Register

If this is your first visit, please click the Sign Up now button to begin the process of creating your account so you can begin posting on our forums! The Sign Up process will only take up about a minute of two of your time.

Tafseer Class, Tafseer Ibn Katheer, Saturday 7:30pm GMT (8:30pm BST/GMT+1) skype: ummahradio Show Details here

Listen Online:www.ummahradio.com
DOWNLOAD THE APP

 

Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 40 of 92
  1. #1
    New Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    1
    Rep Power
    0

    Istikhara for marriage and the answer

    Assalaamualaikum



    After receiving a marriage proposal recently, I did Istikhara and also had someone realiable do it. Both the answers came out positive.

    My parents aren't very keen on the guy's family as there is some history there (mainly his grandparents). My parents have said they are looking at how I would be treated. His parents are well off and apparently look down on people. What am I to do? Am I to follow Istikhara regardless of what my parents think or say? And how can I go against what my parents think or say? What about myself, if I like the guy?

    Any advice, I would be grateful for.

    Wassalaams.

  2. #2
    في أستراليا truepath's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    17,810
    Rep Power
    201

    Lightbulb ISTIKHAARA - in the light of Sunnah (1)

    Wa alykum assalaam, here is some info on this issue. read it inshaAllah.

    ISTIKHAARA - in the light of Sunnah (1)

    PREFACE

    All praises are due to Allah, the Creator, Nourisher and Sustainer of both the worlds. Through Allah's infinite mercy on mankind. He selected Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) as a mentor and filled his heart with love and affection towards His creation. May Allah's choicest blessings and salutations be showered on His beloved Rasul (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam), who undertook great pains in fulfilling the task of conveying His message, and may Allah shower His blessings on the noble companions of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) whose hearts inherited the pain and burn for the guidance of humanity that was instilled in the heart of their beloved Master, the Leader of both the worlds.

    INTRODUCTION

    Whosoever adopts the way of life brought by Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) to mankind, he will find that even his life in this world will become one of pleasure, tranquility, contentment, peace and freedom from all worries. Due to the fact that this way of life that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) brought was meant for the whole of mankind, Allah $g made it very easy and simple to follow.

    CONFUSION AND PERPLEXITY

    Among the many difficulties that man undergoes is 'confusion’ and 'perplexity’. Almost everyday in his life, man is faced with the task of making a decision between two or more choices. Generally the decisions are not major but occasionally they do become quite serious. Even in these circumstances, our beloved mentor, Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) taught us what to do, and clearly outlined the solution. This solution is called Istikharah.

    THE IMPORTANCE OF ISTIKHARAH

    Allah says in the Holy Qur'an: "And it is very possible that you dislike something whereas it is good for you; and (similarly) it is very possible that you like something whereas it is bad for you". (Baqarah 16)

    From the above ayah, we learn that man has limited knowledge and deficient intellect. Therefore, many a times, he may desire something, which may prove harmful to him, and on the other hand, he may dislike something, while it is good for him. The sole possessor of perfect knowledge, and the only knower of the unseen is Allah, the Creator of man and the Controller of the system of the entire universe. Therefore if man desires good, he can only find it in the hands of Allah. According to one Hadith: "It is from the good fortune of man that he makes Istikharah (seeks good) from Allah, and it is from his misfortune that he discards Istikharah."

    'Allamah Aini (RA) writes: "Man should never overlook any matter due to its insignificance and discard Istikharah. How many matters are regarded as insignificant and Istikharah is not made for them, due to which great harm is suffered when carrying them out or abandoning them. It is for this reason that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) is reported to have said: "(Every) one of you should ask his need from his sustainer to the extent that he should ask Him for salt, and for a shoelace when it breaks."

    "Allamah Ibnul Qayyim (RA) has written: "The person who makes Istikharah (seek good) from his Creator and makes 'mashwarah' (consults) the creation never regrets, since Allah said to (His Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam)): "Consult them in matters. Thus, when You make a decision, place your trust in Allah".

    Shaikh Tahir bin Husain bin Abdullah bin Tahir wrote in a letter to his son after he had become an amir or governor: "Whenever any matter of importance comes upon you, seek assistance in it by making Istikharah to Allah and fearing him". He also advised him thus: "and perform Istikharah abundantly in all your matters". (Al-Istikharah by M.T. Hakeem)

    A GREAT BENEFIT OF ISTIKHARAH

    Hadrat Shah Waliyyullah (RA) writes: "From amongst the greatest benefits of Istikharah is that man becomes detached from his carnal desires, his animalistic characteristics become subject to his angelic nature and he hands himself over to Allah. When he does this, he reaches the stages of the angels whose quality is that they await the command of Allah. When Allah's command is received, they exert themselves through divine motivation and not carnal motivation. I believe that excessive Istikharah is a proven tonic for the inculcation of angelic qualities."

    A MISCONCEPTION

    But alas, today, Istikharah has become as equally difficult as making a decision. People hesitate so much to perform this great act of worship, that only at the last alternative, when no other way can be perceived, they would turn to some innovated act that has no basis in the Hadith, such as the taking of a good omen by opening the Qur'an and counting lines and letters, etc.; or asking someone else to perform Istikharah on their behalf. Shaikh Nuruddin Itr says: As far as the common practice today which people aspire to uphold, that Istikharah will only be correct if it is carried out by certain persons, and that a dream is necessary, this is extremism and obstanance, and is not the command of Allah nor His Rasul (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). This all stems from such constraint among the Muslims that does not behove of them. This led them to abandoning one great Sunnah of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam), thus they deprived themselves of the merits of this great Sunnah and it’s blessings, and from blemishing it's purity. Similarly Hadrat Moulana Shah Hakim Muhammad Akhtar (RA) states in his book "Sunnats" on page 49, that "asking another person to make Istikharah on one's behalf is not substantiated from any Hadith. To make mashwarah' (consult) with someone else is Sunnah.' Sometimes Istikharah becomes a means of greater confusion. A person who does not generally see dreams, nor perceives an inclination towards or away from the object of his Istikharah, now finds himself in a greater predicament. As for the person who does see a dream, he is put through the inconvenience of finding someone to interpret it for him. And if he saw a clear dream, or received an interpretation indicating to one particular option, and thereafter was not able to overcome the obstacles obstructing his path to achieving his aim, this person is left in sheer perplexity.

    THE REALITY OF ISTIKHARAH

    Moulana Badr-e-"alam Mirthi (RA), the former Shaikhul Hadith of the famous Darul Ulum of Dabhel, India, writes in his footnotes of the popular commentary of Bukhari - Faidul Bari, by Allamah Anwar Shah Kashmiri (RA) regarding the reality of Istikharah. He states: "... in other words, it is sometimes misunderstood from the statements of 'Ulama that it is promised in the Hadith of Istikharah that the heart of a person who performs Istikharah will incline towards one option, whereas many a time the person who performs Istikharah does not perceive such an inclination. In that case, what, then, will be the meaning of the Hadith. This was an ambiguity for which I could find no explanation." Moulana continues: "Until one day, whilst sitting in the presence of the great 'Mufassir', 'Muhaddith and Allamah of his era, Moulana Shabbir Ahmed Uthmani (RA).

    I noticed oceans of knowledge gushing forth from him to the "Ulama who were sitting in his noble company. This was his practice after every Jumu'ah. On that day, he was discussing this very mas'alah (matter) and elaborated on it in much detail. It was here that I quenched my thirst, and found a remedy for my malady, and a healing for my heart... He explained that the Hadith of Istikharah does not contain anything pertaining to the inclination or satisfaction of the heart. Had it been such, Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) would have taught us, in the du'a, to ask Allah to incline the heart towards the most appropriate decision, whereas the Hadith does not say that. The du'a only contains this much, that Allah He should protect him from harm, and He should determine a good fate for him, whatever it may be. And the words (of the du'a): "wa srif anniy" “and turn me away from it" refers to the situation when the heart desires and inclines towards it. (This means that when the heart is desirous to go ahead with the matter regarding which Istikharah is being made, then Allah should turn the heart away from it by removing this desire and inclination from the heart). And the words: “fas rif anniy" "And turn it away from me" is when that inclination is not found, (then Allah should save him from being forced into it.)

    Therefore 'protection’ and 'predestination’, both are the doings of the Almighty, as He alone does as He wills. As far as the slave of Allah is concerned, his responsibility is to make du'a, and then proceed in the direction of his choice, as that will be best for him. This means that he will be granted the 'towfiq' (ability) for the best only, and only the best will be made easy for him. Thus Istikharah is an 'amal' (act) that helps to determine the best for a person.

    "In essence, once the 'Mustakhir' (i.e. the person who performs the 'amal' of 'Istikharah’) submits himself before Allah, hands his matter over to Allah, asks Him for strength, becomes satisfied with His choice, and begs Him for protection from evil and harm, and to grant him good, Allah accepts it from him, destines good for him, protects him from harm and keeps him in His care. After that, whatever direction he takes, will be for his betterment, even though his heart may be disinclined to it."

    Allamah Murtada Zabidi RA states in his famous commentary on "Ihya Ulum: "Shaikhul Akbar (i-e.' Allamah ibnul' Arabi) stated: "... And he should recite the narrated du’a after making salam. This should be done before every important task he wishes to carry out or fulfil. He should then proceed with his task. Hence, if there is good for him in it, Allah will ease the way for him until it is accomplished, and its result will be praiseworthy. However, if the means were not available, and he was unable to accomplish his goal, he should realize that Allah had preferred this for him, and thus should not complain about it, as the outcome, whether it was that he accomplished his pursuit or not, will soon turn out to be praiseworthy."

    Hadrat Muhaddith Fadlullah Jilani (RA) says in his commentary on "Al Adabul Mufrad" of Imam Bukhari (RA): "Shaikh Zamlakani RA said: "When a person performs the two raka'at of Istikharah, he should then carry out whatever occurs to him, whether his heart is contented with it or not." He also said: "The Hadith (of Istikharah) does not contain any limitation regarding the complacency and contentment of the heart."

    Shaikh Jilani also says regarding this complacency of the heart: "This happens by the grace of Allah, and is not necessary, nor does it always occur. Similarly, Salatul Istikharah is mustahabb, even if he has already made a firm decision before performing the Salah, as has already been mentioned that Istikharah is not a means of discovering the ‘ghaib'(unseen), but rather is a humble supplication unto the Knower of the unseen, the Most Powerful, to bestow the best."
    لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

  3. #3
    في أستراليا truepath's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    17,810
    Rep Power
    201

    Lightbulb ISTIKHAARA - in the light of Sunnah (2)

    ISTIKHAARA - in the light of Sunnah (2)

    HOW TO PERFORM ISTIKHARAH

    Hadrat Jabir (Radhiallaahu Anhu) reports: Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) taught us to make Istikharah concerning all matters just as he would teach us a surah of the Qur'an. He would say: "When any of you wishes to take up any task, he should perform two raka-at of Salah other than that of fard (meaning two raka" at of nafl with the intention of Istikharah). He should then say (in supplication):


    "O Allah, I ask of You the good through Your knowledge and I ask You to grant me the ability through Your power and ask You of Your great bounty. For surely You have power and I have none, You know all and I do not know, and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allah, if in Your knowledge, this matter be good for me with regards to my Din (religion), my livelihood and the outcome of my affair [in the near and distant future], then ordain it for me and make it easy for me and bless me there in. But, if in Your knowledge, this matter be bad for me with regards to my Din, my livelihood and the outcome of my affair [in the near or distant future]y then turn it away from me and turn me away from it, and ordain for me good where ever it may be and cause me to be pleased [with it].

    NOTE:

    1. Mulla Ali Qari (RA) has written that the words of the Hadith: "… just as he would teach us a surah of the Qur'an" highlight the importance that was attached to this du'a. Allamah Ibn Hajar says that the comparison between the two is that both are general needs. This means that just like every person is in need of learning a surah for his Salah, similarly everyone is in need of learning this du'a for all his matters.

    2. Hafiz Ibn Hajar has written with regards to the words at the end of the Hadith ‘wa yusammaa haajatah’ that the apparent meaning of this statement is that the need should be stated verbally. In this case it should be mentioned after reciting the du'a. However he says that it may also mean that he should ponder and be conscious of the need during the recital of the du'a. This latter opinion has been preferred by Mulla' Ali Qari (RA). Allamah Badruddin' Aini (RA) has, on the other hand, preferred the first meaning, adding that the need should be said verbally by way of a hint at the time of the recital of the words: "anna haadhal amr"

    3. Some narrations have the words "wa radh-dhiniy" in place of the words: “wa ardhiniy ". Both forms are permissible to recite.

    ISTIKHARAH FOR MARRIAGE

    Abu Ayyub Ansari reports that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: "Conceal the proposal, then perform wudu properly, thereafter perform as many raka'at as Allah $f had destined for you. After having performed Salah, praise and extol your Sustainer, then say:

    "O Allah, You have power and I have none, and You know and I do not know, and You are the Knower of the unseen. If in Your knowledge (so and so) be good for me with regards to my Din (religion), my worldly affairs as well as those that relate to my hereafter, then destine her for me; and if someone else be better for me than her with regards to my Din (religion), my worldly affairs as well as those that relate to my hereafter, then destine her for me. "

    NOTE:

    1) In the above Hadith, the words "conceal the proposal” can either mean that ‘Istikharah' should be performed before forwarding it; or that the proposal should not be disclosed until it has been accepted. This is for the protection of the honour of the girl, and it also serves as a precaution against jealousy, etc.20

    2) Upon reaching the word in brackets (fulaanah) it should be replaced by the name of the person regarding whom ‘Istikharah’ is being performed.

    3) In the case of the person performing the 'Istikharah1 being a female, the du'a will be as follows:

    SECRETS AND SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS DU’A

    After explaining the object of Istikharah and its outcome, Moulana Shabbir Ahmed Uthmani, continued to discuss the secrets hidden in the words of this brief du'a. He quoted the words of Hafiz Ibn Taimiyyah (RA) as narrated by his disciple in the book 'Madrijus SAlikiN: Ibn Qayyim (ra) states: "Our Shaikh <RA> used to say: With regards to 'Taqdir’ i.e. destiny, it should coincide with: 'Tawakkul' before its occurrence, and 'Radhaa’ after it has already occurred. (Tawakkul is to place one's total trust in Allah and 'Radhaa’ is to be pleased with the decision of Allah. Therefore, he who has placed his total trust in Allah before the occurrence of destiny and is pleased (with whatever Allah has destined) after it, has indeed fulfilled the demands of ‘ubudiyyah' i.e. servitude of Allah."

    On this, Hafiz Ibn Qayyim (RA), comments: "This is the meaning of the du’a of 'Istikharah':

    "O Allah, I ask You the good through Your knowledge, and I request You to grant me ability through Your power, and ask You of Your great bounty. "

    This is 'Tawakkul' and 'Tafwid’ i.e. placing one's trust in Allah alone, and handing over all matters to Allah. The du'a continues:

    "For surely You have power and I have none. You know all and I know not. You are the Knower of all that is hidden. "

    This is an acknowledgment before Allah about one's lack of knowledge, strength and power, and it is supplicating to Allah using His attributes -a method of supplicating most loved by Allah - Then he asks his Sustainer to fulfil the need that he is asking for, if it be for his benefit in the near or distant future, and to protect him from it if it may cause harm in his near or distant future. This is his request that he presents before Allah; hence he may now only be pleased with whatever Allah has decided for him. Thus he asks in his du'a:

    "And destine for me good wherever it may be, and make me contented with it."

    Thus this du'a contains such divine treasures and realities of Iman which comprise of 'Tawakkul' and 'Tafwid' before the occurrence of the fate, and 'Rada' after its occurrence. This is the effect of Tawakkul.

    "HE WHO PLACES HIS TRUST IN ALLAH, ALLAH IS SUFFICIENT FOR HIM."

    Moulana Shabbir Ahmed Uthmani (RA), comments: "As you learn from the words of Hafiz Ibn Qayyim (RA), that the du'a of 'Istikhaarah’ is a lesson in genuine 'Tawakkul' and an encouragement to attain its most elevated rank, you also learn that whoever recites this du'a has indeed acted upon Tawakkul, i.e. placed his trust in Allah and "he who places his trust in Allah, Allah is sufficient for him." (Surah Talaq).
    لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

  4. #4
    في أستراليا truepath's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    17,810
    Rep Power
    201

    ISTIKHAARA - in the light of Sunnah (3)

    ISTIKHAARA - in the light of Sunnah (3)

    STATUS OF DREAMS IN ISTIKHARAH

    Firstly, one must understand that none of the narrations in the Ahadith have any mention regarding a dream, or even about performing the 'Istikharah' before sleeping. However, some "Ulama do prefer that Istikharah be performed before sleeping.

    With regards to the person who does see a dream after performing 'Istikharah', this dream is just like any other dream that a person sees. This means that just as other dreams fall under one of three categories (which will be explained shortly), likewise will the dreams seen after Istikharah1 be. It is reported in a Hadith narrated in Sahih Bukhari and other books of Hadith that dreams are of three types:

    1. Hadeeth-un-Nafs (imaginations)

    2. ‘takhweefus shaytaan’ a dream instilled in the mind by shaytan. This also known as ‘wasaaisu-us-shaytaan’ or ‘tahzeenu-us-shaytaan’.

    3. ‘Bushraa minallaah’ True dreams, which are also known as ‘mubash-sharaat’

    It is mentioned in a Hadith that the dreams of pious muminin (believers) are generally true dreams.

    Another Hadith states: "The most true dreams are those seen at the time of Sahar (early dawn).

    IS SALAH NECESSARY?

    In some Ahadith that deal with 'Istikharah', mention has been made of two raka'at, while others contain no mention of Salah before 'Istikharah'. Since the narration of Hadrat Jabir (Radhiallaahu Anhu) mentions the performance of two raka'at before 'Istikharah', Allamah 'Aini (RA) has stated that it is Sunnah to perform two raka'at before 'Istikharah'. In fact, the narration of Abu Ayyub Ansari (Radhiallaahu Anhu) contains the following words: ‘Thumma salli maa kataballaahu laka’

    "Then perform how many rakaat Allah has destined for you" referring to the fact that if more than two raka'at (whether 4, 6, 8 etc.) are performed, it will be preferable. This narration of Hadrat Abu Ayyub Ansari (Radhiallaahu Anhu) also mentions of the performance of 'wudu’ properly before the Salah, and praising Allah before the du'a.

    However, since most of the narrations do not have any mention of Salah, 'Istikharah’ will be correct by reciting the du’a only, especially when circumstances do not allow one to perform Salah.

    HOW MANY TIMES?

    As far as performance of 'Istikharah' more than once is concerned, the "Ulama have regarded it as 'mustahabb' i.e. preferable to perform it three times. This is on the basis of the narration of Ibn Mas'ud (Radhiallaahu Anhu) wherein he states that when Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) made du’aa, he would repeat it three times.

    However this is not a Sunnah in Istikharah as there has been no mention in this regard in any of the Ahadith of Istikharah. As regards the narration of seven times, due to it being an unauthentic narration, it cannot be used as a basis for the establishment of any matter in Din.

    THE SHORTEST FORM OF ISTIKHARAH1

    In a ‘weak’ narration, Hadrat Abu Bakr (Radhiallaahu Anhu) is reported to have stated that whenever Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) intended to do anything, he used to say:

    "O Allah, destine good for me, and choose for me'

    CONCLUSION

    Lastly, one of the most important benefits of Istikharah is that it strengthens a person's connection with Allah. Through excessive Istikharah, one learns to take directly from the treasures of our Creator, the Being in whose hands lies all good and bad, benefit and harm. May Allah grant the writer, the reader and the rest of the ummah the understanding of this great and noble Sunnah.

    From the above, it is apparent how easy Din has been made by Allah, and actually we are the ones who have made Din difficult. Consequently, the lifestyle that we follow causes us, as well as others, to believe that Islam is a difficult way of life. However, Allah has kept comfort, contentment, peace of mind and ease only in following His commands and the Sunnah of His Rasul (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam).

    Now that we have learnt the importance of this great Sunnah, it remains our responsibility to search for every other Sunnah, bring it into our lives and take it to the rest of mankind. This was indeed the way of the Honourable Companions of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) and our pious predecessors. May Allah grant us the towfiq to follow their noble footsteps, Aameen.

    by Shaykhul Hadith Moulana Fazlur Rahmaan Saheb
    لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

  5. #5
    في أستراليا truepath's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    17,810
    Rep Power
    201
    Quote Originally Posted by ze ze
    Assalaamualaikum



    After receiving a marriage proposal recently, I did Istikhara and also had someone realiable do it. Both the answers came out positive.

    My parents aren't very keen on the guy's family as there is some history there (mainly his grandparents). My parents have said they are looking at how I would be treated. His parents are well off and apparently look down on people. What am I to do? Am I to follow Istikhara regardless of what my parents think or say? And how can I go against what my parents think or say? What about myself, if I like the guy?

    Any advice, I would be grateful for.

    Wassalaams.
    My personal opinion and advice on this issue wud be u shud rather approach the people of knowledge yani Ulama for an advice rather than speaking to anyone or everyone. Speak to scholars, consult them and seek their advice. If you are not in touch with any reliable scholars or do not have any contact then I can provide contacts of some very good scholars.
    لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

  6. #6
    أنا مسلم AbuMubarak's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    82,691
    Rep Power
    557
    if your parents have a good reason to object, i dont know what you expect to gain from the istikharah

    your parents have your best welfare in mind, you said that the other people tend to look down on others

    so what would you say in five or ten years, when you are treated like a doormat?

    will you say that islam allows oppression of women? or will you admit that you married a man whose family treated you badly from the very beginning and you saw this coming, but were blinded by emotions?
    .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
    نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
    دولة الإسلامية باقية






  7. #7
    Witness to Truth reachin'out's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Posts
    3,626
    Rep Power
    15
    Quote Originally Posted by ze ze
    Assalaamualaikum



    After receiving a marriage proposal recently, I did Istikhara and also had someone realiable do it. Both the answers came out positive.

    My parents aren't very keen on the guy's family as there is some history there (mainly his grandparents). My parents have said they are looking at how I would be treated. His parents are well off and apparently look down on people. What am I to do? Am I to follow Istikhara regardless of what my parents think or say? And how can I go against what my parents think or say? What about myself, if I like the guy?

    Any advice, I would be grateful for.

    Wassalaams.
    What exactly do you mean when you say "the answers to our Istikhara came out positive."?

    In particular the "the answers coming out positive" is difficult for me to understand, especially since you are reluctant to carry the decision (to marry him) through (so it seems).
    Please Re-update your Signature

  8. #8
    أنا مسلم AbuMubarak's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    82,691
    Rep Power
    557
    Marriage: Sacred yet Simple - part 1

    Shaykh Sikander Hashmi

    Summer is here and the sweet scent of matrimony is flowing in the air. By the end of August, hundreds (if not thousands) of Muslims will have said “Yes, I accepted”, “Qabilto”, or “Jee maynay qubool kiya.” Every time I envision a marriage ceremony, I think of fancily dressed people holed up in an impressive banquet hall, listening to a speaker as he rambles on, and on, and on, as the catering personnel run scramble to get the food ready.

    I have fallen prey to two nikahs thus far, both of which I was asked to conduct. Both involved my cousins, and I was humbled by the opportunity to serve. One was held in an old cafeteria and the other in the bride’s house. Alhamdulillah, both were simple ceremonies, with less than 20 minutes of address in either ceremony. In Islam, the institution of marriage is a sacred one, yet a simple one. It is sacred because it is an act of worship and has been discussed in the Quran, and simple because the Prophet (SAW) – our role model - always kept it simple.

    Marriage is a major step in one’s life; a matter of responsibility that’s not to be taken lightly. However, it shouldn’t be complicated to the point if one doesn’t have enough cash to rent a banquet hall and hire a caterer, one can’t get married. Simply put, a marriage in Islam is solemnized by a nikah (marriage contract) and a waleemah (marriage feast) that follows once the marriage has been consummated.

    The nikah constitutes of a proposal from one party (eejab) and acceptance from another (qubool) in the presence of witnesses. The walimah is simply a feast to celebrate the marriage, because of course, marriage is a joyous occasion. So in other words, the nikah can be held at the local masjid or at home, while the walimah can be anywhere: one’s apartment, backyard, or basement, the local masjid, a park, a restaurant, a community center, or anywhere else.

    As well, on the occasions of nikah and walimah, long speeches and an elaborate program are not required. Remember, simple is beautiful! Nowadays, we seem to have been so caught up in rituals and customs that we tend to waste enormous amounts of money and time on things that simply aren’t needed. Nikah and walimah are both sunnahs (traditions) of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), so doesn’t it make sense to try to commemorate these occasions in the same fashion as he did?

    Anas (RA) describes one of the walimahs hosted by the Prophet (SAW): “The Prophet stayed for three days at a place between Khaibar and Medina, and there he consummated his marriage with Safiyya bint Huyay (RA). I invited the Muslims to a banquet which included neither meat nor bread. The Prophet (SAW) ordered for the leather dining sheets to be spread, and then dates, dried yogurt and butter were provided over it, and that was the Walima (banquet) of the Prophet (SAW).” (Reported by Bukhari)

    In another report, Anas (RA) says that the Prophet (SAW) “gave a wedding banquet with Hais (a sort of sweet dish made from butter, cheese and dates).” (Reported by Bukhari) There is nothing wrong with having an elaborate ceremony in a fancy banquet hall and full-course meal prepared by a caterer. And while I don’t wish to pick a fight with banquet hall operators and caterers, the fact of the matter is that none of these are requirements for a successful marriage ceremony. If one wishes to hold the ceremony in a banquet hall with a full-course meal, that’s perfectly fine, but it shouldn’t be taken as a requirement.
    .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
    نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
    دولة الإسلامية باقية






  9. #9
    amal
    Guests
    Quote Originally Posted by ze ze
    Assalaamualaikum



    [size=3]His parents are well off and apparently look down on people. What am I to do? Am I to follow Istikhara regardless of what my parents think or say? And how can I go against what my parents think or say? What about myself, if I like the guy?

    Any advice, I would be grateful for.

    Wassalaams.
    How about him? In future he could calm down the parents, don't look down to you, but must thnik the man behaviour its not very far from his family behaviour. He was raised by parents.

  10. #10
    أنا مسلم AbuMubarak's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    82,691
    Rep Power
    557
    Marriage: Sacred yet Simple - FINAL
    Shaykh Sikander Hashmi

    I was once listening to a call-in show featuring two wedding consultants on CBC Radio. They mentioned how one of their clients held a marriage ceremony in his apartment, spending a grand total of $20 on chips and soda. That’s how he wanted his marriage ceremony to be, and that’s how he did it. There was nothing wrong with it.

    I’m sure many of us loan large sums of money just so we can host fancy receptions for our weddings. Or even if we spend extravagant amounts of our own money, it’s a pity because there are so many better uses for our hard-earned cash. After all, the amount of money spent on the ceremony has no beneficial effect on the life of the couple.

    The Prophet (SAW) is reported to have said:“The marriage which is most greatly blessed is the one which is the lightest in burden [expense]. However, if people are well catered for, without extravagance and show, there is no problem with that either.” (Reported by Bayhaqi)

    Allah (SW) says in the Holy Quran:“But waste not by excess: for Allah loves not the wasters.” (Quran, 6:141)

    In order to save money, a few alternatives can be considered. Community halls or school gymnasiums can be much cheaper than banquet halls. Instead of catering a full-fledged heavy meal, one can choose to have light sandwiches, snacks, and salads. Many times, there are simply too many dishes to choose from, so the menu can be trimmed as well.

    Lastly, most guests aren’t in the mood of listening to a long lecture on marriage, as the majority come for the food and (perhaps) to socialize. Although I’m a rookie with only two nikah ceremonies under my belt, my advice is that there be no more than 10 minutes of talking on the microphone. The basic requirement of nikah and some other pointers may be discussed, and that’s it. Have the nikah, and voila!

    For the walimah, I discourage having any speeches at all, but if one really wants to have something said, then perhaps a short 10-15 minute talk could be sufficient.

    Keep it short, simple, and sweet. Believe me; people will thank you for doing so!
    .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
    نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
    دولة الإسلامية باقية






  11. #11
    أنا مسلم AbuMubarak's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    82,691
    Rep Power
    557
    Quote Originally Posted by ze ze
    Assalaamualaikum



    After receiving a marriage proposal recently, I did Istikhara and also had someone realiable do it. Both the answers came out positive.

    My parents aren't very keen on the guy's family as there is some history there (mainly his grandparents). My parents have said they are looking at how I would be treated. His parents are well off and apparently look down on people. What am I to do? Am I to follow Istikhara regardless of what my parents think or say? And how can I go against what my parents think or say? What about myself, if I like the guy?

    Any advice, I would be grateful for.

    Wassalaams.
    so i guess it all worked, out, huh zee?
    .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
    نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
    دولة الإسلامية باقية






  12. #12
    Quirky Ebony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    33,916
    Rep Power
    182
    zee and ze ze r 2 diff ppl Abu
    You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

    ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

  13. #13
    ~**~**~**~**~**~ ze leetle elper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    28,692
    Rep Power
    129
    Who is ze ze? Didn't realise my name was so popular.
    What does 'freedom' mean?

    Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
    Restricted by the sky?

    Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
    Not enough river to explore?

    Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
    but death for the fish,

    The sea is wide for the fish
    but will engulf the bird.

    We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
    We can only express our nature as it was created.

    The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
    freedom from slavery to other than the One,
    Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
    and a horizon that extends to the next life,

  14. #14
    *bıɟɐɹɯıɯɐʇpɐʎızɯɯn* .: Anna :.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    82,007
    Rep Power
    360
    Quote Originally Posted by ze leetle elper
    Who is ze ze? Didn't realise my name was so popular.
    theyres a "zee" registered aswell i think.... so thats three of you! :eek2:
    .: Rufaida :.
    .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.

    “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
    but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
    ~ Ibn Atallah


  15. #15
    أنا مسلم AbuMubarak's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    82,691
    Rep Power
    557
    Quote Originally Posted by Ebony
    zee and ze ze r 2 diff ppl Abu
    oops my bad
    .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
    نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
    دولة الإسلامية باقية






  16. #16
    Allergic to Stupidity lonely_me's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    6,448
    Rep Power
    27
    Your parents' objection is a sign... You see, when you pray Istikhara...you just wait and see if Allah eases the path for you that means you should go on with whatever it is you have in mind... but if obstacles start hindering you...then you should know that it's a sign... SubhanAllah... and Allahu A'lam...
    My personal advice is to stick to your family's opinion...sometimes parents DO know better...and Good luck!
    Life goes on ...

  17. #17

    Account Disabled
    Baby Paw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    1,647
    Rep Power
    0
    I'd rather not get married at all, but I suppose it's an evitable fact of life, unless Allah has decreed it not to be.

    Insha'Allah, may our Creator make all of marriage paths easy and not us trials upon our spouses and vice versa.

  18. #18
    Hayaatul-dunyaa Ahlam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    1,458
    Rep Power
    12
    wow brother Paw is that how much you dislike or fear us sisters?lol. we don't bite...well not much i'd say!
    Fulaana’ Bint Fulaan

  19. #19

    Account Disabled
    Baby Paw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    1,647
    Rep Power
    0
    Rest assured Ahlam I fear no sister, couldn't say if I dislike sisters as I don't really know any sisters, nor would I want to ideally(speaking frankly of course).

    It would take a very special kind of woman to keep someone like me at ease. A lady with much patience and tolerance, that is the kind of women for me. Just that ONE woman the rest of them don't matter.

  20. #20
    Hayaatul-dunyaa Ahlam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    1,458
    Rep Power
    12
    lol. May Allah find that sister for you...but brother you must open your eyes because that sister could be lurking around this forum!
    Fulaana’ Bint Fulaan

  21. #21

    Account Disabled
    Baby Paw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    1,647
    Rep Power
    0
    She could be you never know, what-ever Allah has decreed shall be.

    I just pray to Allah that she is patient and tolerant. Cos if she is then Allah will reward her greatly in the next life, just for putting up with me.

    I don't think I've really come across many women like that, you know patient, understanding and who put up with you cos they know you mean well, even though I might not show it.

    Besides my mother and my lady boss at work and oh yeah one of my tutors at 6th form college back in the day. Don't know a woman like that, patience man, patience is of virtue send me a woman like that Allah, all wrapped in cotton.

  22. #22
    Hayaatul-dunyaa Ahlam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    1,458
    Rep Power
    12
    wrapped in cotton? now that is pushing it wouldn't you say bro, lol. Inshallah! you will find her. I like a bro with patience but that is a mere fantasy...hmmmm.
    Fulaana’ Bint Fulaan

  23. 05-09-04, 10:27 PM

  24. #23

    Account Disabled
    Baby Paw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    1,647
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Ahlam
    lol. May Allah find that sister for you...but brother you must open your eyes because that sister could be lurking around this forum!
    Insha'Allah, hope you find the one that you seek too.

  25. #24
    Hayaatul-dunyaa Ahlam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    1,458
    Rep Power
    12
    Inshallah however I doubt that very highly brother. Nonetheless there is no harm in dreaming! Lol.
    Fulaana’ Bint Fulaan

  26. #25

    Account Disabled
    Baby Paw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    1,647
    Rep Power
    0
    Oh aye, no harm in dreaming.

    I guess if you don't find the perfect partner in this life, then Insha'Allah you will be blessed with the perfect partner in the next life, the eternal life.

    In the meantime I guess we got to put up with each other's perfect inperfections, cos I guess that is what marriage is all about. Liking the person for both their good and their bad points.

  27. #26
    Hayaatul-dunyaa Ahlam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    1,458
    Rep Power
    12
    lol. i can try!!

    what! we are gonna have patners in jannah?!
    Fulaana’ Bint Fulaan

  28. #27

    Account Disabled
    Baby Paw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    1,647
    Rep Power
    0
    Oh eye, the perfect of all partners await in the Garden of Jannah.

    Most definately.

  29. #28
    Hayaatul-dunyaa Ahlam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    1,458
    Rep Power
    12
    Wow!! That’s going to be brilliant! My fantasy partner…hmmmm. *sleeps and is engulfed by her dreams*
    Fulaana’ Bint Fulaan

  30. #29

    Account Disabled
    Baby Paw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    1,647
    Rep Power
    0
    Uhuh! Me too likes to think about it a lot.

    Seriously though, marriage now seems to be passions, hatred and infidelity.

    The institute of marriage seems to have lost it's sacredness. You hear so many horror stories about such and such marriage having gone all bitter and sour!

  31. #30
    Hayaatul-dunyaa Ahlam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    1,458
    Rep Power
    12
    Yea! I mean you’d think if both parties decided to get married they would be compassionate enough to be gentle to one another. If not for each other for Allah subhana wataallah!

    I’m surprised you haven’t found a partner bro…you seem civilized! Or perhaps you are asking for too much from the sisters, lol.
    Fulaana’ Bint Fulaan

  32. #31

    Account Disabled
    Baby Paw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    1,647
    Rep Power
    0
    Yeah the gentleness and mutual love for one's spouse appears to have evaporated and in turn it has been replaced by rancour and animosity.

    Hence, the reason why there are so many extra marital affairs and breakdown of marriages occurring in this day and age

    As for me finding a partner, initial enquiries have been made about me on certain occasions but I have spurned the approaches until other aspects within my life are in sound order and I feel that I am ready to settle down.

    To be honest I have not been interested in any of the parties that have enquired about me.

    Marriage is a very scary thought indeed, I seek it not, but I feel that it is inevitable in due course.

    Guess it will be an interesting experience to say the least when it finally happens.

  33. #32
    Hayaatul-dunyaa Ahlam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    1,458
    Rep Power
    12
    Lol brother. Hmmm…I see you are very popular with the ladies, lol!
    Fulaana’ Bint Fulaan

  34. #33

    Account Disabled
    Baby Paw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Gender
    Boy Male
    Posts
    1,647
    Rep Power
    0
    Popular with the ladies?
    Not quite, hee hee hee.

    Sometimes one has got to question the motive behind the initial approach.

    Especially, when the initial questions usually revolve around matters such as what is your job, are you independent of your family, do you have a house of your own?

    When questions of such nature are the ones initially being asked, you know it is time to break out of there at lightening speed.

    You can pick up quite easily what a person is all about and what their motives are by the questions that they ask.

  35. #34
    ~**~**~**~**~**~ ze leetle elper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    28,692
    Rep Power
    129
    Quote Originally Posted by Baby Paw
    Especially, when the initial questions usually revolve around matters such as what is your job, are you independent of your family, do you have a house of your own?

    When questions of such nature are the ones initially being asked, you know it is time to break out of there at lightening speed.
    Very true, and very sad.

    Although a family may want well for their child, thus ensuring they marry someone with a good job, sound background, house etc, at the end of the day they are material items and can be lost as quickly as they are gained.

    A persons faith should be the first and foremost quality one looks for in a spouse, because in the long term it is this that will keep the marriage sound, and provide an understanding and a basis for both partners.


    [And because this is a marriage thread, I cannot resist ----> ]
    What does 'freedom' mean?

    Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
    Restricted by the sky?

    Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
    Not enough river to explore?

    Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
    but death for the fish,

    The sea is wide for the fish
    but will engulf the bird.

    We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
    We can only express our nature as it was created.

    The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
    freedom from slavery to other than the One,
    Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
    and a horizon that extends to the next life,

  36. #35
    Allergic to Stupidity lonely_me's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    6,448
    Rep Power
    27
    Quote Originally Posted by Baby Paw
    Oh eye, the perfect of all partners await in the Garden of Jannah.

    Most definately.
    <------- Will go for 'the partner' in Jannah... waiting.....and waiting......and waiting....and waiting some more....waiting...........wai...
    Life goes on ...

  37. #36
    ~**~**~**~**~**~ ze leetle elper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    28,692
    Rep Power
    129
    Or you could enter Jannah together with your partner from here.
    What does 'freedom' mean?

    Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
    Restricted by the sky?

    Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
    Not enough river to explore?

    Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
    but death for the fish,

    The sea is wide for the fish
    but will engulf the bird.

    We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
    We can only express our nature as it was created.

    The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
    freedom from slavery to other than the One,
    Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
    and a horizon that extends to the next life,

  38. #37
    Allergic to Stupidity lonely_me's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    6,448
    Rep Power
    27
    Quote Originally Posted by ze leetle elper
    Or you could enter Jannah together with your partner from here.
    naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaah
    Life goes on ...

  39. #38
    ~**~**~**~**~**~ ze leetle elper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    28,692
    Rep Power
    129
    Don't diss it till ya tried it.

    It is half your deen after all.
    What does 'freedom' mean?

    Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
    Restricted by the sky?

    Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
    Not enough river to explore?

    Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
    but death for the fish,

    The sea is wide for the fish
    but will engulf the bird.

    We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
    We can only express our nature as it was created.

    The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
    freedom from slavery to other than the One,
    Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
    and a horizon that extends to the next life,

  40. #39
    Allergic to Stupidity lonely_me's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    6,448
    Rep Power
    27
    ermmmm.... I know what I'm talking about ,...and it's a NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
    Life goes on ...

  41. #40
    ~**~**~**~**~**~ ze leetle elper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Gender
    Girl Female
    Posts
    28,692
    Rep Power
    129
    If Allah has decreed it will be, your 'naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' won't stop it happening.

    Say 'InshaAllah' instead.
    What does 'freedom' mean?

    Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
    Restricted by the sky?

    Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
    Not enough river to explore?

    Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
    but death for the fish,

    The sea is wide for the fish
    but will engulf the bird.

    We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
    We can only express our nature as it was created.

    The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
    freedom from slavery to other than the One,
    Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
    and a horizon that extends to the next life,


Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT. The time now is 08:38 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.2
Copyright © 2014 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.
Super PM System provided by vBSuper_PM (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Skin By: PurevB.com

MPADC.com Islamic Web Hosting | Muslim Ad Network | Islamic Nasheeds | Islamic Mobile App Developement Android & iPhone
Omar Esa Nasheed Artist
| Omar Esa Nasheeds | Islamic Web Hosting : Muslim Designers : Nasheeds : Labbayk Nasheeds : silk route jilbab: Hijab: : Web Islamic Newsletter: Islamic Web Hosting

Hijabs Online | Hijabs | Hijab Shop | Hijab Shop | AlJazeera Live, MBC Live, Makkah Live : Treasure of The Scholars