universes and created everything in between them.

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by m7md View Post
    Inshallah Allah will help u soon, just hang on


    And always look at people worse then u, there r girls who r brutally beaten and even burned alive for accepting islam such as in India and some other places,
    Soon all will be fine, nothing to be sad about
    I never thought of that. I guess I am being selfish by just focusing on my own situation and not thinking about others. I hindsight my own situation is not that bad afterall, I haven't been harmed physically.

    Quote Originally Posted by ABDEL-AZEEM View Post
    With all due respect for you my sister, if you plan to move in'shaa'ALLAH. You need to plan out a strategy on how your going to pay for monthly rent, utilities, food, clothes, transportation, and other miscellaneous expenses in'shaa'ALLAH. It is not safe for a woman to live alone all by herself without her husband because evil immoral men will prey on women who do not have mahram males to protect them or women who do not have a husband to protect them

    I strongly recommend that you get married as soon as possible in'shaa'ALLAH in order for you to have a human protector, human financial provider, and human friend in the guise of your future muslim husband in'shaa'ALLAH, plus it is the fastest way and the best Islamic way to get out of your situation in'shaa'ALLAH and to in'shaa'ALLAH complete half of your deen according to Sunnah.

    Sister SaraVR
    I haven't thought about all the practical things you mentioned,you have given me a lot to think about brother.

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    I never thought of that. I guess I am being selfish by just focusing on my own situation and not thinking about others. I hindsight my own situation is not that bad afterall, I haven't been harmed physically.



    I haven't thought about all the practical things you mentioned,you have given me a lot to think about brother.
    Assalamu alaykom.

    As long as you can pray , you are fine.

    There are many converts here who share similar struggles. Some more than others. I know it's kind of disheartening for you but keep in mind these things..

    Firstly that this is your test from Allah. He guided you to islam as oppose to you being born in a muslim family. If you persevere through these hard times any other challenge you face will be a walk in the park. Family is certainly the hardest to cope with but it is Allah who has willed this. Trust His wisdom. You will reap the benefits of your struggle sooner than you think..

    Listen ,
    Regardless of what tribulations you are going through with your family , be the best you can to them. Since you are home, do all the chores around the house. Treat your parents better than you have ever in your life , even if they give you a hard time. Respond with good manners and represent islam the best to them.

    Allah says regarding non Muslim parents..

    But if they strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do. [31:15]


    As twisted as it is through our lenses , the reason why they are upset with you is because they care about you and love you. They have misconceptions about islam and it is your task to clear those misconceptions away with good manners , and consistency in your religion. Islam actually teaches excellent treatment to parents. Even if they are giving you a hard time you should respond with dignity and softness with them - as hard as it is , if you do it , you will win them over.

    Just try it. Next time they say something condescending respond kindly regardless of how much it hurts. Go above and beyond and when they ask you why you are being so good , attribute it to islam. You will win them over. Allah is telling you to treat them good EVEN if they are calling you to worship other than Him as the verse above says.. Follow His advice , you will see results. Allah could have said to dissociate yourself from non Muslims parents once you convert but He didn't. There is a wisdom in this.

    May Allah grant us all the patience to deal with our circumstances.


    Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 23-03-17 at 02:26 AM.

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
    Assalamu alaykom.

    As long as you can pray , you are fine.

    There are many converts here who share similar struggles. Some more than others. I know it's kind of disheartening for you but keep in mind these things..

    Firstly that this is your test from Allah. He guided you to islam as oppose to you being born in a muslim family. If you persevere through these hard times any other challenge you face will be a walk in the park. Family is certainly the hardest to cope with but it is Allah who has willed this. Trust His wisdom. You will reap the benefits of your struggle sooner than you think..

    Listen ,
    Regardless of what tribulations you are going through with your family , be the best you can to them. Since you are home, do all the chores around the house. Treat your parents better than you have ever in your life , even if they give you a hard time. Respond with good manners and represent islam the best to them.

    Allah says regarding non Muslim parents..

    But if they strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do. [31:15]


    As twisted as it is through our lenses , the reason why they are upset with you is because they care about you and love you. They have misconceptions about islam and it is your task to clear those misconceptions away with good manners , and consistency in your religion. Islam actually teaches excellent treatment to parents. Even if they are giving you a hard time you should respond with dignity and softness with them - as hard as it is , if you do it , you will win them over.

    Just try it. Next time they say something condescending respond kindly regardless of how much it hurts. Go above and beyond and when they ask you why you are being so good , attribute it to islam. You will win them over. Allah is telling you to treat them good EVEN if they are calling you to worship other than Him as the verse above says.. Follow His advice , you will see results. Allah could have said to dissociate yourself from non Muslims parents once you convert but He didn't. There is a wisdom in this.

    May Allah grant us all the patience to deal with our circumstances.


    Thank you so much for this. I was trying to stay polite to them and let them see that I was still the same person but I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I now know that I am. Thank you so much for your wise words

  21. #21
    abu sab'a
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    I am from South Africa originally but now living in Ireland.



    I have lots to think about, i feel more isolated every day. Maybe marriage is the way forward
    marriage isnt the only way if you are oppressed sister

    If there is anything we can do let us know

  22. #22
    islamreligion.com eesa the kiwi's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    @Rifqah @iRepIslam @*sheba* @Sarah5 @ninety1daisies
    @-qed- @Creamcake @RaNdOm @shay5 @oknowimofficiallyoutofsistersIcanthinkof

    Please reach out to this sister and offer support. Shes new to islam and going through some major trials your kind words could make a huge difference. I'd do it myself but I'm a dude
    Please also tag any other sisters you can think of who might be able to help
    @SaraVR hang in there were here for you inshaAllah
    It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
    "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

  23. #23
    islamreligion.com eesa the kiwi's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Also @Gingerbeardman inshaAllah you have some advice
    It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
    "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.” ibn Taymiyyah.

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    Thank you so much for this. I was trying to stay polite to them and let them see that I was still the same person but I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I now know that I am. Thank you so much for your wise words
    I felt the need to say this becuase it should never be confused. Islam is here to strengthen your relationship with your family. Ideally this is what we must all strive for.

    The morals this religion teaches should make you a better human being in all that is good. If you strive for excellence as we have been commanded then surely they will take notice and appreciate this inshallah.

    The only advice I could also give you is to not irritate them. It is not even necessary to speak on the religion with them especially if fight arise from that. Just let your actions speak for you. You just got to prove that the religion makes you a better person and if practiced , it should.



    https://www.whyislam.org/social-valu...ce-of-parents/

    Salam alykum

  25. #25
    Kintsukuroi RaNdOm's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Be happy @SaraVR

    When I read your words, it reminded me of the story of Yusuf as

    His own brothers turned against him yet he showed the most beautiful patience. That is one of the hardest things to go through in life. When those you love turn against you. Because we place a little portion of ourselves in those that we love and when that connection becomes rocky or shaky. It can unground us too.

    When you became muslim, you must have gone through a lot of self reflection and questioning about who you are and who you are going to be. How you will live your life. What values, morals and principles are important to you. You shook on the inside but you became stable once you were firm in your decision of who you are.

    Your family didn't go through that same process. They were presented something without that questioning. They are being forced to accept. When that kind of force is applied, it's human nature to become unsettled. Imagine you are all connected by elastic bands to each member of your family. When you went on your journey, you pulled away, the elastic band strained and when you told them of your reversion you let that elastic band go and it hurt. They didn't want to go through all of that because it is easier and nicer when people are just what you expect them to be. But one of the greatest regrets older people have is that they wish they had lived their life in accordance to who they were rather than what people had expected them to be.

    Of course you love them and don't want to hurt them but in these lonely moments you should constantly remind yourself of who you are and why you chose to become Muslim in the first place. There is no compulsion in religion and right now even if you decided to stop your journey and just become the version others wanted you to be, you could do that. No one can stop you. But this is why I have so much respect and admiration for reverts. This is why they seem the most sincere. Because by becoming Muslim you made a concrete statement that you choose God above everything else. You saw the truth and the truth within your heart was moved enough to know that you could not continue to live a lie and that you choose Allah swt.

    You give up the comforts of this world and you choose Him. You shatter the image of yourself in your family's heart and you choose Him. You put up with the ridicule of those around you who blame you for choosing this life when you weren't born into it because you choose Him.

    What is the life of this world but amusement and play? but verily the Home in the Hereafter,- that is life indeed, if they but knew. 29:64

    Say, "My prayer, sacrifice, life, and death are all for God, the Lord of the Universe. 6:162

    ^^^ You chose this. And this isn't easy. But this is what will lead to eternal happiness inshaAllah. I promise you I make dua for every revert out there because I think of your struggles and then I think of the sincerity that pushes you past them.

    It's so easy to forget the purpose when you're lost in the pain. But this is what you have to keep reminding yourself. This is what you need to strengthen yourself in. That even when no one is telling you or reassuring you. You have a method to strengthen yourself. It would be easy right if there was some kind of meter in our field of vision that would fill up with gold coins everytime we did a good deed. It would be easy if we could keep checking this meter and see how much more we needed for the 'prize' aka Jannah. Then the hardships and struggles would just become detached experiences because we have focus. We are looking at this meter and remembering our focus. If it drops we work harder for the gold coins. It would be so easy. But we don't have a meter. We have to think of our focus ourselves, we have to take account of ourselves.

    One or Allah swt attribute is that He is just. He hates injustices and oppression. So remind yourself of this when this world becomes too much. He could have easily made you a soul that was born to a Muslim family. He could have decreed that your tests to determine your sincerity were something else. But His wisdom precedes and He doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear so He knew there was a quality in you, that by His permission could overcome everything that has been decreed for you. Just make dua for a good decree inshaAllah.

    Don't despair and don't let shaitaans whispers weaken you. Remember the why. Shaitaan is after the same ruin for us as is for him. Shaitaans belief in Allah swt was strong but his submission and awe and veneration of God was weak. Make that strong and don't let this world overcome you. I can advise you today but tomorrow it might be me that is in need of advice so I hope my duas will be of some comfort to you and please please stay strong because you are with us on the same journey to our home inshaAllah.
    @Gingerbeardman can probably advise you of the practicalities and @Grandad can probably offer words that will make you reflect
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    It has been a long time since I have been able to post, maybe 6 months? Once my family realised that my reverting was not just a phase they made things very difficult for me and tried to isolate me even more than I already was. I was not permitted to leave the house or use the internet. It is still very hard for me and even now they do not accept me for who I am. Sorry I have not been able to post
    Salamualaikum, this isn't uncommon. We've had revert sisters here who went through torture by their own family and relatives who attempted every dirty trick they could to make their revert family member suffer. May Allah grant them understanding and may Allah grant you perseverance and ease. Ameen.

    -I would add dear sister this is ur test... make sure u see every obstacle as a test with immense reward behind it. Everytime your buttons are pushed... just know, remind ur self you're in a test. Allah says: with every difficulty shall come ease so it's only a matter of time before this test is lifted from u bit another one will come in its place... u may be ready to take a tougher test. Allah says: do they think that just because they say they believe We will leave them alone?

    The most beautiful way to deal with it is by demonstrating positive patience which is beautiful: "sabrun jameel"

    And if ur able to then MaashAllah. That's pretty awesome. Jannah is the ultimate mission. Everything we would want is there. And it's permanent.
    Last edited by candyapple; 23-03-17 at 12:46 PM.
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    It has been a long time since I have been able to post, maybe 6 months? Once my family realised that my reverting was not just a phase they made things very difficult for me and tried to isolate me even more than I already was. I was not permitted to leave the house or use the internet. It is still very hard for me and even now they do not accept me for who I am. Sorry I have not been able to post
    It's a bumpy ride. I am from a muslim background, and when I started practicing, my family did similar things, some even worse...

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by nonameakhi View Post
    marriage isnt the only way if you are oppressed sister

    If there is anything we can do let us know
    Quote Originally Posted by eesa the kiwi View Post

    Please reach out to this sister and offer support. Shes new to islam and going through some major trials your kind words could make a huge difference. I'd do it myself but I'm a dude
    Please also tag any other sisters you can think of who might be able to help
    @SaraVR hang in there were here for you inshaAllah
    Eesa you've always been so kind to me even though I know I must annoy you lol. Thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
    I felt the need to say this becuase it should never be confused. Islam is here to strengthen your relationship with your family. Ideally this is what we must all strive for.

    The morals this religion teaches should make you a better human being in all that is good. If you strive for excellence as we have been commanded then surely they will take notice and appreciate this inshallah.

    The only advice I could also give you is to not irritate them. It is not even necessary to speak on the religion with them especially if fight arise from that. Just let your actions speak for you. You just got to prove that the religion makes you a better person and if practiced , it should.



    https://www.whyislam.org/social-valu...ce-of-parents/

    Salam alykum
    Thank you, you're words made a lot of sense to me and I'm going to try and be an even better daughter to them and let them see that I'm still the same person. They are the ones that have changed not me.

    Quote Originally Posted by RaNdOm View Post
    Be happy @SaraVR

    When I read your words, it reminded me of the story of Yusuf as

    His own brothers turned against him yet he showed the most beautiful patience. That is one of the hardest things to go through in life. When those you love turn against you. Because we place a little portion of ourselves in those that we love and when that connection becomes rocky or shaky. It can unground us too.

    When you became muslim, you must have gone through a lot of self reflection and questioning about who you are and who you are going to be. How you will live your life. What values, morals and principles are important to you. You shook on the inside but you became stable once you were firm in your decision of who you are.

    Your family didn't go through that same process. They were presented something without that questioning. They are being forced to accept. When that kind of force is applied, it's human nature to become unsettled. Imagine you are all connected by elastic bands to each member of your family. When you went on your journey, you pulled away, the elastic band strained and when you told them of your reversion you let that elastic band go and it hurt. They didn't want to go through all of that because it is easier and nicer when people are just what you expect them to be. But one of the greatest regrets older people have is that they wish they had lived their life in accordance to who they were rather than what people had expected them to be.

    Of course you love them and don't want to hurt them but in these lonely moments you should constantly remind yourself of who you are and why you chose to become Muslim in the first place. There is no compulsion in religion and right now even if you decided to stop your journey and just become the version others wanted you to be, you could do that. No one can stop you. But this is why I have so much respect and admiration for reverts. This is why they seem the most sincere. Because by becoming Muslim you made a concrete statement that you choose God above everything else. You saw the truth and the truth within your heart was moved enough to know that you could not continue to live a lie and that you choose Allah swt.

    You give up the comforts of this world and you choose Him. You shatter the image of yourself in your family's heart and you choose Him. You put up with the ridicule of those around you who blame you for choosing this life when you weren't born into it because you choose Him.

    What is the life of this world but amusement and play? but verily the Home in the Hereafter,- that is life indeed, if they but knew. 29:64

    Say, "My prayer, sacrifice, life, and death are all for God, the Lord of the Universe. 6:162

    ^^^ You chose this. And this isn't easy. But this is what will lead to eternal happiness inshaAllah. I promise you I make dua for every revert out there because I think of your struggles and then I think of the sincerity that pushes you past them.

    It's so easy to forget the purpose when you're lost in the pain. But this is what you have to keep reminding yourself. This is what you need to strengthen yourself in. That even when no one is telling you or reassuring you. You have a method to strengthen yourself. It would be easy right if there was some kind of meter in our field of vision that would fill up with gold coins everytime we did a good deed. It would be easy if we could keep checking this meter and see how much more we needed for the 'prize' aka Jannah. Then the hardships and struggles would just become detached experiences because we have focus. We are looking at this meter and remembering our focus. If it drops we work harder for the gold coins. It would be so easy. But we don't have a meter. We have to think of our focus ourselves, we have to take account of ourselves.

    One or Allah swt attribute is that He is just. He hates injustices and oppression. So remind yourself of this when this world becomes too much. He could have easily made you a soul that was born to a Muslim family. He could have decreed that your tests to determine your sincerity were something else. But His wisdom precedes and He doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear so He knew there was a quality in you, that by His permission could overcome everything that has been decreed for you. Just make dua for a good decree inshaAllah.

    Don't despair and don't let shaitaans whispers weaken you. Remember the why. Shaitaan is after the same ruin for us as is for him. Shaitaans belief in Allah swt was strong but his submission and awe and veneration of God was weak. Make that strong and don't let this world overcome you. I can advise you today but tomorrow it might be me that is in need of advice so I hope my duas will be of some comfort to you and please please stay strong because you are with us on the same journey to our home inshaAllah.
    @Gingerbeardman can probably advise you of the practicalities and @Grandad can probably offer words that will make you reflect
    I will stay strong and your words are of great comfort to me. Their inability to accept my life isn't something I'm going to get upset about anymore.

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    SubhanAllah I have misread this thread. I thought there was an agreement with.

    Quote Originally Posted by m7md View Post
    call the police,
    Iman is more importnat then all human relationship,
    Ibrahim as, once overly bothered and forced by his father also left his father.
    If i may ask where r u native from,
    May Allah bless you akhi , but I don't think going to authority is ever a wise move with family. Once you do that, it is over. Such a thing could only be considerable in such extreme circumstances may Allah protect us from such a thing.

    I think the goal of every convert would want to see their families guided to the truth , not hold grudges until they pass away.

    Sorry to bring this up again but this is not at all good advice. Perhaps you didn't consider the negative outcomes which arise from doing so.

    https://www.whyislam.org/social-valu...ce-of-parents/


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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
    SubhanAllah I have misread this thread. I thought there was an agreement with.



    May Allah bless you akhi , but I don't think going to authority is ever a wise move with family. Once you do that, it is over. Such a thing could only be considerable in such extreme circumstances may Allah protect us from such a thing.

    I think the goal of every convert would want to see their families guided to the truth , not hold grudges until they pass away.

    Sorry to bring this up again but this is not at all good advice. Perhaps you didn't consider the negative outcomes which arise from doing so.

    https://www.whyislam.org/social-valu...ce-of-parents/

    Number 1 priority for a muslim man or woman is to protect his/her own iman, and mental and physical health, dawah comes next.

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    Senior Member Grandad's Avatar
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    It has been a long time since I have been able to post, maybe 6 months? Once my family realised that my reverting was not just a phase they made things very difficult for me and tried to isolate me even more than I already was. I was not permitted to leave the house or use the internet. It is still very hard for me and even now they do not accept me for who I am. Sorry I have not been able to post
    As-Salāmu ‘alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi wa Barakātuhu, sister.

    It has been suggested that I might have something useful to say. Possibly. I know next to nothing about you, and nothing at all about your family; and this makes it (potentially) hazardous to offer advice. This being so, allow me to be personal for a while.

    I’ve been around for some time; and on many occasions have found myself in bother – sometimes serious bother. If I have learned anything at all it is this: that Allāh (Subḥānahu ūta'āla) is to be trusted. Even when the night is at its darkest, and the road ahead difficult, if not impossible, to see and to follow, He is there. He is always there. All we have to do is take Him at His word when He says: ‘So truly where there is hardship there is also ease; truly where there is hardship there is also ease.’ (Al-Sharh: 5-6).

    Note that His promise is repeated; this is to emphasise that it is true.

    I accept that all of this might appear to be cliché cliché. If it were not for the fact that I have seen His promise at work, not only in my own life, but in the lives of others I would – perhaps – hesitate to write in this manner.

    Here’s a poem that you might want to reflect on:

    And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
    ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’
    And he replied:
    ‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
    That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.’ (‘God Knows’; Minnie Louise Haskins).

    I began by saying that I don’t know you. And because I don’t know you I can’t advise on how best to tread into your particular unknown. This is a task for those who know you well, and who are in a position to help. Rest assured, help will come. It will come because Allāh (Subḥānahu ūta'āla) has called you into Islam, and He did not do so in vain, or as a sport.

    As for your family. You will need to be patient, and to understand why they behave as they do. It may be that, fearing the nonsense they have heard concerning Islam, they are fearful for you. It may be that they feel hurt; pained that you have (in their eyes) rejected most – and perhaps all – of what they have taught you over the years. People can say, and do, harsh things in these circumstances. Only time – and your good example as a daughter who happens to be a Muslim – will remedy this. You know them best. Act is the best way – based on this knowledge – always remaining true to yourself, and to your Lord.

    May Allāh (Subḥānahu ūta'āla) continue the excellent work that He has begun in you; and bring you peace.

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    sister

    I am so sorry to hear of the hardships you're going through. If there is anything I can do to help you Please let me know and I will do my best inshallah.

    Please feel free to PM me if you just want someone to listen to you or you have any questions,no matter how small/random/weird you think they are.

    Keep faith and keep strong through your trials. Allah has a plan for everyone.

    May Allah ease your hardships and carry on guiding you. Ameen
    Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Assalaamu Alaykum Sister Sara,

    Good to have you back with us, and may Allah keep you in good health and emaan and find you a way out of your difficulties, ameen.

    As others have pointed out, other reverts have faced similar struggles as yourself, some much worse than yourself. That is not to belittle your own difficulties, but just to let you know that such things have happened before, will happen again and that Allah test all of us, but not to a level we cannot take as He tells us in the last verse of Surah al Baqarah.

    So first question should be are you safe physically and not being harmed by your family?

    The second question is that you've mentioned you can pray, what about other aspects of your deen (way of life)? Are they putting any other difficulties on you in terms of keeping to the halal and away from the haram in your lifestyle, your learning and practicing Islam or are they just being difficult verbally?

    As others have said, they may be being this way for a good reason, because they feel you've gone down the wrong path and want to help you, but I've also seen the bad side of these cases and often, especially with women or the young it's about control as well. You know your family and why they are doing this, if the former when they see you're not changing back, they may well leave off after a while, if the later they may be difficult for much longer.

    Either way get ready for a long, sometimes life long struggle, whether you stay where you are or move out, they are still your family and they are not likely to find this easy and nor are you. In my own case, it was only arguments from my family, but it was still making my life difficult enough I felt I had to get out so I know this sort of pressure can be quite intense and hard to deal with.

    If it has reached the point where they are physically harming you or restraining you, i.e keeping you in the home against your will then it is worth keeping the authorities informed about that.

    I know Eire has slightly different laws to the UK but they are similar enough and usually with the police it is better when physical force is being use to at least let them know, even if you don't want to press charges so they can monitor the situation and if they need to intervene later it is easier to do so for them.

    If it's less than physical force or being restrained then still you need to think where is the best place for you in terms of your spiritual development, and think from previous threads and this one then clearly it's not where you are now.

    That being said... don't rush into anything especially marriage.

    Marriage is a difficult enough thing when new, more difficult still when one of the partners is new to Islam, and when you add on cultural differences it can get very hard indeed and so there is a reason the divorce rate is so high among reverts.

    As well as this reverts often fall into bad matches as they don't know better and think they can handle all of these matters themselves, or they are exploited by evil men within the Muslim community to their own or their families advantage.

    So though marriage can be a solution to getting out of such problems, it's not the only solution nor necessarily the best one.

    If you are going to move otherwise, then do so with careful planning. The hijrah of the Prophet (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam) took 3 years of planning and preparation so don't rush things and possibly end up back where you started or end up jumping into an even more difficult situation.

    You need help as well, don't be shy in asking for it from the Muslim community you indeed to move to or from others here in terms of advise, help finding work, housing etc or other things you may need.

    Finally in my own difficulties there are two verses of the Quran which also help me when times get tough, and remind me that my struggle is something I, and indeed we all must go through to reach success in this dunya (worldly life) and akhira (afterlife).

    Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?
    But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.

    Surah Ankabut, 29:2
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    May Allah swt make it easy for you. Ameen

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    Eesa you've always been so kind to me even though I know I must annoy you lol. Thank you



    Thank you, you're words made a lot of sense to me and I'm going to try and be an even better daughter to them and let them see that I'm still the same person. They are the ones that have changed not me.



    I will stay strong and your words are of great comfort to me. Their inability to accept my life isn't something I'm going to get upset about anymore.
    has your behaviour towards your family changed in any way? its just that I have come across some reverts, they become very hostile to family simply because they are non-muslim.
    Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

    -Quran (57:20)

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by deen1984 View Post
    its just that I have come across some reverts, they become very hostile to family simply because they are non-muslim.
    Salam alaykom

    That is something strange and I would argue completely unislamic.

    The repelling of one's parents is of the worst sins and something which brings Allah's displeasure. So much so that he mentioned it immediately after requesting worship only for Him.

    And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. [17:23]

    Breaking the ties of kinship directly invokes the curse of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. It is to be avoided at all cost unless they want to oppress you severely. Even then it can never be a complete cut off. The doors of reconciliation must always be open.

    “And those who break the Covenant of Allaah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allaah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse (i.e., they will be far away from Allaah’s Mercy); And for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).” [al-Ra’d 13:25]

    https://islamqa.info/en/4631

    I understand everyones situation is different and what have you but I wonder how people can comfortably sleep knowing that if their parents don't wake up tomorow then it's safe to assume that they are amongst the inhabitants of the hell fire.

    Perhaps born Muslims can never understand the scenario, the reality is far worse than what is imagined. I beleive when one converts their lifelong goal at this point is to save their families from entering Jahannam. That comes first , our feelings and desires should be put aside in obedience to what Allah has commanded. Not that you should become extreme and not live yourself, but priorities need to be set in place. Your life becomes a constant means of daa'wa to them.

    O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families
    from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded. [66:6]

    Even if they have treated us harshly and even oppressed us, you should seek reconciliation at the expense of your ego. You only get one set of parents.

    And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. [31:14]

    Certainly a foundational aspect of the deen. A direct ticket to paradise or the hell fire.

    May Allah forgive us all , perhaps now is a good time to make a solid intention to do what is right , at all times.
    Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 24-03-17 at 03:44 PM.

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    @deen1984 @Grandad @-qed- @arfatzafar @AmantuBillahi Thank you all for your kind words. The support I have gotten over the past couple of days has been amazing

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    Assalaamu Alaykum Sister Sara,

    Good to have you back with us, and may Allah keep you in good health and emaan and find you a way out of your difficulties, ameen.

    As others have pointed out, other reverts have faced similar struggles as yourself, some much worse than yourself. That is not to belittle your own difficulties, but just to let you know that such things have happened before, will happen again and that Allah test all of us, but not to a level we cannot take as He tells us in the last verse of Surah al Baqarah.

    So first question should be are you safe physically and not being harmed by your family?

    The second question is that you've mentioned you can pray, what about other aspects of your deen (way of life)? Are they putting any other difficulties on you in terms of keeping to the halal and away from the haram in your lifestyle, your learning and practicing Islam or are they just being difficult verbally?

    As others have said, they may be being this way for a good reason, because they feel you've gone down the wrong path and want to help you, but I've also seen the bad side of these cases and often, especially with women or the young it's about control as well. You know your family and why they are doing this, if the former when they see you're not changing back, they may well leave off after a while, if the later they may be difficult for much longer.

    Either way get ready for a long, sometimes life long struggle, whether you stay where you are or move out, they are still your family and they are not likely to find this easy and nor are you. In my own case, it was only arguments from my family, but it was still making my life difficult enough I felt I had to get out so I know this sort of pressure can be quite intense and hard to deal with.

    If it has reached the point where they are physically harming you or restraining you, i.e keeping you in the home against your will then it is worth keeping the authorities informed about that.

    I know Eire has slightly different laws to the UK but they are similar enough and usually with the police it is better when physical force is being use to at least let them know, even if you don't want to press charges so they can monitor the situation and if they need to intervene later it is easier to do so for them.

    If it's less than physical force or being restrained then still you need to think where is the best place for you in terms of your spiritual development, and think from previous threads and this one then clearly it's not where you are now.

    That being said... don't rush into anything especially marriage.

    Marriage is a difficult enough thing when new, more difficult still when one of the partners is new to Islam, and when you add on cultural differences it can get very hard indeed and so there is a reason the divorce rate is so high among reverts.

    As well as this reverts often fall into bad matches as they don't know better and think they can handle all of these matters themselves, or they are exploited by evil men within the Muslim community to their own or their families advantage.

    So though marriage can be a solution to getting out of such problems, it's not the only solution nor necessarily the best one.

    If you are going to move otherwise, then do so with careful planning. The hijrah of the Prophet (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam) took 3 years of planning and preparation so don't rush things and possibly end up back where you started or end up jumping into an even more difficult situation.

    You need help as well, don't be shy in asking for it from the Muslim community you indeed to move to or from others here in terms of advise, help finding work, housing etc or other things you may need.

    Finally in my own difficulties there are two verses of the Quran which also help me when times get tough, and remind me that my struggle is something I, and indeed we all must go through to reach success in this dunya (worldly life) and akhira (afterlife).

    Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?
    But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.

    Surah Ankabut, 29:2
    No, I haven't been harmed physically and I don't think they ever would cross that line. I haven't been permitted to travel to the nearest city where the only Islamic centre I know is located. In my small town there are very few Muslims. Maybe less than 50. My parents love me I know this, they just don't understand my choices and they don't seem to want to try to understand. Because of where I'm located I have no contact with other Muslims, everything I've learned has been from the internet which I'm full aware may not be totally accurate. I've watched videos and learned how to pray and I thought that would be the best thing to concentrate on first. My parents mostly try and interrupt me when I pray and they make comments on how I dress and they try to make me go out for the evening and go to the pubs with my friends but I've resisted this. I have to confess that I have become moody and uncooperative with them at times and I realise now that this was wrong and I should instead become even nicer to them to show them that Islam has made me a better daughter. That was wrong on my part. I don't know where their hostility comes from. A couple of years ago my brother was offered a position in UAE and he didn't want to go because he knew it was an Islamic country and he believed everything in the media. Someone ended up convincing him to go anyway and he ended up staying way beyond his contract period. He travelled to all parts of the UAE and Saudi Arabia, Oman and Qatar and he said he never once encountered a problem. He came home with only positive stories to tell about the Middle East and Islam and he said even as a Christian he was respected as long as he respected Islam and understood he was living in a Muslim country. It was actually my brothers experiences that brought me to Islam so I'm not sure why they are so hostile but I'm just going to have to prove to them that I'm still the same person, just a better version of myself .

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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by SaraVR View Post
    No, I haven't been harmed physically and I don't think they ever would cross that line. I haven't been permitted to travel to the nearest city where the only Islamic centre I know is located. In my small town there are very few Muslims. Maybe less than 50. My parents love me I know this, they just don't understand my choices and they don't seem to want to try to understand. Because of where I'm located I have no contact with other Muslims, everything I've learned has been from the internet which I'm full aware may not be totally accurate. I've watched videos and learned how to pray and I thought that would be the best thing to concentrate on first. My parents mostly try and interrupt me when I pray and they make comments on how I dress and they try to make me go out for the evening and go to the pubs with my friends but I've resisted this. I have to confess that I have become moody and uncooperative with them at times and I realise now that this was wrong and I should instead become even nicer to them to show them that Islam has made me a better daughter. That was wrong on my part. I don't know where their hostility comes from. A couple of years ago my brother was offered a position in UAE and he didn't want to go because he knew it was an Islamic country and he believed everything in the media. Someone ended up convincing him to go anyway and he ended up staying way beyond his contract period. He travelled to all parts of the UAE and Saudi Arabia, Oman and Qatar and he said he never once encountered a problem. He came home with only positive stories to tell about the Middle East and Islam and he said even as a Christian he was respected as long as he respected Islam and understood he was living in a Muslim country. It was actually my brothers experiences that brought me to Islam so I'm not sure why they are so hostile but I'm just going to have to prove to them that I'm still the same person, just a better version of myself .
    It's natural for parents and families to feel more protective of daughters, however it can go to extremes and sometimes lead to oppression as well as in this case.

    If you read the biographies of the sahabah (Companions of Muhammad (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam)) you will see many examples of them being confined, and having to sneak out to learn about Islam, or eventually to move to a place better suited to an islamic lifestyle, even against the wishes of their parents or families.

    Obedience to parents is an excellent trait, but not when it means going against your needs as a Muslim or the rights of Allah so you don't need to obey them in this.

    I know it can be hard to be patient with parents in such circumstances, however usually, after several ups and downs the parents of reverts calm down but if you are going to move to a more islamic community, then it will take a lot of planning and being careful not to upset your family even more if that is possible, if it is not then put your needs of yourself learning about islam in a more productive environment first, as that is one of the main things new Muslims need, especially in the early stages.

    What is your relationship like with the local Muslims?
    Are they practicing themselves or just cultural Muslims?
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    Re: Sorry for my absence

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    It's natural for parents and families to feel more protective of daughters, however it can go to extremes and sometimes lead to oppression as well as in this case.

    If you read the biographies of the sahabah (Companions of Muhammad (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam)) you will see many examples of them being confined, and having to sneak out to learn about Islam, or eventually to move to a place better suited to an islamic lifestyle, even against the wishes of their parents or families.

    Obedience to parents is an excellent trait, but not when it means going against your needs as a Muslim or the rights of Allah so you don't need to obey them in this.

    I know it can be hard to be patient with parents in such circumstances, however usually, after several ups and downs the parents of reverts calm down but if you are going to move to a more islamic community, then it will take a lot of planning and being careful not to upset your family even more if that is possible, if it is not then put your needs of yourself learning about islam in a more productive environment first, as that is one of the main things new Muslims need, especially in the early stages.

    What is your relationship like with the local Muslims?
    Are they practicing themselves or just cultural Muslims?
    There was a lot of pressure put on me around Christmas time and that particularly hard. It is difficult but as someone pointed out earlier in this thread, there are other muslims suffering a lot more than me because of their choices so I can't let this get to me. I will need to think a lot about moving away. There are many things to consider so it won't be a decision I make lightly. I don't see them a lot. They are usually just families I see around town and they are polite when I say hello but I'm a stranger to them. There is a young man around town who is a muslim and he's a nice person but I think he is just a cultural muslim as you called it

 

 

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