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    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    problems with men today

    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  2. #2
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    Who are you complaining about?

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.

    Very well said.

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    Re: problems with men today

    In islam the women are to serve and be obident to their husbands.
    The prophet (saws) said that prostration to other than Allah is forbidden but had it been allowed then it would be the women prostration to their husbands(brief summary of hadith)

    That being the case , women should do all they can like make sure their husbands are satisfied in all possible ways. That is a means of them getting closer to Allah. That's your job. Obviously being obident in that which is halal and not obidience in sin.

    That being said , I believe you are correct in that you said , men shouldn't complain about everything. True , we should deal with it even though it's not perfect. Understand that our rights are not being fulfilled, the world is a mess - which is why we are complaining. Never the less , complaining doesn't solve the world's problems, being firm and proving with actions and deeds certainly does help.

    Make du'a for us "men" inshallah. We are in the end times. Allah knows our situations.

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    Re: problems with men today

    Maybe coz the women didn't raise the men correctly

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by LingLing12 View Post
    Maybe coz the women didn't raise the men correctly
    This, but instead of just women. I'd say parents generally have a hand in it.

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    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    Who are you complaining about?
    Nvm.

    I agree with you that men nowadays complain way too much. About everything, not just their wives.

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    Re: problems with men today

    Complaining about complainers??

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    Internal Screaming shay5's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    .
    Every marriage is different but if a husband has been working hard all day and the woman stays at home....then why wouldn't you want to make your home environment welcoming and warm ......nice hot food on the table and give him time before you start unloading on him.....

    hen we don't tell brothers the same thing about women
    agree with that point
    “Whoever wants to purify his heart must prefer Allah over and above his own desires.” .

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    Victory is promised... Deeni Akh's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    One word - Appreciation.

    When the spouses learn to appreciate each other, they won't find each other burdensome and there won't be any complaints.

  11. #11
    YOUR FAVOURITE AKHI 2016 Magic.'s Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by shay5 View Post
    Every marriage is different but if a husband has been working hard all day and the woman stays at home....then why wouldn't you want to make your home environment welcoming and warm ......nice hot food on the table and give him time before you start unloading on him.....
    + hot chocolate and halal marshmellows and blanket to snuggle into.


    I WANT THE WHOLE WORKS.
    8 powerful habits to succeed


    1. Wake up early!
    2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
    3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
    4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
    5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
    6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
    7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
    8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This id also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

    NEW UPDATE

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


    Watch this when you're distressed!

  12. #12
    Internal Screaming shay5's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic. View Post
    + hot chocolate and halal marshmellows and blanket to snuggle into.


    I WANT THE WHOLE WORKS.
    You're not 12......that's for the children.....my children will get that and a bedtime story......
    “Whoever wants to purify his heart must prefer Allah over and above his own desires.” .

  13. #13
    Odan
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Deeni Akh View Post
    One word - Appreciation.


    When the spouses learn to appreciate each other, they won't find each other burdensome and there won't be any complaints.
    Alhamdulillah, that is a foundation of harmonious marriage. It's a two-way road.
    You have to give in some, to get.
    If, you don't appreciate your spouse. He/she will soon start looking for someone else, who will value them.
    This is Dunyah, none of us are perfect. Otherwise, Hannah would loose its value.

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    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Deeni Akh View Post
    One word - Appreciation.

    When the spouses learn to appreciate each other, they won't find each other burdensome and there won't be any complaints.
    You always so positive brother Allahumma barik
    Very uplifting
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

  15. #15
    Victory is promised... Deeni Akh's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by uccello verde View Post
    Alhamdulillah, that is a foundation of harmonious marriage. It's a two-way road.
    You have to give in some, to get.
    If, you don't appreciate your spouse. He/she will soon start looking for someone else, who will value them.
    This is Dunyah, none of us are perfect. Otherwise, Hannah would loose its value.
    Exactly give and get, it's that simple!



    Quote Originally Posted by aynina View Post
    You always so positive brother Allahumma barik
    Very uplifting


    Well I try to be positive because it keeps me going and those around me too

  16. #16

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    Give us all a break. We women do as much or more whining about men than men do about us. Allah gave spouses rights over each other. You are supposed to obey your husband and do things to make him feel at ease and comforted. This is very important to a man. You cannot get mad at men for asking for their rights. As for your statement that when a woman is acting a certain way the man needs to just "deal with it" and not object, that is nonsense. You have your Islamic gender roles mixed up. You obey your husband, not the other way around. And your expectations that you can just sulk and complain, but the man cant, are ridiculous. The more you have expectations like this the more miserable you're going to be. The sooner you wake up to reality and put your big girl panties on, the better. If you don't like what's going on, change yourself first.

  17. #17
    -.-" Cptn._.Mario's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    A very biased rant, I'm disappointed.
    ┳┻|
    ┻┳|•.•) Hello, Assalamu Alaikum! Check out this topic! #makethechanges
    ┳┻|⊂ノ
    ┻┳|
    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...adan-Authentic

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    Odan
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by iguess View Post
    Give us all a break. We women do as much or more whining about men than men do about us. Allah gave spouses rights over each other. You are supposed to obey your husband and do things to make him feel at ease and comforted. This is very important to a man. You cannot get mad at men for asking for their rights. As for your statement that when a woman is acting a certain way the man needs to just "deal with it" and not object, that is nonsense. You have your Islamic gender roles mixed up. You obey your husband, not the other way around. And your expectations that you can just sulk and complain, but the man cant, are ridiculous. The more you have expectations like this the more miserable you're going to be. The sooner you wake up to reality and put your big girl panties on, the better. If you don't like what's going on, change yourself first.

    Well said. Thank Allah for a sane voice in this thread. Rumaysah sounds like typical entitled somali girl who just says deal with as the house is burning

  19. #19
    Internal Screaming shay5's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Dinobot View Post
    Well said. Thank Allah for a sane voice in this thread. Rumaysah sounds like typical entitled somali girl who just says deal with as the house is burning
    What is with the personal attacks?
    “Whoever wants to purify his heart must prefer Allah over and above his own desires.” .

  20. #20
    Odan Thunderstorm's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    @Magic. What you said lol.
    Pass out together on the couch every once in a while.
    I guess when you're friends, you take another tone when you share your stories with eachother, which makes them bearable.

    Marriage seems to me to be a mutual responsibility, just like lowering the gaze; the kuffar want to paint it black and white, blame either women for not dressing right or blame men for being perverts. As if they can't figure out both have to give to make it come together and work.
    Alhamdulillah, Allah(subhanahu wa ta'aala) gave us this wisdom long ago so we wouldn't have to live chaotically like the kuffar do and oppress eachother.

    I can't say women do something bad if they complain to their husband about things around her, but complaining about the spouse, regardless of whether the husband complains about her or the wife complains about him, should be handled delicately, after all you're supposed to be on the same team, you're your own LA Lakers lol. It doesn't help either of you to undermine the other, if you say something harsh to someone outside of the marriage you won't necessarily have to deal with them all day every day for the rest of your life, but your spouse is your spouse 24/7, you have to sleep next to them after the assaults at the end of the day.
    Say what somebody can do instead of the haram if you want to help.

  21. #21
    Victory is promised... Deeni Akh's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by iguess View Post
    Give us all a break. We women do as much or more whining about men than men do about us. Allah gave spouses rights over each other. You are supposed to obey your husband and do things to make him feel at ease and comforted. This is very important to a man. You cannot get mad at men for asking for their rights. As for your statement that when a woman is acting a certain way the man needs to just "deal with it" and not object, that is nonsense. You have your Islamic gender roles mixed up. You obey your husband, not the other way around. And your expectations that you can just sulk and complain, but the man cant, are ridiculous. The more you have expectations like this the more miserable you're going to be. The sooner you wake up to reality and put your big girl panties on, the better. If you don't like what's going on, change yourself first.
    nailed it.

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    Let's leave complaining about men to adult women okay?

  23. #23
    Internal Screaming shay5's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by quark View Post
    Let's leave complaining about men to adult women okay?
    Ooooooooooooooo burn......
    “Whoever wants to purify his heart must prefer Allah over and above his own desires.” .

  24. #24
    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by shay5 View Post
    Every marriage is different but if a husband has been working hard all day and the woman stays at home....then why wouldn't you want to make your home environment welcoming and warm ......nice hot food on the table and give him time before you start unloading on him.....


    agree with that point
    You missed my point sis. Women will do all that and more when they are happy and satisfied. But women are not all the same.
    And here is the thing, men want wives who will stay at home, not go out much, make him the centre of her world, and so on but when she is in the house all day with a bunch of kids, she needs an adult to talk to at the end of day, the same way he feels like he needs to rest or eat or something. Since he is the man here he needs to bear it, come home and give the wife whatever she needs instead of getting all upset that she is 'unloading'. A lot of women these days work and have kids, they come home and then do the cooking and cleaning and dealing with the kids. If they can do that why can't men do the same just by talking/listening or whatever she asks. Who made this rule about "no talking at the door" lol.

    women talk. simple. They need to talk things out. why is she told that it is completely unacceptable to do that when her husband gets home. And my main point is why do men complain about it and lecture women about it.

    what's funny is that in those lectures, talks, conversations etc they will mention in detail what men need or what they want. we've all heard it. But when it's about women "oh they are weird, they are emotional" "just give her your credit card" "buy some chocolate and she'll be quiet"
    It's disrespectful and immature. Women are what they are, you can't 'fix' it. Just appreciate it and listen to what they are telling you.

    Even on forum you see brothers complaining about sisters, "why do they get away with this and that". Yes even in life women are excused for things, prioritised or put back in other things because men and women are not the same. I thought that's what they all agreed to, why complain? kafir men are the worst at this, the absolute worst. I think it's unmanly behaviour tbh and horrible to listen to or read.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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    Re: problems with men today

    Go back to the kitchen kiddo.

  26. #26
    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Dinobot View Post
    Well said. Thank Allah for a sane voice in this thread. Rumaysah sounds like typical entitled somali girl who just says deal with as the house is burning
    If i was the typical somali girl, I would be dealing with it, like the rest of the somali women who took on the men's role. I wouldn't be telling the men to deal with it. Even these guys who aren't doing nothing at all, who left the burning house to the women are still complaining.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  27. #27
    I wonder Ya'sin's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Men? Where are they?

    Busy choosing a pair of skinny pants/jeans from Zara and a bag to go with it?

    Men today are the women. And the women are the men.

    I didn't think I'd see it in my lifetime.

    I have seen such emasculation happen at such a rapid speed in front of my very own eyes. Where men don't even want to work and would rather pass the buck to the Mrs in every sense.

    Lets not just focus on men though. The women, they want to prove themselves they can do it all. Let them and they will unfortunately come to a breaking pointing and have no one else to blame but themselves.

    Both are just as bad as one another and that is the reason why the ummah as a whole is getting humiliated in every single direction.

    We've been given limits for a very good reason and when there is no balance, of course everything will go wrong. We're a selfish ummah.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  28. #28
    اصبر aynina's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Deeni Akh View Post
    Exactly give and get, it's that simple!







    Well I try to be positive because it keeps me going and those around me too
    Wa iyaak
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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    Re: problems with men today

    just look at this site. men on here complain about their most basic responsibility of providing food, shelter, clothing and the extra for their wife. most would just want to have sex then nothing else.

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Seoul View Post
    just look at this site. men on here complain about their most basic responsibility of providing food, shelter, clothing and the extra for their wife. most would just want to have sex then nothing else.
    That is exactly what it looks like!

    Despicable.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    Sis, what I've found is that on ummah whenever you criticize or mention constructive criticism towards men the brothers get really offended. So I'm going to give you some advice, don't take it to heart or expect anything different. Sorry brothers, but it's true.

    Anywho, I found a list that might help brothers be better with their wives:

    ---

    A good man makes a good husband
    A good husband becomes a good father
    A good father raises a good child

    If you want to be one, emulate these steps below:

    1) Never raise your voice for any reason to your wife. It's a sign of disrespect.
    2) Don't expose your wife's weaknesses to your family and friends.
    It will bounce back at you. You are each other's keepers
    3) Never use attitudes and moods to communicate to your wife.
    You never know how your wife will interpret them. Defensive men don't have a happy home.
    4) Never compare your wife to other women.
    You have no idea what their life is all about. If you attack her Ego, her Love for you will diminish.
    5) Never ill treat your wife's friends because you don't like them.
    The person who's supposed to get rid of them is your
    wife.
    6) Never forget that your wife married you, not your maid or anyone else. Do your duties.
    7) Never assign anyone to give attention to your wife.
    People may do everything else but your wife is your own responsibility.
    8. Never blame your wife if you come home and nothing is perfect.
    Rather, encourage her.
    9) Never be a wasteful or unappreciative husband. Your wife's sweat is too precious to be wasted.
    10) Never pretend to be sick for the purpose of denying your wife' right. You must give it to her how she wants it.
    It's very important to women.
    If you keep denying her it is a matter of time before another man takes over that duty.
    No woman can withstand on starvation for too long (even the anointed ones).
    11) Never compare your wife to others. Your home may never recover from it if you do
    12) Never answer for your wife in public opinion polls.
    Let her handle what is directed to her although she may answer for you in public opinion polls.
    13) Never shout or challenge your wife in front of children.
    Wise men don't do that.
    14) Don't forget to check the smartness of your wife
    before she checks out.
    15) Never allow your friends to be too close to your wife.
    16) Never be in a hurry in the bathroom and on the dressing table.
    Out there your wife is always surrounded by men who took their time on their looks.
    17) Your parents or family or friends do not have the final say in your marriage.
    Don't waste your time looking up to them for a final word. You must Leave if you want to Cleave
    18) Never base your love on monetary things.
    Will you still respect her even if she earns more money than you?
    19) Don't forget that wives want attention and good listeners.
    Never be too busy for her. Good communication is the bed rock of every happy home.
    20) If your idea worked better than hers, never compare yourself to her. It's always team work
    21) Don't be too judgmental of your wife. No woman wants a nagging and ungrateful husband.
    22) A lazy husband is a careless husband. He doesn't even know that his body needs a bath.
    23) Does your wife like a kind of cooked food? Try to change your cooking. No woman jokes with food.
    24) Never be too demanding of your wife. Enjoy every moment, resource as it comes
    25) Make a glass of water the very first welcome to your wife and everyone entering your home. Sweetness of attitude is true beauty.
    26) Don't associate with men who have a wrong mental attitude about marriage.
    27) Your marriage is as valuable to you as the value that you give it. Recklessness is unacceptable
    28) Fruit of the womb is a blessing from Allah. Love your children and teach them well
    29) You are never too old to influence your home. Never reduce your care for your family for any reason
    30) A pious rightious husband is a better equipped husband. Make Dua and pray always for your wife and family.
    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
    Surah al-Baqarah
    [2:245]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

    .:.
    ...said the spider to the fly...

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    Re: problems with men today

    But pippin

    if men have thirty points to follow then women have ANOTHER HUNDRED





    Oh sugar, sugar, oh honey, honey
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    Re: problems with men today

    Lets cut it down to one line, I've heard men like simple things

    Obey your women, listen to them, and look after them well without neglecting your duties.

    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  34. #34
    Odan Gingerbeardman's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    I do agree to a large degree, men need to be men, and part of that is being in charge, nothing wrong in asking advise, making shura, but brothers please stop whining, it's not manly.

    We see many threads, articles, posts etc about the problems with women in the ummah, telling them to do this or do that, but I've always thought, though there are exceptions, generally if there are problems with women in a man's life it's because he's not handling the situation correctly.

    Be a man, take charge and stop whining.
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    You missed my point sis. Women will do all that and more when they are happy and satisfied. But women are not all the same.
    And here is the thing, men want wives who will stay at home, not go out much, make him the centre of her world, and so on but when she is in the house all day with a bunch of kids, she needs an adult to talk to at the end of day, the same way he feels like he needs to rest or eat or something. Since he is the man here he needs to bear it, come home and give the wife whatever she needs instead of getting all upset that she is 'unloading'. A lot of women these days work and have kids, they come home and then do the cooking and cleaning and dealing with the kids. If they can do that why can't men do the same just by talking/listening or whatever she asks. Who made this rule about "no talking at the door" lol.

    women talk. simple. They need to talk things out. why is she told that it is completely unacceptable to do that when her husband gets home. And my main point is why do men complain about it and lecture women about it.

    what's funny is that in those lectures, talks, conversations etc they will mention in detail what men need or what they want. we've all heard it. But when it's about women "oh they are weird, they are emotional" "just give her your credit card" "buy some chocolate and she'll be quiet"
    It's disrespectful and immature. Women are what they are, you can't 'fix' it. Just appreciate it and listen to what they are telling you.

    Even on forum you see brothers complaining about sisters, "why do they get away with this and that". Yes even in life women are excused for things, prioritised or put back in other things because men and women are not the same. I thought that's what they all agreed to, why complain? kafir men are the worst at this, the absolute worst. I think it's unmanly behaviour tbh and horrible to listen to or read.
    "Oh, just come home and give her whatever she needs" - you sound like a brat. Why is it so hard for you to decide to put off your complaining till the husband has gotten some rest? No ones telling you you can never say anything. If hes been working hard outdoors, when he comes home, why cant YOU give him what HE needs? Why is it he has to work to support you but you whine about having a meal ready for him or being asked to zip your lip for a few minutes till hes gotten to relax? Its not all about you. You say a woman will fo things for her husband when she's happy and satisfied - is that what Islam teaches? Sit on your ever expanding backside and wait for your husband to make you happy first before you do what you're supposed to? Making your spouse happy is an obligation, even more so for the wife since the husband gas greater rights over her and has the right to be obeyed! What if I switched it around and said a husband will be willing to listen to his wife's whining if he is made to feel happy and satisfied first? Has that ever occurred to you? Or how about this - since both husband and wife are supposed to look after one another, and his rights over you are greater than your rights over him, why don't you be the more mature individual and give him his rights first? Because sitting and moaning about what he does and doesn't do and waiting for HIM to take the initiative with everything actually DISEMPOWERS you. It makes you a powerless and passive object who cannot influence her own marriage because she has to wait for someone else to make the first move and they may or may not do it. And if you or your husband die while hes displeased with you because you found it too hard to be quiet for a few minutes when he came home and let him relax or cook him a good meal after hed been working hard to support you, and you were waiting around for him to give you what you want first, guess what? You may be going to Hell! I hope the satisfaction of feeling like you're a victim would be worth Hellfire for you.

  36. #36
    Wanderer Stoic Believer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pippin1376 View Post

    Sis, what I've found is that on ummah whenever you criticize or mention constructive criticism towards men the brothers get really offended. So I'm going to give you some advice, don't take it to heart or expect anything different. Sorry brothers, but it's true.
    Lol not at all exclusive to brothers.

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    Re: problems with men today

    Men want the 3 Rs.

    Respect, reassurance and relief. When a man comes home from work, and his tired and doing his job as a man, the last thing he needs is house that is burning. This is what is meant by relief. The house is the safety of the couple. A lot of times, women do not know how to approach the man. They basically offload both barrels as soon as he enters the house. Yes women are emotional like rumaysah says. But it's not carte blanche.

    common sense people

    Quote Originally Posted by Seoul View Post
    just look at this site. men on here complain about their most basic responsibility of providing food, shelter, clothing and the extra for their wife. most would just want to have sex then nothing else.
    Which men would that be? coz I haven't seen what u see.

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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    I remember reading that it is not considered appropriate to greet someone with bad news and request after request as soon as they come home.

    It is considered bad manners.

    I think both men and women would agree sometimes you need a moment to yourself when you come home after a days work.

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    Odan Gingerbeardman's Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    https://gingerbeardmansite.wordpress...ree-over-them/

    Throwing this link in here again, so people understand some of the issues around men being in charge of women. It's in women's nature to be upset by issues, to become emotional, to complain, even argue, especially when upset and it's your job as a man to take consideration of that, to be lenient where you can.
    Last edited by Gingerbeardman; 26-09-16 at 07:51 PM.
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  40. #40
    Umm Kulthoom Rumaysah~'s Avatar
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    Re: problems with men today

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    I do agree to a large degree, men need to be men, and part of that is being in charge, nothing wrong in asking advise, making shura, but brothers please stop whining, it's not manly.

    We see many threads, articles, posts etc about the problems with women in the ummah, telling them to do this or do that, but I've always thought, though there are exceptions, generally if there are problems with women in a man's life it's because he's not handling the situation correctly.

    Be a man, take charge and stop whining.
    Thank you! finally
    maybe brothers will take it better when it's coming from their own gender
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

 

 

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