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  1. #1
    Umm Kulthum Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    "Is it wrong to be suspicious of someone over 30 who's still single? If they seem perfect on paper?"

    "And is it rude to ask why they haven't married up until the point you started talking to them (as a potential)?"

    Opinions on this
    "Increase the amount of quran you recite and do not abandon it, for the assistance you'll receive with regards to the matter you strive towards depends on how much you recite"

  2. #121
    ♡♡ENFP♡♡ candyapple's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by ninety1daisies View Post
    hmm my parents seem okay with interracial marriage (only other desis) right now but it's cause they are wishing for me to get married asap because i'm approaching 30 (iA) but at the same time they really care that I don't just marry anyone but someone who is a good Muslim. which is funny cause my mom lols -_- she isn't into big beards....... she prays all the nafls and does a lot of fasts but..for some reason she wants the groom to have a French cut as she calls it I don't even know what that is..and he needs to be fit -_- I'm like..mom have u seen me?? ur demanding these things? LOL
    Lol sounds like my mother :')

    They need to take a parenting class man. Its kind of a form of oppression I think even though they mean well and they're doing this out of love (their mindset ticks like that) i just hope we are better with our kids when it comes to marraige proposals.

    I'm sure ur stunning, sis I can see it in ur posts
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

  3. #122
    Odan lonelyniqabi's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by -qed- View Post
    Lol for desis it's interracial if the bride and groom are from 2 separate cities/regions within the same country. Crazy right?
    Yeah, I know. Alhamdulillah my family isn't like that, but I know many sisters who are having this problem. They found a good potential, but parents won't agree because the guy is not from the same caste/tribe. It's kinda sad, really.

  4. #123
    Reflecting ~ ninety1daisies's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by candyapple View Post
    Lol sounds like my mother :')

    They need to take a parenting class man. Its kind of a form of oppression I think even though they mean well and they're doing this out of love (their mindset ticks like that) i just hope we are better with our kids when it comes to marraige proposals.

    I'm sure ur stunning, sis I can see it in ur posts

    By (the Token of) Time (through the ages),
    Verily Man is in loss,
    Except such as have Faith, and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy.
    Al-Asr (The Time)

    Oh Allah, forgive me.

  5. #124
    Odan lonelyniqabi's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by ninety1daisies View Post
    lolss ahem..

    Btw, 5 years to go is not approaching 30!!

  6. #125
    Reflecting ~ ninety1daisies's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    Btw, 5 years to go is not approaching 30!!
    the past 25 years flew by too fast
    By (the Token of) Time (through the ages),
    Verily Man is in loss,
    Except such as have Faith, and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy.
    Al-Asr (The Time)

    Oh Allah, forgive me.

  7. #126
    We hear and we obey shay5's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by Zammyh View Post
    a girl i met for marriage was perfect too but 33 and wen i asked why she had never been married she said because she has been fat most of her life and only recently lost the weight. i know it sounds weird but she doesn't look like a former fat person. usually u can tell. sure she has some chubby people in her family but they are not so big. do you think this is a lie?
    Well if she has stretch marks then she isn't lying. Fat people get stretch marks.
    Allah is greater than my pain...

  8. #127
    Abu-Tawheed Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
    I guess there is race and gender factor to take into account.

    For Bengalis I can understand why people will be suspicious if someone is not married by 30 considering the social norm is to be married in your 20s.

    Unless there is some clear problem then people might be suspicious as to what the reason is.
    السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته akhi

    Akhi, more pressing reason is why people delay their marriage, without a justifiable Islamic reason, most people don't follow the advice given by Rasulullah salallahu عليه السلام‎ to the young,

    We're supposed to get married, as soon as we are old enough, have the means, mature,

    But instead we put multiple obstacles, careers, must spend this much wealth on weddings like a spendthrift, must have e accumulated this much wealth, must own a house etc,

    On the other hand we have those who simply haven't manned up, hi just delay marriage cause they are mentally deficient, "Not ready" even though they have the means, and are d enough...

    All of this adds to the increase in Fitna and Fassad in the Ummah,

    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

  9. #128
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Nowadays considering the social norm it's more suspicious for women than a man
    2 Things Define You : Your Patience When You Have Nothing and Your Attitude When You Have Everything.


    Https://wadar.myshopify.com/

  10. #129
    1of the volatile beings myeverything's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    But Arabs do the same too ?:-(

    You're from Saudi right? Wel then... But you're right though, Desis + non-Desis do it so whilst you're right, you're wrong to single out Desis only.
    And let's not exclude the Somalis either.
    man Arabs have their negatives too... but believe me complicating marriage and questioning the potentials like they're going to court and all the stuff that I read on ummah fourm related to marriage not one of them ... at least I'm talking about Saudi folks.

    sorry if I bother u .. wasn't my intention .. just something I noticed .


    Have a nice evening
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

  11. #130
    Odan
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    man Arabs have their negatives too... but believe me complicating marriage and questioning the potentials like they're going to court and all the stuff that I read on ummah fourm related to marriage not one of them ... at least I'm talking about Saudi folks.

    sorry if I bother u .. wasn't my intention .. just something I noticed .


    Have a nice evening
    No no I'm not bothered by it at all because it's true. However I always had the impression that Arabs are just as fussy too. I could be wrong.
    So what I don't care.

  12. #131
    Odan Medic's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by Morose View Post
    Ahaha bro, I highly doubt that. I seem to get a lot of hate for it. Women just not into that stuff I guess.

    Highest is either MoMo. or Asiyah or *aishah* not sure. Although actually may well be neither as I know a lot of members have hit the 1k mark and beyond so not sure. Good question though. (Bro how lame is it that we are talking about reps so seriously? Ahahah)
    Talking about rep yeh lol, probably why we're not married

  13. #132
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wadar View Post
    Nowadays considering the social norm it's more suspicious for women than a man
    Explain.

  14. #133
    Odan
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Explain.
    Maybe it's something to do with babies?

  15. #134
    Odan
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    Excuse me guys and plz no one get upset or take it personally.

    But I noticed that Desi people exaggerate and complicate every single detail related to marriage. Lots of unnecessary stress and headaches.
    To be honest that's not just a desi thing. It's pretty much in our culture too

  16. #135
    Odan Faith1's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by myeverything View Post
    Excuse me guys and plz no one get upset or take it personally.

    But I noticed that Desi people exaggerate and complicate every single detail related to marriage. Lots of unnecessary stress and headaches.
    You're arab so you should know arabs are definitely the same way
    "Why Do We Fill Our Hearts With Everything But Allah And Expect Not To Fall Apart"

  17. #136
    Senior Member thebench's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by shay5 View Post
    Well if she has stretch marks then she isn't lying. Fat people get stretch marks.
    Stretch marks can be from puberty too.

  18. #137
    Senior Member thebench's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    Btw, 5 years to go is not approaching 30!!
    This. I'm nearly 25. Approaching 30 is like from 27 onwards lol.

  19. #138
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    Icon6 Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by Jade Vine View Post
    Well, if someone asks you "why are you 30 and single?" you can say "so that you can ask me about it."
    Dear...
    http://azizamzena.blogspot.com/2017/03/world-butterfly-day.html

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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by Dinobot View Post
    Precisely. If you are a man in your thirties and you are still not married you have some issues. It could be anything. But you have issues. The folks on Ummah forums especially the brothers can deny cry or whine about it but it's fact.
    what about a never married woman in her 30s?
    Dear...
    http://azizamzena.blogspot.com/2017/03/world-butterfly-day.html

  21. #140
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by Zammyh View Post
    a girl i met for marriage was perfect too but 33 and wen i asked why she had never been married she said because she has been fat most of her life and only recently lost the weight. i know it sounds weird but she doesn't look like a former fat person. usually u can tell. sure she has some chubby people in her family but they are not so big. do you think this is a lie?
    Why would she lie?
    Low-self esteem prevents a lot of people from living their lives to their potential.
    Dear...
    http://azizamzena.blogspot.com/2017/03/world-butterfly-day.html

  22. #141
    A word to the wise Jade Vine's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by theflowers View Post
    what about a never married woman in her 30s?
    I was one. And I was enjoying it, and I also enjoyed playing games with nosy people like that. They eventually dreaded the idea of asking me about why am I still single. So people, be creative and witty, and you will repudiate them.

  23. #142
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by Jade Vine View Post
    I was one. And I was enjoying it, and I also enjoyed playing games with nosy people like that. They eventually dreaded the idea of asking me about why am I still single. So people, be creative and witty, and you will repudiate them.


    You are no longer single?

    More happily single women should share their point of view. How did you accept and enjoy being a woman 30 plus that wasn't married?
    Dear...
    http://azizamzena.blogspot.com/2017/03/world-butterfly-day.html

  24. #143
    A word to the wise Jade Vine's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by theflowers View Post
    You are no longer single?

    More happily single women should share their point of view. How did you accept and enjoy being a woman 30 plus that wasn't married?
    I had several relationships (now please don't get on me for this word), I planned to get married several times but every time it turns out that the person is just wrong. But I needed time to figure that out, I was open and ready to give another chance, and I got disappointed so many times, so I figured I don't want to get married any more. Marriage is overrated, and a small percentage of people have the real thing. Despite that, everyone wants to get married thinking they will surely get the real deal and not a divorce in a couple of years. When you're single, you are in control all the time, you do what you want and no one will bother you for doing it. However, when you're married, there are many things you can't control, you have to make compromises all the time. I figured being single was a blessing for me.

    Anyways, I got a PhD offer abroad, and I planned to live all by myself. It was a PhD I really wanted to do, and I was happy. I stopped thinking about marriage and all the fuss, and I annoyed people who dared to ask me about marriage. Everyone has something embarrassing they don't want to talk about (I'm not saying being single is one of those things), but every time someone asks me a question like why am I not married (which is a pretty rude question), I ask them about that embarrassing thing they are trying to hide from everyone.

    Yeah, I got married. I wasn't trying to find anyone, I wasn't looking to get married, but since I met him, he has been an inspiration for me. A person with unique qualities, honest and open-minded, very much like myself. And if it wasn't for him, and if he wasn't the way he was/is, I am sure I would never get married, and I'd still be happy to be single.

    If it is not the right person, and you're not 100% sure he/she is the right one, being single is a better option. Don't settle for anything just so you're not alone.

  25. #144
    Umm Kulthum Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Quote Originally Posted by Faceless View Post
    Many couples found true love even with our without marriage.
    They just enjoy being together without legal papers.
    this is a muslim forum
    muslims don't do love without or before marriage
    "Increase the amount of quran you recite and do not abandon it, for the assistance you'll receive with regards to the matter you strive towards depends on how much you recite"

  26. #145
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    Yes, we should try to be a little more open minded on the subject. Not every single 30something year old was too busy living a bachelor life. There are other things that can be going on in life that distract people from marriage.

  27. #146
    Keeping it real! sis_niqabi's Avatar
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    Re: Asking someone why they are still not married and suspicion

    You are free to ask why. But to be suspicious because someone is 30+ is just ridiculous and old fashioned. There are literally hundreds of reasons why people marry in their 30's.

    I will be 30 years old next year. I've had suitors in my early 20s. But they just didn't work out. One was a liar and the other wasn't able to provide for me properly. Then I've had some family problems for the last couple years of my life. I would like to get married but qadr of Allah.

    Marriage is like anything in life, it is in the hands of Allah. You can't judge someone for something that is in the hands of Allah.
    Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.”
    (Surah Az Zumar, (Chapter 39: Verse 53)

 

 

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