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  1. #1
    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    problems with men today

    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  2. #81

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    I'm not against any of that. And the woman in this situation has also been working all day in the home raising his kids, why does nobody get this part. She is then expected to do this and that and walk on egg shells around her husband because he can't handle a few sentences she wants to say about her day, or what went wrong, or whatever she wants to talk about. She has to let him rest, she can't rest herself and has to hold everything in because the grown man can't be without silence apparently...
    Yes she should show appreciation for the fact he worked all day but where does he show appreciation for the fact she has been running after his kids all day. A lot of men simply don't show it, that's a reality today. Even on this thread we are calling it "being at home all day" as if she is just sitting there doing nothing.

    The perfect illustration of the problem we have is the fact you felt the need to bring in a hadith about obeying the husband. Why? Who said they wouldn't obey the husband? obeying isn't the problem, the problem is too many muslims today have misunderstood what obeying is and misunderstood what being in charge is to the point men's needs are talked about with seriousness while women's needs are made into jokes. We've all seen the jokes about nagging, and kitchens, and how crazy females are. I've received a bunch of these stupid comments myself right on this thread. As soon as someone criticises men or questions how they handle things the hadiths come flying out about obeying the husband. Are these brothers going to do this to their wives, wave the hadith in their face?
    It's not about rights either. I know what the role of the woman is but do men know what their roles are? Do they understand being in charge means they are responsible? It's not just providing and demanding obedience.

    And I keep repeating this but where do these rules come from about not talking to him after work and all the rest of it. Some people have maids, some men don't care, some men don't work these long hours like here in the west, some work at home and so on. This isn't something universal or something that works for all people and cultures. It;s something that's been drilled in, that is it has to be like this and no other way can work when that is far from the truth.

    Forget within the marriage, these guys are complaining about mahr and the problems of women and life before even getting married.
    "The woman in the situation is working" - WHAT woman are you talking about? Not all married women work. Are you a married woman who works? If not, why are you bellyaching about something that doesnt apply to you or concern you?
    As for you asking where the "rule about not complaining when the husband first comes ij" comes from, it makes you sound really ignorant and stubborn. Several brothers have said they would like that and you've ignored them. Many scholars have stated that complaining when the husband first comes home is not a good idea - do you read Islamic books about your duty as a wife? Thirdly, it's common sense. Use your head. You know you are commanded to try to please your husband, make his life peaceful and not annoy him. There shouldn't have to be a RULE written in stone about every little thing if you use common sense to know what would make your husbands life peaceful and what wouldn't. If you're blessed with a husband who doesn't mind you bombarding him with complaining when he gets in the door or not having food ready, FINE! Good for you! However, if he DOES mind, you need to quit the whining and realize you need to try to make him happy! Either way, whether he minds or not, the fact that people are advising you to have food ready or not attack him with complaining as soon as he gets in should not make you feel so insecure, unless you just know deep down inside that you're being stubborn and rebellious.

  3. #82
    heh Pippin1376's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    The whole complaining thing is something mostly singles talk about. People in life complain, but will husband/wife relations you need to be respectful and considerate with one another. Like most relationships really. And life most relationships everyone is different. Some need space, some don't.

    But don't look to ummah about these things. They won't help you.

    Quote Originally Posted by iguess View Post
    "The woman in the situation is working" - WHAT woman are you talking about? Not all married women work. Are you a married woman who works? If not, why are you bellyaching about something that doesnt apply to you or concern you?
    As for you asking where the "rule about not complaining when the husband first comes ij" comes from, it makes you sound really ignorant and stubborn. Several brothers have said they would like that and you've ignored them. Many scholars have stated that complaining when the husband first comes home is not a good idea - do you read Islamic books about your duty as a wife? Thirdly, it's common sense. Use your head. You know you are commanded to try to please your husband, make his life peaceful and not annoy him. There shouldn't have to be a RULE written in stone about every little thing if you use common sense to know what would make your husbands life peaceful and what wouldn't. If you're blessed with a husband who doesn't mind you bombarding him with complaining when he gets in the door or not having food ready, FINE! Good for you! However, if he DOES mind, you need to quit the whining and realize you need to try to make him happy! Either way, whether he minds or not, the fact that people are advising you to have food ready or not attack him with complaining as soon as he gets in should not make you feel so insecure, unless you just know deep down inside that you're being stubborn and rebellious.

    Rumaysah, I'd stop discussing this with iguess. It's clear that she's only reading and responding to things that are not there.

    It's kind of funny.
    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
    Surah al-Baqarah
    [2:245]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

    .:.
    ...said the spider to the fly...

  4. #83
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    Re: problems with men today

    Every brother should marry a nice, good looking, well cultured and practicing sister from back home who will never complain about cooking for you like these feminists and will always show you eternal gratefulness.

  5. #84

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Pippin1376 View Post
    The whole complaining thing is something mostly singles talk about. People in life complain, but will husband/wife relations you need to be respectful and considerate with one another. Like most relationships really. And life most relationships everyone is different. Some need space, some don't.

    But don't look to ummah about these things. They won't help you.




    Rumaysah, I'd stop discussing this with iguess. It's clear that she's only reading and responding to things that are not there.

    It's kind of funny.
    Typical feminist.

  6. #85
    Land of Poets...
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Ni'mah View Post
    Ukhti, where is your husn al dhan for me though? Is it coz I iz a feminist ? :/
    Forgive me, habibti. I was advocating for the men for a change I got inspired by @iguess's little performance.

    Do you think I got what it takes to become a stepford wife? :/

  7. #86
    ♡♡ENFP♡♡ candyapple's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    To protect the relationship from further damage I guess.

    And I actually agree with not moaning when guys get back from work and leave them be when they're thinking to themselves... Cause they're naturally "problem solvers" who're just doin their thing

    If u put in the effort to make ur man happy I'm sure under normal circumstances it will be reciprocated and u will create a more harmonius environment which is what we aim for as muslims.
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

  8. #87
    ♡♡ENFP♡♡ candyapple's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic. View Post
    + hot chocolate and halal marshmellows and blanket to snuggle into.


    I WANT THE WHOLE WORKS.
    Lol well ask your momma nicely I'm sure she'll be more than happy to know her baby still wants to be babied
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

  9. #88
    ♡♡ENFP♡♡ candyapple's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by iguess View Post
    All of us women on this thread except for a few are a disgrace to womankind. We really need to fear Allah and read more about female Sahaabah.
    Does that all of us include u too sis

    Im an exemplary woman u can count me out
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

  10. #89
    Odan Gingerbeardman's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by candyapple View Post
    To protect the relationship from further damage I guess.

    And I actually agree with not moaning when guys get back from work and leave them be when they're thinking to themselves... Cause they're naturally "problem solvers" who're just doin their thing

    If u put in the effort to make ur man happy I'm sure under normal circumstances it will be reciprocated and u will create a more harmonius environment which is what we aim for as muslims.
    That's fine if you can do that, many women cannot and many men make this complaint, but they've been out all day, busy at work, talking to people but the wife bothers him as soon as he gets in.

    But she has also been busy and most likely stuck at home with no adult company. If she wants to have a little talk or even a bit of complaining when her man gets home then it's the man's job to take it, let her talk, often women's thought processes are so strange that what she complains about initially isn't even what she's really bothered about and one of the main jobs of a man in marriage should be just listening to her.

    Remember Rasoolullah (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam) would visit and talk and listen to each of his wives each evening before he'd go to the one whose turn it was to stay with that night.
    FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

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  11. #90
    ♡♡ENFP♡♡ candyapple's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    That's fine if you can do that, many women cannot and many men make this complaint, but they've been out all day, busy at work, talking to people but the wife bothers him as soon as he gets in.

    But she has also been busy and most likely stuck at home with no adult company. If she wants to have a little talk or even a bit of complaining when her man gets home then it's the man's job to take it, let her talk, often women's thought processes are so strange that what she complains about initially isn't even what she's really bothered about and one of the main jobs of a man in marriage should be just listening to her.

    Remember Rasoolullah (Sallallahu alayhi wa salam) would visit and talk and listen to each of his wives each evening before he'd go to the one whose turn it was to stay with that night.
    It's sweet of you and remain that way cause if u can understand and cope with it, that's admirable.

    However I knoe from experience that guys want some thinking time to themselves which does not involve their wives input and it's not about hating them or making them feel like an outsider.

    From what I can tell usually guys come home from work want to have that mental peace. And I found out that if the woman allows him his own time to Breathe and think; he naturally comes up to her and is more appreciative and caring in his own time. And the fact that the woman held off from any negative daily struggles until he asks about it makes him more responsive to her complaints. Trust me I knoe from experience.

    But if u can do that from the get go: ur mrs is very lucky
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

  12. #91
    Odan Gingerbeardman's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by candyapple View Post
    It's sweet of you and remain that way cause if u can understand and cope with it, that's admirable.

    However I knoe from experience that guys want some thinking time to themselves which does not involve their wives input and it's not about hating them or making them feel like an outsider.

    From what I can tell usually guys come home from work want to have that mental peace. And I found out that if the woman allows him his own time to Breathe and think; he naturally comes up to her and is more appreciative and caring in his own time. And the fact that the woman held off from any negative daily struggles until he asks about it makes him more responsive to her complaints. Trust me I knoe from experience.

    But if u can do that from the get go: ur mrs is very lucky
    I see what you mean, and not everyone has the same levels of patience, think couples need to find their right balance themselves and be considerate of each other, but to me part of being a man is being more considerate, more forgiving of faults in any disagreements or arguments because women, because of their nature are not always capable of doing that.
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Pippin1376 View Post
    The whole complaining thing is something mostly singles talk about. People in life complain, but will husband/wife relations you need to be respectful and considerate with one another. Like most relationships really. And life most relationships everyone is different. Some need space, some don't.

    But don't look to ummah about these things. They won't help you.




    Rumaysah, I'd stop discussing this with iguess. It's clear that she's only reading and responding to things that are not there.

    It's kind of funny.
    On the contrary I think @iguess is hitting the nail on the head more often than the rest of the sisters put together. One remark is a little on the robust side but the rest seem to have ruffled a few delicate feathers.

  14. #93
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Zaitoonah View Post
    Forgive me, habibti. I was advocating for the men for a change I got inspired by @iguess's little performance.

    Do you think I got what it takes to become a stepford wife? :/

  15. #94
    Victory is promised... Deeni Akh's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    I'm not against any of that. And the woman in this situation has also been working all day in the home raising his kids, why does nobody get this part. She is then expected to do this and that and walk on egg shells around her husband because he can't handle a few sentences she wants to say about her day, or what went wrong, or whatever she wants to talk about. She has to let him rest, she can't rest herself and has to hold everything in because the grown man can't be without silence apparently...
    Yes she should show appreciation for the fact he worked all day but where does he show appreciation for the fact she has been running after his kids all day. A lot of men simply don't show it, that's a reality today. Even on this thread we are calling it "being at home all day" as if she is just sitting there doing nothing.

    The perfect illustration of the problem we have is the fact you felt the need to bring in a hadith about obeying the husband. Why? Who said they wouldn't obey the husband? obeying isn't the problem, the problem is too many muslims today have misunderstood what obeying is and misunderstood what being in charge is to the point men's needs are talked about with seriousness while women's needs are made into jokes. We've all seen the jokes about nagging, and kitchens, and how crazy females are. I've received a bunch of these stupid comments myself right on this thread. As soon as someone criticises men or questions how they handle things the hadiths come flying out about obeying the husband. Are these brothers going to do this to their wives, wave the hadith in their face?
    It's not about rights either. I know what the role of the woman is but do men know what their roles are? Do they understand being in charge means they are responsible? It's not just providing and demanding obedience.

    And I keep repeating this but where do these rules come from about not talking to him after work and all the rest of it. Some people have maids, some men don't care, some men don't work these long hours like here in the west, some work at home and so on. This isn't something universal or something that works for all people and cultures. It;s something that's been drilled in, that is it has to be like this and no other way can work when that is far from the truth.

    Forget within the marriage, these guys are complaining about mahr and the problems of women and life before even getting married.
    Again, you're thinking too deeply and negatively. I didn't mean to imply that the wife doesn't do any work at home, sometimes her work entails more stress and effort than the husband's but the main point is not to immmediately throw all your problems and worries at the husband when he comes home tired from work, please have empathy for your spouse.

    And I knew I will get stick for mentioning that hadeeth, it's my first time posting a hadeeth like that because I know how people here take those hadeeths. I mentioned it to emphasise the status of a husband in Islam and to make you understand that as a wife you should cater for his needs and vice versa.

    Lastly, you've only described some men, I can speak about plenty of issues with women too but I know not all sisters are like that. Just pray you get a good husband and keep a positive mindset towards marriage, read more about the rights of the husband and prepare yourself. I could complain about plenty of things at the moment or I can focus on fixing myself and being positive.

    Last edited by Deeni Akh; 27-09-16 at 08:21 AM.

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!
    .
    Your right, Idle mind is the devils playground, the problem with a lot of man today is, they complain rather then having a strategic proactive approach rather then being reactive, a smart man will instinctively know particularly with 21'st century wife (males are no better either) that if you do not get her involved in some form of role, activity, project, religious studies or anything productive beyond constant household chores and jermey kyle every morning, then sooner or later she will either explode or vent her frustrations in 1000 ways, which leads to the complaints, stress and depression cycles (man are not immune to it either)

    The real problem is the man not the women, he is the leader and is supposed to facilitate, create, involve and more importantly be proactive in getting his wife productive, in this world very few people work on their own initiative always waiting to be directed or told what to do, the few women that do take their own initiative and do the above, are usually the happiest from my experience and their husbands are pleased, but the unfortunate sickening thing is that many man instead of foment these kind of positive inducing environments actually abhor it and do everything they can to destroy it, in my experience they are mostly Arab and Asian male's due to their biologically ingrained insatiable lust for authoritarianism and total bondage.

    The lesson to learn here is, stay away from the reactionary types with no solutions, little do they know that in fact they are actually far worse then those naggy/disobedient wife's they complain about day and night, the same type that talks about establishing caliphate but his daughter/sister isn't covered and his own family is in disarray.
    Last edited by Inquisitive10; 27-09-16 at 09:45 AM.

  17. #96
    Internal Screaming shay5's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by iguess View Post
    Typical feminist.
    Are we going to keep pretending this user is female? ok.......
    “Whoever wants to purify his heart must prefer Allah over and above his own desires.” .

  18. #97
    عمر ugabs's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by shay5 View Post
    Are we going to keep pretending this user is female? ok.......
    Some of the things she is saying actually makes sense if you think about it

    Not sure why everyone starts bashing someone if their opinions dont match with that person's
    Believe
    there is
    good in the world

  19. #98
    heh Pippin1376's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    On the contrary I think @iguess is hitting the nail on the head more often than the rest of the sisters put together. One remark is a little on the robust side but the rest seem to have ruffled a few delicate feathers.
    Rumaysah talked about being at home and working with the chores there and kids and iguess went on a rant about the working woman.

    Do you not see the humour in that? iguess saw working and started ranting. They didn't even read what was written.
    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
    Surah al-Baqarah
    [2:245]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

    .:.
    ...said the spider to the fly...

  20. #99
    heh Pippin1376's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    I'm not against any of that. And the woman in this situation has also been working all day in the home raising his kids, why does nobody get this part.
    Quote Originally Posted by iguess View Post
    "The woman in the situation is working" - WHAT woman are you talking about? Not all married women work. Are you a married woman who works? If not, why are you bellyaching about something that doesnt apply to you or concern you? .
    Do you not see how funny this is.
    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
    Surah al-Baqarah
    [2:245]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

    .:.
    ...said the spider to the fly...

  21. #100
    Abu-Tawheed Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Too many man-babies about that's the problem,

    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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    Re: problems with men today

    Regardless of what man-babies say, mothers have it the hardest,

    Is little wonder you can never pay them back,

    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by aabdall_23 View Post
    You agree as well that women can do just about anything and we do nothing?

    That's your version of manliness?
    No,

    I was commenting on the fact that we have man-babies in our midst,

    They can't man up, but they can winge and whine,
    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

  24. #103
    I can change this now! Ikki's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    btw I don't see any hadith that talks about a lot of these rules people (men) have made for women about what they should and shouldn't do. This is an individual thing and each couple will work differently. Not all men want to be cooked for, not all women will women want to talk out their problems, not everyone is tired after work. Where does this all come from especially the issue of talking about problems when the husband comes back from work.

    Back home for example some people don't work 9-5, men are in and out of the house during all times of the day in some cases. They can't follow this made up advice, this is more like a western thing and I question where it came from. Women in those societies also don't need to 'unload' so much on to their husbands because they are surrounded by family and support. A lot of sisters in the west don't have that and they have husbands who demand they stay at home with the kids so she has no place really to talk if the husband don't want to listen. I think it's just another case of men not wanting to deal with women as they are and take responsibility. "oh women, they talk too much, they nag too much, they don't respect us, this and that".
    That's so true. Back home the women are socialising with friends, family and neighbours until the husband comes home. In the west, people live far from their families and dont' even know or try to avoid their neighbours. After marriage the woman moves to where the man works and is compeltely cut off from all kinds of normal human society. This leads to frustration and lonliness. On top of that, add babies, who are just little cuddly stress bags and sleep torture machines. I've lived in places where I didnt' have a soul to talk to all day except my husband, and it was lonely and awful.

    So I the 'scholars'a came upwith, don't nag your husband when he comes home form work etc. Because of course, men have more access to the imam and scholars. I have never clapped eyes on the imam of our local mosque, which is at the end of our (rather long) road, in 15 years.

    'casue ignoring womens problems, and telling women to assist in burying their problems is 'The Right Thing To Do'.

    Also, my husband doesn't work 9-5 either. And I"ve found the don't talk to him soon as he comes home rule silly and impractical.

    People who have never been married seem to think that these are hard and fast rules, but they're more like guidlines to help until you know each other better.

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    Im a man baby and im proud

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by iguess View Post
    Typical feminist.
    Are you married?

  27. #106
    Internal Screaming shay5's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by ugabs View Post
    Some of the things she is saying actually makes sense if you think about it

    Not sure why everyone starts bashing someone if their opinions dont match with that person's
    Did I say he was right or wrong? I said it was a male user and I stand by that......I know things.....
    You think this lot would ever pick up on that? You give them too much credit...... @Pippin1376
    Quote Originally Posted by In my Opinion View Post
    Are you married?
    It is not female...
    “Whoever wants to purify his heart must prefer Allah over and above his own desires.” .

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    I can change this now! Ikki's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by shay5 View Post
    It is not female...
    I'm not sure about this....


    Quote Originally Posted by In my Opinion View Post
    Are you married?
    But I'm sure about this. He/she is definitely not married.

  29. #108
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Ni'mah View Post
    Stop knocking my dream goal. I bought an apron and cooking book. I'm ready to cater to all his needs.

  30. #109
    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Miss Foxxy's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    Being supportive is one of the best things a Muslim wife can do for her husband. We all know the famous story of our Beloved Prophet Muhammad after receiving revelation, he came straight home to his nurturing wife, Sayyidina Khadija She wasn’t on the phone with her girlfriend nor was she too busy on the computer, she was ready to comfort and listen.
    Islam has made a good wife the best treasure a man can have in his life, after belief in Allah and following His commands. She is considered the key to happiness.
    According to the Hadith, the Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, told `Umar, “shall I tell you the best a man can treasure? It is a good wife. If he looks at her, she gives him pleasure; if he orders her, she obeys; and if he is away from her, she remains faithful to him"

    By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
    It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women.” They said, “Why, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Because of their ingratitude (kufr).” It was said, “Are they ungrateful to Allah?” He said, “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” (Bukhari)
    “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

  31. #110
    Victory is promised... Deeni Akh's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    We should be excited about marriage not think about these issues that will most probably not even exist.

    The excitement of marriage should make you selfless and empathatic, you are completing half your deen! Of course there's going to be some difficulty.

    I know there's going to be times when my wife may have those bad days and mood swings where it will seem like she's angry for no reason but I know it's natural and it's just that her body goes through changes. I embrace that and get ready for that because she's my spouse not some random stranger living with me. I'm not going to start complaining about that now, instead i need to understand her feelimg and be EMPATHETIC towards her.
    May Allah grant us good spouses.

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Deeni Akh View Post
    We should be excited about marriage not think about these issues that will most probably not even exist.

    The excitement of marriage should make you selfless and empathatic, you are completing half your deen! Of course there's going to be some difficulty.

    I know there's going to be times when my wife may have those bad days and mood swings where it will seem like she's angry for no reason but I know it's natural and it's just that her body goes through changes. I embrace that and get ready for that because she's my spouse not some random stranger living with me. I'm not going to start complaining about that now, instead i need to understand her feelimg and be EMPATHETIC towards her.
    May Allah grant us good spouses.
    Alhamdulillah.
    When you are married, you stop being, I, me and myself. Marriage is team work, it is us, we and ourselves.
    You are together in it, you are team, not enemies
    .Your ultimate goal should be working towards Jannah.

    If person doesn't get that, then he/she is better fast/ lower the gaze.

  33. #112
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by ugabs View Post
    Some of the things she is saying actually makes sense if you think about it

    Not sure why everyone starts bashing someone if their opinions dont match with that person's
    Because some of the other things she's saying doesn't make sense at all....seems like the sister has resentment towards the womankind in general. Especially the western women who aren't in the middle of persecution.

    That perspective needs to change
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

  34. #113
    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Deeni Akh View Post
    We should be excited about marriage not think about these issues that will most probably not even exist.

    The excitement of marriage should make you selfless and empathatic, you are completing half your deen! Of course there's going to be some difficulty.

    I know there's going to be times when my wife may have those bad days and mood swings where it will seem like she's angry for no reason but I know it's natural and it's just that her body goes through changes. I embrace that and get ready for that because she's my spouse not some random stranger living with me. I'm not going to start complaining about that now, instead i need to understand her feelimg and be EMPATHETIC towards her.
    May Allah grant us good spouses.
    I see these issues everyday, that's why it is important. no one questions this stuff.
    They are going to be married one day and sisters need men, not over emotional females in a male body who have no control.
    We got men these days saying rubbish like "the woman is always right, always apologise even if you don't know what for"....what on earth is that! is that logical?
    I heard one speaker saying when it comes to women we always say "we hear and obey"...then men want respect and to be obeyed?
    It's not just the chores issue it's so many things. I think my view on this is being misunderstood a lot.

    They are falling into extremes, either they are being abusive when dealing with their wives, or they are being tyrants, or they are just doormats.
    How many times we hear men complaining about how she isn't cooking, cleaning, too much talking all the time, sleeping on the couch, feminism, there's something going wrong in these marriages and the issue is with the men. Who are they complaining to? Why are they not fixing the problem instead of complaining. Because they simply don't know how to.

    The topic was never should women do this and that for their husbands, should they throw all their problems at him at the door, should they cook etc. It's about how men react when these things are done that may be inconvenient for him. Can he look at it from her perspective and see whether she has a point or not. can he let go and be forgiving of some things but know where to draw the line at other things.

    It's the same way men are always complaining about polygamy and how sisters these days are this and that and they are not being accepting of it blah blah. Blaming the women for something that is completely natural for them.
    Of course they are not going to be accepting of it what did you expect? why are you begging sisters to look at it in a positive light? Why should they? Men have to make them look at it in a positive light by showing good examples. Women have never liked polygamy in the past yet men just got on with their business.

    And when it comes to leadership on a larger scale, we don't have it, we just don't. There's no good men in leadership in muslim countries or non muslim countries.
    In non muslim countries we all know what's going on and what they've done to their women and in muslim countries we all see what's happening. No need to even explain.
    Don't women then have the right to ask exactly where the men are today? especially the ones who have been the most let down and neglected from both sides muslim and kafir.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  35. #114
    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by zi-zizou View Post
    On the contrary I think @iguess is hitting the nail on the head more often than the rest of the sisters put together. One remark is a little on the robust side but the rest seem to have ruffled a few delicate feathers.
    Not really, she made the whole thing personal an about me when it has nothing to do with what I would do or not do in these situations.
    All I saw was you, you, you and "good for you" somewhere in there.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  36. #115
    Victory is promised... Deeni Akh's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    I see these issues everyday, that's why it is important. no one questions this stuff.
    They are going to be married one day and sisters need men, not over emotional females in a male body who have no control.
    We got men these days saying rubbish like "the woman is always right, always apologise even if you don't know what for"....what on earth is that! is that logical?
    I heard one speaker saying when it comes to women we always say "we hear and obey"...then men want respect and to be obeyed?
    It's not just the chores issue it's so many things. I think my view on this is being misunderstood a lot.

    They are falling into extremes, either they are being abusive when dealing with their wives, or they are being tyrants, or they are just doormats.
    How many times we hear men complaining about how she isn't cooking, cleaning, too much talking all the time, sleeping on the couch, feminism, there's something going wrong in these marriages and the issue is with the men. Who are they complaining to? Why are they not fixing the problem instead of complaining. Because they simply don't know how to.

    The topic was never should women do this and that for their husbands, should they throw all their problems at him at the door, should they cook etc. It's about how men react when these things are done that may be inconvenient for him. Can he look at it from her perspective and see whether she has a point or not. can he let go and be forgiving of some things but know where to draw the line at other things.

    It's the same way men are always complaining about polygamy and how sisters these days are this and that and they are not being accepting of it blah blah. Blaming the women for something that is completely natural for them.
    Of course they are not going to be accepting of it what did you expect? why are you begging sisters to look at it in a positive light? Why should they? Men have to make them look at it in a positive light by showing good examples. Women have never liked polygamy in the past yet men just got on with their business.

    And when it comes to leadership on a larger scale, we don't have it, we just don't. There's no good men in leadership in muslim countries or non muslim countries.
    In non muslim countries we all know what's going on and what they've done to their women and in muslim countries we all see what's happening. No need to even explain.
    Don't women then have the right to ask exactly where the men are today? especially the ones who have been the most let down and neglected from both sides muslim and kafir.
    Yes it's all men's fault. There are no good men today, and thus we have no leaders wether it's the community or on a governmental scale. Do you understand how you're just generalising sister? What about your father? Yes there are plenty of men who are leaders and balanced husbands but you won't hear their marriage stories, you only hear the bad stories and then base your perception on that.

    I've seen tonnes of mother in laws who oppress their daughter in laws and so many I've lost count, should I now say there are no good mother in laws?

    Although I'm not denying there are men out there who have issues in how they treat their wives but generalising it to all men is injustice. Have some husn adh dhann of your brothers.

  37. #116
    ♡♡ENFP♡♡ candyapple's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Deeni Akh View Post
    Yes it's all men's fault. There are no good men today, and thus we have no leaders wether it's the community or on a governmental scale. Do you understand how you're just generalising sister? What about your father? Yes there are plenty of men who are leaders and balanced husbands but you won't hear their marriage stories, you only hear the bad stories and then base your perception on that.

    I've seen tonnes of mother in laws who oppress their daughter in laws and so many I've lost count, should I now say there are no good mother in laws?

    Although I'm not denying there are men out there who have issues in how they treat their wives but generalising it to all men is injustice. Have some husn adh dhann of your brothers.
    Brother I think I understand what she's saying. It's in the context of her everyday experience in her culture and I think the sisters just fed up of having to deal with it.
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

  38. #117
    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Deeni Akh View Post
    Yes it's all men's fault. There are no good men today, and thus we have no leaders wether it's the community or on a governmental scale. Do you understand how you're just generalising sister? What about your father? Yes there are plenty of men who are leaders and balanced husbands but you won't hear their marriage stories, you only hear the bad stories and then base your perception on that.

    I've seen tonnes of mother in laws who oppress their daughter in laws and so many I've lost count, should I now say there are no good mother in laws?

    Although I'm not denying there are men out there who have issues in how they treat their wives but generalising it to all men is injustice. Have some husn adh dhann of your brothers.
    Where did i say all men? Do I have to add (only some not all) after every sentence to make a point? We all have brains to think with here, we all know there are exceptions.
    A large amount of men have these problems today, it's just how it is. Why don't brothers take the advice and make some changes instead of getting emotional.
    Over and over we hear brothers complaining about women in the west today and when they don't know how to deal with it, they run off and go marry abroad. Just one of the many examples.
    Last edited by Rumaysah~; 27-09-16 at 05:47 PM.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  39. #118
    Victory is promised... Deeni Akh's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by candyapple View Post
    Brother I think I understand what she's saying. It's in the context of her everyday experience in her culture and I think the sisters just fed up of having to deal with it.
    Yeah maybe but it's done well done to taint her image of men. I'm just reassuring people here that not all men are like that, in fact many are opposite so don't be too negative about marriage that's all.

  40. #119

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    I see these issues everyday, that's why it is important. no one questions this stuff.
    They are going to be married one day and sisters need men, not over emotional females in a male body who have no control.
    We got men these days saying rubbish like "the woman is always right, always apologise even if you don't know what for"....what on earth is that! is that logical?
    I heard one speaker saying when it comes to women we always say "we hear and obey"...then men want respect and to be obeyed?
    And these man you're claiming constitute the majority? Yeaaaaah, no.

  41. #120
    Victory is promised... Deeni Akh's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    Where did i say all men? Do I have to add (only some not all) after every sentence to make a point? We all have brains to think with here, we all know there are exceptions.
    The majority of men have these problems today, it's just how it is. Why don't brothers take the advice and make some changes instead of getting emotional.
    Over and over we hear brothers complaining about women in the west today and when they don't know how to deal with it, they run off and go marry abroad. Just one of the many examples.
    You can say some men. And you're implying that all men are like this except for a few 'exceptions'. I'm not getting emotional sister, I don't even like having these types of discussions but I saw some points that I felt I needed to correct.

    So what is your point exactly? Why are these men like this? Is it part of the biological make up of a man to act like this? If it's not then there is no point bringing it up here be it's just like any other issue.

    If you want to give advice then please don't rant. I will still take the advice but you sound emotional in the OP and it's almost a complaint, if you want to advise muslims, then do so with gentleness and objectivity.


 

 

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